Hi BAD92,
I am a sucker for a love story! I get the gist of the story, but I would have liked to read more about Myriam and Ben's personality and how more about their feelings toward each other. Maybe it's me, I have to admit that I'm not into chess. However, I get where you're coming from showing how like interests can definitely bring two people together. There were a few spelling and punctuation errors, but I'm sure you'll pick up on those. I love your ending, love does conquer all!! Keep writing!!
Hi Ernest,
You better complete this story! I think it's a good start and you've got me interested. I want to see what happens and how this will work out! You've started out well descibing his emotions. There's always some nervousness and lots of anticipation when you are meeting someone special for the first time. The tension builds because he's bold enough to go over to Susan's before he even talks to her! You have me wondering how she's going to react. I can definitely relate to this story. Keep going!
Hi Ernest,
In reference to your title, your poem is like a crescendo. It starts off calm and by the 3rd paragraph, it rises with emotion, bringing the reader with it, then calms down again in the last paragraph.
Your descriptive words makes it very easy to visualize what you want us to see. I especially love the last paragraph. It tells of a beautiful new day filled with hope.
Now about the "Ouch!" in the 3rd paragraph. Does that mean that the dreamer was rudely and roughly awaken? To me, that particular word interupted the smooth and easy flow of those emotions we were feeling.
Bottom line though, it's a beautiful poem that you made your own!
This story really touched me. To me it was realistic because I know that feeling very well and I felt your beautiful words. Your story tells how you can love, but not let the person know how much they are loved. You never know when you may not have a chance to say what's in your heart. I love happy endings so I have to say that the ending wasn't my favorite part. But that's just me. I know, not very realistic, but that's why I really want to write my own romance stories and I can have as many happy endings as I want! James, keep doing what you're doing. You have a way with your words that I think will touch the readers heart.
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