My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
A woman recalls how she lost her one true love to war.
WHAT I LIKED
The poem is easy to read, understand, and paints a vivid picture with words. The emotion is heartfelt.
STRUCTURE
This is a free form poem with a ABCB rythme scheme.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for improvement. Very poignant and taps into emotion that every reader can feel, lonliness, sadness, full of inner courage in the face of tragedy.
The centers around misc topics. (texting slang and taste in music, both appealing)
WHAT I LIKED
It was very personable and relatable. The blog engaged others and there were several comments.
CONTENT
There were three entries during June. I liked how the entries appealed to everyday life.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any glaring spelling/punctuation mistakes, but I'm not so picky with blog entries and journals unless it's consistent.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The blog is engaging. Keep on blogging. Trust me, it's not easy. There's a graphic to set the tone/feel for the both. I might add a small paragraph to define the goals you want to accomplish with the blog.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
The narrator, a lady on a train, has a passionate affair.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the "escapism" of the story. The author writes "We were in love with the idea of being in love," and knowing that, I lost myself in the affair.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by the narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue moves the story forward.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest tapping into the five senses, especially smell to evoke romantic images.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Kondrick
There's enough here to understand his motivations. His off to find his "fortune" as a knight.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for puncutation. When using quotes, place the punctuation in the quotations.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening intrigues the reader. Keep writing!
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Angela and Paulo share an interesting relationship against the backdrop of a "myth" that haunts their community.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the plot. It kept reading to find out what would happen next. I also liked how the "demon" wasn't who or what you would think and the ending fit the storytelling of the story perfectly.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person omniscent by a narrator. Good job with narration. I might suggest a minor edit for tense. Professional editors recommend using past tense. Currently, there are tense shifts to the present which confuse the reader.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue moves the story forward well.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest using the five senses, especially smell.
SETTING
TIME: modern day?
PLACE: urban setting?
This is something that that is not defined but could be clarified for the reader. I might suggest framing the story in the beginning with the place and date.
CHARACTERS
Angela/Paulo
There's enough here to understand their motivations. Love can drive a person to things they wouldn't expect.
MECHANICS
I might suggest an edit for spelling. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. You use exclaimation points a lot which makes the story feel a little melodramaic. Where you used "was walking" consider using "walked."
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. On WDC I might also suggest spacing between paragraphs to make it easier on the reader's eyes. The opening is a bit descriptive and telling, I might suggest just starting with her and Paulo in the field and let the information about her being 17 come out in dialogue/narration naturally. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck. Thank you for your patience in judging the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
This is the story of Kareth - friend or foe? Demon or hero. You decide.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the imagination and creativity in the story and how it's up to the reader to decide if Kareth is a hero or a "night terror."
POV NARRATION/TENSE
Past tense is used appropriately. A note to the reader advises that the story is told in a non-traditional narration which I appreciated. Kareth's story is told between "eye-witness" snippets and his own narration. It is definately non-linear.
DIALOGUE
The eye witness snippets act as dialogue.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. You don't need much, but I might suggest taping into a sense of smell. Does Kareth have a distinctive scent that upsets the witnesses?
SETTING
TIME: Medievel -type setting
PLACE: Another world
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Kareth
There's enough here to understand his motivations. There's enough of his back story given to let the reader decide what his motivation is.
MECHANICS
I might suggest a minor edit for spelling/punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening intrigues the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck. Thank you for your patience in judging the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Simon is searching for the ultimate magic trick to add to his show.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the character voice. It drew me right into the story.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by Simon. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's no dialogue.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. You don't need much, but I might draw on the five senses and a sense of smell.
SETTING
TIME: modern day ?
PLACE: urban setting?
This is something that is not defined but could be clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Simon
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's looking for the ulitimate trick.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. I might also suggest to try limiting sentences that begin with "I." It can be a challenge with first person stories, but the flow would be better. The opening intrigues the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck. Thank you for your patience in judging the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Dave's wife is on life support and he wishes for a few extra moments with her.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the character introspection and emotion. Well done.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Dave. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.
FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: The small woman entered from a back room. "Davie!" She said, running into the man's arms. "It's so good to see you."
MY SUGGESTION: The small woman entered from a backk room and ran into the man's arms. "Davie, it's so good to see you."
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. The emotional descriptions tugs on the heartstrings. If you want to tighten up the setting descriptions. you might want to use a couple of strageticly placed sentences that focus on the five senses.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Dave
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He wants a happy ending with his wife.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening draws the reader into the story.
Write On.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
A fantasy story, an unnamed narrator and her friends face the threat of the Spider Queen. I'm sure the narrator is named previously, so it didn't bother me that I didn't catch her name in this chapter.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the plot flowed - it never lingered, put me in the scene, and before I knew it, the chapter was at "the end." The author's writing style is easy to read. I hadn't read any of the previous chapters and I could flow right along with that was occuring.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by the female narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue moves the story forward.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. The descriptions don't linger. The author uses a good economy of words to paint visuals. I especially liked the description in the 2nd paragraph. I could easily picture the scene in my mind as a reader.
SETTING
TIME: unknown
PLACE: rural/fantasy setting?
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Female narrator
There's enough here to understand her motivations. She wants to help her friend who is trapped by the Spider Queen.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit. The opening begins: "As we climbed became, the branches" it feels like there's a missing word. Also watch out for the use of "ly" adverbs. Use them sparingly. For grace, you can always write: "She moved with fluid grace" and make the sentence active and effective.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening is full of action that draws the reader in.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Tom waits by a Christmas tree to see if his sweetheart will join him on Christmas Eve.
WHAT I LIKED
I loved how the author evoked emotion. Well done. The story put me in the moment.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Tom. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.
FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "Hi," she said, her eyes taking in his face.
MY SUGGESTION: She gazed up at his face. "Hi."
Also, just an FYI - you don't have to say "she said in reply." I'd stick with either "She said" or "She replied."
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. I especially loved: "Her furrowed brow told him she didn't understand his concern, was confused by his request, but she agree." Very descriptive, using a good economy of words and isn't passive. Well done.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Tom
There's enough here to understand his motivations. Love.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. The author's writing style is read to read and understand.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Ian is on his way to a blind date for Valentines Day.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the ending. It complimented the story well.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person by Ian. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue helps to "show" what's going on and moves the narration forward.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. This is minor, if anything I might tap into the five senses using a couple of strageticly placed sentences to really paint the visuals.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Ian
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's on his way to a date when he gets stuck in a traffic jam in the rain.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening piques the reader's interest. Great character introspection.
Write on!
Your story will be included in my Romance/Love NL dated 6 FEB 2013.
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My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
WHAT I LIKED
WHAT I LIKED
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