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893 Public Reviews Given
894 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Not sure I have a style....I learn as much from you as you from me. I will point our typos, grammatical things if I see them. I love poetry and when it comes to stories, please nothing "dark"....not my thing.
I'm good at...
I will find typos, incomplete thought (unless I believe it is conducive to the poetry structure).
Favorite Genres
Romance, personal, periodicals with history, comical, stories about true life, children, animals
Least Favorite Genres
Dark, morbid, Sci-fi
I will not review...
Dark, morbid stories
Public Reviews
Previous ... 2 3 4 5 -6- 7 8 9 10 11 ... Next
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126
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there, I thought I would give your story a review. Here we go:

I like the story and the detail of friendship that you have described. You have put your heart and soul into it and it comes through well. I see a few grammatical errors that I have pointed out below:

1. You can either say ... utterly captivated me but grammatically speaking you cannot say, orbs were utterly captivated me. The word "were" is not needed and doesn't sound correct. The word were is past tense, so it is not needed. If you were to speak of it in past tense then you would say, "... were utterly captivating.

2. In this sentence, "...assumed she would have been arrogant and looked down on us since she always had an air of superiority around her..." To say she would have been arrogant and looked down on us...does not sound appropriate. It should read, "...looked down on me." She is doing the looking and cannot look down on herself and you.

3. For this sentence: Her slender fingers would run down my back as she patted me gingerly on the back. If fingers are running down the back...who or what is "patting"? The two actions don't seem to go together, at least in my opinion. You would not pat and run fingers down the back at the same time? Maybe just me!

I find that writing is a combination of what we feel and what we have learned and we learn partly from what we do and say and, of course, what we read. If you are serious about writing, I suggest you read as much as you can. It will help you in organizing your thoughts and putting your word down.

If wish you the best in all that you do. This is an excellent site to learn from; keep it up!

Seabreeze
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127
Review of Run  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well done. It frighten me though as this morning I was looking at the damage in Nebraska from the flooding and your poem brought that back; people holding on to each other, running for their lives.
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128
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, just to let you know, you pics are not coming through.

Seabreeze
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129
Review of Turning Point  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Very nice; I love the Sestina format and have written a couple myself (The Red Rose). It is fun
and relativity easy to so. Thanks for sharing.

Seabreeze
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130
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I loved this! Vitamin F probably better than any of the other vitamins....I am sure they dissolve better into our bodies and our souls!

great post,

Seabreeze
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Review of If I  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this poem; the sound that comes from it as the meter of the poem has a nice ring. The subject matter tells me of a strong love and many can relate to that!

Very nice indeed,

Seabreeze
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Review of My Journal #2  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Yes, I so agree with you Blue. What get to me is that so yell tolerance. I believe in tolerance when that is really what is being identified. But many who yell tolerance wants it one sided. And, as you point out, if one wears their burka than another should be able to wear what they want. After all it is clothing. Societies have put too much emphases on symbols, etc., to the point that some have idolized them. Idols can come in many sizes and shapes. Some idolize their own opinions (far left) that they can even "tolerate" another's opinion. It is ridiculous!

Left rules, more respect for each other is what we need. All ideas you be heard and then we make our own decisions. That is freedom of choice.

Thanks again, Blue, for your post,

Seabreeze
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133
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
So beautiful! I have never seen a butterfly with blue and black; only the monarch of gold and black. Truly a lovely poem and thank you for your trinket I collected.


Seabreeze
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Review of The Woman in Navy  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Interesting and very grabbing story. Looking at the picture, and also some of the description in the story, I figure it is placed in the 1930s? I like the suspense that is in the story and where it might take me.

The wrap up is a little weak for me. Why? Well, Luke is ferocious and then he also had a detective on her heels and then the knock. Luke has taken a quick turn-a-round and has previously summons a preacher to marry them? It seems too quick in the story. I would think something is missing between...or just extend the story a little more.

I think this story could be more than short? A novel?

Even as a short, I, as a reader, would like more dialogue and then the summons for a preacher.

Thanks for letting me say my piece.

Seabreeze
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Review of Lonely  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
Lonely, I think we all have been there at one time or another. But your poem tells of the
heart ache that it causes. I am a senior who lost her husband and even though my son lives upstairs and I have the basement, I am lonely for companionship of my own age and interest.

You point out the reasons which are very clear and I take a moment and remember when it was different for me. I see you wrote this in 2005 so I hope things have changed for you.

Nice writing,

Seabreeze
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Review of Desert Interlude  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
A very nice poem and I could place myself in a desert setting remembering some
of the wonderful points about her that you so well described.

I think you did a wonderful jobs using the words to bring out her beauty.

Seabreeze
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137
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really like your One Foot in My Box. It has a smooth tone, fun to read but I only
had one problem reading the last line; it seem a little cumbersome, I think because
the misplaced explanation mark look like an I to be and I tried to read it that way.

It is cute, and as a senior I beginning to relate!

Seabreeze
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Review of Chicken Donny  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
Love it! Funny, or not so funny, but that is kind of how I have felt lately
with the news...it leaves me feeling scattered!

Excellent play with words on the political scene as it is occurring now.

Seabreeze
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139
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This looks and present well for a plan on how to get the best detail our of your writings; I think it is great. However, it seems very detailed; could you do it on a regular basis. I mean, would?

On your #3, you talk of weeding out. Yes, going through and just lining through the excess. But,
in your #1, you had way to much adjectives, adverts...don't you think. So one wants to write with feeling and make a picture for reading to see what is going on, but not so woody that one chokes getting through the sentence. I am not sure how to really describe what I mean and it is ONLY my opinion. I write poetry and have very little in story form. But to make it workable, like an outline, maybe it needs to be more simplified?

Seabreeze
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Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an excellent piece on racism. I am 73 and was born in Calif. My mom and dad were both from the mid west. My dad, for most of his life, was self employed. He spoke of blacks when I was young but never in a condescending way. He spoke of the Irish, which I have a lot ( maiden name is Smiley). Dad spoke of Mexicans and Indians (we had a reservation near us) dad spoke in these terms when identifying someone. I never heard him call them derogatory names as we hear today. He worked with all kinds of people, had business where they worked for him and when he spoke about those less desirable, it was because they were lazy, drank, spoke bad of others on the job. My dad and mom were not racist. Later on in years I was surprised that they were not. I thought white folks from mid-west were, from things I read. I am not be caused of how I was raised.

Today I still do not understand the hatred of it all. I have had great relationships with various kinds of folks of various kinds of color. I wish we could say never use the word to describe each but I don't think we will see that day until our lovely Father comes to take us to His kingdom.

Religion, and I am not speaking of each individuals belief, has caused a lot of the hatred. I am a Christian but currently do not attend any particular Church. However, I have done a tremendous amount of study and have seen the ills of the Cathlotic church has done over the centuries. Most of their leaders still speak porely of the Jews. Religion is man's creation and yes, some are true to the Father, but many are so mis guided. Many really don't teach the true Word or not some of the most important verses.

I don't think racism will ever go away on this planet because of the evils of man.

I wish I could give you a hug and let you know that I care. I pray for peace but the Bible tells us of the evils of man since the fall in the garden.

Do continue to write, I will continue to read.

It is all about being educated to what our Lord is and wants for all of us...love each other as we will love ourselves and how we love our Lord!

Seabreeze
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Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
It is a cute poem and very appropriate for this winter time. Survivalists they certainly are; I could take a few lessons from them, ha, ha.

Seabreeze
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Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
Made comments but not sure they saved
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Review of Magic Marbles  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nicely done. I can see why you won. Congratulations. I enjoyed
the story and made me think of my collection of marbles.

Thanks,

Seabreeze
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Review of Every Day  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Wow, if that is showing love, spare me! That's to ruff. So, excuse me but maybe
that is to be a sarcastic type of description?

I like the poem, a you have a way with words; very descriptive. I just not sure
of the title?

I like: Folded like origami in the hiding place
I rise, pleading quivering hands before me
His cool fingertips grasping and tugging


Definitely dark, thriller and suspense,

Seabreeze
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145
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi G.B. Williams,

Love your piece on Why Waste Time Worrying. I too struggle to overcome. I believe there
is a fine line between worry and procrastination. I believe one has to separate worry from
concern; you have to be concerned, involved or one could slip into doing the "nothings" as I
like to call it. My dear beloved deceased husband was the procrastinator; I was the worry wart What a combo!

Your writing hit home though; in fact the third line really hit home. You are so right; we need to spend more time doing what we can (and most often know we can, but don't want to) and if we did
all those things we probably would not have much time to worry about those items we should not
worry about. (outside of many illness)

Worry is a sin, and we commit enough of those to not add to the list. Prayer is so helpful and when I pray I feel I have done as much as possible. Analyzing our personal situation, doing what we can, prayer...what more can our Creator expect?

Thank you so much for this article; enjoyed it,

Seabreeze
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Review of Vocabulary  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nice poem; love Vocabulary. Reminded me of my husband who has since passed; he loves to
read the dictionary.

Love words, love word games. So I say, the more the merrier! When I saw the title and
it drew me in to read, I thought maybe there would be anomalous or convoluted type words. That would have been my husband. In poetry or fun verse, we should be able to use what pleases us, don't you think. If, however, we want to clearly communicate something, the simpler the word the better, I believe.

Thanks for the entertainment!

Seabreeze
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Review of Naked Mummy Beer  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Wild! Love the image! Did you actually make or see such a beer? Pumpkin?

Seabreeze
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Review of The Lonesome Body  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hi, I am back for another look at your writing.

I like this one; it has a lot of suspense! I only found a couple of areas in question.

In the fourth paragraph, you stated: It was looked normal, This comment does not make sense.
Maybe the word "was" does not belong? And the second one I had trouble with,

It walked to the gun. What walked to the gun???

Other than that, exciting story,

Seabreeze
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Review by Seabreeze
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
You have the makings of a interesting and mysterious story. In reading, I found a few
gaps where I was not sure what you were referring to. Also, a typo in one area... it's spear. It's is a contraction of it is or it has and would not fit. Just use its.

In the first paragraph I assume you are saying, "...she couldn't get him out of her head and
couldn't get the room out of her head?" This is confusing to me?

In the third paragraph, "Blood in the form of the words 'We're there'. 'Just open the door' her wet mascara filled tears twisted into." This to me is cumbersome. What are you saying here?

Also, if the window was at ground level, she could get out easily. Was it? Since she broke the door or broke down the door and fell through, crashing onto the ground, sounds like she was on a first floor level and could easily get out via the window. Can you see where this is confusing to the reader?

The last line, what was she to believe she could? Could what? This is not clear.

I hope this has been helpful for you. I like the mystery of this story and would like to
see you take it even further.

Best to you and your writing.

Seabreeze
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Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your piece, The Just...is very descriptive of current time for sure. The first three
lines tells so much of the brokenness of our country. Excellent choice of words
to describe all that is going on and a picture of what most perceive is happening. Ever
reader has their favorite words and mine, here, are:

As they fold blindly and aimlessly
Towards every wayward,
Unison, frothy discourse.

The discourse that we see daily is so sad. You mention the protests. Yes, they
are there but are they realistic in nature? I have only two years of junior
college on me and I cringe when I hear an interview from a college student
who many do not even know who their Vice President is. So, do most of these
"protesters really understand the severity of the situation?

Enough of me, I loved it and it is an excellent piece of writing.

Seabreeze
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