It's been quite a while since I've seen anything this silly posted, which still managed to uphold a mysterious feel to it, until the involuntary burst of laughter ensued... There's something about your writing, that may not delight every reader plot-wise, but the writing's really good... I suggest you keep at this, and post more... and do let me know if you want me to review any more of your work... good work, and lots of luck...
Loved it... Although, I must say I was rather dissapointed when I saw no plot whatsoever in this little piece, given the kind of intricate detail with which you were able to describe emotive thoughts all of us probably have at some point... Try to weave some fictional thread around your narrative, which is nothing short of amazing in my view - once you start with a simple plot, trust me, your narrative style will get even better, because it then moves on to commenting on more things rather than just the mid-set of the character... post more stuff, and lots of luck on your upcoming projects, I hope there are Upcoming projects... good work...
i liked the situation you picked out a lot... Although, this piece almost falls flat, simply because it's too short... This may be the wrong advice, but I personally thought this little piece would work a whole lot better as a narrative short-story... It's upto you to work on that, either way, and yeah, this was not a bad idea At All... lots of luck for the rest of your work...
This was brilliant... But, as this was an article, I urge you to add more to it. You've got into the idea of the things that surround writers, and what writers have to deal with pretty aptly, now try describing the writing process, since this is a How-to/Advice article... And I genuinely hope you've got more of your stuff to publish...
I did think there was a lot of promise to how your poemm started, it did have a cynical twinge about it in the first paragraph... And then, it fell hopelessly... I do agree with the idea, and I do agree with the idea that society is sick, and therefore, doing the opposite might be a better alternative... I really do think this poem could be made a whole lote better if you took out the second paragraph, and added something which makes people think - much like the first paragraph very likely succeeded in doing... good luck...
Loved it... the entire conversation was essential in forming the pulse and flow of the whole piece... I haven't checked the rest of your stuff yet, but I'm sure gonna... Although, looking at the titles of your work, it all seems to be metaphysical or atheist stuff? I really wish you'd try your hand at Social Satire... good work, and lots of luck...
I enjoyed the inner rhythm of this little poem... I so wish you had made this longer though, and not paid so much attention to rhying patterns, this could've been a lot better... However, it really was a tough subject - monotonous life - to write a poem on... good effort...
I really must commend you on the sheer amount of detail you managed to squeeze into this piece of writing... Having said that, I do so wish there was an ounce of an inkling of a plot, somewhere in the middle of all this detail... Good effort, nevertheless...
I must admit I had reservations when I started reading this piece, but it just got better and better... I loved the way you included the fantasy angles to this, without breaking off the narrative, or seeming like an abrupt change at any point... I think you're good at coming up with simple, yet shocking twists, so keep doinf that... good work...
This was very well-written... I haven't read the rest of your stuff yet, but I think you're right about writing screenplays... You made the piece both detailed and interestng, along with a lucid flow to it... Not to mention - the dialogues are appropriately placed, and aren't overdone for a melodramatic subject... good work...
For the topic, the descriptive narrative was sufficinetly disturbing... Although, you could've added more accounts of torture and fear, to make this a tad bit more engrossing... But the idea that you kept the mother sleep throughout the narrative was a brilliant move, it increases the tension in reader, much like the characters in the plot... well written...
Personally, I loved the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs... But I do think you need to put more details in explaining the world in the dream, likewise for explaining the girl... I'm assuming what you're trying to achieve is a contrast between the two, You need more details to make this contrast more stark, and striking... This is just a suggestion though, it's upto you... Good work...
The poetry isn't as bad you claim it is... For one thing, not sticking to a rhyming pattern does give an author more freedom in expressing an idea, instead of being tied down to the constraints of rhyming. Here's an idea though, connect all of these individual ideas together, and weave them into one story. All you have to do, is write plot lines that fill in the blanks between each individual idea. Just a thought, lots of luck for writing further... Just work on whatever you're good at, as feverishly as possible; and I'm glad to say this isn't BAD poetry...
Even though there isn't much written here to judge, the idea is excellent, and shows a lot of promise. I suggest you write and post your stuff as soon as you can, to begin with, I can't wait to read the rest of your stuff... Although, I do wish you would elaborate this piece too, seems a waste since it started so well... good luck...
It reads very much like a blissful, surreal walking about, in the midst of something chaotic. you've put this idea across very well, do post more stuff... And try to write longer passages, your narration is almost like someone describing a dream sequence...
I've looked at a few other poems of yours as well, and I have to say your Ideas do have the potential for being really expressive. But, for some reason, I don'y find your writing as expressive as your ideas, perhaps it's because both the length of the sentences and the poems are too short, to lend life enough to your ideas... There's a lot of potential for elaborating the underlying emotions in your material, so do elaborate... lots of luck
You might not have the best material ever, but it's very evident from this piece, that you have the makings of a good writer... Very often, professional writers can come up with good plots, but they can't always give the reader the "feel" of the situation described in the writing. You could. Wheter this is because you were going through what you called the "fed-up" stage or not, is irrelevant. It's the fact that in the 5 minutes it took me to read this, I could imagine the situation vividly.
For a starting piece, count this as a personal truimph... good luck with your writing, and I sincerely hope to see more...
Terribly sad, not too bad... This would've been more impressive if you'd gone all-out on despair with this... If you're thinking this is a negative review, it isn't, but this is a negative topic, so if you had written more into this, this would've turned into one of those sombre dramas, which talks about Loss and Longing...
This's a great effort for a first timer though, post more.... good luck...
I must say, the images you manage to conjure up with your writing are dazzlingly detailed... Having said that, what's missing is a detailed plot, so even if you think you're not able to create a good story, do try... your language is considerably dreamy as it is, all you have to do is dream further and chance upon a simple story... not bad at all...
I admire the sentiment behind this piece, and I've enjoyed your writing style immensely. I sincerely hope this piece was, at the least, partly autobiographical, because I'm honestly looking forward to your first major piece of work... good work, and lots of luck...
I'm surprised this is your first short-story. If that's really true, this is excellent work... You managed to keep the suspense worked up sufficiently till the very end... keep writing, and lots of luck with your future work...
Interesting intro... although. this story loses the mystery, unless details are added to this... I suggest you start working on this, and publish the finished story asap... good luck...
There's a chance that this could work as both as a philosophical and dystopian novel.
Do add details about the social inequalities between the different classes, explain how this change in social structure came about...
Use your final paragraph, or the idealogical points mentioned in it, to construct the character's philosophical stand-point...
Hope this helped, lots of luck...
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