My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Keith contemplates life...and death.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the voice, strong, yet heartbreaking, filled with a longing that might never be filled.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by Keith. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's no dialogue. The item reads as an inner monologue.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's a lot of raw, emotional description.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: unknown
This is something that is not defined, but could be clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Keither
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He lives with conflict everyday.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The opening engages the reader. The piece open, honest, and candid. It connects on an emotional level. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Harry sits alone on a bench, contemplating death.
WHAT I LIKED
I think we're all a little like Harry. He was a character that warmed my heart. We all struggle with life and where it takes us.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Harry. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue accents the narration.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I liked the fall/autumn setting and the opening paints a solid setting in the reader's eyes, but I might suggest tapping into the five senses, especially smell. That would bring the reader into the scene. What does it smell like? Does death have a smell? decaying leaves? Does hope have a smell? Apples on a tree?
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: a park
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Harry
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He wants to be alone as he examines the news he received from the doctor.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/puncutation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. The story uses the prompt to touch on emotion well. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Nathan works for Big Pharma and might have made a big breakthrough when it comes to finding immortal hormones.
WHAT I LIKED
Good, solid story telling.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Nathan. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Good use of dialogue tags.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. And I'm being kinda nit picky here -- I'd love to see the five senses, especially smell, used as description in this story. What does Liliana smell like? Draw me in a bit futher as a reader.
SETTING
TIME: modern day or near future
PLACE: San Fernando Valley.
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Nathan
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He wants to celebrate his discovery, but he doesn't realize how dangerous his discovery is.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. You use exclaimation points a lot which makes the story feel a little melodramaic.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Good use of the prompt as inspiration for the story. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
It's Cywedir's turn to supervise the hearth.
WHAT I LIKED
I loved the spin on this story as inspired by the prompt. Very creative. The characterization was spot on!
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately. I might suggest more definated line breaks when switching between characters narration.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.
FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "I am dying of hunger," muttered Leroy B. Alphonse, the head banker of the Fiduciary Trust Amalgameted Bank.
MY SUGGESTION: "I am dying of hunger," said Leroy B. Alphonse. He was the head banker of the Fiduciary Trust Amalgamented Bank.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "Did I add too much oregano? I don't remember adding that much. Licking her thumb that caught a dripping bit of a garlic buttered bread, she grimaced."
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: dinner party
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Lettica and Cywdir
There's enough here to understand their motivations. They both want to be successes in what they do.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to make the story easy to read.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Loved the ending. Glad to see Cywdir helped in the end! Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Dinner guests who dont know each other gather for a meal.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the ending. Well done.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue accents the narration. If anything, I would suggest putting the dialogue in a seperate paragraph so it's easier to read.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might touch on the sense of smell as the dinner keeps getting bigger and bigger.
SETTING
TIME: modern day?
PLACE: urban setting?
This is something that is not defined but could be clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
The Butler and last guest
I didn't quite understand their motivations. Maybe they were vampires?
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. I might touch on some motivations. Especially on the guests. Why would they show up to a dinner party when they didn't know the host or each other? The strength of the ending bumps this story up to a 4. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
It's time for the annual Bardtown's celebrations and the townsfolk are opening the time capsule and when they do, a big secret is revealed.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the reaction of the townspeople to the big reveal.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person omniscent. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue drives the story.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scene.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: Bardstown
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Kevin Wyatt David Crane Bard V.
Five ponders his good luck - or, maybe not so good luck.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The opening engages the reader. I thought the vignette had a good flow. Good use of WDC ML made it easy to read on the eyes. I would have liked to have seen more of a birth mother connection to the town, but there was plenty of drama to pass around. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
It's time for the annual Bardtown's celebrations and the townsfolk are opening the time capsule. When they do, a big secret is revealed.
WHAT I LIKED
I loved the ending. Definitely a shock!
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by the librarian. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
The dialogue accents the narration.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scene.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: Bardstown
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
The Librarian
The contents of the letter prove too shocking to Mayor Writon.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. If anything I might suggest spacing paragraphs to make it easier on the eyes at WDC.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The opening engages the reader by summing up the prompt. I liked how the ending had a solid connection the characters of Bardstown. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. I am reviewing this poem for the Angel Army Review Challenge SEP 2020.
THE POEM
The poem tells a story of a woman visiting a palm reader.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the word play; it made me pause and read a bit deeper.
STRUCTURE
This is free form poem.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read.
DESCRIPTIONS
I liked: "if love could be fire-retardant like my flannel pajamas"
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Nice expression. For me, on the first read, the poem is fun, but on the second read, I saw a deeper meaning, especially in the last stanza with the cozy pajama hiding a deeper emotion underneath.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. I am reviewing this poem for the Angel Army Review Challenge SEP 2020.
THE POEM
The poem told the story of Christmas and the visit of the three wise men.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the story the poem told. It was upbeat and full of hope.
STRUCTURE
This is free form poem. There was an AABB rythme scheme.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read. Good use of WDC ML using red and green colors to give the poem an accented feel of Christmas.
DESCRIPTIONS
I liked: "the child lay nestled in a bed of straw.." Nice visual here.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Great expression. A heartwarming poem. I have no suggestions for improvement.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. I am reviewing this item for the Angel Army Review Challenge SEP 2020.
THE POEM
The poem takes a look at a tree and changes they must endure.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the word play; it deepened the expression of the poem. There was a rhythmic flow that I experienced when I read the poem. I liked how "If I was a tree" was repeated.
STRUCTURE
This is free form poem. There were some strategic rhymes, but no set patterns.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read. The punctuation accents the flow of the poem.
DESCRIPTIONS
I liked: "if I were a tree, fear should not be
losing my leaves, being seen to my core." Nice visual here.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I like how the poem challenges the reader to think about nature around them.. I have no suggestions for improvement. Great expression.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. I am reviewing this poem for the Angel Army Challenge SEP 2020.
THE POEM
The poem is about a snow/winter queen who rules over a barren land.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the poem framed the life of the queen.
STRUCTURE
This is free form poem with no specific rythme scheme, but there are rythmes.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read.
DESCRIPTIONS
I liked: "the dusty field, the muddy road, that garden had once been hoed." It paints a vivid scene in my mind as a reader.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Nice expression. I like the poem challenges the reader to think about the life the snow/winter queen led and fill in the blanks. I have no suggestions for improvement.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. I am reviewing this poem for the Angel Army Challenge SEP 2020.
THE POEM
The poem takes a heartbreaking look at how Alzheimer's effects the person who has it, and the caregiver.
WHAT I LIKED
Another solid poem that tells a story. Good emotional expression.
STRUCTURE
This is free form poem with an BB rythme scheme. I liked the rythmic flow of the stanzas.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read.
DESCRIPTIONS
I liked the stanza: "No longer you remember..." as it paints a visual picture as to how Alzhiemers robs one of memories.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Nice word play. The poem evokes emotion in an effortless way. I have no suggestions for improvement.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. I am reviewing this poem for the Angel Army Newbie Challenge SEP 2020.
THE ESSAY
The essay makes the arugment that women should consider and enter more technological fields.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the author suggested that men should mentor/teach women in the field. For me, I think it's a win/win in that it brings people together to build mutual respect.
POWER OF ARUGMENT
I would suggest using specific examples to add to the power of the arugment. I searched for "women in a tech field personal stories" and I found a bunch of personal stories that would resonate with readers.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a light edit for punctuation. I would also create a few more paragraphs to to highlight the points the author wants to stick out.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's an opportunity to talk about specific tech, but mostly tech is talked about in general.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. There's a lot of potential to be developed. It's a good topic to explore.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. I am reviewing this poem for the Angel Army Newbie Challenge SEP 2020.
THE POEM
A look at death and a comparison of reading a good book, having a good end.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the comparison and how the poem compared life/death to reading a book.
STRUCTURE
This is free form poem. There were no rhymes.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. If anything, I might suggest a light edit for puncutation to assist the flow of the poem. The poem is easy to read.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. I am reviewing this poem for the Angel Army Newbie Challenge SEP 2020.
THE POEM
The night wraps the author in a warm embrace and yet, is it as warm as it implies? The author explores this question.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the word play; it deepened the expression of the poem.
STRUCTURE
This is free form poem. There were some strategic rhymes, but no set patterns.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a light edit for punctuation/capitalization as I think it will assist the flow in which the reader reads the poem. I am curious about the capitalization and lack of capitalization of "i" in the poem. I think the lower case "i" would be served by stronger punctuation. The poem is easy to read.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. I am reviewing this poem for the Angel Army Newbie Challenge SEP 2020.
THE POEM
A heartfelt, inspirational poem that reminds the reader that you are never alone.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the word play; it deepened the expression of the poem. There was a rhythmic flow that I experienced when I read the poem.
STRUCTURE
This is free form poem. The 1st and 3rd stanza of each line stanza rythmed.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. Punctuation was light, but appropriate. The poem is easy to read.
DESCRIPTIONS
I liked the opening line: "You are not alone, you never walk alone." Right away it sets a tone for the poem which is hopeful and upbeat.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I liked how the poem came full circle using a nature motif. The wind offers whispers for us -- we cannot be afraid to listen. Great expression!
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. I am reviewing a newbie for the Angel Army Challenge for SEP 2020.
THE POEM
The poem talks about love and it's effects on one's soul.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the idea of love being eternal and than exploring that dynamic.
STRUCTURE
This is free form poem.
MECHANICS
The poem is easy to read. The first line of every sentence is capitalized. I might suggest some punctuation, only in that would assist the reader with rhythm and flow.
DESCRIPTIONS
I liked the opening line. It grabbed my attention right away.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
This is the type of poem that you can really expand, especially with the ocean comparison. Love is such a powerful topic for a poem. The ending could have had an ocean reference tying it back to the beginning.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
The poem talks of sharing experiences and friendship.
WHAT I LIKED
I think a lot of readers can relate with similar experiences.
STRUCTURE
This is free form poem. There was no set rythme scheme.
MECHANICS
Capitalization is not standard and the only punctuation is at the end of the poem. If anything I might suggest a light edit for punctuation and words that need a space. (example: Eachother) The poem is easy to read.
DESCRIPTIONS
I liked: "Useless talk" as it implies more than the words suggest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE ESSAY
A look at how the struggle is real to answer the daily question: "What's for dinner?"
WHAT I LIKED
I have struggled with this question for years. And the author nailed it!! I work all day, I'm exhausted. I have no energy to put dinner together so it's "let's order out!" This essay was written in 2004 but it's still relevant in 2020!
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I loved the use of WDC. It made the essay easy to read.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for improvement. I loved how the author reviewed the daily challenges of dinner and then offered a solution with the crock pot. I have one, I don't use it enough. For now I'm just trying to hang in there.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE ESSAY
A look at how Hooves aka tHiNg approaches reviews and gives tips on what to look for in a good review.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the bit on how to react to a review, be it good or bad. It's solid advice.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I loved the use of WDC. It made the essay easy to read.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for improvement. I agree that a review should encourage you as a writer. This is a good essay to read if you're starting out here on WDC because it frames how one should approach the critics. As usual, Hooves unique imagination and creativity shines through. Expressive and honest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
A day in the life of Misty and Sammy.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the author captured the everyday drama in the life of dogs.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person by Misty and Sammy. There is a line break used appropriately for the narration shift. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. It feels very natural and organic to the story.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. The challenge to set the descriptions in the context of the dialogue. I can easily picture a house with two loving pets who like to play ball and eat doggie treats.
SETTING
TIME: modern day?
PLACE: house
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Misty and Sammy
They are two heartwarming dogs who bring happiness.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. You use exclaimation points a lot which makes the story feel a little melodramaic.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
If anything I might clarify if Julie owns both dogs. I wasn't certain on that point. The opening enages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Arie just wants to play.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the dialogue was very succinct and easy to figure out.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the 1st person by Arie. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
The prompt is to create a dialogue between the internal voice of a pet and their human. I thought the dialogue was very organic and natural.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. This can be a challenge because the descriptions need to organically fit the dialogue. I like how the dialogue implies that Arie and his human are outside. I'm picturing a dog park, but honestly, it would be anywhere outside.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: outside
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Arie
Arie is a playful dog.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any punctuation mistakes. I have suggestion. As written: "Arie, Common, I don't have all day!" The correct spelling would be, "Arie, Come on (or C'mon), I don't have all day!"
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. I could easily picture a playful dog giving their human a hard time. A very entertaining vignette. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
A realistic dialogue about a cat wanting to catch a mouse.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the imagination used in the story. I could totally picture a spoiled rotten cat.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the 1st person by SmiLing. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
The prompt is to create a dialogue between the internal voice of a pet and their human. I loved how the dialogue embodied SmiLing's personality.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. This can be a challenge because the descriptions need to organically fit the dialogue. I liked how the dialogue just captured SmIling's lack of desire to catch that mouse.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: house
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
SmiLing
Clearly the cat thinks there are better things in life that to catch a mouse.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. If anything, I might space the lanes so it's easier on the WDC's eyes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestion as mentioned before. The opening engages the reader. The ending was perfect for SmiLing's lack of motivation. Maybe next time they'll put forth a little effort to get that mouse. A very entertaining vignette. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
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My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
WHAT I LIKED
WHAT I LIKED
