\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/wiesblaize
Review Requests: OFF
750 Public Reviews Given
769 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to find the WOW-factor in your writing. No in-depth analysis, just my thoughts. #19 PR June 2016. #29 PR July 2016. #10 PR August 2016. Newbies Academy Reviewing Classroom, Winner June 2016. First Place The Newbie Academy Review Contest June 2016. Second Place "The Newbie Academy Review Contest " July and Aug 2016. #9 PR Sept 2016.#20 PR Oct 2016. First place "The Newbie Academy Review Contest" November 2016.#22 PR Nov 2016.#36 PR Feb 2017.#67 PR March 2017.#56 PR July 2017.#41 PR Aug 2017. #77 PR Oct 2017. #53 PR Nov 2017. #53 PR Dec 2017.#96 PR Sept 2018. #38 PR Aug 2020.#26 PR Sept 2020. #56 PR Oct 2020. #80 PR Nov 2020.#76 PR Aug 2021. #47 PR Sept 2021. #69 PR June 2023.#53 PR July 2023. #45 PR Nov 2023. #55 PR Aug 2024. #30 PR Sept 2024. #59 PR Oct 2024. #79 PR Nov 2024
Favorite Genres
short stories, some poetry
I will not review...
reads > 2000 words
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
1
1
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)



Hi, JCosmos Author Icon, I found your poem in the Newsfeed, and since I just took an aspirin for my aching wisdom tooth I couldn't resist to review.

*Wdclogo* Overall Impressions *Wdclogo*


Your pain is my pain at the moment. My teeth are probably not as bad as yours but I feel your pain.

I have bad gums and have 4 appointments this month. One is with the dentist for an annual check-up; the other 3 are with my mouth hygienist for deep cleaning with sedation of the whole mouth.

Ouch, I am dreading them all.

On top of that, I have an aching wisdom molar that had to be taken out a year ago according to my dentist but I postponed the procedure every time. Till now, now I am in pain.

I am feeling it, especially with hot and cold drinks. Aspirin helps, so I have made another appointment for the end of January.

*Wdclogo* Suggestions *Wdclogo*


I liked your poem a lot. The repetition does the trick, it coincides with the repetition of the annual appointments you have.

And you captured that sense of urgency in your words.

Thanks for sharing, keep on writing.

WakeUpAndLive Author Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
2
2
Review of The Coffee Monkey  Open in new Window.
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)



Hi foxtale Author Icon, I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirits. *Delight*


On Title/Subject
Funny title that grabbed my attention.

General impressions
I got two stories for the price of one! Both stories were short and sweet.

This story is also about the new puppy your daughter asked about after the old one passed away. As I know as a dog owner myself, this is always a sad period in time. But you got the new puppy after a while. I have to congratulate you on teaching the puppy those basic commands. Mine were shelter dogs and I was never quite able to teach them. Too much baggage from their previous lives, I guess. And I am not consequent in my teaching I am afraid.

But the pun lay in the last paragraph where you brought your wife her morning coffee. Funny!

Favorite Parts
The bit about the puppy and your last two lines.

Suggestions
No errors I could find. I loved reading your short story.

Final thoughts
The other story was also fun to read. So, that left me with a smile on my face. Excellent job!

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
3
3
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Froggie logo

Hi SeanFhear Author Icon, I found your writing in the Read and Review Section. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirits. *Delight*


On Title/Subject
Good title, but it's not totally covering the content. A very lyrical, great love poem.


General impressions
Wow, this is a very loving poem, with a great atmosphere, good wording, pace, and rhythm.

Favorite Parts
Every touch is a tale,
a story in every string of hair,
O I can't have my enough.

Especially "Every Touch Is A Tale". I'm impressed by that line. Do you mind if I borrow and use your words in a prose poem someday? I absolutely adored this line!

Suggestions
No real suggestions, other than you perhaps take another look at the title and come up with something even better. Just a thought.


Final thoughts

A romantic poem that had to be written. Thanks for sharing!

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive Author Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
4
4
Review of Irony  Open in new Window.
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Froggie logo

Hi Sophy Author Icon, I found your writing in the Read and Review section. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirits. *Delight*


On Title/Subject
A good title, but with current world affairs in mind it even could be a stronger word.

General impressions

Wow, I loved this free verse. It hit the nail right on the head. Nothing has changed with people and religion, it became even worse IMHO. Parties hate each other and there is hardly common ground.

Favorite Parts

Isn't it ironic
that the one thing
that could bring us all together
is that thing
which tears us apart?

This stanza is great and I loved the repetition. Great rhythm, sad poem but deep thoughts underneath.

Suggestions

No errors, except the title, too mild nowadays. Adding 'devastatingly ironic' would be appropriate with current affairs.


Final thoughts

I could cry over this poem and what it means for the world and people. But I am an agnostic, so there you go.

Thanks for sharing!

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive Author Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
5
5
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Froggie logo

Hi Spiritual Dawning, First Light Author Icon,I found your writing at random. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirits. *Delight*


On Title/Subject
Simple and eloquent title. The job of a poet is to ponder in the night and create. It's 5.47 here in The Netherlands and we are separated by one hour, so you are a night owl as well. Greetz.

General impressions
I love this little poem. It has great rhyme and rhythm and there is an excellent flow and atmosphere.

Favorite Parts
The sunlight fades into the distance
Soon the stars will greet,
the moon arises in an instant
The world is at my feet.

This first stanza is wonderful. Full of awe and wonder and really optimistic about Life and your place in it: "The world is at my feet".

Kinda like I am feeling now, so I can relate!

Suggestions
There is one thing, a typo or deliberate? 'Gods', did you mean it to be plural, or is it God's?

Final thoughts
A verse that covers every night and every day. Neat. Thank you for sharing and Good Morning!

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive Author Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
6
6
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)



Hi, Rick Fix Author Icon, I found your vignette at your request.

In literature, a vignette is a short piece of writing that does not have a beginning, middle, or end but rather focuses on a specific moment in time and the details within it.

Vignettes do not tell complete stories on their own.

You seem to have a preference for this particular form of prose or short story. And you are good at it.

*Wdclogo* Overall Impressions *Wdclogo*


This time a personal essay, a memory from your childhood in second grade at an elementary school where Mr. Rosen and Ms. Monique held the scepter. The green house where children learned, ran around and colored their paper candles. You can feel the buzz and the atmosphere of this teaching environment through your lovely and sometimes humorous descriptions of the classes and their teachers.

Your younger self fantasizes about the love relationship there has to be between the two adults, realistic or imagined.

The pace and rhythm of this writing are well-chosen, and the wording is powerful.

*Wdclogo* Suggestions *Wdclogo*


I want to suggest you refer earlier in the story to the material of the candles. I was under the impression that they were wax candles and that was difficult to envision, except when the school would have been named Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, or an ultra-catholic dwelling where kids walked about with candles in the hallway. It didn't make much sense to me but later on, I found out they were paper candles, colorful drawings, and part of the lessons.

And try adding two more genres to the story. Personal, Children, and Biography for instance. Genres are ways for readers to filter out the story when they search for something to read and review. You are missing a chance when you have 'Other' framed there. Just a thought.

I loved this little tale. So, thanks for sharing, and keep on writing.

WakeUpAndLive Author Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
7
7
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)



Hi, Rick Fix Author Icon,

I found your mystery at your request. I am mesmerized by it, read it twice with great care and then read it aloud just now, in the middle of the night, in the dark, behind my PC. The computer provides the necessary light to see at all. It is quiet, in my house, in the city where I live. The only sound now is that of the clicking of letter tabs on my keyboard.

*Wdclogo* Overall Impressions *Wdclogo*


What a great, intriguing story this is. A chance encounter with a man, revealing the early days of the computer, when the time was slow, bitts were friendly and computer nerds were exploring the seemingly endless possibilities of a new and exciting world.

I am old enough to know that period in time with the first computer at work, the university of my Alma Mater, and a chunky personal computer at home. I had a father who was working in the early days of the computer and he taught me things, so I was one of the early ones in the world of the clicking sound of the phone connection. A rattling sound, with its own song.

I remembered indeed we had to wait long, longer, the longest for information that was emerging on the screen.

Your story reads like a prose poem, it has beautiful sentence constructions and a poetic vignette-like feel about it. No real beginning, middle, or end. A mystery indeed.

It reminds me of the first movie of the Matrix trilogy, a movie that I loved. It also reminds me of a movie about radio waves, I can't recall the name, but it resembled the hum in your story.

The end was unexpected, he had pickpocketed your MC's mobile phone. So, in the end, what was he, your mystery man...a great thinker, or a common thief. Or both. Probably both.

*Wdclogo* Suggestions *Wdclogo*


It is a wonderfully crafted piece of writing. An intriguing story. I found one error: a typo?

The first paragraph:'But now we download forecasters, (THAT) are nothing but relics...'.

This is a really good read, and I am gracing it with an awardicon. That's how enjoyable this writing was. You are a great teller of tales.

Thanks for sharing, keep on writing.

WakeUpAndLive Author Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
8
8
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Froggie logo

Hi Rick Fix Author Icon,I found your writing at your request and I am glad I did. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirits. *Delight*


On Title/Subject

Great and catchy title. It drew me in immediately.

General impressions

Wow, what a great poem. Very interesting wording, good atmosphere, and well written. I loved it.

Favorite Parts
It seems to have two parts, one about the vegetable avocado, or is it a fruit? I am never sure. The other is an encounter in the city.

I love a good ripe but not that ripe avocado. It is delicious and a very well-formed veggie. Never read a poem about it though, you are the first.

A wonderful poem that breathes city life. You are very good with words.

Suggestions
No errors I could find. No suggestions therefore, it is the best poem I read in a long time.

Because I am an ESL writer I had to look up a few words, loved that...I like to learn. You provided food for thought.

Final thoughts
Your choice of words, rhythm, and atmosphere makes me want to read more of your poems.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing! Thanks for sharing.

WakeUpAndLive Author Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
9
9
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hi, L.A.Saxe Author Icon,

I found your short story in the Thriller/suspense genre as part of today's Earn the Badge challenge. And I am glad I did.

This is really a fantastically simple but effective story with a lot of suspense. Very neat to be able to do that in only 300 words. Well done.

You managed to make believable descriptions and a sinister atmosphere with two brothers in the woods. The reader is taken by the hand to walk the path through the woods with them. When the woods began to make noise and move even the reader just wanted to shout: "Run guys, run...I 'll run with you. Let's get out of here." It's that believable.

I felt like the boy-reader in the movie The Neverending Story.

To make a believable and credible suspense story is one of the most difficult things to do, in my experience. You made this happen with the simplest means. But it was a psychologically sound move to set the story at night, near and in the woods, with only their fears to accompany them. It taps into universal feelings of terror and dread.

Thank you for sharing, keep on writing.

WakeUpAndLive Author Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
10
10
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)



Hi, foxtale Author Icon,

I found your short story at your request. What a lovely tale about a themed birthday cake and what happened after the dog went for it.

I love the A team. In my country, the Netherlands, there are still some broadcasts airing those episodes again.



I even found that particular-themed birthday cake online. It is quite a special feature. I can imagine the kids loving it and the panic when the cake was partly destroyed. Thanks to swift action everything went well and on time for the birthday.

I did not find any grammar errors, this is just a warm and friendly family tale to tell at a birthday party.

Thank you for sharing and keep on writing.

WakeUpAndLive Author Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
11
11
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


Welcome to Writing.com, Nathan Zimmerman Author Icon,

I found your introduction on the Read & Review Page. It's nice meeting you. I looked at your portfolio and recommend you fill your bio with the necessary facts. People tend to visit, read, and review more if they know with whom they are dealing. And you want them to read what you've created, don't you? For information: check out: Get Started at the top of the page. If you invest some time and effort in reading you will get the hang of the site pretty soon. It can be daunting at first, but you are a grad student so you must be able.

It is great that you have this important project lined up. I hope you will be able to write and finish it. Take your time. Since you are a free member you only have space for ten items in your portfolio, but you can always change that to basic or upgraded. That will cost money or GPs (the currency on WdC), but you can always accumulate points by reviewing or (easy money) visit "Weekly Goals" Open in new Window. [13+] on Monday and Friday and list your goals for the week. It can generate 2000 GPs per week if you hold to it every week. Just a thought!

Apart from filling your profile with writing and "Reviewing On Writing.Com" Open in new Window. you can do so much more in contests and this September 1-7 in the Birthday Week of the site. We have existed for 24 years and are celebrating. Come and join us that week. :)

I hope you will enjoy the site. Keep on writing

WakeUpAndLive Author Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
12
12
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hi, Dan I Am Author Icon,

Today is the 29th of August, your Anniversary date at Writing.com. I wanted to help you celebrate until I read your latest poem Will I see her again? And I realized that there is nothing to celebrate. If I read this correctly you lost your wife recently! And I am so sorry. As a cancer survivor who recently was operated on and dodged the bullet, I do so sympathize. I got my second chance in life, but she did not. That cutie of class 1976 is no more. You two have known each other then for around 48 years? It's unimaginable to comprehend. And I understand your plea "Will I ever see her again?". As an agnostic myself I do hope so.

This poem is beautiful in its simplicity and loving strength. A testament to the woman you love.

I wish you all the best in this difficult period. Take care!

WakeUpAndLive Author Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
13
13
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)


Hi, Chico Mahalo Author Icon,

I found this lovely tale on the Read & Review Page and got hooked by your writing style. I loved your compact, straightforward no-nonsense writing a lot. It is very appealing.

The writer took the reader by the hand in a period in his life as a commuter, therapy seeker, patient, and runner. Oh, and he visited a bar also. *Bigsmile*

The way it is described never became boring. I just wanted to read on, which is exceptional because it is a description of a normal life, the life of a city man in his fifties. Not spectacular or anything.

There were no grammar errors I could find, except for "purpous' in the sub-line. A typo? Did you mean purpose?

I am trying to read more of your work in your portfolio. Thanks for sharing, keep on writing.

WakeUpAndLive Author Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
14
14
Review of The Jewel Thief  Open in new Window.
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
logo reviews


Hi, Dave Ryan Author Icon,

I found this remarkable gem of a poem on the Read & Review Page. WOW, WOW, WOW! What a wonderful funny poem. I am not surprised it won several contests. It's hilarious.

7 stanzas with funny remarks to divide them. What a treat.

I read the poem a few times and read it also out loud, it never became dull, it stayed fresh, funny, and extremely amusing!

The best lines? I'd just de-loused the camel, as some snow was on its way. And...Well off I went to wash the cat, with furrowed brow and shin. To name a few, but in a way every line of this verse hit it.

I didn't find any grammar errors, everything was as it should be. Pace, Rhythm, and Rhyme were wonderful! And the content was unexpected.

Thank you for sharing, keep on writing.

WakeUpAndLive Author Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
15
15
Review of (Untitled)  Open in new Window.
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
logo reviews


Hi Andrew W Author Icon,

I could read your subtext in your request, although I am not sure why you would want to know that since the subtext revealed nothing much.

As did the text itself. An example of a very boring relationship!

I can see that you can write. :)

But the text itself is of no significance. Perhaps as part of a larger piece about how boring a marriage can get? No real beginning, no middle, no end whatsoever? I am not sure what I read.

For me, hopefully without being too rude, it seems as if you wanted to write something, but didn't know about what. Without a proper subject, a writer is just a handicapped reader.

Without a title, a proper subtext, or a theme that makes sense I would suggest looking at it again and adding something significant to it. Spice it up, make it happen. A boring relationship doesn't have to be boringly written.

Furthermore, the genre of Adult, as you put it, means usually sex or porn. That is not the case here. Perhaps you can change that genre as well? It also adds to the confusion.

All in all, keep on writing. And remember, this is just the opinion of one.

WakeUpAndLive Author Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
16
16
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
logo reviews


Hi Korosu Author Icon,

We are both in a somewhat melancholic state of mind I would say. You wrote this beautiful poem, I started prepping my memoir in "Shivering Saudade" Open in new Window. [13+]. Both themes are "longing", as far as I can read it.

One thing I would change: two times "wishes". Perhaps the second time change it into "seeks" instead of "wishes for" in line 4? Just a thought.

The two lines most significant for me? Does the water truly admire the lost / Does the wind seek a mast

An integral center of your poem. I truly don't know what your poem wants to tell the reader but the atmosphere is beautiful, intimate, and tranquil. And your title suggests hope.

The poet is floating on the wide ocean, contemplating the situation. But there is a shore, there is hope and a vision, although it is fading.

Keep finding words for the feelings, emotions, and thoughts you have. Thanks for sharing.

WakeUpAndLive Author Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
17
17
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
logo reviews


Hi Korosu Author Icon

An interesting and philosophical poem about identity? The words: I know not the form of a formless emotion hit me. I found the following text online:

"The idea that "formless awareness awakens to its formless nature through form" refers to a core concept in some spiritual and philosophical traditions. It suggests that the fundamental, ineffable nature of consciousness or awareness can come to recognize or realize itself through engaging with and apprehending the world of manifest form and phenomena.

The premise is that underlying all of our experience and perceptions is a primordial, non-dual awareness that is inherently formless, boundless, and devoid of any particular attributes or qualities. This awareness is said to be the most fundamental aspect of our being, the ground of consciousness from which all subjective experience arises.

However, this formless awareness often remains opaque or obscured to itself when it is solely focused on or immersed in the world of forms, shapes, and objects. It is through the very act of engaging with and making sense of these manifest forms that this underlying awareness can awaken to its own essential nature as formless, boundless, and free from all conceptual elaborations.

In other words, it is paradoxically through our encounter with the finite and phenomenal world that the infinite and unconditioned nature of consciousness can be directly realized and known. The formless can come to know itself through the forms, just as the empty can come to know its emptiness through form. This points to the non-dual, interdependent relationship between the absolute and the relative, the unconditioned and the conditioned.

Ultimately, this perspective indicates that the split between subject and object, between the self and the world, is a conceptual overlay upon a more primordial unity of being. By engaging deeply with forms and phenomena, the formless awareness at the core of our being can awaken to its own true nature, which is intrinsically free, whole, and at peace."

I immediately related this with a non-binary identity. But I could be wrong. In any case: your poem is intriguing and food for thought.

Thanks for sharing, keep on writing,

WakeUpAndLive Author Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
18
18
Review of I Don't Know  Open in new Window.
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
logo reviews


Hi, Korosu Author Icon,

Thank you for asking my opinion of this freestyle poem, but LOL, I don't know either. Although I know from the Newsfeed that you perhaps suffer from manic depression, it's impossible to conclude something based on one poem/piece of writing.

I start with stating that I like your writing style. It is bold, fresh and you ask questions, what's there not to like. One point of advice: never ever appologize for what or who you are, flaws included. Don't diminish your writing, they are always more than ramblings.

This prose poem leaves questions unanswered: what are those intrusive thoughts, can you give an exemple in your poem? Can you eleborate on the trauma you mentioned? Without those answers you hint but you don't reveal.

But I like what you are trying to do: make sense with words what is happening in your personal world with you.

And I liked what I thought was humor: that unicorn shooting lasers.

I wish you all the best, keep writing and playing with words and thoughts. They are worthy of existence. I hope you will find your own style.

Keep on writing, thanks for sharing

WakeUpAndLive Author Icon



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
19
19
Review of Mirrored  Open in new Window.
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
logo reviews


Hi, D.K.D. Author Icon,

Brrr, what a scary and really good short flash fiction you wrote. I got goosebumps all over reading it.

No grammar errors, no distractions, it's just right as it is.

The only thing is that you better change the genres into thriller/suspense, horror/scary, and mystery for example. That way more people will bump into your story and read and review it.

Totally worth it.
Keep on writing, thanks for sharing

WakeUpAndLive Author Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
20
20
Review of My Mind's Recess  Open in new Window.
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, strlcuckoo Author Icon,

I yet again found this poem by your own request. A poem about memories throughout life. Why do we remember them? They profoundly impact the boy and the man later in life.

Deep within the recess of my mind.

You keep repeating this beautiful and strong line over and over, like a mantra. It creates a very nice atmosphere that ties up the poem as a whole. I loved this poem and think that you are a true poet indeed.

Thank you for sharing, keep on writing poetry.

WakeUpAndLive Author Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
21
21
Review of The Wind  Open in new Window.
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review by WakeUpAndLive


Hi, strlcuckoo Author Icon,

I found this little gem of a poem by your own request and I am glad I did. A lovely romantic love poem, small, sweet and quiet. That's how I read it anyway.

The tale can be interpreted as a little bit sad, two lovers unaware of each other, apart from each other, reminiscing and feeling blue. But also you can read it as hopeful, they love each other and there is really no need for tears. Or perhaps happy ones, that would be good also.

There is a calmness in your writing that I really enjoy. The pace and rhythm are good, and there is some end rhyme.

One thing I noticed for your consideration: I would leave the word "for" in the end sentence of the first stanza. That way the candance won't be interrupted. But that's personal.

A very sweet nicely written poem. I loved it. Thanks for sharing and keep writing.

WakeUpAndLive Author Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
22
22
Review of Brown Eyes  Open in new Window.
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review by WakeUpAndLive


Hi, strlcuckoo Author Icon,

I found this beautiful poem at your own request and I am glad I did.

What a sweet, simple but eloquent verse, I really loved it. Reading, or speaking out loud reveals the uniqueness of this poem. It has a warm flow, a good pace and an intimate nature.

An ode at the brown eyes of your love, what is there not to like!

4 stanzas and each one of them tells a strong tail. I personally find the second stanza very powerful: There are beautiful/ Beautiful blue eyes/ But those that are brown/ Make my heart rate rise

There are a few things I want you to look at:

* There are beautiful; consider They are beautiful (second stanza)
* My heart; consider my heart (fourth stanza)
* So long as I live; consider As long as I live (fourth stanza)

Really, a very sympathetic love poem, thank you for sharing.

Keep on writing,

WakeUpAndLive Author Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
23
23
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, Enby_Liz Author Icon,

I found your first chapter because you asked me to review it.

This is just the thought of one person, bear that in mind. I hope you are not offended but I couldn't make head or tails of this first chapter.

You jump into a new world without any explanation, it's very hard for me as a reader to understand where I am in the story, who this main character is, and what the story is all about. In order to understand any of this perhaps you should create a prologue before this first chapter begins. That way you can explain the world-building of this fantasy. I understand this is only the first chapter, but chapters must have the capability to stand on their own.

*First of all: The thoughts of the main character must be in Italics to distinguish them.
*"...my muscles , pack it in...
*Please choose one tense throughout the story, now you jump from past to present and back.
*The sentence..."I just thought it would look nice, that's all"...what is that all about?

All in all, I didn't understand what I was reading. With a few adjustments you can change that, perhaps. I hope you will because you put a lot of effort in this chapter as you told so it's worth the try to make it more understandable so people can relate.

Thanks for sharing, keep on writing.

WakeUpAndLive Author Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
24
24
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a super cute feature is this, The StoryMaster Author Icon. I hope I can get this review out in good order. Because I really want that trinket. I want to thank you again for an awesome feature. You are a wizard. This Automatic Review Response is really fun, I hope.

Thank you, WakeUpAndLive Author Icon
25
25
Review by WakeUpAndLive Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, The Puppet Master Author Icon,

I found your story at your own request.

An interesting supernatural story with a twist. I liked it a lot and think it has great potential to be an even better story. Because there were a few things that bothered me while reading this tale about Violet with a crush on Stan, her supervisor. She is killed in a car crash and keeps haunting Stan. With the help of a Pastor the story has a happy ending.

First of all something to do with writing techniques, namely your choice of Point of View. The POVs in this story keep shifting from Violet to Stan, back to Violet, to Stan, to Pastor Quinn and back to Violet. It is kind of muddy and distracting from the content of the story. If you don't choose an omniscent POV but want to shift your point of view during the course of the story perhaps you can make changes in the layout of the story? Either by making different paragraphs, adding blank lines in between or start the new sentence with 4 capital words so the reader is aware there is something shifting. Just a thought!

The other thing that kept distracting me from the content was the psychology of two of the characters, namely Violet's and Pastor Quinn's.

Violet has a crush on Stan, that's what you want me to believe. But the crush has to be bigger and deeper than I can read now in your story. Her passion is so great that she haunts him after death. That's huge. It would be more believable if you added some of that passion before she died so it would be more believable she would haunt him after death.

The other character Pastor Quinn has to be believable so he would do a sort of reversed exorcism, instead of taking the spirit out of a body, putting the spirit into a body (of an animal). Perhaps you can add something more to his thought process that will explain why he believes in ghosts and reversed exorcism?

Anyway, those were the distracting thoughts that kept me from diving into the story. And this story deserves to be told because it is an interesting one.

Although it's only one opinion of one reader I hope you will consider these remarks.

Thanks for sharing, keep on writing,

WakeUpAndLive Author Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
242 Reviews • *Magnify*
Page of 10 • 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/wiesblaize