To be honest, this is not the sort of thing I usually review. Nothing against it, mind you, but it's just hard to know what to say about free verse poetry.
Anyway, this is a sad little poem. You mention in the intro, that it's about a child affected by war. I should say that the actual text of the poem doesn't exactly make that clear. There's a lot of war imagery, but not much about the actual child.
Anyway, I did enjoy the last line which contains a rhyme with the line two lines previous.
This is a short and simple poem about a fairly relatable topic. As far as I can tell, it has now syllable count. Just a rhyme scheme of alternating couplets. I particularly liked the couplet in the middle where you apologized for the approximate rhyme.
Well, this is not the sort of thing I would normally want to read. I think it's a little bit overwritten and melodramatic. Maybe there's an audience for that kind of writing, but I am not in it.
My other problem with this is that it doesn't have much of an ending. Am I to understand that this scene was meant to be part of a larger work? If so, perhaps the larger work will explain the characters and develop their relationships better, but out of context, this piece left me uninterested.
This is a fairly simple bit of free verse which unfortunately can be kind of hard for me to review.
I see that you were prompted to write a poem using the line, "the day unfolds". You have used it as a sort of refrain in the beginning, the midpoint, and the end of the poem. It appears that the first half is a description of dawn and the second half is a description of the evening.
The observations themselves are pretty and it is a generally pleasant read.
I have to be honest, I probably would not have reviewed this if I had not encountered it in the "I Write. . ." activity, so I will do my best.
You do some interesting things with the prompt words. I would probably not have thought of using the word, "rifle" that way. Probably, the one that I like the least is the sentence where you use the word, "physics". That entire sentence seems a little bit extraneous.
This is honestly not the sort of thing I would normally want to read or review, but it was ahead of me in the "I write in 2024" contest.
I had no idea what a heart cath was so I actually googled it. It sounds like a fairly disturbing procedure although the google site claimed that it was painless. You also say you suspect they used conscious sedation. I'm a little surprised that they would do something like that without telling you.
Anyway, I didn't see any technical problems here. Although, again, I normally would not see much point to reading it.
As far as I can tell, it's mostly free verse. The closest thing to a form that I can find in here is that each stanza is four lines. The first and the third lines have no rules except that they have to be fairly long and sandwich the second line which is always a three syllable, "where are you?" It's an effective refrain because it is so simple. The fourth line has to contain the word, "lost" which I understand is the prompt for this contest.
It is an interesting poem because we have no idea whom the speaker is addressing or how they lost this person.
I guess this is actually an effective statement of loss without saying much.
I think it's a very good form the way the shorter lines "sandwich" between the longer lines. I will say that when I examined the lines carefully and counted the syllables, I found that the second line is one syllable too long. Maybe you can change it to something like:
"They gaze at mine without pleading"
Aside from that, the first stanza is very powerful. Somehow the second stanza seemed a little weaker. The rhymes of "glance, romance and chance" seemed a little less interesting than "misleading, pleading and acceding.
This is a good paragraph. I would like to know more about the rest of the context, but it seems to come from a discussion of the question whether there is such a thing as an unforgivable sin, which is an excellent question. You come to an excellent short answer.
This is a very inspiring entry. I don't know Glen Campbell and I had never heard this song before, but I looked it up on Youtube and I can see why some people would find it moving.
I like your idea that one starts with a random act of kindness every day and gradually becomes a full time kind person.
Hello. I actually just entered the very same contest which this was written for. Although, my take on the subject was much darker.
Overall, this is a decent story for the propmpt. The entire thing is a little bit predictable, but maybe that's what you expect when writing for a prompt like that.
The main character is definitely believable as someone who would have suicidal thoughts. Whenever you contemplate suicide, probably the first thing that stops you is wondering what your friends and family will think.This character has no friends or family to speak of, so I guess it's understandable.
All right. I just entered the very same contest that this was written for, so I feel a little biased.
Anyway, I am actually a little divided on whether I like this entry. The first part sounds like nothing but a list of platitiudes about writing with no relationship other than the letters of the alphabet.
I thought it got a little better towards the end. Particularly when the author becomes self-referential about how the poem isn't that good. The part about "xylophones mak"ing more sense" and "yeah, that was a stretch." At that point, the interaction between the lines was better.
All right. I know what the prompt for this story was, mainly because I thought about entering the same contest, but I couldn't come up with anything.
It's an interesting little story, but I had a little trouble following it. I had to read it twice to get the idea that this character lost the ability to dance because he got a ticket and got it back when the ticket was dismissed.
The judge responded, with a wicked smile. "Mr. Moore, I'm not auditioning for a Broad Way play, so performing my favorite One Hit Wonder song isn't going to help your case."
This line struck me as a little bit illogical. Normally, when people are auditioning, you don't play their favorite song.
I guess my point here is that the whole story sounds like something that was rushed and not really thought through carefully, which I'm sure it was.
It's written in free verse, which is always a little bit hard for me to evaluate, but I think you used the medium rather well here because each line is a brief to-the-point idea about how angry or hurt the author feels.
Most of the lines are good and to the point, but I might suggest rewriting a few of them more crisply.
For example:
"Even when that is never my real plan"
could be rewritten as:
"Even when that is not my real plan"
"Despite the anxiety that had erupted in my body"
could be
"Despite the anxiety that erupted in my body"
But all in all, it's a good poem and I think it's interesting that you say it's a "never-ending" cycle.
Ah. this was the first book by Agatha Christie I ever read. In a way, it made everything else I read by her a disappointment because too many of her other books were just repeating the same tropes, but this one was definitely a departure.
This is a an interesting little story. I see that some words at the beginning are bolded which I assume were the prompt words for the contest. And actually, I can't help noticing that all of the prompt words are used at the begining before the plot really gets under way. I suppose there's nothing wrong with that, but it almost gives me the feeling that this is two pieces. The first being just a description of a night at a carnival using all of the prompt words and the second being the story that you wanted to tell.
Anyway, the story itself is good if not great. A girl proving herself by beating boys at a game is a nice story even if it has kind of been done before.
Very Good. This is an interesting sonnet. The first quatrain seems almost funny because it's about something so simple. But the second quatrain shows that there is more going on here. And then the third quatrain shows how both soup and love are unified for the narrator.
The final couplet is a little contradicotru. The narrator says that he wouldn't have it any other way. Well, isn't the point of the poem that he would rather be in a real relationship with the soup server? But maybe that's just poetic license.
I see that it was an attempt to write a story about the antagonist of a novel. Well, I can certainly see how an experience like this one would turn an individual into an antagonist.
This character has a truly terrible parent and has other reasons for hating his mother. I shudder to think what kind of cop he becomes,
I certainly don't think that product sounds very goood to say the least.
The last part seemed a little bit strange. I have to say that I don't think it was a very strong punchline, which brings me to the larger point that I'm not really sure what the point was.
What a touching story! We know almost nothing about the characters, but we know enough to feel the narrator's sense of loss.
And of course, we can relate to not wanting to part with things that remind us of our loved ones.
I also noticed that "paranormal" is one of the genres listed for the piece. I think that's a little curious because I'm not sure if this story is paranormal unless maybe the blackbird is paranormal.
Hello. I have randomly selected this piece to review.
It is an interesting exchange. The original letter is by an extremely devout person who seems to believe what he wants to believe rather than actual evidence.
On the other hand, the response is a little strange too. I remember hearing abput Whitley Streiber's Communion although I never read it. This person has some strange ideas about religion, but there is no resolution to it.
Who is this Sam Adams anyway? I mean I know he played a part in American history and was also a brand of beer (Not to mention a bar in Boston) but in your poetry he is a recurring character.
Anyway, this poem tells an interesting little Horror story which might have been more interesting if it was fleshed out into a story. I'm not sure it was meant to be told as free verse poetry, but it's worth a read.
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