** Image ID #1518016 Unavailable ** SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP LEADER
Hello, and welcome to Writing.com Kendra Baker Please keep in mind that any suggestions made are intended to help, not to be critical in any way.
ERRORS: "watch the world" should be "watched the world" being as it is written in past tense. Other than that, no errors were spotted.
SUGGESTIONS: None other than the one mentioned above.
WHAT I ENJOYED: I think the entire story is excellent. You did a super job of relaying how the ghost thinks and feels. Unlike most ghost stories about haunted houses and evil beings, yours is quite the opposite. I liked that and the undying love for Karissa that was carried with the ghost when he departed.
Hello Magoo Keep in mind that any suggestions made are only an opinion of this reader whose intention is to help, not to criticize in any way.
ERRORS: No punctual, grammatical, or other mistakes were noticed.
SUGGESTIONS: I cannot think of anything I feel would improve the poem.
OVERALL IMPRESSION: The rhythm and imagery are dynamite. I was surprised to discover that the little thief was not who I assumed she was when I began reading the item. I thoroughly enjoyed the poem, and wish you the best with future endeavors.
Hello and thank you for your entry in "Invalid Item" ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams Please remember that any suggestions made are intended to help, not to criticize.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: The rhythm is off in the first verse. "thoughts" and "dots" do not rhyme. "it could drive" should be "I could drive" instead. Other than that, there are so suggestions for improving the entry.
CHARACTERS AND PLOT: N/A
WHAT I THOUGHT: The rhyming pattern is good overall, and the wishes like many others. The commercials seen when watching television lead people wanting the things written about in the poem and more. The lines about Cimbalta and your husband getting upset if more flowers were bought were humorous.
SIMPLY POSITIVE & JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO GROUP LEADER
ERRORS: No grammatical, punctual, or other mistakes were spotted.
SUGGESTIONS: I cannot think of anything that would improve the item.
PERSONAL FAVORITES: The imagery is fabulous. It was easy envisioning Daniel and Langley. Choosing Daniel was right in my opinion, for as relayed in the prose, love changes everything. Following the heart usually never proves wrong.
Hello EarlyHours-A Vigilante Ranger Keep in mind that any suggestions made are only an opinion of this reader whose intention is to help, not to criticize in any way.
ERRORS: Quotation marks are not needed in the inquiry "Who could it be", a comma follow "be", and "She" not capitalized. A space should come between paragraphs two and three. "Some guy" should be "Some guy is" or "Some guy's". "of what to say" should be "what to say". A comma should follow "after it cleared".
SUGGESTIONS: "And" could be cut before "after it cleared" and "after" capitalized and still have the same effect.
OVERALL IMPRESSION: Pete and the stranger are defined well, but Peter's wife could be described more in my opinion. The storyline moves well. I liked that. I cannot help in wondering about the fog. Good beginning!
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: The rhyming pattern is off in some of the lines, however, the poem is great. Other than that, there are no suggestions to offer for improving the poem.
CHARACTERS AND PLOT: N/A
WHAT I THOUGHT: The rhythm is good overall. The poem reads almost like a short biography, giving readers a chance to know more about you. I liked that. I also liked the humor in the names you discarded. Choosing your handle because it is the name of your business is a good idea. It was a pleasure getting to know a bit about the man behind the handle.
** Image ID #1829632 Unavailable ** SIMPLY POSITIVE AND TRADITIONAL POETRY GROUP LEADER
Hello jaya Thank you for your entry in "COLORING THE WORLD CONTEST TEMP. CLOSED " [E] Please keep in mind that any suggestions made are intended to help, not to be critical in any way.
TITLE: Suits the entry perfectly.
ERRORS: No spelling, punctual, or other mistakes were noticed.
SUGGESTIONS: I have none to offer for improvement.
CHARACTERS AND PLOT: N/A
MY THOUGHTS: The imagery is dynamite, Jaya! It was easy envisioning the various colors of the sky, terrain, silver moon and twinkling stars. I could almost feel the winds as well. This sounds like a beautiful place. I can see why it is music to your soul.
** Image ID #1518015 Unavailable ** SIMPLY POSITIVE & JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO GROUP LEADER
Hello jpmurphy and Welcome to Writing.com! Please keep in mind that any suggestions made are only an opinion of this humble reader and intended to help, not to criticize.
ERRORS & SUGGESTIONS: "god" should be capitalized. Other than that, no errors were spotted, and there are no suggestions for improvement.
CHARACTERS & PLOT: N/A
OVERALL THOUGHTS: The rhyming pattern is great, and the imagery just as good. The emotions are expressed well also. My favorites are the verses about seeing the light and God knowing ones true worth. How right you are! The poem is terrific.
Hello billwilcox Keep in mind that any suggestions made are intended to help, not to criticize.
ERRORS: No punctual, grammatical, or other mistakes were spotted, however, having read your work before, this did not surprise me.
SUGGESTIONS: None to offer for improvement.
MY FAVORITES: This is an exceptional holiday story, Bill. The imagery is superb. I could easily picture being in the dark box that seemed like a prison and feel the animal's loneliness. What I liked the most was the confusion felt by the puppy, his anxiety because he needed to go to the bathroom, and when he was released. The end was very humorous. The little girl should not have held the animal so tightly, yet her excitement is relayed with realism and in an uplifting way.
Hello Simple Dykie Keep in mind that suggestions made are meant to help, not to criticize your work in any way.
ERRORS/SUGGESTIONS: Just a humble opinion, but I think cutting "first" before "breath of fresh air" would make for a better read. As it is now, it reads off to me. Commas should follow "His parents" and "young William was". A comma should come after "formidable intellect", "sometimes do", "arrival of William", "look for William", "Thomas", and "by a river" also. "were to work" should be "was to work".
WHAT I LIKED: I thought the story was uplifting despite William's loss just weeks before Christmas. Tears came to my eyes when reading it. William's traits are relayed well, and so are the other characters, especially Thomas and Sally. I liked William's confidence about seeing Thomas again when he went to live with Vern and Matilda, and hope he does. My heart ached for him when reading about Vern's nature and Matilda's spinelessness to stand up to her husband. However, I felt empathy for the marks seen upon her and from that point on. I was elated when William and his aunt became allies. What Vern did to both of them was horrifying and despicable. It is unbelievable that William's dreams were good after all he endured and witnessed. Good story!
Hello arwen Welcome to Writing.com! Keep in mind that any suggestions made are only an opinion of this reader whose intention is to help, not to criticize in any way.
ERRORS: No spelling, grammatical, or other mistakes were noticed.
SUGGESTIONS: None I feel would improve the poem.
OVERALL IMPRESSION: The imagery used in describing the girl and her surroundings is terrific. It was easy envisioning her sitting under the tree, and I could almost hear the chimes calling her name. The traits she has are impressive, and her awakening written about awesomely.
Hello Magoo Keep in mind that any suggestions made are only an opinion of this reader whose intention is to help, not to criticize in any way.
ERRORS: No spelling, grammatical, or other mistakes were noticed.
SUGGESTIONS: None I think would improve the poem.
OVERALL IMPRESSION: The rhythm is fantastic, and the imagery excellent. You painted a poetic masterpiece of your grandparents and the others in a very humorous way. My favorites are the lines about the dentures, your grandfather wearing only one shoe while chasing you with wobbling knees. You were quite a handful. I can see why they drifted to sleep. The last verse is great as well. You did a marvelous job of expressing what goes through the mind of a child.
Hello Jaiam Keep in mind that suggestions made are meant to help, not to criticize your work in any way.
ERRORS/SUGGESTIONS: No spelling, punctual, or grammatical mistakes were spotted, and I cannot think of anything I feel would improve the entry.
WHAT I LIKED: Let me begin by saying that the image before the item is lovely and an additional plus. As for the poem itself, the imagery is excellent. The poem is terribly sad, yet parts of it are also inspiring. Examples of these are the entire third verse, you seeing the beautiful lily you thought would last eternally, words whispered to the wind, and the last verse that added inspiration to the loss.
Hello Yellow Rose Keep in mind that any suggestions made are only an opinion of this reader whose intention is to help, not to criticize in any way.
ERRORS: No grammatical or other mistakes were spotted.
SUGGESTIONS: There are none for improvement. You did a fantastic job of using the prompt.
OVERALL IMPRESSION: The rhythm and imagery are outstanding. In seventeen lines the impact of how painful it is when losing someone we cherish and the denial felt. You could not have said it better about saying farewell to tomorrows. Very well written and emotional poem!
Hello Shannon Please keep in mind that any suggestions made are intended to be helpful, not critical.
ERRORS: No mistakes were noticed.
SUGGESTIONS: There are none to offer for improving the item.
MY THOUGHTS: What I liked most was the way the resolutions are expressed and how the letter lets readers know more about the writer in the process. The image before the item is an additional plus. I agree that time passes swiftly, and like how you question yourself why you are writing the letter, followed by the explanation. Like you, I have learned a lot about myself throughout the years, and strive to keep most resolutions made....writing and family my first priorities. My personal favorites are the paragraphs about the meaning of life, church, ADD, and Pay It Forward, however, I agree with your views about rainbows and butterflies. Summing it up, the letter is outstanding.
Hello BEAR Keep in mind that any suggestions made are only an opinion of this reader whose intention is to help, not to criticize in any way.
ERRORS: No commas are needed after "Andrew", "assured him". A comma should follow "Strangely", and none come after "circle again", "from him", "attention", and "negativeness". A space is needed between the question mark following "gone" and "Those". A comma should come after "Valentine". No semi-colon is needed following "annoyance".
SUGGESTIONS: Just a humble opinion, but I think that "once more echoed" would read better if worded like "echoed once more".
OVERALL IMPRESSION: As mentioned above, the article needs some editing, but was still enjoyable. Andrew and the woman are defined well, and the emotions relayed with realism. I liked that. The ending was uplifting, especially after all Andrew was going through.
Hello jaya Please remember that any suggestions made are intended to help, not to criticize.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: No punctual, spelling, or other mistakes were noticed, and there are no suggestions to offer for improvement.
CHARACTERS AND PLOT: N/A
WHAT I THOUGHT: From the moment I began reading the entry, I was swept up into the wonderful world of romance. You did an excellent job of using this weeks prompt, and the imagery is terrific also. The emotions are expressed in a way that touched my heart.
Hello Deanna! Thank you for your entry in "COLORING THE WORLD CONTEST TEMP. CLOSED " [E] Please keep in mind that the suggestions made are intended to help, not to criticize in any way.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: No grammatical, punctual, or other mistakes were noticed, and there are no suggestions I feel would improve the item.
CHARACTERS AND PLOT: N/A
WHAT I THOUGHT: The rhyming pattern is superb, and the imagery just as good. You did a wonderful job of using the prompt too. Although the poem is terribly sad, it is written well. Some examples of what I think are perfect imagery are about the soul escaping and leaving you alone, forever in love and the beautiful smile that will never disappear, and my favorite about if the soul could hear your heart. The last verse is inspiring, for losing loved ones makes our hearts bleed, but knowing we will be reunited one day is uplifting. Written from the heart, I enjoyed the read.
Hello Dan Sturn. Please remember that any suggestions made are only the opinion of this reader, whose intention is to help, not to criticize your work by any means.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: No commas are needed before "one and the same". Other than that, there are no suggestions for improving the poem.
CHARACTERS AND PLOT: N/A
MY THOUGHTS: The combination of imagery and who you are is outstanding. Some excellent examples are the lines about the weather melting you and making you, the trees, and the clouds the same, the mountain in a hurricane sweeping part of you to the sea, and the warmth of the blaze. The poem is well written. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and wish you the best.
Hello Kaz Keep in mind that any suggestions made are only an opinion of this reader whose intention is to help, not to criticize in any way.
ERRORS: Just my humble opinion, but placing a space between paragraphs would make for an easier read. A comma should follow "sounded frightened". Commas should also come after "moment passed", "hear yelling", "food to you", "in size", "a way out", "his throat", "find him" and "hint of tears". "dieing" should be "dying" instead. Many others like these were spotted as well. I also think "he" is used far too much in the story. I would consider reconstructing some of the sentences. Again, this is just an opinion.
SUGGESTIONS: As mentioned above, I would cut "he" in some of the sentences because it is used too frequently. I would also consider putting spaces between the paragraphs.
OVERALL IMPRESSION: Mister and Misses Nox, Zahilla, and the other characters are described well, and so are the settings. You did a good job of relaying Zahilla's fear. I especially liked his memories of the fire. With some editing, I think the story is off to a good start.
SIMPLY POSITIVE AND TRADITIONAL POETRY CONTEST LEADER
Hello ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams Please keep in mind that suggestions made are meant to help, and in no way intended to criticize your work.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: The rhythm is great except in one of the verses. "softness" and "calmness" do not rhyme. However, I still gave the poem five stars because I was unable to think of other words to replace them without having to alter the loveliness of the entry.
CHARACTERS, SETTING/S, AND PLOT: N/A
MY THOUGHTS: The rhythm is excellent with the exception of the lines mentioned above, and the imagery just as great. The poem is inspiring in every way. My personal favorites are the lines about the deep blue sea, living life for today, Him showing you patience, wisdom, and softness, and Him showing you how to follow your spirit. The poem is uplifting and written well.
Hello Digi~Kitsunekin This review is being made on behalf of WDC POWER REVIEWERS.
ERRORS: Periods should replace the commas following "unbound", "sound", "hand" "stand", and "hate". No comma is needed after "the man" and "And. Others like these noticed in the poem as well.
SUGGESTIONS: None other than those mentioned above.
OVERALL OPINION: The rhythm is terrific, and the imagery used in describing the settings and emotions just as good. My personal favorites are the verses about the demon, storm, and you making lightning, although I think the entire poem is fantastic.
SIMPLY POSITIVE AND JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO GROUP LEADER
Hello MarkLewis ~ a mirage This review is being made on behalf of WDC POWER REVIEWERS.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: Being as it is used after some of the sentences in the poem, I think using punctuation where needed in all of the lines would make for a better presentation. You begin using a rhyming pattern that falters after the first verse. Just another humble suggestion, but I think the poem would be better if the pattern was used in all of the verses.
CHARACTERS AND PLOT: N/A
MY THOUGHTS: The imagery is outstanding. I like the poetic prologue. A lover of mythology, I enjoyed the item from beginning to end. I especially like the way the daughters loves and tormentors are relayed and the verse about little candlewick, the latter being a good example of super imagery.
Hello Perish Throckmorton Please keep in mind that any suggestions made are only the opinion of this reader, whose intention is to help, not to criticize your work in any way.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: A period should replace the comma that follows "comments like these" and "it" capitalized afterward. Other than that, no other errors were noticed. The only suggestion I have to offer is that I think the story would make for a better presentation and easier to read if there were spaces between paragraphs.
CHARACTERS AND PLOT: Eric and Dahlia are well defined. The storyline is not slow moving, which is an added plus.
OVERALL OPINION: The story is dark, yet well written. The imagery used in describing the characters and settings is awesome. Tara thinking her friend led a blessed life certainly proved to be wrong, yet what Dahlia did was horrifying. From beginning to end, the story held my interest.
SIMPLY POSITIVE AND JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO GROUP LEADER
Hello Alexis Tigerspice Welcome to Writing.com! Any suggestions made by this humble reader are only an opinion meant to help, not to criticize your work in any way.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: No grammatical, spelling, or other mistakes were noticed, and the only suggestion I have to offer is to keep writing these lovely poems.
CHARACTERS AND PLOT: N/A
MY THOUGHTS: The imagery is dynamite! Some of my personal favorites are the rain falling like teardrops from Heaven, the sky and earth joining, and purifying with virgin droplets. Like you, I love a good rain. The poem is well written and beautiful.
WRITE ON!
Sherri
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