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Review of Haiku #2  
Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I found Haiku #2 to be Funny with its brevity and wit. I’d like to comment on the poem and how it could be even better.

Keep in mind, there are tenets with the haiku other than syllables. It’s usually two lines about nature and a final line like a summary, or pay off to enhance a deeper appreciation of the writer’s experience. In essence, that might be applicable here.

The poem titled "Haiku #2" is a concise and straightforward exploration of the fleeting nature of short-term memory. It adheres to the traditional haiku structure of three lines and 5-7-5 syllable counts, which is a commendable aspect of the poetic effort.

What's Good:
Structure and Syllable Count: The poet successfully maintains the classic 5-7-5 syllable structure of a haiku, which is essential for this form of poetry. This adherence to the form provides a clear and recognizable framework for the reader.

Theme and Concept: The theme of short-term memory and its impermanence is relatable and thought-provoking. It touches on a common human experience of forgetting something that has just occurred, which adds a relatable dimension to the poem.

Clarity: The poem is concise and to the point. It effectively conveys the concept without unnecessary embellishment, making it easy for the reader to understand and connect with the theme.

Suggestions for Improvement:
Title: The title "Haiku #2" is rather generic and doesn't offer any insight into the poem's content. A more descriptive or evocative title could draw readers in and provide a hint about the theme or message of the haiku.

Imagery: While haikus are often minimalist, incorporating vivid imagery can enhance the reader's experience. Adding sensory details or specific visual elements related to memory or forgetting could make the haiku more evocative.

Metaphor or Symbolism: Consider incorporating a metaphor or symbolism related to memory or forgetting to add depth and layers of meaning to the haiku. This can elevate the poem beyond its surface observation.

In summary, "Haiku #2" effectively adheres to the structure of a haiku and touches on a relatable theme. To improve, the poet can work on an engaging title, introduce imagery, and potentially incorporate metaphor or symbolism to deepen the poem's impact to resonate with readers.

I always enjoy reading and reviewing this poetry form. It’s fun to see what other’s attempt and the many gems of knowledge dropped I gather along the way.

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
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Review of The Paradox  
Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
My examination of "The Paradox"  and questions I have about this writers thesis. Is the author suggesting we use others to hurt ourselves rather than be alone in an emotionless existence, how possible to set aside feelings of love to be calculated? I offer the short statements that were presented:

‘The Paradox

The world weighs upon thought and its extreme ignorance. Ignorance, to create a love for a magnanimity of such, is greater than to surrender oneself into eternal extinction. To adore the one, regretting adulation, desiring presence, and, ultimately, to venture unto dimensions of a sadness of depressive sources, is the fundamental condition of the paradox. Paradoxical distinctions are the production of thus emotive effect... To love an unreturned love, my resolution is the diminishment of alternative emotion, and, fundamentally, reduction and redundancy of the principal reason for defection.’

This presents a complex and somewhat abstract thesis that revolves around the idea of emotional paradoxes and impact on human existence. it’s argued embracing extreme ignorance, which can lead to emotional pain and regret, is a greater experience than surrendering to emotional numbness and extinction.

Valid Points:
Emotional Paradox: The author makes a valid point about the existence of emotional paradoxes. These involve the coexistence of conflicting emotions, such as loving someone who doesn't return that love, which can lead to profound internal struggles. We often lose ourselves the more we give in…leading to things such as abusive relationships, co-dependency, lack of self-love.

The Regret and Sadness: The thesis touches upon the idea that embracing emotional complexity, even when it leads to regret and sadness, can be a more genuine and profound way of experiencing life. It suggests that the depth of feeling, even if painful, is a more valuable human experience than emotional detachment. However, this stimulus need produce a positive result, to move away from pain, I say.

Impact on Decision-Making: This suggests that paradoxical emotions can impact one's decision-making and lead to a reduction in alternative emotions. This can be seen as an acknowledgment that complex emotions can influence human behavior.

Suggestions:
However, this piece could benefit from more clarity and specificity in its argument. It leaves some questions unanswered, such as whether the author is advocating for a life devoid of emotions or whether emotional complexity and paradoxes should be embraced. Additionally, the thesis touches on the notion of "defection," but it's not entirely clear what this refers to in the context of the argument.

Further:
The idea of embracing emotional complexity and paradoxes is not necessarily advocating for an emotionless existence but rather exploring the depth of human emotions. It doesn't necessarily suggest that emotional numbness is preferable. However, the thesis could be strengthened by providing concrete examples or scenarios to illustrate the points being made.

Where are the examples to support this? It’s opinion, but could a reader have evidence to chew upon? I brought my own experience to the table, to think how this applies. Definitely need more to convince your audience with supportive facts.

In conclusion, "The Paradox" presents an abstract exploration of emotional paradoxes and their impact on human existence. While it raises valid points about the depth of emotions and their complexities, it could benefit from additional clarity and specificity to enhance the argument's persuasiveness and comprehension.

Brian
WDC Angel Army
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Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Sox and Sandals ,

Thank you very much for considering "Wheelbarrow Poetry Group (Be A Member)"  contest with your poem. I know we spent some time on Promptly Poetry last year and looking forward to your entry.

This poem "Ghosts of Loved Ones Lost"  did have a certain rhythm and flow adding to the rhyming pattern. The poem is entered in a free verse contest, and did have some successful elements in this regard. Here are two examples where it succeeds:

1. Lack of Formal Structure: Free verse poetry doesn't adhere to a specific rhyme or meter, and this poem successfully lacks a strict structure, allowing the poet to express emotions freely.

2. Concise Imagery: The poem employs concise and evocative imagery, painting a vivid picture of the emotional struggle when loved ones are gone. For example, "Haunting faces of familiarity" and "Outline shadows of ones long gone" effectively convey the haunting presence of memories.

If you were to consider adding to or editing this poem, consider the following suggestions:

1. Varied Poetic Devices: Incorporate more poetic devices like metaphor, simile, or alliteration to add depth and texture to the language. This can make the imagery more vivid and the emotions more resonant with readers.

2. Enhanced Flow: The flow and rhythm of the poem, while free verse, and doesn't require a strict meter, should still have a natural flow that guides the reader through the emotions. Consider experimenting with line breaks and pacing. Rhyming is not necessary in free verse, as its primary characteristic is its freedom from traditional rhyme and meter. However, in some cases, a well-placed rhyme or near-rhyme can enhance the poem's impact.

The poem's theme revolves around the emotions felt when loved ones are gone, emphasizing the sense of loss and the lingering presence of memories. This theme is effectively conveyed through the use of concise imagery and straightforward language.

It's short and to the point.
The brevity of the poem is effective in capturing the essence of the theme. It succinctly portrays the emotional struggle of dealing with the absence of loved ones, leaving a lasting impression on the reader. The last two lines, "Connections with people have their cost, Especially with the ghosts of loved ones lost," succinctly summarizes the theme and evokes a sense of melancholy and resignation.

This remarks on what it feels like once loved ones are gone. There's a projection by me or by author or both that they don't know they're not there. It's actually loved ones left behind who carry the loss of their presence.

The last two lines are profoundest. And that's losing them and having that void when they're gone. It's simple, straight forward and to the point. Can't get much more concise than this.

Thank you for entering this month's contest, I appreciate having your entries to read and consider for feedback.

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
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for entry "An Average Day" 
Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear 💙 Carly ,

Thank you for your entry in the Red Wheelbarrow contest. It was a long summer, and apologize for the delay in judging.

With "An Average Day" , you entered with your free verse poem that embraces simplicity and gratitude in the routine of daily life. Its style is straightforward and unadorned, mirroring the ordinary nature of the day it describes. The structure of the poem consists of short, concise lines, reflecting the brevity and simplicity of daily activities.

The word usage in the poem is clear and accessible, making it easily readable for a broad audience. You'll find plenty on this website, too! The language is plain and relatable, which suits the theme of finding contentment in the everyday.

Playing as editor, you might consider a few improvements to enhance:

1. Imagery: While the poem is intentionally simple, adding a touch of vivid imagery or metaphor could enrich the reader's experience and make the descriptions of daily life more engaging. One expression I used in a 'family' poem was 'ordinary as oatmeal'. It's alliterative and has some assonance.

2. Variety in Line Length: While the short lines mirror the brevity of daily activities, introducing some longer lines could add rhythm and variety to the poem's structure.

3. Poetic Devices: The poem could benefit from the incorporation of poetic devices such as alliteration, assonance, or enjambment to create a more dynamic flow and engage the reader's senses.

To make a poem about an average day interesting to read, the poet can consider the following:

1. Emotion and Connection: Infuse the poem with personal emotions and experiences tied to the routine. Connect the reader to the mundane activities on a deeper level by conveying the significance they hold.

2. Vivid Detail: Highlight specific details that bring the day to life. Describe the sights, sounds, and sensations that make each moment unique, even within the ordinary.

3. Shift in Perspective: Offer a new perspective or reflection on the day's events. This could involve introspection or philosophical musings that prompt readers to reconsider their own daily routines.

The poet of "An Average Day" demonstrates traits of gratitude, contentment, and the ability to find joy in simplicity. These qualities can be further exploited to enhance the poem's success. For instance:

1. Emphasize Gratitude: The poet can delve deeper into the emotions of gratitude, perhaps by illustrating moments that evoke this feeling. A walk, touch of the hand, nature's renewal with Spring/Autumn. Expressing gratitude in a nuanced way can resonate more strongly with readers.

2. Amplify Simplicity: Exploit the power of that simplicity with words that evoke a sense of tranquility and peace. Readers often appreciate poems that offer a respite from the complexities of life. It'd be a big score at this website.

3. Explore the Mundane: While celebrating an average day, the poet can delve into the beauty of everyday moments, elevating them to a level of poetic appreciation. This can be achieved through careful observation and vivid description. Cuddling under a comforter, maybe with a child, the quiet observed.

In conclusion, your poem embraces the nature of daily life and gratitude found within it. While it succeeds in its simplicity and accessibility to a reader, there is room for enhancement through the incorporation of poetic devices and a deeper emotional, maybe spiritual, connection. By exploiting traits of gratitude and contentment, your poem can offer readers a more profound and engaging perspective on the ordinary.

I wake up and breathe.
I get up and move.
I have work to do that fulfills me... *PointLeft* Nice flow here.

This was nice. *ThumbsUpL* I'm very appreciative of your entry and support of the contest.

Brian
WDC Angel Army
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Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Dear turtlemoon-dohi ,

I’m so happy to have your poem for consideration in our group contest. I’m very eager to share my feedback on your moving and deeply affecting poem.

"This Is Not A Sad Song"  offers a free verse shape poem that skillfully combines visual and emotional elements to convey a powerful message. The poem's structure is unique, with the lines arranged in a visually striking shape that resembles an empty house, contributing to the poem's thematic depth.

From a technical standpoint, the poem employs line breaks and spacing effectively to create pauses and emphasize key moments. This approach enhances the poem's impact by allowing readers to absorb and reflect on each line's significance.

Symbolism plays a significant role here. The empty house represents a sense of vacancy and abandonment, which is further emphasized by the cold, desolate imagery of "white-gray light" and "cold-blue shadows." These symbols evoke a feeling of emptiness and detachment.

Emotive devices were employed subtly but effectively throughout this poem. The juxtaposition of the vacant house and the poet's heart on the ground conveys a sense of detachment and indifference. The poet's ability to pick up their heart and marvel at it without lamenting its abandonment speaks to resilience and self-discovery. Most impactful and moving upon deeper reflection. I nearly shudder to think when that message touched me.

UNIQUE:
The theme here revolves around resilience and self-empowerment in the face of abandonment, or neglect. Unlike many poems that delve into themes of heartbreak and loss, I found this poem takes a unique perspective. It suggests that the poet's heart was not broken, but rather left behind, and in this abandonment, the poet finds an opportunity for self-discovery and renewal.

Empowering Others:
Readers can expect to experience a sense of reflection and empowerment when reading this poem. It challenges conventional notions of heartbreak and loss, offering a perspective that celebrates self-sufficiency and resilience. Perhaps, a reader will reconsider their own experiences of abandonment to find strength in self-reclamation.

Important elements to appreciate in the poem include the visual aspect of the shape poem, the symbolism of the empty house and the poet's heart, and the quiet but profound emotional journey it presents. The poem's brevity and lack of overt sorrow make it refreshing and thought-provoking.

Just a Suggestion...to further improve the poem, you could consider these thoughts:

1. Clarity: While the poem's ambiguity adds depth, a touch more clarity in certain parts could help readers fully grasp the poet's intent without losing the poem's enigmatic quality.

2. Expanding on Themes: The poem could benefit from further exploration of the theme of resilience and self-discovery. Providing more specific examples or moments of self-realization could strengthen the message.

In conclusion, your poem is a visually and emotionally engaging shape piece that challenges traditional themes of heartbreak and loss. It skillfully uses symbolism and emotive devices to convey a sense of resilience and self-empowerment. While maintaining its enigmatic quality, this poem encourages others to contemplate their own experiences of abandonment and to find strength in self-reclamation. With slight improvements in clarity and further exploration of its themes, it's possible this could intone message with even more power.

I had such a time reading and cosuming yours words. I'm thankful you trusted me with your poetry to judge, and rewarded me with a moving experience. 5 of 5 *Star* With much respect,

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
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Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Dear Writer_Mike :

Thank you for participating in the "Wheelbarrow Poetry Group (Be A Member)"  contest. Sorry it's taken so long to get around to judging. Its a pleasure to read and lend my feedback.

I see this was written for prompt for Promptly Poetry. And, I see we have embarked on ye olde English of a certain era that could go as far back to Shakespeare's times.

I'm noting a hint of rhyme with the first line and the fourth/last in this three verse piece. There is an interesting structure: from the top line a question, to the last verse where three lines ask the final question. It's short questions to short answer and the flips, give a nice topsy-turvy reversal that lends to read flow and the intonation of its words.

Poems that ask questions can tease, or could try to answer. Looking at this vague set of questions, it seems ominous. Hard to know. When I read, I sense a fraction of a story snipped out of something longer, as with any soliloquey in an early bard play. The narration feels like it speaks more to the self, but is reflected without, as if it knows an audience has ears.

"What bringeth the morrow?" You could use 'morrow, since an abbreviation and would fit with the contracted P'raps. In my mind I think a contraction should sound Pr'haps or Pr'aps. It's funny how looking at it plays on the mind and how to enunciate the sound, though knowing the true word. As to the answer, conjecture:

"None can say for sure.
P'raps joyous tidings
or news with great sorrow."

Essentially truth, nothing to remark upon. We cannot disagree with the 'who knows' of it all.

"Can any stop its coming?" The next question that plays off the first. And we wonder if we are starting to worry about the future. It's also becoming introspective, if spoken alone. Thinking aloud and providing answers in real time, we are figuring out where these thoughts spun in poem are going...

"None that now walketh here,
breathing our common air
in their coming and going."

Again, this does not illuminate a lot on the reason for the words, poem. It has us wondering where this will take us with the coming summation. This poem is relying solely on a narrative that feels like one half of a conversation about the fate of man, the future of man. I'd slip in there a little about 'free will' and how will our fate play out.

Now, the format flips to a long question for a short zinger/pay off. The poem has coasted until now, biding time to tease a reader to wonder, to consider the narrator's ponderings...

"What, then, can any do
to assuage the pain
that assails us all?"

'Assuage' fits in the mix for archaic words that again make me think of an era in the past where a character asks questions that intone the age-old dilemma of fate-destiny. But, now the final line...

"Care, love - just be you."

To me, this is a modern response, similar to "I'll do me. You do you." "It is what it is." We just accept things as they are. We "go with the flow". Going 'loosey-goosey' was less an option in olden times. Civilization was much more barbaric, rigid, and issues dire. Nowadays, we have options more like free will.

The ending is not a strong pay off, but it works. The poem on the whole could use some further introspection on how it might be received, viewed by an audience. However, writing poetry is the more rewarding part of the process. It's less about readership and acceptance. But, at the end of the day, writers are trying to have a voice, hoping to add to the conversation.

Suggestions might include use of visual words. Even in the bible, followers were described as lambs. Pain would be akin to the slings and arrows. Air could be breathed anywhere. Locales from garden to sea and places in between give a reader something sensory.

I feels it's a worthy write as it stands. But, like a child rubbing a nose into the head of a dandelion, you feel the soft head, collect a yellow dust, inhale a sweet aroma that can apply to taste too, and such a vivid yellow...all taps into youth, innocence, sensory. There is a theme to a write, there is a way to connect reader to text in a way that does more than tell or show, but feel something move within for a reader.

You can craft a great flow of words that cohesively collect and tell a story. Story poems might be something you might be good at. Using picture words, sensory and symbolism, you can intone a message and theme in your poem that could really resonate with readers.

I really appreciate the opportunity to consider your poem for this activity and enjoyed considering your progression as poet and how you express your words as a craftsman of words. Truly a pleasure,

Brian
WDC Angel Army
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Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I'm pleased to have crossed a unique piece of poetry in "Reductio Ad Absurdum" .

The essay "Reductio Ad Absurdum" showcases a unique and creative approach to language and expression, but it also presents challenges in clarity and readability. Let's explore what felt so right and ways that can improve this item:

1. Creativity and Expression: The essay excels in creativity and the use of language. The writer employs a rich vocabulary and intricate sentences to convey complex emotions and thoughts. This creativity effectively captures the reader's attention and creates a distinct atmosphere.

2. Emotional Depth: The essay successfully delves into the theme of emotion and its impact on human existence. It portrays the idea that emotion can reduce human beings, which is a thought-provoking concept.

3. Use of Latin: The use of the Latin phrase "Reductio Ad Absurdum" in the title adds an intellectual and philosophical layer to the essay, indicating the writer's intention to explore deep concepts.

However, there are several areas where the essay could be improved:

1. Clarity: The essay's complexity and use of uncommon language might hinder comprehension for some readers. The writer should aim for greater clarity and simplicity in their writing to ensure that their message is accessible to a wider audience.

2. Grammatical Errors: There are grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures throughout the essay that can distract from the message. A thorough proofreading and editing process is essential to eliminate these issues.

3. Examples and Illustrations: The essay would benefit from concrete examples or illustrations to clarify the abstract concepts discussed. Providing real-world scenarios or anecdotes can make the ideas more relatable to readers.

In summary, "Reductio Ad Absurdum" demonstrates a strong ability to convey complex emotions and concepts through creative language and expression. However, this could focus on improving clarity, eliminating grammatical errors, and providing more relatable examples to enhance the accessibility of knowledge offered.

Encouragement is extended to the writer to strive for a better understanding of language and usage and provide clearer concepts that may hinder reader comprehension while maintaining what I found to be a unique and creative style. Expanding the scope of the essay to include practical applications or implications of the discussed ideas could also make it more engaging and thought-provoking for the audience.

Brian
WDC Angel Army
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Review of Free will  
Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
For Delia, aka dells, my review of "Free will " :

The essay "God's Love And Free Will" presents a personal testimony that effectively illustrates the connection between religious tenets and individual decision-making. The writer's emotional reaction in the movie theater, triggered by a scene about free will, demonstrates the power of personal experiences in guiding our choices. This essay rightly highlights the importance of free will as a demonstration of God's love, allowing individuals to make genuine choices rather than mere obligations.

The writer effectively emphasizes the idea that we live through experiences to help us shape our decisions. Their realization in the movie theater that they had a choice to continue watching or leave is a poignant example of this. By deciding to leave and later checking a movie review, they made an informed choice that aligns with their values.

However, there's room for improvement in the essay. To make it more comprehensive, you could provide additional examples of how free will plays out in daily life or in more significant moral dilemmas. Expanding on this could strengthen their argument. Additionally, it would be beneficial to delve deeper into the dangers of close-mindedness in today's society, explaining how it can hinder personal growth and unity. Providing specific examples of such close-mindedness could make this point more impactful.

In conclusion, the essay effectively conveys the idea that free will is a demonstration of God's love and the importance of making informed choices based on personal experiences. By incorporating more examples and elaborating on the dangers of close-mindedness, it could become an even more compelling and thought-provoking piece.

Keep writing and experiencing life,

Brian
WDC Angel Army
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Review of Stream  
Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear PiriPica :

Thank you submitting "Stream"  for the Red Wheelbarrow Contest. I truly love the opportunity to get to know each author/poet with their offerings, as especially described for particular contests, this one being a free-for-all. Its a personal connection that is made when someone steps up to offer a part of themselves to me, and I appreciate it and will take care of your words with the kindess that offered them up.

And I want to do that author’s offering justice by giving them the best attention and most thoughtful words to show, I have taken the time to understand what you’ve crafted, in a way that I can respond in a humble, yet inspired account of words displayed in your poem. Hopefully I can highlight your work, please the poet. Reviewing is a way/medium to further the lens of a writer, considering whatever ultimate goal poets like you seek to achieve.

Here I have found a poem that is a mix of personification and a human connection to nature, showing us the workings of a mind. What it has to offer. It’s a statement, like, please consider me, don’t underestimate me, and understand. By the end, fear, ending, destiny ultimately will play a hand.

To structure, lines are short, to the point, but show flowing as well as expressing it in context. There’s imagery, but strong personification that allows this reader to feel something building before that thaw. I like to read end words of each line in a row. These punctuate pauses in a poem, grab the eye and imagination.

What I also Noticed was some light rhyme, assonance. Not particularly lyrical to the ear, but it’s a frozen scene depicted. With that it's important to guide a reader's eyes as well as emotions in the way text is laid out. If feel, purposefully, the read quickens with short lines for that thaw releasing water.

Narration theme calls the reader to listen, commands. Strong words. Some a bit snaggy like ensconced which was high brow, versus tinkling connected to snow and water which made me think of urination in snow. Slight snags that lightly distract a reader.

Overall, this feels like a natural read, conversional, with some foreboding, and a call to action, to consider. Ultimately, it’s fate, it’s death that play heavy hands. Is it environmental, or is it how the writer considers life, coming to the end of that stream. My thoughts would be an open bay of blue…get lost in that merge, find joy, or heaven? Readers who connect can have feelings of their own, relate how they wish.

This poem is broad in perception, could have a more pointed message, focused, but truthfully not. Who knows what the ending of life could be. Loose grip on our free will at some point? We don’t get to know -- unless it’s cancer or other worse case scenarios.

Best message in “Stream”…

In freedom there is fear,
in new structures there is wonder.

That is the building block for a solid poem.

Thank you for your poem to consider and appreciate, with a thoughtful approach to address this reader with its context to subtely comment on life. I let you know that I am legally blind, probably known. Does not prevent me from reading and considering offerings, as I feel it is second nature in me to eagerly devour text and find hidden nuggets of gold shimmering within. And hopefully to let it shine without for other audiences to see impact your words have had upon this lowly writer/reader.

Thanks again for participating,

Brian,
Super Power Reviewer
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Review of Poetic Tension  
Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Dear Words Whirling 'Round :

Nice! I like how you twist an idiom to make it you own, like 'diametrically composed' which sounds a bit neurodivergent…or it’s just me.

Great read and flow to poem. Superior in word choices and how it sets a narrative tone that cannot be touched. "Poetic Tension" is thought-provoking, explores the eternal struggle between left and right brain, drawing clever and vivid metaphors to depict internal conflict. It effectively uses poetic devices and descriptive language to create a captivating read.

In each verse, you employ metaphors to describe different aspects of the left brain vs. right brain struggle:

1. Math as a Vestal Virgin: The left brain's dedication to logic and rationality is metaphorically represented by "Math, a vestal virgin," highlighting its unwavering commitment to the temple of science. This personifies math, emphasizing its purity and devotion to reason.

2. Words as Streetwalkers of Discourse: In contrast, the right brain's affinity for language and creativity is depicted through the metaphor of words as "streetwalkers of discourse." This personification portrays words as flexible and adaptable, catering to the desires of those who use them. *Wink*

3. Truth as a Wriggling Eel: The poem takes a philosophical turn, comparing truth to a "wriggling eel." This metaphor captures the elusive nature of truth, emphasizing how it can slip away from the grasp of conflicting norms. My life. *RollEyes* The use of personification gives truth a tangible quality.

4. Poetry Living Between the Lines: Finally, the poem characterizes poetry as "diametrically composed" and as living "between the lines." This metaphor highlights the delicate balance poetry strikes between opposing forces, representing a harmonious coexistence of logic and creativity within the world of poetry. What I strive for…on a good day. Or, like this poem.

This piece effectively portrays the internal struggle between the left and right brain as an eternal conflict, suggests that this tension is inherent to human experience, highlighting the dichotomy between our rationality and creativity.

The strengths of the poem lie in its tightly constructed, descriptive language and its skillful use of metaphors to convey complex ideas concisely. It engages the reader by delving into the abstract concept of the left brain vs. right brain struggle and making it tangible to this reader through vivid imagery.

I liked the style, structure, and language usage — commendable, particularly in ability to capture the essence of each facet of the ‘eternal’ conflict. The concise and focused structure of the poem allows for a quick, impactful read.

If you wanted to improve this, lord knows why, you could add further context or expand metaphors to further the poem's rich depth. While the brevity is a strength, a slightly longer exploration of each metaphor could enhance the reader's understanding and engagement. Some poems are just too good to be edited or extended.

"Poetic Tension" is thought-provoking, skillfully uses metaphors and descriptive language to convey the eternal struggle between the left and right brain. Its strengths lie in its concise yet vivid portrayal of this conflict, explores layers of the brain with great meaning.

Five stars! What more can I say to top that/this. Thank you for once again gracing the contest with an entry and giving some great fodder to lend thoughts in a review,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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Review of Poetry is...  
Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Dave ,

Thank you for being the first to enter an offering in this month's contest. It's a pleasure to consider your poetry for feedback. Sorry I took the summer off before judging.

My initial thoughts on first read:
I was particularly moved by the impactful third stanza with so much imagery that it made me want to slow down, as with a car ride, to take it all in. Also appreciate how the poem ended on a nostalgic feeling, reminding me life is linear and our early experiences like grandma's dishwater bucket come back distinctly, vividly last black and white film perfectly framed.

Overall:
Your poem beautifully captures the essence of poetry as a medium to convey emotions, experiences and perspectives. The piece invites readers to explore the multi-faceted nature of poetry, celebrating its ability to paint word pictures that resonate with the heart and soul.

One noteworthy aspect is its vivid imagery. You masterfully use metaphors and similes to compare poetry to various experiences in life, such as dancing, capturing fleeting moments, and acting as a prism. This approach engages the reader's senses and emotions, making the poem an evocative journey through the essence of poetry.

Truly appreciate the choice of a conversational and accessible writing style. The poem feels like a heartfelt conversation with the reader, inviting them to reflect on a myriad of ways poetry can be experienced in everyday life. This approach makes the poem relatable and inviting to a wide range of readers.

Two points I might make could further enhance the focus of the poem:

1. Clarity of Message: While the poem beautifully illustrates the diverse facets of poetry, it could benefit from a more explicit central message or theme. Providing a clear focal point or takeaway for the reader would make the poem even more impactful. Not that it's necessary.

2. Structure and Consistency: While the poem employs the contest requested free verse style, ensuring a consistent structure or pattern, such as a regular rhyme scheme or meter, could enhance the flow and musicality of the piece while demonstrating further what poetry does/is. If you were to go in another direction. This would likely create a reading experience that was even more harmonious.

This was a heartfelt and eloquent exploration of the essence of poetry. It successfully celebrates the diverse ways in which poetry mirrors life and human experiences. To improve the focus, if you think needed, consider refining the central message and introducing more structural consistency. Nevertheless, your ability to convey the beauty of poetry in such a relatable manner is praiseworthy that resonates colorfully expressions of the love for this art form we choose.

I thought about how this could introduce a chapbook of poetry or be used amid a series of poems like an interruption to take a moment to consider, giving one a moment to celebrate poetry in this light.

It was so good to have your entry and interest in the group and contest. I am honored to have your writing grace this activity and to be allowed consider it for feedback. I gave it a perfect score as it stands. Suggestions for improvement could apply to the poem or anything and are offered to help with approaches and perspectives of/on poetry as I grow as reviewer and poet who needs to turn the art form inside out and get all the lint from the lining of its pockets. I wax,

Brian
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Review of SELF CHECK-OUT  
Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG ,

I'm delighted you offered a poem for the summer contest edition of the Red Wheelbarrow contest (that's what I'm calling it now, since I delayed judging for personal reasons *Laugh*. I've taken a long look at "SELF CHECK-OUT" , a subject that I can relate with as a self-checker-outer. I had all kinds of thoughts of my own about the subject. I'll weigh in on that, too.

This poetic piece casts a discerning eye on an annoying modern shopping innovation - the self-checkout system. With consumerism nowadays comes a conundrum...to check out or not to check out yourself. Convenience reigns supreme. In this insightful and somewhat humorous poem, "SELF CHECK-OUT," you boldly point out the flaws in a practice that has become ubiquitous (big word) in today's retail landscape.

I liked how the poem quickly delves into the matter with short, direct utterances and immediate concerns, with a candid and straightforward tone. This addresses the transition from traditional manned checkouts to self-checkout kiosks, capturing the irony that while these machines save companies money ("bling, bling"), they do so at the expense of hardworking employees who have lost their jobs ("My friend, she lost her job. So did Sherry, so did Bob."). Love the flow of that line.

You cleverly emphasize the notion customers, essentially, become unpaid cashiers when they opt for this modern convenience. The poem reminds me of my nightmares...struggling to scan with my low vision, have items not ring up properly, the struggle bagging. Nightmares recalled when I forgot my wallet!

This poem keenly observes and highlights a paradoxical situation where individuals willingly take on the role of an unpaid retail worker while companies profit ("Self-check-out you work for free. They deposit the savings with glee."). The poem vividly paints a picture of the hardship faced by these ousted employees and their struggling families, driving home the impact of this shift in retail dynamics.

I might be able to suggest some ideas for improvement, if necessary to further this poem. What you can try to enhance the impact further:

1. Expand Imagery: The poem can benefit from more vivid imagery to engage the reader's senses. For instance, describing the "bling, bling" in more detail or painting a picture of the struggles faced by the laid-off workers can be more immersive.

2. Rhyme and Meter: While the poem effectively conveys its message, moving in swiftly at the start (hooking this reader), refining the rhyme and meter further could enhance the poem’s lyrical quality. A consistent rhyme scheme or rhythmic pattern can add musicality to the verses. An example:

You started out 6-7-6-7 with your syllable count on the smooth introductory lines:

Self Check-out words for thought.
Paid not, self-checkout I bought.
My friend, she lost her job.
So did Sherry, so did Bob

Then, we get to here, where it’s 9-10

The workers were fired from their jobs.
These families struggle and they do sob.

You could cut articles like ‘the’ or make a more direct link to sob, say:

‘Workers fired from their jobs,
families struggle and (they) sob.’

Back to 6-7 syllable count. Good rhyme scheme. Parenthetically, I added ‘they’ because words that flow together easily hide spaces between syllables that make a read choppy or too short. Sounding it out helps you know if that extra word/syllable can slide in there to give the words a better flow/ride through the text of your poetic vehicle.

3. Title Refinement: Consider a title that encapsulates the poem's essence more succinctly, making it easier for readers to grasp the subject matter at a glance. A title like "Checkout Dilemma" or "Self-Checkout Took My Job" might encapsulate the theme more explicitly.

In conclusion, your exploration of the self-checkout system through verse is both thought-provoking and entertaining. It shed light on a societal issue through the lens of poetry, which is commendable. With a few refinements, if you think, I see potential to resonate even more deeply with readers, offer a unique perspective on the complexities of modern consumerism.

This was a great subject to approach, and would also make a fine essay, because I feel there is so much more about the trials and tribulations of self checkouts, and how we deal with getting in and out of a store without that headache.

Thank you for you entry in the contest. It was a pleasure to read and consider this terrific poem.

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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Review of Yellow Stone  
Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a SUPER power Reviewer member to member review…

Dear sindbad

The subject of Yellowstone national park caught my eye. My family is from South Dakota and we have visited that region recently. So, I thought I could illuminate you further with response, since you might not ever get to see the beauty and the wonder of this area in person that boasts so much more than can meet the eye from the bison that roam a natural preserve to Devils rock mountain, a massive flat peak, to the train ride of the area, to Black Elk, a challenging hike that’s enjoyed by many.

Reading your item really gave me a laugh when you noted,
"Careful though as the bison is not nearly as friendly as it might appear in the pictures !!!"

YES! And it happened to us. We were stuck waiting for buffalo to pass and my wife moved the vehicle too soon...Right where the front quarter panel was prepared he lowered his head and rammed it into our wheel well. I tried to warn her but I knew he missed the spot that was fixed. I also knew we needed to get somewhere safe because in two minutes, we were unable to drive with a flat, horned tire. Ordeal getting that replaced on vacation. So, got pet one of the donkeys. The first time we went, my daughter was able to walk up and hug a scruff, gray one.



Your non fiction take of Yellowstone is spot on. There's even a series now with Kevin Costner. Besides the park wild and lake itself, it's not far from many historic locations, like an iconic national monument to four great presidents that stands. Mount Rushmore. What’s great about it is you can walk right up and under their noses, in a beautiful preserve. The area boasts so many rock cliffs like Rushmore, one wonders how that location was chosen. Also, Deadwood is another much talked about old western area that many famous people passed through, definitely plenty to see and do in that area.

What a great piece to find and relive the experiences we had and share one of my own. Hope you get to travel and experience it one day.

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a SUPER Power Reviewer member to member review…

Dear GERVIC 🐉 WDC Dragon Vale

It’s a pleasure to receive your poetic offering in the "Wheelbarrow Poetry Group (Be A Member)"  contest. I’m looking forward to reading and hopefully provide feedback that can be of any assistance with my insight.

‘The Tendrils of Life’ is a great title. I wanted to see more visual evidence of it.

Impressed by these lines…

Their stares were trenchant darts
Piercing every piece of Him

Him, God?

Some of this seemed personal to the poet, unless telling someone else’s story, like a religious testament, but did not allow the privilege of knowing the full story when you write…

This land I found my first breath
Fourteen years ago

This land, where? An expression of feeling within? A metaphor?

Though I’ve moved past this in my personal life, these lines resonate to which I especially relate:

They wanted me not, They wanted my absence
To get lost and vanish in oblivion…
Here I am- lost, alone, frightened
Everyone hated me, they wanted me... dead

That ending is quite ominous and eye-opening. Interesting place to stop. That stabs a reader emotionally to provoke thought.
I did enjoy the read and subject matter, something which I can relate.

Suggestions…
At end of first stanza I think singular ‘soul’ is what you mean.

I wanted to know more what the tendrils are, what it represents. When you use general pronouns like ‘them’, you have an opportunity to boost the language with symbolic, descriptive emotional adjectives or nouns that abstractly apply. The opening words could say more to clue a reader in with more depiction in expressions to set scene:

The world beneath this forlorn sky
Battered painfully by their ceaseless cries

I wasn’t sure who the villain was. But, read it as an internal struggle against outside forces. The poem reads like a vent/rant/doom, yet from a survivor POV, as if story only begun.

I sometimes let my iPad leave a cap letter at the start of each line. A poem as an easy read can get away without punctuation, especially if there is a natural pause at the end of every line. When I polish a piece, I reread to see if I should lower some caps to indicate the continuation of a thought and/or function to produce a smooth read.

You employ what some called ten dollar words. I enjoyed learning something new. What puzzles me is it archaic language mixed with modern episodes in life?Colorful words like this could confuse a reader. Sometimes, I can put a word like ‘trenchant’ in context aided by metaphor, imagery, scene and/or emotion to make the reader feel they understand its application. You taught me something new, however.

Push yourself to find colorful words that show more than tell. You can use an online thesaurus, have a fun hunt-clicking words that catch your eye, to make word choices with logical associations. The byproduct of this process is your vocab will increase. You’ll find more joy in the themes chosen.
Added note on that: I have found words with so many diverse associated words, I could pluck out thematic nouns, verbs, adjectives to make a cohesive, singular metaphor to string together into good poems.

What I would say about your poem overall is it has a strong, emotional narrative, unique language and something of an uphill battle for recognition and possible redemption.
On the flip side, I could only apply emotive elements to the message with visual or metaphoric evidence among other poetic devices for needed overall clarity.

I liked the strength and vigor of this write. It was a pleasure to lend feedback to your poem,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I really enjoy this event "WdC 2023 Birthday Review Raffle - CLOSED" , Schnujo Enjoyed Colombia ! it offers me the opportunity to show people how I can encourage and create a path for other writers to follow to hopefully get more out of their writing.

Thanks for the opportunity to link in your forum. Kudos to all who support that make this a great event. It’s evident that it takes a lot of work, from an actuarial standpoint. My comments hereafter are just borne out of a response I had to my approach to reviewing (at this particular website) and beliefs and tenets that have cultivated over nearly a half century *Shock*writing, about 20 critiquing, and a little philosophy, with some psychiatry thrown in.

My plain suggestion and vague thesis: retool your format just a bit. Or, don’t. You may know what drives the WDC locomotive better than this reviewer. And, I don’t say this for my benefit, but for better encouragement of reviewers out there honing skills to comprehend what they review while building associations that could increase communication and activity amongst patrons. Perhaps, just a bit, help retool the mindset of what good feedback could be: our impressions and not with red pens, though spelling and notable grammar errors do benefit. But, that’s not truly reviewing. That’s editing.

I know there are a lot of reviewers out there who could inadvertently negate another writer’s work unnecessarily, causing ruffled feathers to discouragement. Theres a mine field of dead accounts to wade through. Even the live ones can seem like dead accounts, seldom visited.

Again, your event is a positive experience. However, readers can spot things for improvement just by giving impressions of what their scribes relate to them. Some are worthy to suggest notable errors (there are very few and I would not consider myself one), but can use wisdom to just point out things without telling them what to fix. To notice this subtlety might be too much task for the crew screening reviews.

I suggest redefine the definition of what is help. But, you conceived of this contest, and it’s your baby. But, if I were more direct in a review, the types of things I would suggest back in the day made some irate, factoring in my blunt, Aspbergery neurodivergence. I’ve ruffled so many feathers in the past because of my impulsiveness. Got myself a year long ban from something this past year. Sadly, I think it’s talked about in circles I’m not a part of, because I could feel a pall, shift in the force. *Laugh* It didn’t bother me. I’m now a fully-fledged (whatever that means), card-carrying neurodivergent with ADHD prone to say what’s on his mind. And muleheaded in a lot of ways that do me no favors.

We each have different principles. I feel no two can be fully alike, and I know my utterances caused one remarkable retort, ‘if you don’t like it, you can leave,’ when I thought my remarks were helpful. So, it took me a long time to earn yellow. I’m glad that dialogue with curious members ended. But, it said a lot. The ban reinforced old philosophies of mine about changing of the guard did little to host a new mentality. So I walk on the sidewalks and through alleys and do my best to be present, helpful but stay clear of anything that could cause me to act before fully processing something 21 times through.

Back to it: Reviews that dictate leave little room for discourse. I’m guessing writers don’t get to know each other from back and forth replies. It’s possible it’s a systemic thing. I’ve seen all sorts of evidence that suggests we funnel members here or there (or away) to benefit the community in general. As a purveyor of an activity or two, I’ve found it a delicate operation to put myself in a position to judge others, lacking a top hat and carnival atmosphere. Idealistically for this site, I’m the wrong type. As a writer and reviewer, I’m leaps and bounds ahead because I don’t follow the crowd.

And I don’t have shiny dollars to chase, though I hunted those gps back in the day, having fun. I sobered up.

But your activities give writers an outlet to share. Don’t change what you’re doing because of my ideals, but what you think is best for WDC overall. Lord knows, I can’t fully wrap my head around some of the things, but I have no bias against the overall community and how it has served these many years. But, trying to get people to give away their life’s work in trade for a legacy account was an eye opener. A lot of writers didn’t get noticed until after death. Though, probably not the case any more.

Anyhoo, I’m long-winded and off subject again. You do you; I’ll do me. Just figured I’d pay my respects with these two cents,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!

Sorry for blunt forwardness and being ‘as public as a frog.’ Real as I can be without seeming impolite to the others. You, you’re great!
I don’t like to low rate either. Numbers are just numbers, but can hurt some writers more than reviewers know. Speaking for the whole and from 17 years of review responses.

Sorry if typos. Blind, late, work in the a.m.
Bluntly honest his whole life because Mama said to always tell the truth.
sadly, i don't know what truth is these days...*RollEyes*
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Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Poppy,

I have so many questions about linear time, or the age of that tree. This is a fascinating story. Not the type I would search out, but it would warm the heart of a naive child. There are many common storytelling elements/tropes used in this type of fiction. There may be something unique, as well. I especially enjoyed the story once we got a better feel, reveal, of how these little people go unnoticed.

If this doesn’t take place where these little people are believed to exist, we need some kind of idea about geography, what type of family. The spiritual nature of these creatures and how it is preserved. The ending was contrived with they fixed a bunch of stuff. Quick end. But, You note a desire to turn this into fiction length. If young adult, easy enough. I’d have the little girl and elf become friends, help guard their secret, have her be heralded for her support to save their world/environs, along the lines of Alice in Wonderland. But, without the creepy characters, but lovable, quirky types because they’re not like you and I, and in that same scope, see humankind as unusual, too.

The depictions of home and gnomish world intrigue. I need dimensions, and the dimension of time. If they indeed live in a hollowed out tree, its max lifetime capability is between 60-75 years. Hollowed is much less, suggests dead. And, why not remove it from property? Though, you can describe a spiritual nature guarding the tree and any perception that it never grows old. These people claim to live a lot longer. How is time kept, does it move slower? The girl could visit and be only gone an hour when it’s a half day or more in their time, which means it would affect her body’s chemistry, or aging. Might need reversal. She might be a teen or grown up when she’s out. She might lose the childlike ability to believe in these people. They get her back and return her to her normal age. Her parents think her a stranger or relative for that short while, might start a manhunt to find her. These elves reverse time so none of that happens. They sacrifice some of their spirit magic to save her. Only, they’ve transferred it to her and she becomes guardian. Maybe, I should write the book! Haha, jk. With that knowledge she can protect that tree forever. Grow to live a long life.

Otherwise, It could be a scenario where a human morphs into dwarf if they spend too much time in another dimension, making it perilous. Think Pinocchio as donkey-earred.

This story gives me lots to chew on, especially as a potential novel effort for you. A storyline to preserve the spirit that powers their world and adventures to figure out what they need to sustain life require the two young ones to team up, as elders run into conflicts where youth can save the day.

Nice story. It was a pleasure,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer

Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!

Hope my poor eyesight didn’t screw up the feedback. Let me know of any confusion. *Cool*


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Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Simple Dykie

This article "Invalid Item"  has some elements of unintended humor that seemed to border on surreal fabrication, for a non-fictional monologue. It keenly ignores its own details while it enlightened this reader about how unnecessarily hard we work at love…or a marriage in this case.

The author’s foray shows the lack of knowledge we men have about women. I think we can understand how much harder it is physically for the frailer species with the added curse of menstruation to menopause. Not easy subjects to broach but lend to misunderstandings because they don’t talk about. Me, as neurodivergent, never understood it was something they didn’t like to have acknowledged in any form of kindness from a guy. Obviously, men and women run in different social circles creating a rift and bias toward the other, where that attraction can apply from puppy love to lust exists. We physically get familiar, tie the knot, do what’s the norm, raise a family, toil to keep a home and necessities. Really, everything conforming can work against a happy relationship that we must bear down and grind through.

The whole silly premise of your central story is built on an undersized water heater. I can only imagine how long it takes to read 15 chapters of War & Peace, but a bath that long would shrivel the woman. And if she kept refilling the bath knowing you’d eventually need one, she’d have to be daft or the self-indulgent Queen. She doesn’t come off looking too good (another unintended comedy). Let him eat…a bar of soap? That’s why this reads like a farce. It’s a nice depiction of what the main character does for love. Simply, turn off the heater after the tub is filled. Turn back on before your shower. I know, devious. You can still be the good guy, if not caught. Though, entire premise is what pleases the story teller. More later. But seriously, get a 40-50 gallon water heater and make it’s not set so high that it has to keep generating hot water, as bathing seems important to story and over-indulged. Perhaps, a hot foot bath. I thought you might massage her feet when I got to that. But, Calgone take me away!

Anyway, there are many takeaways about sacrifice. It’s noble but unnecessary to not report good deeds. Just say what you did in passing. She’s being treated like a princess, little girl. Communication and shared knowledge is key, or the hot water fairy will pay many more visits. A man shouldn’t have to seem like a people pleaser. A woman who uses him as a doormat might respond to a man who is a bit aloof, withholding, in the sense that he doesn’t go out of his way all the time. Simply prioritize what’s important to you and give what’s equal to what you receive. I think a Beatle had a notion about that.

Love is something you work at, if you have mutual commitment. This advice from father is old school. Divorce is so high, it makes the institution of marriage (usually linked to religion) a social convention that needs a retool. The advice to tell her you love her every day is good. Showing her from time to time would trump that. Not talking sky-written messages, that’s romcom and a parody of love. We know our women, the little things matter. There’s a song “More Than Words” you might be familiar with.

This article is a good reminder why we commit to another to share our living expenses. It reminds we are poor in wealth but can be rich in love. I think the narrator enjoys this bit of sacrifice but may come to resent the woman in the long run when the children have grown, everyone loves mom, and dad is the odd one left out of the loop, because that was a choice called sacrifice without benefits. Well, some, if you don’t grow to despise her…reason is coming.

Article treats offspring as a throwaway. They factor. Family love emboldens the relationship with a significant other. My advice…make good lasting memories to recall lifelong. You have a lot of self-serving secrets, according to this. Hey, it’s not bad to sacrifice. There comes a time when we tire of treating someone like a pet and they don’t know how to respond when you meet crisis, worsening life fate to live alone with someone. What should a committed love be? Maybe, Think the Notebook without the missing years. But, without the missing years, The Notebook is an average story. And, that’s all we need to strive for.

A pleasure to read and consider your monologue for feedback.

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Prosperous Snow celebrating ,

Thank you for entering your poem in the contest, "Wheelbarrow Poetry Group (Be A Member)" 

You have been so kind and considerate of my poetry over the years. I feel remiss that I have not shown you more appreciation for how you have continue to inspire me as a writer to contribute my words in this community. I hope you know that I really, really appreciate you as a member and I’m thankful all the days I see Prosperous sSow in my inbox — no idea what a thrill and delight to consistently see and lifts my heart. Here is but a humble and simple review that now here near matches the great feedback that has assisted me over our life together here at Writing.Com.

I enjoyed {item:I too was inspired long ago by that image. Thanks for the link. It felt like I could see the earth on television during the moon landing, but that must have been 69. Guessing that photo came from orbiting our planet.

Great takeaways in your poem, {item:2295534} and your nostalgic reverie. It's also introspective and especially calls oneself/humanity into question. Looking upon the Earth from space alone might make someone feel small, disconnected, lonely, but to wonder if your world view was poorly constructed, it's true but not on you.

I talk to people from other countries who have a world view. It feels here in the US we were all about us, national pride, being a leader in the free world. Places in Africa, Asia, Europe and beyond where just points on a map or a globe spun in the classroom, trying to guess places.

Very insightful and worthy read that gives me pause and reminds me that I too need to work on my 'world view'.

It's a pleasure to have your poem in the contest to read and lend feedback.

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!

If you see errors here, you might suspect why. As you probably know, by now, I am legally blind, don’t let it inhibit participation, offering a poem, feedback, newsfeed posts and in other activities, to broaden and enlighten community, if I can. It is in these years of my life that I am seeking fulfillment, hopeful for connections with the outside world, without the fear of rejection and indifference I allow from time to time to shut me down.


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Review of Technology  
Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Itchybarn , *BalloonB* *ConfettiR*

Came to pay my respects on your 5th account anniversary when I stumbled across this poem, "Technology" . Careful where you lay things out. *Laugh* Never get tired of hearing, “clean up this room, Brian,’ and not from my mother. *Shock* aaanny-wayyy…

I’m into this. AI is coming in all shapes and forms and this poem teases the palette with knowledge and a message I’ve been preaching.

We’ve seen dystopian books and films portray doomsday for humans. Your poem hints, but points out we don’t need to be lazy, but get with it, make a difference. Also, accept and not fear/reject its implementation in our lives.

One article I’ve read that confirms this: from the field of medicine. Man cannot pour through 500,000 newly published medical studies a year to help a patient with undiagnosable symptoms. By cataloguing all the data with AI, it can pour through information so fast, new cures and remedies will immediately be at our fingertips, so we can live longer, better lives. Knowledge drop!

Hey, if you write research papers for school, that be some knowledge that’ll get an A, for sure. But enough of that. Let’s talk about you as poet/writer. And, I like what I see. Not blowing no smoke.

You have a consistent, traditional rhyming effort here that syncs well with topic, not losing message. That’s key with any good poem. You entertain and inform with ease. It shows you have skill, may have gotten tutored in poetry and making something of it. Now for some suggestions. I hope this will be good, it makes the mind push itself much like computers that learn and relearn until masters…oops! *Laugh*

Meter: it doesn’t have to be the duh-duh duh-duh duh-duh…of the bard’s iambic. That can be silly, but worth trying for light-hearted poetry…or love. *Shock*. What you can do is edit length of lines so syllables either count equal, or words flow seamlessly because the phrases are smooth, allowing a reader to glide over them. Your poem is straightforward, relies little on poetic devices. By sounding words out aloud, you might catch a lyrical nature, much like song. Something that pairs well with rhyming and timing is assonance and alliteration. Sometimes words roll off the tongue because of this, might inspire the start of a write; the more you groove with it, find new words, possibilities are endless. I rely on rhyming and thesaurus searches to build vocabulary.

Song inspires me. Some old poets like Walt Whitman had an old school way with it. Whatever music you like now, not necessarily rap or metal, can offer to the melodious ear. Listenening to some of the famous Shakespeare lines, like a Romeo and Juliet play, can fine tune a poet’s ear for traditional. Steering away from that…

Modern poetry is using visual as much as the spoken. All kinds of way to punctuate, stagger a poem, slam like. But truncated for a subject like this works well. Though, I don’t do poetry readings because my style doesn’t always fit the auditory. It needs to be seen. Tech is a great subject for doing something avant-garde as the elite poets say. I just call it being different, unique, finding one’s voice…as I’ve done on your elder’s website for 17 awesome years. Not a Yoda or Obi Won, but your poem vehicles can strive to be the best by avoiding rhyme and tease with poetic devices that intone subject. Common symbols used in writing code could weave through a technology poem, if you pick another theme, play with it. If you like writing witty poems that tease a mind to think…double meaning.

All fun things to consider when I read your poem and see your interest in subject. I’ve been told reading good poetry is important and maybe a genre like this exist to broaden your scope of what you can do with this type of writing.

Ideas for future tech poems could include: I think monotone language with computers, AI overlords can be poem narrators, addressing humans in any unfeeling way. Language can be pointed, logical, short and wastes no words, like a good poet should. For this, see William Carlos Williams’ ‘The Red Wheelbarrow. Warning, he’s the father of free verse, and he would tell you poets of his day were too effusive (wrote flowery language).

Well, blah, blah, blah. Look at me go on. You inspired me. Keep writing. What you transcribe and create helps connect mind with conceptualization. Hope this helped.

Brian

Super Power Reviewer
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I tried to keep,out the nasty typos with this tappy, crazy auto-correcting iPad. I’d turn it off, but that could be worse, as I’m legally blind. My lone disclaimer today.


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Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear GERVIC 🐉 WDC Dragon Vale

I really, really enjoyed this contest last year and had great hopes for it. I’m so indebted to it for having been inspired to craft some unique poems. It gave me pause to wonder about my approach to constructed words.

What I especially appreciate is the easy to consume theme with prompts that created fuel for this writer’s fire. It’s fun and uncluttered with the additional awards adding to community merit. I got to see what approaches other writers took. I gained a lot.

I wish more people were passionate about operating their contests and doing to give members something fun and challenging. Further, enjoying new found relationships with folks we don’t normally commute with in this community. I’ll be full in still, but results hit a wall in September.

The contest is still breathing. I still check in from time to time. I’ve lost the incentive to continue, though. There are so many things that divide my attention. A phenomenon happened even with Schnujo’s contest late last year and starting with Sharmelle’s project earlier in the year, no results were offered anymore. Choconut all but gave up on her endeavors but one or two contests. I miss her other activities. I’ve had to steer away from more. Fruitless, not enough time to devote. Been tinkering around with my own activities here, too.

I put the time and effort where it pleases me most and that is posting in my blog or newsfeed and doing activities that are rewarding. If there wasn’t a three digit number behind my name, I wouldn’t be thinking about community recognition when I write. But since it’s drying up, I prioritize and save most of my writing time for me, and created my own contest "The Red Wheelbarrow Activity Forum"  connected to a group "Wheelbarrow Poetry Group (Be A Member)"  that awards participants with my own group badge. If I get enough interest, I’ll create a ribbon.

I think it’s the love of unique contests that inspire me, sad when they seem at the wayside, or take too much time and effort. Or, hack! Too many rules to stump or disqualify…and unnecessarily. If I could have reopened and fully operable, it would be two poetry contests like this one and Choco’s Taboo Words. These are contests that force writers to create more imaginatively, constructive, out of comfort zones and ge daring. Like learning something new.

I wish you continued success and fully want to shout out a great contest that I’d like to see thrive, fully rewarding for owner and its poet occupants.

Cheers!

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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Review of Unfinished  
Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
My review of
Unfinished
By Ann Pond

I noticed this poem starts out in a free verse style. That’s not unlike an attempt by William Carlos Williams, to put emphasis on a word by breaking it between two lines as he did with wheel barrow, here you have broken apart cliff hanger. Your poem goes into a form of listing, ‘hanger, hangman, hanger on”, which begins a flow that is giving a lyrical field as you dance back-and-forth with words using some alliteration in a very poetically dance, first verse construction.

This one ends with a cliff
hanger, hangman, hang on
to your guts; get a grip
don’t slip on your expectations

execution by hanging scene, interesting narrative approach, becomes a game of preparing the mind for death and to accept rather than 'slip' on expectations. A word I would suspect important to growing theme.

False floor, word traveling
Cut short, unraveling

False floor understood. Word traveling, I can suspect that it's about news of the execution, but cut short, needs more information…and intrigued by 'unraveling', because control that is suggested in stanza one might be slipping in the unraveling here.

Meet me where the ground
bends, make friends with thin air
How dare you rest in peace
Wrapped in sheets of certainty

Here I have a definite feeling of criticizing someone resting on their laurels, not I open to constructive thought, new information. It’s like a risk they take, a public execution, if they don’t heed poem of warning.

Dead air, breath holding
Two pair, cards folding

Now they're playing your favorite
hue, out-of-the blues
Thirteen past lives, pending
Seems we've lost the ending

These lines give me pause to consider. I think of poker, placing bets. But, it’s more about how often they’ve double down, deeper in debt. If this were playing with debt, a gambler with a big problem. But, not making much more out of it.

Missing, credits wanted
Wishing, surely haunted

Tale is out of order; chords all
unresolved and diminished
Your silence is my business
This poem will remain

Well, they’re at the end it just reminds me of writers, who don’t heed advice on how to improve. It shows that the efforts are limited, lacking in the opinion of the voice.

Lyrical, rhythmic without heavy rhyming and use of assonance makes the words and thoughts sway, almost bittersweet, as if holding onto that moment, make it life affirming, a moment.

I love experimental. We should all try to carry poetry forward with new visions, ideas that can capture others, keeping this form of poetic literature from dying off.

Tying theme and metaphors with these images can help the outsider peer into the mind of the narrative, think about that voice, grasp a feeling from images portrayed, lock in on a turn of a phrase/use of integral words, something implied that a reader interprets, might be able to infer, hopefully correct.

We look early for that topic/theme to set this up, the setting is important to open, and clear, an execution. Reading further, I attempt to see if this straightforward if the poet takes liberties and license with metaphor, expression or go beyond to the allegoric. Any or all can be employed together.

Ultimately, we have an emotional speaker, narrating moments of reality and the internalization of the condition, situation. It's an attempt to grab a listener, as a good poem should do. It should get us to feel something, and it does. I think whether it is a good spirit going to death, or a person who feels trapped in life just the same, it resonates. It makes me connect and want to understand the motivations behind the shared feelings. As a reader, I clue hunt. And as a reviewer, I cannot just read once or twice. I analyze text and word usage after the initial read through. After picking up what I can, I read through again, hopefully with deeper understanding. Then comes the reviewing. I break down each stanza, section of a piece and type down my comments or reactions at this point. When I get through all of that, I consider the poem, my notes and start to write a review that feels cohesive, comprehensive. I take some time away, return and look at the poem with fresh eyes. I look at what I've written. I edit my review and hope that I can give the best take aways, suggestions and praise I can impart.

EMPLOY?

The structure is important, but I always allow for poetic license, meaning that sometimes the message is more important than the structure. But a poem is inhibited if structure is too far off base …but not here.

Word choice is important. Some poems used a word that seem out of place. This poem is fluid abd cohesive with the right words in nuance, if not in actual definition. Sometimes the right word in the right place is a zinger, really powerful.

Imagery. Some poems capture an image so effectively – you can see the image. Some poems miss in that the image or message is lost in vague and ambiguous wording and imagery. They seem to try too hard to be flowery or emotional and the message is unclear. Clarity is essential. That indeed was the case here. No words minced.

Emotion. Poetry, in any form, has to capture an emotion and transfer that feeling to the reader. Some poetic emotion is in the category of sadness – loss, loneliness, abandonment, insult, being ostracized. Happiness – love, acceptance, success, accomplishment. The thing about this, more so than other forms of poetry, is that the form can capture a wide range of emotions. You’ve done well to capture this reader.

It was a benefit to read and lend feedback in my growth as writer abd reviewer,

Thank You

Brian
Super Power reviewer
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!

I’m a legally blind writer with limited resources doing the best I can. Hope this was helpful.


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Review of Buttercup  
Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Green Valley

I’ve been intrigued by this poetry form for some time. Like to dabble a bit in it. With "Buttercup" , I’m trying to wrap my head around that final line in relation to the vision of a dewy buttercup.

The structure is important, but I always allow for poetic license, meaning that sometimes the message is more important than the structure. But a poem can be eliminated if the structure is too far off base ... I really like what’s revealed.

Word choice is important. Some poems use a word that seem beyond the scope of the writer and was not quite the right word in nuance, if not in actual definition. Sometimes the right word in the right place is a zinger, really powerful. You have visual, melodious chemistry at work in scene, narrative connecting with nature.

Imagery. Some poems capture an image so effectively – you can see the image. Some poems miss in that the image or message is lost in vague and ambiguous wording and imagery. They seem to try too hard to be flowery or emotional and the message is unclear. Clarity is essential. I visualize with emotion that first word, ‘sunlight’ as the buttercup. Original and strikes the soul with emotion, love of self, nature, as one.

Emotion. Poetry, in any form, has to capture an emotion and transfer that feeling to the reader. Some poetic emotion is in the category of sadness – loss, loneliness, abandonment, insult, being ostracized. Happiness – love, acceptance, success, accomplishment. The thing about this, more so than other forms of poetry, is that the form can capture a wide range of emotions. You find a little object that can command heart and soul. ‘Tiny, golden cup of dew’. I can imagine a fresh, wet scene, early, misty, cool, serene, quiet, alone to have a lightening bolt of discovery strike the last inquisitive thought in summation…

Beauty or a beast? surely, not the little buttercup. It’s a lightening rod in one’s hand, perhaps connecting to emotion not displayed in this narrator. Do we question love, simplicity as deceitful or complex? Do we wind up in love, happily ever after? It’s a hard one to swallow. The poet knows full well. I couldn’t translate.

It was a pleasure to read and lend feedback on your eloquent short poem.


Kindest regards,

Brian C.
Super Power Reviewers
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Duisclaimer: I’m legally blind and tapped and talked to my iPad to fill review. Hope it makes sense.


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Review of A love haiku  
Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Dear Shinzo:

It is my pleasure to have come across this offering of poem. I am always starving for new information for my eyes so my soul can perceive it through other’s word depictions. "A love haiku"  caught my eye because of the title. Also, an interesting description line, as I am always interested in getting inside the minds and hearts of poets.

The words are direct, and make a statement while using some of the more questionnaire forms of depiction, such as “the flame of new love“ and “burn spritely“, as common greeting card language sold to sentimental readers, who want to show affection for another. The narrative of this poem is not directed at anyone in particular, but the audience. It serves as a parable with no demonstrable action of experience that provokes these words.

It closer look at the haiku Gives me pause. It begs me to ask. How would you take this, paraphrase this, use active verbs and imagery in the language that is fresh and appeals to readers. I could go line by line because it is short. Let’s see what is under the hood of this Vehicle.


The flame of new love,

Right here begins an honest poem that goes right to the point and does it means words. However, the Haikus is a short form that needs to draw something from life, as with nature. And romance is closely tied to nature. Flame suggests nature and is used as a comparative. It might suggest a flame in one’s soul or heart.

burns brightly in the dark night,

Here we take the first line and demonstrate what the flame of new love does in a dark night. However, this is common evidence, and does not speak to a singular situation, to an individual, or shine the light, if you will on a new way for our eyes to feed on this feeling use captured in phrase.

flickers but doesn't go out.

A haiku’s ending serves as a summation of the first two sentences to add moral to the story? This is an opportunity to intone message. And that would be? The feelings presented in the first two lines need summation. And I think a reader would question why it “flickers” or why it doesn’t go out, this flame, the birds brightly in the dark night.

Taking it all in, and putting it together, the dark night suggests a life that needs rescuing…from loneliness, lack of true companionship. The flame of new love is like inspiration, as love gives hope. And if this one is young enough, and pardon, naïve enough, they seek their happy ending. This poem does not punctuate ending, but leaves us hanging to wonder what next. this should be a short depiction of life with conclusion.

I would suggest a re-draft, but it’s not really necessary. This poem paves away for the writer to keep considering and growing and boiling this information down to it essentials like gold nuggets of information that readers come to see and experience. Many more will be written, if so inspired. I always use a thesaurus in this situation, sometimes go to origins of words, especially the ones that are central to theme. that way, I can avoid the cliché and find something deeper, and richer on the inside to build around, theme.

There is more to the writer, than there is to this poem. that way, I can avoid the cliché and find something deeper, and richer on the inside. There is more to the writer than there is to this poem. Thank you for sharing this haiku with us in the writing.com community. It was a pleasure to consider inland feedback.

Brian

Super power reviewer
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Review of What We Fight For  
Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Dear Jeremy ,

I found "What We Fight For"  to be an intelligent, insightful and/or well researched short story that hits on themes of current events, war and the psychological struggle of soldiers who wrestle with morals over obligation to serve and protect.

What I find is a vignette, a scene, where we are quickly introduced to two characters with circumstances and motivations that pit them against one another, when in another life, they could be like brothers. A heavy realization. This is the important message of your story.

It reminds me of the World War 1 Christmas truce when British and German soldiers had friendly interactions to play soccer, exchange gifts, and sing carols before fighting resumed. It seems so human to think we can have feelings for our enemies and that is hard to put aside in the field, because it could get oneself killed.

Let me self-correct for a moment and acknowledge this is a Chapter One piece for the prompt driven contest. I think it was well used and placed here. Now, getting back to my reaction, considering this Chapter first and then projecting notions of where I feel this story could go, as any reader might start imagining when they invest time to read fiction.

I love a good stand off. The dialogue was great and the motivations were clearly stated. Loved the depictions and how well described this location is offered. You could do even more over time to add some suspense to this. Get a real feel for Olek being pinned down, his internal concerns for rescue from this sniper. What's great is how his enemy delivers strong, punchy dialogue that psychologically attempts to get the upper hand on his adversary. I know quite about the psychological interplay among men when they have no cards and manage to bluff a lesser player. This exceptionally interesting and something that would the groundwork/basis for the novel.

You have characters developing between the three Ukrainians. What I missed was an introduction to Petro in that chapter. What might also build these characters is little idiosyncracies, habits, how they present themselves going forward to give the reader a sense of their personality types. I see Olek as someone about to go through a moral battle of protecting his country from Russians. He has a heart and he is the passive hero at this point who might shy away from conflict until he's under pressure cooker circumstances. Maybe, picking up psychological knowledge will make him a better man than his comrades.

Vitaliy or Vitally (one spelled different?) is the good buddy, sidekick, who has less remorse. He will be an interesting person to develop, as he is Olek's confidant during the processm, the one who can hide any secrets of his uncertanties while developing as a man. Petro, who needs more definition, just strolled into that scene and took over. Needed to get a feel of their entrances, but especially Petro's motivations. Clear to this point, but he has the potential to be sociopathic or psychopathetic. People like him are not far from those who could have loved war so much, they enjoyed killing civilians or ethnic cleansing. You wouldn't have to got that far with him. I think he should be just psycho enough that they wonder why they follow him before understanding why he so vigorously fights for his country. Great opportunity for more scenes between these characters and more what they fight for.

I don't know conditions with the war now, but it is certainly not good when a lot of buildings, good resouces and families are destroyed. You can take this anywhere. You could have other chapters focus on other characters who are trying through other venues to either survive or combat the war on homefronts, outside the country from supplying arms to financial support and other gifts of love.

Oh, Pizda was great. Need more of that type of flavor to capture this, otherwise feeling like an American soldier because of English language. But, not bad because for English readers, easier for us to relate.

Thoroughly impressed and find this has great possibilities. I could nitpick a little about tiny passages in the text. But, this speaks to the author's style. I don't think anyone would question what you attempt to convey here. Good work!

Brian
SuperPower Reviewer
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I apologize for any gaffes in my review, working with limited eyesight and a clunky computer. Not a good combo. Hope the feedback helps.


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Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear LegendaryMask❤️

I’m happy to have had your participation in "The Red Wheelbarrow Activity Forum" , with "A Penguins Love Forever More" . This is so awesome, endearingly sweet!

I'm drawn to the narration, from the POV of the recipient of the object of Penguin affection. Especially enjoyed the moment the male stops and she notes the visual/emotional connection the two have. This was especially sweet. Here is the unveiled hope that drives emotions of a reader to root and wonder outcome, and to see his motivation, the search for her perfect approval.

Visually depicted well. There is such a wonderful story in this effort. Your words are warm and comfortable and carefully chosen to portray such endearing sweetness.

I'm so pleased to have your offering in the contest. I loved it's penguin pluckiness! The embodiment of what I hoped would be achieved with entries like yours. All very strong poetic offerings in activity. Thank you again,


Brian
Super Power Reviewer
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
image on share

low vision causes me to struggle with reviewing. hope you'll accept my apologies.


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