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323 Public Reviews Given
1,362 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Fleeting  Open in new Window.
Review by Shadow Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a great story and you have written it well. You even set the mood well with the diction of everyone speaking.

Starting in the second paragragh where it says she asked, I think you should say Zuri asked because I wasn't clear who she was yet.

I was very interested and thought this was great till the very end where she apparently snapped from daydreaming. It seems like the story is unfinished or something. It just totally took the story somewhere else and ended.

If there was more added to the story I think it would help the ending not seem like it came out of nowhere. *Smile*

The Reviewer's Club
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Review of Love Scars  Open in new Window.
Review by Shadow Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I like this poem is written well and has good emotion.

I especially liked the third stanza.

The fourth stanza although it is a great line doesn't seem to go with the rest of the poem. Maybe if it were at the end I think it would fit better.

I like the title *Smile*

The Reviewer's Club
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Review of It Was So Hard  Open in new Window.
Review by Shadow Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
What a sad story. You told it very well. I love the ending.

There are a few typos throughout the story. You might either read through it or use the spell check to correct those.

I like how you began the story. It made the story come alive when Michaela came crying. Having kids, I can feel the ergency to comfort the child before even knowing what was wrong.

Aside from the the typos I think you did a very job writing this story.

I think the title could be something more of an attention grabber.

The Reviewer's Club
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Review by Shadow Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a beautiful story. It's great from beginning to end. The title is great and very fitting.

The only thing I think might make it better is if you used the senses to make some of the things come alive better. Like with the yellow roses. I like that you mention the fragrance, was it a sweet smell?

Nice job *Smile*

The Reviewer's Club
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Review of Proudly I Stand  Open in new Window.
Review by Shadow Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a nice heartfelt poem.
I love the first line in each stanza and the last stanza ends the poem very well.

The rythmn is ok but it really seems forced. I think this would read a whole lot better if it flowed better.

Love the title. *Smile*

The Reviewer's Club
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Review by Shadow Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is interesting.
For such a short peice, you have said a lot.

The first stanza has some good imagery. I especially like:
..the sunset's rays
pass through it at just the right angles.

I think this would stand out more if there were another stanza.
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Review by Shadow Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
If I'm going to have a nighmare, I want to have a chocolate one lol.

I love this poem. I think you did a great job writing. I love the rythmn. I like that you put this in brown to add to the effect.

Nice title. I would bold the title though. *Smile*
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Review of Mr Morgan  Open in new Window.
Review by Shadow Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love this poem.
It is very sweet and I think you wrote it very well.

This line reads awkward to me for some reason:
"Inside an ember flared into life,"
Maybe it could be 'Inside an ember flared to life' I don't know, something about it.

You painted a portrait of Mr. Morgan ver well.

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Review by Shadow Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I think this is great.
It flows very nicely and I love the content.
You did a great job writing this. You made you point very clear.

In the description it should be 'advises' not 'advices'.

I think this would stand out better if you bold the title. *Smile*
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Review of The Common  Open in new Window.
Review by Shadow Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I don't think I would want to visit this place lol.

I like the way you begin and end with the paragraghs that almost parallel each other.

I thought this was good but it was weird reading it because of the odd breaks in the lines. The punctuation is good an if it weren't there, I would have gotten really lost reading this. Since this is more of a prose than it is poetry, I think it would be better to make the sentences flow better.
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Review by Shadow Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is good. Exactly how kids that age would react to a new baby. *Smile*

You have some nice descriptive words describing the baby. I think everywhere you mention "The Baby" it would add the emphasis if you italicised it.

I'm still interested in reading more of the story but the last paragragh didn't leave me begging for more. I think it would be good if the last paragraph made the reader eager to read the next chapter.
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Review by Shadow Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I think this is great. The story is enticing and I still want to read on.
I think you started it at a great spot and ended it in a good spot too. It keep the reader interested and wanting to see what happens next.

I really didn't see anything I would change. I think you did a good job with this chapter. *Smile*
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Review by Shadow Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a very nice introduction to the story. It sounds interesting and I am eager to see what the story will be about.

I think the second paragragh is more of an attention grabber. I think you should switch the first and second paragragh.

Interesting title.
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Review by Shadow Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good for you *Smile*

I think this is very good. I love the content.
Nice title and I like how you echo it throughout the poem.

I love the fourth stanza, very well said.

In the fifth stanza the third line, the last word is awkward to me in this line. It seems like it would sound better if you took the word "man" out.

I love this line: "Love with your heart, not with your hands"

I think you did a great job here. *Smile*
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Review of Rustle of Silk  Open in new Window.
Review by Shadow Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I love this poem. I think it is great.
The title is great. Very interesting and unique.
The imagery here is wonderful.

The only thing I would change in this line:
"And it softens this troubled ear"
I would put 'my' troubled ear but what you have works too. *Smile*

I also like your description. It adds to the charm of the poem.

Well done *Smile*
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Review of Why Thoughts?  Open in new Window.
Review by Shadow Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is an interesting poem.
The second stanza is great. Nice imagery there.
The rythmn is very nice.

I think the title could be better. *Smile*
It's not one that would draw me in just by reading it.

You have done a good job of telling the story in a short time.
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Review of Bound By Love  Open in new Window.
Review by Shadow Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a very interesting poem. It's intriquing. *Smile*
The title it great.

This line is the only line that didn't seem to belong. I don't understand what it has to do with the content.
"Of how much he had grown up and was destined to be the one"
destined to be the one what?

I think the rest of the poem is very nice.
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Review of Close To Tears  Open in new Window.
Review by Shadow Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This has a nice title. It is intriquing.
The poem is nice. I think it would be better if you wrote it in a way to show and help the reader feel it rather than just tell what is going on.

In the first line, I think it would be for effective if you took the word 'itself' out.

In the second line where you say 'it seems' maybe you could word that better. Maybe it appears.

The third line is good. What do the footsteps sound like though. Are they crunching in the snow or clanking on the floor? *Smile*

I think the second stanza is good.

This is a great line:
"My dreams with him are now fading like prisms
in the sun"

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Review by Shadow Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
How sad.
This is a good story. You wrote it very well.
I like that you wrote it in first person. It helps to get the reader into the story and also feel what the character feels. I like the ending. It was unexpected, I like that.

Some friend.
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Review of Shimmy and Roscoe  Open in new Window.
Review by Shadow Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
This story is a good start of a great story. It really seems unfinished to me.

I don't really know much about shimmy. It appears that she is a young girl but if you could instill in the story more about her. How old is she? Why is she responsible for the dog? What does she look like? I'm not even really sure what the dog looks like. I like to see the story in my head as I am reading it. *Smile*

Also this story just ends and I have no idea what happened. The wind started blowing but you are vague.

I like the title.
I think this will be very good if you work on it some more. *Smile*
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Review by Shadow Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was an interesting story.
The beginning was great and the story moved along nicely.

Again I was disappointed with the end. It sounds like the wolf was going to eat her after all but how would he know who her brothers were?

I thought this was a nice twist to the wolf and the three little pigs.

"I like you to too and I'm glad that you aren't concerned that I am a pig."
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Review of Voiceless  Open in new Window.
Review by Shadow Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello *Smile*
This is the first of the 10 reviews you won in the Raffle Rage II.

I like this story. You have some good imagery.

You began the story very well. I was intrigued and wanted to read more.

I love this line:
"but you always seem to end up with one un-popped kernel in the popcorn bowl."

This was a very interesting story.

I was a little disappointed with the end. It kind of seem to end abrubtly. I think it might be better if they story were a little longer. I also would like to know more about what happened to her before she came to live with her aunt and uncle.


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Review by Shadow Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is a very interesting story. I was a little upset when it ended because I wanted to know what happens next. *Smile*

First I think you shouldn't put the whole story in bold. And the first paragragh doesn't reel you in like I think it could.

Who is 'her'? You mention her house and other things every once in a while but I have no idea who 'her' is.

Motor sounds like a small four cylinder mini’s mini truckstruck, with an open cab. Not the motors(I think motors needs an apostrophe) sound of a full-bodied Dooley diesel.

I like this line:
The unknown driver must have heard my thoughts.

I like the part about the character using the iron. It was kind of humorous.

I think you do a great job telling the story from about the middle to the end but the beginning I think needs some work. I think the story needs to be set up better so we know what is going on. Maybe you can begin the story telling about the case you mentioned and tell why you came to Florida. That way the reader won't be in the dark with the character lol. *Smile*

I think this is going to be a great story. *Smile*
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Review of Soul Searching  Open in new Window.
Review by Shadow Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The content of this poem is very good. The flow is nice. I like the title. Some very nice imagery in here.

this line:
"A spirit I could picture
dancing on the foam."

I think would really pop if instead of picturing it you make it part of the poem. ie 'A spirit dancing on the foam' or 'I saw a spirit dancing on the foam'

This is a great line *Smile*
"above a sun-flecked sea,"

I'm not sure about this line:
"And I felt the angels cry."
How do you feel someone cry unless they are perhaps crying on your shoulder. *Smile*
Maybe "I saw..." or "I heard..".

Very nice poem *Smile*






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Review by Shadow Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
lol. I found this interesting. I learned some new things about the way different parts of the US speak. I also learned a new word. I had never heard of the word colloquialisms, I looked it up and now I know. *Smile*

Thank you for this interesing and fun read *Smile*

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