Riot's (riot) Reviews

Review Requests: OFF

1,559 Public Reviews Given

2,107 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

My reviews typically cover: initial responses, technicalities and mechanics, favorite parts, areas of improvement, and overall impression.

I'm good at...

Honesty, and finding what works versus what doesn't work. I will never give you a rating I don't think your work deserves. I am also particularly good at spotting grammatical errors and typos.

Favorite Genres

Philosophy, Steampunk, Horror, Dark, Emotional, Science Fiction, Technology, and Political Science. I'm sure there are more that I'm missing.

Least Favorite Genres

Romance, Western, Religious, and anything froufrou.

I will not review...

Chapters and Novels, unless arrangements are made prior.

551

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3093532

Review of The Visitor

Review by Riot

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "The Visitor"

for "Invalid Item"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title/Plot: The title of this piece gets me wondering what the story is about. Alien abduction? Ghosts? An old relative? After reading the piece I can think of no better alternatives.

Scene/Setting: I can imagine the two sitting in the living room, doing their daily thing. Then Marianne begins freaking out at the sounds, but Henry's more interested in the television. I could see him casually check out the back door to see what's wrong.

Characters: I like Marianne's frantic sarcasm. It bodes well with Henry's laid back 'there's nothing wrong' distracted attitude.

Technical: I couldn't spot any errors in the whole piece, but one thing I disliked was all the trailing off punctuation. Triple dots are best used at the end of the sentence, if they really have to be used at all. Just my two cents.

Overall Opinion: This was a pretty good piece of dialogue. I found it more eerie than tense, though. Thank you for your submission into the contest, I look forward to more of your entries. Keep up the excellent work.

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552

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14 days may be credited.

#3090475

Review of Becoming Another Statistic

Review by Riot

Rated: 18+

| (3.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Becoming Another Statistic"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: The title got me thinking. How will the main character become another statistic? Will they get murdered? Will they get rejected for a loan? What's going on!? Great job.

Style & Voice: I liked your voice. I felt like I knew the character from her point of view.

Scene/Setting: The transcending scenes were good. Starting off at home, then in the car, at the stop light, the store. While they weren't heavily described they didn't need to be because it was a short piece.

Technical: Keep an eye out on your punctuation and spacing. Your commas have a space after the words, which they shouldn't.

He came down the aisle I was on , walked all the way to the end , then turned around and left through the door he came in.

He came down the aisle I was on, walked all the way to the end, then turned around and left through the door he came in.

Overall Opinion: With some work, this could be better. Please let me know if you re-write it or edit it, as I'd love to come back and re-evaluate it. Keep trucking!

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553

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14 days may be credited.

#3090469

Review of Jack of Fools

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Jack of Fools"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: Can't go wrong with the title. It's definitely appropriate and got my interest piked. Truth be told though it did remind me of Alice in Wonderland whether it meant to or not. I blame Disney.

Word Choice: Very unique wording and stanza. I like it a lot.

Rhyme and Rhythm: It rhymed in a few places, but then it didn't in others. For free-verse it was very catchy. The only complaint I have is in the beginning, it feels awkward. When you get to "And a Spade thrown ten," I think it picks up.

Imagery: The imagery is great. It's a bit confusing to keep track of all the characters, but in the end I thought it was beneficial to the read.

Overall: With some meter adjustment I think this could be spectacular. I think my only suggestion is to watch the flow and perhaps change the punctuation at the end of the lines. Show us better where it combines and where there are pauses. Keep up the great work, this was a delightful read.

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554

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14 days may be credited.

#3090428

Review of The reply of Creation

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "The reply of Creation "

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: I liked the title. It may work good too as "Creation's Echo" or something along those lines.

Style and Voice: I thought your style was consistent through the piece. It brought up a lot of questions and keep me reading to the end. Good work!

Word Choice: Some things that stood out to me that I liked were:

blackness that reached on forever

lingered on like half forgotten words

I also liked how you did not clutter this with overly complicated long words.

Rhyme and Rhythm: I caught no rhyme scheme or patterns which leads me to believe this is free-verse. As such, I have a difficult knit-picking it because free-verse is very subjective to the author. However, the one suggestion I would make is to watch out how long some of your lines are. You don't want to lose the interest of the reader. Sometimes that happens with overly long lines. Try breaking a few of them up into multiple lines like you did near the end. Also, keep an eye out on any repeating words. You can usually get away with repeating a word here or there in free-verse but try not to have them repeat close together.

Structure and Form: What to comment on: Is the form (e.g. Sonnet, Pantoum, Haiku, Villanelle, Sestina) employed correctly? Most importantly, is the form necessary? In today's age, form is less and less important. Is the writer using terrible rhymes in order to fit the form, or is the form adding meaning to the poem that it would lose without it?

Imagery: For some reason I felt I was enveloped in darkness. I could see a little light up ahead. Instead of dying though, it was an act of creation.

Overall: With some work I feel this could be an outstanding piece. Please let me know if you decide to re-write it as I would be interested in re-reviewing it. Thank you very much for sharing this with us.

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555

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#3090418

Review of Tanya

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Tanya"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: I think the title could use some work. Typically I dislike titles where it's just the name of someone. Being that this is a prologue, I think it's not fitting. I think later if you decide to dedicate a chapter to her you could get away with it. But for the prologue, I'd change it.

Style & Voice: You have a unique and catchy voice. In some places I felt you were reaching a little too hard to captivate the perfect moment with pretty words. This isn't an insult though, I just think sometimes less is more. It was a good job for how little was written. I'd like to see it expanded upon.

Scene/Setting: The surroundings weren't described much, but I got the feeling she was outside because of the moon descriptions and the hanging feelings in the air. I thought they were very well described. Perhaps what you could do is mention how she's positioned. Is she sitting on a hill-top waiting for him? Hanging out in a park? Waiting somewhere else? Let us know.

Characters: Tanya seemed pretty anxious but also highly elated. I felt you described her pretty well, even if I didn't feel like I knew her that well. Perhaps you could write something in there about her personally that doesn't involve Eric.

Technical:

In the second sentence, I don't think "Moon" needs capitalization.

Tonight was the dream she had been waiting for to unfold itself.

To me this seems awkward. I think it could possibly be re-written.

Tonight was the night she had been waiting for since forever.

Again, a little awkward. You also already had stated she was waiting for this night, so it's a little redundant.

The second sentence to paragraph three is quite lengthy.

Possible rewrite: Her entire being seemed to sing with elation just by that single motion. Once again, she was caught up with each and every detail of his perfection.

The sentence that starts with Those piercing is too long for me. It's meant to be descriptive I understand, but I lose the rhythm. I had to re-read it a few times.

Overall Opinion: A pretty good story. I'd love to re-read it if you make any revisions to it. Thank you for sharing it with us. I look forward to more of your work.

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556

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#3090367

Review of The Matter of Evil

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "The Matter of Evil"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: I like the title. It got me wondering what aspect of evil would be covered in the story. I can't think of a better title myself.

Style and Voice: To me this seemed to be in story telling mode. Which isn't bad for a poem, however the flow felt a little awkward.

Word Choice: Some words/combinations of words I liked were:

foul curtain

Sentinel of stone and steel

parasite of death

Rhyme and Rhythm: I'd say this is pretty free-verse. With this form it's always difficult to critique rhythm and flow because it has no real meter. Overall I liked it, but I would have liked it more if it were split up into stanzas and the lines were shorter.

Structure and Form: The lines are very long, that is the one thing I'd like to point out. For instance:

a foul curtain of black hanging like a thick fog in the late noon air,

You could instead do something like:
a foul curtain of black hung like thick fog,
in the late noon air,

This is just an example, but it's an idea how to break up the thoughts and flow. I think your longer lines really do need it.

Imagery: I liked the imagery, but I'm pretty callous and cynical myself. It was definitely a dark poem. I especially loved the line Weaver of the web of chaos and nightmares.

Overall: I feel with some editing to change the flow of this it could be a wonderful poem. Please don't hesitate to contact me if you ever change it. Thank you for sharing this piece with us.

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557

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#3089340

Review of Down the well

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (4.0)

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Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Down the well"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: An interesting title to say the least. Another suggestions you may consider: The Chase

Plot: Fast paced and highly progressive. I suspect this is for the 100 word contest because I don't see any repeating words.

Style & Voice: I like your story-telling in this. You have a lot of very good words that stick out. This definitely has a fantasy taste to it. Some word phrases that particularly stuck out to me: rebel spirit, wild, ever-growing vines, tumbling rapidly.

Scene/Setting: Very scenic. I especially liked the description of the dark swamp and trees.

Technical: Assuming this is written for that contest where no two words can repeat:

Lillie's rebel spirit compelled adventure; never could sit still they said.

Lillie's rebel spirit compelled adventure; she could never sit still, they said.

Into jungles thick with wild, ever-growing vines chasing behind ran she.

Into jungles thick and wild,;ever-growing vines chasing behind.

This leaves with with an extra word to use, though.

Overall Opinion: This was a pretty good flash fiction story. Thank you for sharing it with us.

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558

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#3089301

Review of The Scream

Review by Riot

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

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Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "The Scream"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: As with most poetry, the titles are simple but satisfying. I found it fitting to the piece and it got me interested. What kind of scream would it be? Happy? Scared? (Erotic?)

Word Choice: Some word combinations that stuck out to me: squealing and chattering, bending and folding, wailing, silent word, temporal plane.

Figurative Language:

temporal plane

I think this is alright, but to me it's sort of reaching for something overly descriptive. Instead, I would probably just use 'life' or 'existence' or 'reality'

Rhyme and Rhythm: There was no real rhyming here, as it seemed more free-verse, however the rhythm was still very good. Each line began with "The sound" but described different things from one scene. I liked how this was presented.

Imagery: Despite it being all about sounds, it was very descriptive in other means. A car wreck at its worse, how sad.

Overall: I felt this was a very good piece. It was really short, but it will stick with me for awhile. You have an excellent gift for words and story-telling.

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559

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#3089201

Review of Hanging Time

Review by Riot

Rated: ASR

| (3.5)

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Hello, I'm Justine, known here as Riot

. This review is in response to your entry "Hanging Time"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: The title had me interested right away. It instantly made me think of time travel, which turns out to be what it was about. I also think it's catchy.

Plot: I liked the concept of the plot.

Style & Voice: I think a lot was lost in translation somewhere because at some point I started losing track of the story. In the end, I know what the results were, but after he appeared in the past it began to get a little confusing. I think this could be fixed by stretching out more of the descriptions. It felt rushed. I felt the beginning was strong, and I liked the style and voice, but near the middle I was getting too confused.

Scene/Setting: I liked the scene and setting in the first part, describing the time machine and how it worked.

Characters: I would have liked to see more descriptions of the characters. What did they look like? How did they move? When he went back in time, how did the others look in comparison?

Technical: There were only a couple of things that I spotted, some small adjustments. The following are how I would alter things, but you don't have to by any means.

Christopher was petrified of being the test subject in any of McCoy's tests but time travel!

Did you mean - Christopher was petrified of being the test subject in any of McCoy's tests, but time travel?

“Come on inside. And to get back use the sand.”

Did you mean - Come inside, to the back, so you can get used to the sand."?

But it made no sense.

Did you mean - But it didn't make any sense.?

“Blasphemous documents. My friend. I have them and i will use use them.”

Did you mean - Blasphemous documents, my friend. I have them and I will use them."?
There are a few instances where you use 'i' when 'I' should be used.

Overall Opinion: Overall, I thought this was an okay piece with a highly interesting concept. There were a few places I thought you could 'show and not tell' but even still, I enjoyed it. It's been ages since I read of time travel. Thank you for sharing this piece.

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560

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#3084051

Review of Words often

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (3.0)

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Hello, I'm Justine, known here as demurerose. This review is in response to your entry "Words often"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: What to Comment on: In poetry, the title is often essential for establishing mood, tone, or even giving the poem a completely different meaning. Is the title catchy? Does it make you interested or intrigue you? Is it generic or bland? Does the title fit in with the rest of the story? Or do you not understand its meaning? Does it provide context? Could you suggest a better title?

Style and Voice: I feel you had a voice and that this wasn't just words on paper. There are a couple of points where the wording was awkward, but I can only spot minor changes to enhance this piece.

Word Choice:

Twice you talk about the eyes. First it's looking into yours, then it's looking into hers. I think it would be better if it was only looking into hers, since everything else seems to be about your feelings and visualization of being with her.

Visualization: I felt I could see 'her' through your words. While it wasn't highly descriptive it didn't need to be. It was about your feelings toward her.

Rhyme and Rhythm: To me, it felt like there was a rhyme scheme in the first few lines but I felt it was lost somewhere along the lines. Line 2 rhymed with line 4 and 6. Then 11 did with 12 and 13. Then I could not find anymore rhymes. If it's free-verse it probably was not intentional, but it was apparent enough for me to lose the flow.

Structure and Form:

If you were doing free-verse, I might look over those lines and possibly adjust them to purposely not rhyme so obviously.

If it was intentional, I might look over some other lines near the end and try to find more rhyme with them.

Those are the only two suggestions I can think of to help with word flow.

Overall: I thought this was okay overall. Writing love poems or that closely related to the subject is often times difficult. I feel this poem has more meaning to you than it does the reader -- which often times they do -- but to me, it was just okay. I am glad I read it though, and thank you for sharing it.

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561

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#3084045

Review of Behold The Rapture

Review by Riot

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

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Hello, I'm Justine, known here as demurerose. This review is in response to your entry "Behold The Rapture"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Title: I think this title is appropriate for the content in your poem. It's a bit catchy and got me interested in reading what you were going to say.

Style and Voice: I think your voice in this poem is very unique. It fits well with what you are describing. It seems to be consistent with the entire piece.

Word Choice:

The word pyretic stuck out to me. I know what you were going for, but to me it felt a little out of place. Were you going for delirious, hot?

hysterical lament in screams, I can't bear... I feel this line is awkward. I feel instead of lament, deplore may work better.

Figurative Language:

My favorite line is: In resonance, the rocks call out their creator, - I feel this is very descriptive and well worded.

I also like: Perpetual darkness bears bruel devastation - In the end of days, this is also what I envision.

The line mountains crumble as if made of sand, I can see mountains crumbling into ash. Scary.

Overall I enjoyed the visualization of this poem.

Rhyme and Rhythm: This is a free-verse poem, so I can't comment on rhyme too much. With the exceptions above with word-issues I felt this read well and flowed good. The only extra comment I'd like to make is to watch out for triple dots. I see them twice in the poem. I think the poem could do fine without them. (In other words, alternative punctuation would be more fitting, in my opinion.)

Structure and Form: The structure and form was solid. I think you could stretch it, possibly, if you wanted, but it stands alone just fine.

Imagery: My head was filled with new images each line. That is a sign of an excellent writer. This was a great image-filled poem.

Theme and Meaning: The theme of this poem was great and told appropriately in the title. I felt I was experiencing glimpses of the end of days.

Overall: I felt this was a good piece with a lot of potential. I can see how this poem could be fleshed out, but as it stands it is a great poem at the length it is. Thank you for sharing this with us.

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562

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#3082339

Review of Insanely Happy

Review by Riot

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as demurerose. This review is in response to your entry "Insanely Happy"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

First Impression: This was deliciously worded. I am absolutely amazed at just how much I enjoyed it.

Favorite Part: My favorite part was the third stanza, though I'd have to say that is a tough choice. The reason I think this one is my favorite is because of the last line. I don't normally relish in watching others get kicked down a knotch but I must say that there is someone I do know who I wish I could watch fall--it's this guilty pleasure I guess, right?

Technical: There was nothing technically wrong that I could find.

Overall: This was a wonderfully well written poem. In fact, I think this is one of the best I've ever read. It describes revenge perfectly, and that sort of insane, if you will, feeling you get when someone has driven you that mad. Thank you for sharing this with us, you've got me hooked.

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563

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#3082016

Review of Hilly Chile or Voo-Doo Willy

Review by Riot

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as demurerose. This is a Simply Positive Review for your item "Hilly Chile or Voo-Doo Willy"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

First Impression: Hah!

Favorite Part: The second stanza.

Technical: There was nothing wrong that I could see.

Overall: Great!

Good luck! Keep writing!

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564

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#3081632

Review of A Twisted Argument

Review by Riot

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as demurerose. This review is in response to your item "A Twisted Argument"

that you submitted into "Invalid Item"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

First Impression: I liked the how this argumentive dialogue came from an unsuspecting every day sort of fight. Parents arguing over bills is pretty typical.

Technical:

Just one small thing. You wrote "You should do everything my ways, not..." -- did you mean 'my way'? My ways doesn't sound right. However, since it is dialogue, it could definitely be the way the speaker is using it. I wanted to point it out anyways just in case you had meant it as a typo.

Overall: Thank you for sharing this dialogue piece with us.

I look forward to reading more of your submissions into the contest.

565

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#3078843

Review of For Sale: Loved One

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as demurerose. This is a Simply Positive Review for your item "For Sale: Loved One"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

First Impression: How sad. :(

Favorite Part: The whole thing.

Technical: There was nothing technically wrong with this piece that I saw.

Overall: Very well done. I would be your friend for free! :)

Good luck! Keep writing!

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566

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#3076491

Review of Sink

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as demurerose. This is a response to your item "Sink"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

First Impression: Impressive.

Favorite Part:

Sticky twigs close over me
calloused and rough.

Overall:

Good luck! Keep writing!

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567

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#3076064

Review of Outsider's Answer

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as demurerose. This is a response to your item "Outsider's Answer"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

First Impression: I very much enjoyed the flow. It wasn't what I expected but I was pleasantly surprised.

Favorite Part:

It is not the believer that I criticize
No I do not wish you to apostatize
It is those who's greed and misuse
Has bastardized all the good news
Told you when and where to rejoice

Technical: There was nothing wrong that I could see.

Overall: This is a very moving piece on many levels. Thank you for sharing.

Good luck! Keep writing!

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568

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#3075751

Review of when she appears

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as demurerose. This is a response to your item "when she appears"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

First Impression: Highly creative.

Favorite Part:

A mirror faces a mirror
Perfectly empty, sharing nothing
In equal measures

Technical: There was nothing wrong that I could see.

Overall: Great job.

Good luck! Keep writing!

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569

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#3075745

Review of Random Thoughts (Free Writing)

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (3.0)

I always found computers highly distracting. What I ended up doing was buying a Netbook. I promised myself I'd only use it for writing or researching what I was writing. When I wanted to play around or chat, I'd use my main computer. It seemed to help a lot. I am also quite fond of typewriters, personally. But they're heavy and luggish... and hard to maintain over a computer. I still love the rat-tacking of the keys though. :)

Good luck.

570

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#3075735

Review of Valhalla

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as demurerose. This is a response to your item "Valhalla"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

First Impression: A small insight to the honor and old ways of the warrior. Well done.

Favorite Part:

The jaguar had tracked the man for miles; seemingly secure in its superiority, the large cat approached with caution, nonetheless. The large man sat cross-legged in the middle of the small clearing with his eyes closed, motionless. He was tall and muscular, with long brown hair tied behind his head and a braid in his beard. He was the prey. The cat could smell the sweat on the man; and, could smell the blood within. There was something strange to the man's scent. The jaguar sniffed to make sure, and then settled into it's crouch. Nothing was going to stop this meal. It leapt.

Technical: Only one question... You said "It leapt." then said after another paragraph that the jaguar leaped. Is he leaping twice, or once? Otherwise I could find nothing wrong with this.

Overall: Excellent insight and emotion. Thank you for sharing.

Good luck! Keep writing!

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#3075717

Review of Wish You Were here

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as demurerose. This is a response to your item "Wish You Were here"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

First Impression: Very sad.

Favorite Part:

I rode the one hundred miles
It took to travel where you lay
Walked amongst manicured aisles
Found your home incased in clay.

Technical: -- I think 'incased' is supposed to be 'encased'? Other then that, I do not see anything else.

Overall: 4.5

Good luck! Keep writing!

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572

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14 days may be credited.

#3075711

Review of Hotly Scored

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as demurerose. This is a response to your item "Hotly Scored"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

First Impression: Very true, sometimes.

Favorite Part:

Again I reach for your loving hand,
Gone in the flame, I can't comprehend.

Technical: I could see nothing wrong with this.

Overall: Awesome. :)

Good luck! Keep writing!

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573

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14 days may be credited.

#3075706

Review of ~Where Evil Dwells

Review by Riot

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as demurerose. This is a response to your item "~Where Evil Dwells"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

First Impression: A delightfully frightening poem.

Favorite Part:

You know where you are, mortal hell on earth,
for this is where evil dwells, putrid affections swell.

Technical: I could find nothing technically wrong with it, though when I was reading it over for a second time I had a bit of a hard time on some of the flow.

Overall: Excellent. And, YAY on your muse returning! How exciting. :)

Good luck! Keep writing!

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574

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14 days may be credited.

#3074558

Review of Gretel and the Witch

Review by Riot

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as demurerose. I am the judge of "Invalid Item"

and this is my review of your entry into the contest.

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all things free you may take it or leave it as you please.

First Impression: A remarkable story with an unexpected but delightful ending.

Favorite Part:

The witch trained her hard, cramming the girl’s head with a number of spells and potion recipes. Gretel absorbed it all, and as she learned more and more, she noticed that the graceful beauty was slowly being drained from the witch. The grossly obtuse nose was returning and hard creases formed under the witch’s eyes and on her forehead.

* cackle *

Overall: A wonderful read, to the very last drop. Thank you for sharing.

Good luck! Keep writing! I look forward to more submissions into the contest.

Invalid Item

This item number is not valid.
#1561205 by Not Available.

575

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14 days may be credited.

#3074283

Review of Morning

Review by Riot

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello, I'm Justine, known here as demurerose. This is a re-review as requested or promise, in response to your entry "Morning"

Please note that this is just a review and my personal opinion of what I read. It is not intended to be rude, hurtful, or in any way discouraging. Like all free advice you can take it or leave it as you please.

Technical: The fact that this is now broken into stanzas makes it much better to read and helps with the flow a lot.

Just a little note: All the 'i' instances should be 'I'

Overall: It looks like you're getting better, keep up the good work.

Good luck! Keep writing! I can see from your willingness to revise that you are a serious writer and I am glad I could potentially bring helpful critique to your piece.

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