Hi P. If this is your first story, I look forward to what you are capable of writing.
I was there with your thoughts. I knew that you thought he had someone else. It was all a misunderstanding. Words that take the wrong turn and cause pain. It is a great love story and could be expanded into a short story. [There you go]
Just a little more tightening of your spacing would be good.
I am going to fan you as I look forward to hearing more of your talent.
Well done P and Writing your Bio and letting us know a bit more about you would be great.
Happy Autumn Season
Alexi Mason
Beautiful! So beautiful. I felt every pain for you. I wanted to get a dry cloth and soak up every pain that bled from your being. From your heart, your head, your soul.
It's like looking at a dirty soiled piece of paper and trying to wash it clean. The more it is washed, the more it disintegrates.
The only answer is to discard the old piece and pic a fresh new piece to start afresh. The first chapter being 'The beginning of a new life' of discovery.
A metamorphosis of throwing the old skin away and what emerges is, a new being, a butterfly. The butterfly can see from all angles and it is beautiful.
Thank you for allowing me into your thoughts M.
Hugs
Alexi Mason
This is a treasure of a poem that could go into your life summery. When your grandchildren look at this in years to come they too will shed a tear and be thankful for the traditions of their grandfather.
Beautifully written and memorable. A time of reflection; thanks giving and peace on earth.
Well done
Alexi
Interesting thoughts from the archives of one Jeremy Buxton. I remember the song well and most of the words. Interesting that your dog looking at you and following you around was the button that pressed you thoughts to recall this eternal song from the first world war era.
The 1959 version was great and although I liked 'Shakin' Stevens' I preferred 'Emile Ford and the Checkmates.'
An interesting read
respect
Alexi mason
It's interesting how much we can see in the clouds. I believe it is right for us to read the clouds. Jesus said 'He is coming in the clouds' and all his heavenly hosts. Every eye shall see and everyone will know that I am Lord.
I like your poem. It made me smile and wooosh! The plane took it away in an instant.
God is the best painter. He has the best colours and an ever changing canvass. No two seconds are the same.
Well done.
Alexi
This one made me smile It's a fun time of year and I can picture the torturer taking home Mr Pumpkin and then ouch. Off with his hat and oh! Pain ! His innards are being scooped out. Then the eyes. I can hear him scream, a start to Halloween. Then torture as he lights up the night and sweats, although he knows nothing about it as his brain is made into soup and his torturer sits at the kitchen table and eats his tasty brain and cackles. Mwhaawhaaaa!
huds{e:smile\]
Alexi{e:heart}
I can only send a Picture in of a pumpkin someone else has tortured, as I have never mutilated one myself. I get someone else to do my dirty work
Love it! Made me smile. I know what they're like two of my sons went through the tarantula stage. One had to put a brick on the top as the thing tried to get out the larger he got.
well done
Alexi Mason
Hi E.S.
Your faith has saved you. Fear not the ill will of wicked men. Don't be envious of those who prosper for their sins.
Be happy in him and he will give you the desires of your heart.
I like the way you boldly put this forward and have the faith towards your goals.
Mightier than a two edged sword. he knows your heart.
Well done oh conqueror.
Alexi Mason
A good visual poem and a cat that carries a poison to his master. The bible of investigation is opened on the desk and a magnified light spot is focused on the culprit
A detective that investigates like a bloodhound. A tripods plant that has to be destroyed. The plot is set and the thirsty green alien is splatted like the wicked witch of Oz.
One feels sorry for the detective and his suffering and sends a message of hope that nature will take it's course
and the detective in question will find a sequel to his tale of revenge.
Ha, lovely and a well deserved win. Make sure you put that you won and the contest and date on the bottom of your poem. Your claim to fame now.
Well done and be proud my poet friend.
Alexi.
I like this poem and it has story that gives pace to the streaker and laughter all round with the peoples amuse
I can picture old wrinkly, bony Millie running for her life thinking probably that she is being chased by a former acquaintance. Perhaps the one who put her in the home in the first place.
When I get to the last line. It might just be me but I don't think it had the punch line that I expected. As I said it could be me. Sometimes I get a joke the next day when it is forgotten.
A nice poem and cleverly written.{e:smile]
Alexi{e:music2}
Hi Ken. Now this poem is a I love it and oh such memories spinning back. Children today don't know what their missing until we come along and teach them the old ways.
I love the way you lured the boy from the TV set. I can picture it as that's what they seem to do these days.
The language is so real, uh, ugh. It's like an alien with gobstopper in his mouth.
The first round. Marbles! now your kidding me.
Strategy round two. Your reeling him in.
He is hooked now, good job
He is even enjoying it. The crowd cheers.
Father and son time
The wife is happy, it's marbles.
Tiny spheres of colored glass and a priceless memory for all. It's a winner
and one for the memory }
Loved it
Well done
Alexi
'This review is part of the gift basket from "Invalid Item" That you won at the"Invalid Item" raffle'
This is a lovely poem and it connects with bringing up small children.
If we had a pound every time we heard those words, we'd be rich.
Thank goodness the fairy dust gets the little angels and by some miracle they fall asleep and look so beautiful it warms our hearts.
A lovely child's poem Amay.
Well done and write on.
Bubbles of ideas
Alexi Mason
Hi I have just finished reading"I Used to Do the Jitterbug" I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Yes, It brings back al the memories my Mum told me about all you gorgeous gals and guys. Those were the days.
Overall Impression/Emotional impact:
Fun and a memory lane trip.
Form Format, Rhyme and Meter {as aplicable):
All good
Artistic voice and imagery:
Totally believable. The arthritic pain and helplessness
I looked at this once before. Also when it happened my heart tore when it made it's mark for ever in history. I was so upset I left the page and it's there again. When we look at the precious moments we have on this polluted paradise that God made with his love and his own hands and mankind has blemished. We look to our salvation and those who are already sleeping will rise first. All the pain and suffering for them will be salved.
I believe our writings stir the buried truth In a world that would forget and maybe, just maybe, it will make a difference.
This is such a devastating story in your poem. Your words paint destruction and torture. like a serial killer trying to destroy a soul that was not meant to die.
It must have been a horrendous moment that brought your soul to the point of such wanting. Such pain. Mental torture flashes of evil.
Stop! Rehab! Healing. I am glad that time has erased the pain and filled that soul with beautiful sanctuary.
Amazing soulful words expressing a memory best cleansed by heavens medication. Soothing balm of someone who suffered every sin on a cross he had to carry and understands.
Pat It is a pleasure to look into your family life . The pictures of you all are a delight. Family is the breath we take and the substance that hope brings into our lives.
The last photo with your delightful grandson. His look says it all.
"So this is my family! Think you can do better."
a pleasure.
Oh, If that is you in the pretty grey dress then you are awesome
Thank you for allowing me a look into your family album
Smashing and flashing
Alexi Mason
This is quite rhythmic and humorous. The naughty lazy King and his whistle and flute. I can see his servants and soldiers rushing around and making faces behind his back.
Peace and quiet when he slept. A jolly good tale.
Well done WM another success.
I like the little crown.
Alexi
This is a nice little tale. true or not. Strange a cat comes in ghostly form. It must be very scary. I did have a ghost once of an old lady that used to live in the house and had since died. my husband didn't believe me and one morning The wardrobe on his side of the bed had a clothes hanger on it and it was moving up towards him and down again. Not from side to side as might happen.
my husband became a believer from that moment and I told him she was friendly. I spoke to her and told her to go three doors down as her husband had moved there.
She never bothered us again.
yours is a similar tale.
Nice one Ron
Alexi
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sky1/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/8
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.28 seconds at 11:39pm on Jun 29, 2024 via server web1.
| (4.5)
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
