SUGGESTIONS: There are no suggestions I can think of that would improve this tear-jerking poem.
WHAT I LIKED: The poem reads like a story. The imagery is great. In fact, it is so good that tears came to my eyes. You are right. A baby's birth should be a joyous time, yet this poor child did not stand a chance for happiness from the time she was conceived. My heart aches for babies who are born into situations like those mentioned in the item. It not only saddens, but angers me as well.
Hello Christine Cassello Keep in mind that suggestions made are meant to help, not to criticize your work in any way.
ERRORS/SUGGESTIONS: No errors were spotted, and I cannot think of anything I feel would improve the item.
WHAT I LIKED: The rhythm is sensational, and so is the imagery. I love mythology, and think you did a magnificent job using it in the poem. I think it would make an excellent story. I loved the fairy tale ending.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: No spelling, grammatical, or other errors were spotted, and I cannot think of anything I feel would improve the item. Just keep writing these terrific poems!
CHARACTERS: N/A
MY THOUGHTS: The rhythm is good, and the imagery even better. A poetic masterpiece was painted when the poem was written. You did a fabulous job of expressing that love does not change with the seasons. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your work, and wish you the very best.
Hello Saturn Ring Please keep in mind that any suggestions made are meant to be helpful, not to criticize.
ERRORS: "towards" should be "toward. Other than that, no errors were spotted.
SUGGESTIONS: I think that "sent out a billow of..." sounds better than "billow of thick dust behind...". Just a humble opinion though. Other than that, there are no suggestions for improving the story.
OVERALL OPINION: The imagery used in describing the characters and settings are terrific. It is easy to see that the grandfather and his grandson share a strong bond. I liked the realism used in writing the tale. The grandfather's views on buzzards seemed to directed at more than the animals when he made the statement in the driveway. I enjoyed the story. It is written well.
TITLE: The title is good, but a spelling error was found in the description below it. "tesrs" should be "tears" instead.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: "Its Valentine's" should be "It's Valentine's". Just a humble opinion, but I think "watching" is used too closely together in the fifth sentence and throws it off. A comma should follow "protect you".
CHARACTERS: N/A
MY THOUGHTS: The poem relays sadness over losing a loved one on a day meant to be shared with the one we love instead of being walked out on. Still, you wanted to prevent the individual from hurt and pain. The last verse is heartbreaking. I sincerely hope the poem is fictional, and that you were not left brokenhearted.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: No grammatical, spelling, or other mistakes were spotted, and there are no suggestions for improving the item.
CHARACTERS: N/A
MY THOUGHTS: You did a great job of letting others know why you chose Lulu for publishing your work. There are numerous places where writers can seek publication other than self publishing though and still design or have designed the covers, etc., however with most, contracts must be signed and royalties paid quarterly or bi-annually. The article is informative and helpful to those seeking self-publication. I wish you the best.
Thank you for your entry in "Invalid Item" Please keep in mind that the suggestions made are intended to help, not to criticize in any way.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: Just a humble opinion, but I think capitalizing "i" would make for a better presentation. On another note, traditional poetry follows a rhyming pattern, which your entry did not. Still,I liked the poem.
CHARACTERS AND PLOT: N/A
WHAT I THOUGHT: I agree that being fair and brave is not easy. The poem relays your views on why clearly. My personal favorite are the lines about costs. I could not agree more that sometimes one pays dearly for sharing feelings. It is painful, and sometimes places loss of emotion in the heart.
TITLE: I think the title is excellent. It poses a question that drew me in to read the item.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: A comma should follow "not at him". I think "grapes, peeled" would read better worded like "peeled grapes". It would help lessen the use of commas.
CHARACTERS: N/A
MY THOUGHTS: Your views on tricking are humorous for adults, but I disagree that responsibility be placed on children until they realize what is expected of them. I am not referring to things like picking up their toys, etc., but that a child should not have fantasy taken away from them at a young age. That will come with time, and a lot sooner than most parents want. The paragraph about the devil with a stun gun was hilarious.
TITLE: I think the title suits the poem wonderfully, Pat.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: No mistakes were spotted, and I cannot think of anything that would improve the poem.
CHARACTERS: N/A
MY THOUGHTS: The imagery is outstanding, Pat! From the water filling the imprints to eternity releasing its grip, a poetic masterpiece was painted. This place by the ocean sounds like a tiny bit of Heaven and a good one where any person's spirit could find serenity and rest. The poem is well written and deserving of the Quill Award. Congratulations, Pat!
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: A comma should follow "under the covers". Just a humble suggestion, but I think deleting some of the "I"s and changing the sentence about being thirty-seven when writing this would read better if worded something like this: "this essay, and feel even stronger about the philosophy now than than I did when writing it.". There are no other suggestions for improving the essay.
CHARACTERS: N/A
MY THOUGHTS: I agree with you wholeheartedly about aging, Shannon. It is people like Brandon who make us realize how fortunate we are. Tears came to my eyes when reading about the child's joy when seeing you and the strength he had about the necessities. For a four year old, Brandon showed more will than many older individuals. I admire and respect you and the philosophy. God Bless you for sharing this touching essay with the community!
Hello ~SilverMoon~ Keep in mind that any suggestions made are only an opinion of this reader whose intention is to help, not to criticize in any way.
ERRORS: Some punctual errors were noticed. For example, A comma should replace the period following "words came out." A comma should come after "set you free", "you so", "just a friend", and "here and now".
SUGGESTIONS: None other than the ones mentioned above.
OVERALL IMPRESSION: The rhythm is terrific, and the emotions well written and from the heart. I liked that. The imagery is just as good, one of my personal favorites being "My heart beat out an infinite tattoo.". The last verse sums the poem up perfectly. True love never dies.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: No spelling, grammatical, or other mistakes were spotted. I cannot think of anything that would improve the item.
CHARACTERS: The characters are well defined.
MY THOUGHTS: Let me begin by saying that the story is well written. None of the paragraphs were dragged out or slow moving. I liked that. I was sure Jenkins had found a way out of following Boas' footsteps and get the fame he wanted, but was fooled. The last paragraph left little doubt that Frank would get what Jenkins desired. I liked the part about how Jenkins was certain he had found proof of life on the moon. The story is a winner in my opinion.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: The rhyming pattern is off in a couple of lines. "itself", "myself", and "go on" and "gone" do not follow the same pattern as in the other lines.
CHARACTERS: N/A
MY THOUGHTS: The rhythm is good except in the areas mentioned above, and the emotions relayed from the heart. I liked that. There is nothing more special than that of love at first sight, and it is even better when it lasts forever. You may have moved on, but somehow I think there will always be a special place reserved in your heart for this person. The last sentence says it all.
Hello Don Two Thank you for your entry in "Invalid Item" Please remember that any suggestions made are intended to help, not to criticize.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: The rhyming pattern is off in a couple of places. "apropos", "blow", and "sure" and "stir" do not rhyme. Other than that, I have no suggestions to offer for improving the entry.
CHARACTERS AND PLOT: N/A
WHAT I THOUGHT: The rhythm is good overall, and the imagery is dynamite. An example of good imagery found in the poem is: Then late one night the clouds withdrew
and starry skies impressed him, too.
The entry is humorous, although I do not think "Do" would agree after the slip taken. I thoroughly enjoyed reading the poem, and wish you luck with future endeavors.
Hello Mindertwenty Keep in mind that any suggestions made are only an opinion of this reader whose intention is to help, not to criticize in any way.
ERRORS: No spelling, grammatical, or other errors were noticed.
SUGGESTIONS: None I can think of that would improve the poem.
OVERALL IMPRESSION: I liked the way hope is not lost despite your feelings at the beginning of the item. I do not think a reader here has not felt similarly at one point. Sometimes the stars seem out of reach, but dreams can be captured if we continue chasing them. You relay these feelings well. Keep the faith!
Hello tlsea Thank you for your entry in "Invalid Item" Keep in mind that any suggestions made are intended to help, not to criticize in any way.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: No errors were noticed, and I cannot think of anything that would improve the entry.
OVERALL THOUGHTS: The rhyming pattern is excellent, and the imagery great as well. Tears literally came to my eyes when reading about the child. Sick from the time he was born, the poor child still managed to brighten the lives of family and friends in fifteen years. I sincerely hope the poem is fictional, for it is heartbreaking.
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Hello JerseyBoy Suggestions made are only my opinion and intended to help, not to criticize.
ERRORS: "his endowment" should be "His endowment", and "he" be "He" since you are referring to God.
SUGGESTIONS: None other than the ones mentioned above.
OVERALL OPINION: The imagery used in describing the settings and the woman is outstanding, and the emotions expressed in a way that touched this readers heart. You did a perfect job of relaying how good it is having such a dear friendship. You are lucky knowing camaraderie like this.
Please remember that any suggestions made are intended to help, not to criticize.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: No spelling or other errors were noticed, and I cannot think of anything that would improve the poem.
CHARACTERS AND PLOT: N/A
WHAT I THOUGHT: Although short in length, the rhythm and imagery are great. I could almost hear the whispering wind and see the changing colors of the sky. This place sounds like sheer heaven.
SIMPLY POSITIVE AND TRADITIONAL POETRY CONTEST GROUP LEADER
Hello Meg Keep in mind that any suggestions made are intended to help, not to criticize in any way.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: No mistakes were spotted, and I cannot think of anything that would improve the entry.
OVERALL THOUGHTS: My first thought when reading the poem is that it would make a perfect love song, Meg. The imagery is excellent, and the rhythm just as great. Every line relays unconditional and undying love. I liked that. Some of my personal favorites are the ones about sending dreams that will come true, visions of days past while he walks on the shore, and waiting in Heaven for your love. You did a superb job of reminding readers that the love we carried in our hearts while alive is taken with us when His angels come for us.
Hello Jenna Brennan Keep in mind that any suggestions made are only an opinion of this reader whose intention is to help, not to criticize in any way.
ERRORS: "its not" should be "it's not" instead. "i'm" and "i" should be capitalized.
SUGGESTIONS: Only a humble opinion, but using punctuation and capitalization where needed would make for a better presentation. "I'm" could be cut before "tired of crying" being as it is used in the sentence before, therefore readers will know who you refer to.
OVERALL IMPRESSION: The lyrics express the emotions of an individual who has taken all she intends to take. I like the strength that was discovered in the learning experience. The imagery used in describing the emotions felt is good as well.
I came across this heartbreaking poem when looking at sponsored items, and Kiya, it literally brought tears to my eyes. Trayvon's death hit many of us hard. Prejudice and hatred are two of the ugliest words I can think of, both which cost Trayvon his life. There are no swift resolutions to crimes like these. Once taken, a life cannot be brought back. I pray that Trayvon sleeps with the angels in peace. I commend you on sharing this with the community, Kiya.
No grammatical or other mistakes were noticed, and there are no suggestions for improvement. The link to what happened to Emmett Till is great too, for it may hopefully open some eyes.
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Hello NormaJean Suggestions made are only my opinion and intended to help, not to criticize.
ERRORS: A comma should follow "tousled". Incomplete sentences were noticed. Examples are the ones beginning with "Dull black..." and "Skin occasionally".
SUGGESTIONS: I think the presentation would be better if a space was placed between paragraphs. Just a humble opinion, but I would change "The tall stature he adorned" to "His stature". "out of shape" could be deleted after "activity distorted" being as distorted means out of shape.
OVERALL OPINION: You did a good job of describing your father's traits. He sounds like a wonderful man despite the phobias and changes. I am glad he found the love he searched for. What I like the most is the powerful emotions felt for your father. Without doubt, he is fortunate to know your love.
Hello tlsea Please remember that any suggestions made are intended to help, not to criticize.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: No spelling or other mistakes were noticed, and there are no suggestions for improving the entry.
CHARACTERS AND PLOT: N/A
WHAT I THOUGHT: The rhythm is good, and the imagery and emotions relayed well. Every line of the poem tore at my heart. Such suffering and loss of dreams makes my heart bleed. The last verse summed the poem up perfectly.
Hello Taraib Please keep in mind that any suggestions made are intended to be helpful, not critical.
ERRORS: No grammatical or other mistakes were spotted.
SUGGESTIONS: I cannot think of anything to improve the lyrics. They are wonderful.
MY THOUGHTS: This is a sensational tribute to your brother and sister-in-law, and I am certain they think so as well. You did a superb job of expressing the emotions and worry felt for them as they fought for our country. These lines are my personal favorites:
And you know I'm thinking of you
As the battle rages on
The same stars are out there
Wherever you are
And you know I'll dream here for you
Until you're back home
Hello Maria Wolf Keep in mind that any suggestions made are only an opinion of this reader whose intention is to help, not to criticize in any way.
ERRORS: No spelling or other mistakes were noticed.
SUGGESTIONS: Some of the lines are too lengthy to be lyrical in my opinion. Cutting them down is suggested.
OVERALL IMPRESSION: The imagery used in describing the things to make the kite, the specks in the sky, nylon wings and sweet kisses, and the last verse is terrific. My personal favorites are the lines about motivation and not letting the butterflies and dragons bring you down. I like the combination of the kite and emotion.
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