This is a Rising Star Member to Member review just for you.
I really liked this well written and well thought out poem.
It is a free verse which flows so freely with the use of illeteration falling on the last syllables here in this stanza - When the first screams sounded,
hands over ears could not drown them,
people running, falling, dying,
the strange ones chasing,
laughing, howling in madness.
This is truly creative writing of a unique nature.
I saw no errors and I have no suggestions to make this a better write.
My overal impression is one of a thoroughly remarkable tale put to verse.
First of all I would like to thank you for your entry in my Stroll Down Memory Lane contest.
Now on to your review ~
What I Liked/Didn't Like
I liked that you started and ended your story with the same three words here.
Your story, although a great one, does not actually follow the prompt that you have chosen here. Most would see the TWO girls in the prompt you chose as characters in the write. You have chosen to write a story based on only one girl from the prompt you chose. Thus making it somewhat difficult for me to try to figure if you have complied with following the prompt!
I will, however, accept this entry.
Theme
You've followed your storyline througout your write of a young girl growing up lonely on a farm.
Grammar/Spelling
I see no errors here.
Overall Impression
A wonderful write that grabs the readers attention instantly and keeps them eagerly waiting to read the next sentence.
I really enjoyed this exceptional write about the teachings of the Native American people.
I especially loved the way you show the fight between good and evil exists in both Christianity and Native beliefs.
My favorite part being the last line here -And above all else - when we borrow something that belongs to God, return it as good as it was when we got it.
This is an interesting article (you might call it that)about evolution. You've presented your own perspective of Darwin's Theory and have come up with some thought provoking ideas.
I saw only one typo here- harry. Did you mean hairy?
I like how you add that bit of humor at the end of most of your serious subject matter.
This is a well written and endearing story of a conscientious objector in your platoon in the Vietnam War.
Why anyone would intentionally give this a lower rating than what it deserves is beyond me!
I found it to be; not only interesting, but very informative information about the role a medic plays in his platoon. It gives the reader an insight into the role of the medic 'Bones' here.
First of all I would like to thank you for entering my Stroll Down memory Lane contest.
Now on to your review ~
What I Liked/Didn't Like
I like that you started and ended your piece with the same three words.
I really enjoyed the vivid imagery you have used in your story - There was silence on the lake this morning. It was his favorite time of day, really. Not quite light, so the birds were not yet stirring, making their familiar cries as they greeted the new day.
Here you take the reader right to the edge of the lake with you.
I found it a problem with your breaking up this story with too many small paragraphs. It takes away the reader's interest and slows down the flow of the storyline.
Theme
The theme of this story is played out real well. The main character sits alone at the lake and lets his thoughts take him back in time to when his children were young and how he taught them to fish.
It goes back in time to describe thoroughly those days gone by.
Then it ends with a burst of the of the present
Grammar/Spelling
I see no errors here.
I do see a fragmented sentence that you may want to correct here - After the moon had already set, silencing the creatures of the night.
I am rewriting your review for you, because I forgot to make the first one a public review!
First of all I want to thank you for your entry in my Stroll Down Memory Lane Contest
What I Liked/Didn't Like
I like that you started and ended your poem with the same three words.
You have followed the prompt you chose very well.
Theme
You have chosen a verse about an old rope swing as your storyline here. The verse begins with the thick nostalgia of the memory of the rope swing, carries the memories throughout, and ends with the pulling of the swing back to childhood youth.
Grammar/Spelling
Looks good.
May I suggest using an apostrophe before the word Twas{/} and neath.
Hello Oldwarrior,
This is another review from your Mentor.
I like the humor that comes through with this short write about New Year's Resolutions!
My favorite part is here where you talk about past lives - With my luck I was probably a stinkbug or a polecat or at best a slave or orphan, nothing glamorous like a great warrior or statesman or even a really good pirate.
My only suggestion would be in choosing your Item Type for your item use the drop down menu for something other than "other".
Write on.
ShiShad
Hello Oldwarrior,
I am reviewing this for you today as your Mentor.
I really loved reading this lighthearted write about being exposed to the classic musicals and Disney films of another era.
What an original and clever way of expressing - The great message that these wonderful musicals try to spread to all of us is none other than The Golden Rule, love thy neighbor as thyself.
You've captured my attention for sure.
Write on.
ShiShad
This is such a special tribute to a Holiday celebrated only in America, and one that comes from the warmhearted Meg, who makes it even more special by adding her Australian charm to this verse.
Well done Meg. I wish for your wish to be granted even if it's in some small way.
Shi
First of all, I would like to thank you for your entry in my Stroll Down Memory Lane contest.
Now on to your review ~
What I Liked/Didn't Like
I absolutely love this story!
I like that you started and ended your story with the same three words.
You've followed the prompt you chose with a wonderful adventure that grabs the reader's interest from the start, and holds them spellbound to the finish!
There is nothing about this story that I did not like.
Theme
You've ingeniously managed to tell your unique tale of two children wanting to please their father by giving their stinky dog a bath down at a nearby creek.
Your use of detailed imagery during the children's mission gone wrong is awesome; as demonstrated here -
The wagon shot off down the hill with my father piloting and the poor unsuspecting Duke along for the ride. After a moment of disbelief, Ellen began to run after them as fast as she could go. At first they did o.k., my father laughing as he steered the wagon around the rocks in his way. They picked up speed at an alarming rate, however, and my father began to have difficulty picking a clear path. When the back right wheel bounced over a good sized rock, Duke had had enough. The Setter, proving without a doubt that dogs are smarter than children (and many, many adults), bailed out in a panic and turned tail, running back up the hill, never once looking back to see if the crazy boy who had started this lunacy survived to the end
You take the reader along for the bumpy ride!
Grammar/Spelling
I saw no errors.
Favorite Part
My favorite part being - The above mentioned RIDE!
Overall Impression
A joyous adventure, that takes the reader on a roller-coaster ride with a boy and his dog downhill, in a wagon, and his sister in tow.
First of all, I would like to thank you for entering my Stroll Down Memory Lane contest.
Now on to your review ~
What I Liked/Didn't Like
I loved this original and endearing story of two children and their dog who are attempting to leave home with a wagon filled with goods!
I like that you started and ended your story with the same three words.
There is nothing about this story that I did not like.
Theme
You have followed the prompt you chose with a very clever theme of a big sister wanting to leave home because of an injustice. Your beginning explains this injustice clearly.
The middle of your story deals well with the problems the children are up against by deciding to runaway from home.
You've managed to execute your solution brilliantly and pulled off a surprise ending here!
Grammar/Spelling
I saw only one error - they would have to put her in that special hospital Grandma Milly lived
I think you meant to say (lived in).
Favorite Part
I really haven't a favorite part...I loved the whole story!
Overall Impression
A well written story with endearing characters and dialog that entertains the reader and leaves them wanting more.
Hi Robin,
I'm back in your port again finding out what's new here.
The title of this write caught my eye. I've got to hand it to you for writing about an issue that is so controversial.
I really admire that you write what you believe in, regardless of what others may think.
You've done a fine job on this piece.
My favorite part being - Just take a breath – less mean;
And get to know my heart.
What you think so obscene
Is God’s most holy art.
I stand a Man
Formed by His hand.
Perfection from the start
First of all I would like to thank you for your second entry in my Stroll Down Memory Lane contest.
Now on to your review ~
What I Liked/Didn't Like
I like that you followed the prompt throughout your write and that you used the same three words to start and end your piece.
It felt like you had chopped off the sentences in a hurry and ended it all too soon!
Theme/ Form
I liked the theme of chidren at play here. Your theme went nicely with the prompt you chose.
I also liked your strict pattern of rhyme and meter you chose for the form.
Favorite Part
My favorite part being~ Happily lost in their own world,
They laugh and cry
Without being shy.
They act like a wild herd!
Overall Impression
I fun write to read; that I only wished would have been a longer one.
First of all I would like to thank you for entering my Stroll Down Memory Lane contest.
Now on to your review ~
What I Liked/Didn't Like
I like that you began and ended your poem with the same three words; and that you also followed the prompt you chose, so nicely.
There is nothing about your write that I did not like.
Theme/Form
You've chosen a theme of children's work at playing. It is played out well throughout your choice of sonnet form for your piece.
Grammar/Spelling
I see no errors in either grammar or spelling.
Favorite Part
My favorite part being - When children play they’re busy in their work,
It’s hard to say what is more important.
They play seriously, never do shirk.
Their play, of their work, is reminiscent.
This stanza clearly states the importance of the child's play and how it can be defined as work also.
Overall Impression
A good write about children's play.
Good luck in the contest.
Write on.
Shishad
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