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First Impression
I don't know if I'm going to laugh or wanna cry about this piece. Maybe because in one moment of my life I experienced the same.
Written in a free verse, I like how you convey your message. It's easy to follow and I believe readers can relate to it. The first line suggests how painful the feeling is but as you read the next lines and verses one can see a determined and strong person behind the tears.
What I liked most
Verse 3 is my favorite. It shows that love knows no age and circumstances.
My suggestions
There is a slight of gray here. The last line is not really fit with that verse.
Maybe you can rename a place where it is known by everyone. How about going
to a garden, to a moonlight walk. A place that is something romantic.
To compromise with rings et al, -->> This line too needs revising. It's too legal term for this lovely piece.
How about saying ...with rings and vows...
Final Impression
You remind me of my early years. This piece can reach for more heights, I mean to say that it has a potential.
If you can employ or use some strong adjectives to it, then this piece deserves high rating.
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Impression:
This is a cool tribute to a mother. I feel the thoughts are deeply attached to a mother. Strong words are chosen to convey the message. The idea of a mother's death is there but i would like to read it in a simple and easy way.
What I like?
These two lines caught my attention most. Pain is harsh,
anguish stronger
It's very true but there's hope and comfort even on this moment of death.
My Suggestions:
the first line is a bit awkward...
"Note: View this Note" An unwilled cry escaped my lips. Linked 'Note' no longer available. Try this line: tears of sadness escaped...
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Thank you for posting an entry.
Impression:
I am curious why you titled it Unromantic Valentine. Well the message is clear and vivid. I regard the piece as an honest confession of how a guy would treat a sweetheart. Kind of feelings that woman don't really expect from a guy.
What I like?
Verse three (3). I can relate that. But hey I'm practicing to sing now.
The couplet is awesome.
My Suggestions:
No major suggestions for this piece.
FIRST IMPRESSION
A good rendition of how a poet works
or exploring a poet's world.
I agree that reading other poem
inspires us too.
WHAT I LIKED MOST
I like this line here:
he poet lives in mystery, churns mystery
Perfectly describes a poet.
SUGGESTION
It's just a piece of thought from me, how
about trimming down some lengthy lines?
Although this is written in a free verse
somewhat the flow and rhythm of the
piece is affected.
REMARKS
An interesting piece about a poet.
Nicely written and a good piece.
When one reads this poem
he would then answer the questions.
Well-written poem. The rhyming
is very satisfactory. The imagery
is great. Readers could relate
well. No slung words used.
I could see the hunger for presence and love
here. This piece comes with strong
emotions.
FIRST IMPRESSION
Reading this piece reminds me of a movie "Shall We Dance?"
starred by Richard Gere and Jennifer Lopez. Your last two verses
recalls also of another movie - "Save The Last Dance" and I'm
excited to read your piece.
I could feel a slight bump in your first two opening lines:
my heart’s music sends me
whirling around this friend
There's a need to revise your first line like-
a music fills the air
surrounds my friend
WHAT I LIKED MOST
The last line tells about courage and I like that.
SUGGESTION
I am not a great teacher but these lines
need reconstruction:
is my dance my own
or have I been guided always
I am confused of what you're trying to say with those
thoughts.
REMARKS
This piece will reap more reviews
if you do some repairs of it.
Try to read aloud and in many times
that way you can feel and hear what
lines should be shorter or longer
or what words and phrases to use.
You have a great potential as a poet,
just master the reading process
and try to maximize references.
FIRST IMPRESSION
This is a thought-pondering poem about one's supplication,
about humbling down, and submission.
First reading alone, a reader can really relate well
to the subject. Message is written in a smooth manner.
Sounds like a child's plea.
WHAT I LIKED MOST
The last two lines are my pick.
It tells that God never leaves us.
SUGGESTION
No major mistakes or suggestions
to point out.
FIRST IMPRESSION
It's a busy day for me after work.
When I read your work, I feel at ease
with the sweetness and simpleness
of the words used. This piece makes your
reader appreciates the beauty of the verses
you employed.
WHAT I LIKED MOST
Verse two especially the fifth and sixth lines.
I see life and pain here. Good combination
of thought.
SUGGESTION
No major mistakes to bring out.
REMARKS
This is a romantic piece for lovers
and for not just on Valentines Day.
I enjoy reading this.
You did well on this type of poetry.
You got an interesting title
Fonts and size are neat
No typos spotted
7th line catches my heart instantly
A very good question in the last line.
I love this piece.
This is a lovely poem written to a wife.
She must be proud of it.
The font color and center-aligning are
simply impressive.
Words used are easy to follow.
Many lovers or husbands like me
can relate to this message.
Lines 7 to 10 are my favorites.
Great piece and I enjoy reading it.
I love this poetry style so much.
You penned a wonderful message here.
Although to some this type of poetry is
not appealing and yet you managed to
convey the message concisely.
i see no major mistakes to point out.
Do you have in the future add another verse
or two?
FIRST IMPRESSION
This is a very expressive piece of pain and agony
of a divorced life.
Each line compliments with each other giving
a smooth flow.
If this is a fictitious or not piece, I admire its
contents.
WHAT I LIKED MOST
Words used are easy to read.
Verse three is my favorite.
The anguish and mood of questioning is interesting to note.
SUGGESTION
Verse seven can be deleted or rewritten.
the thought therein are the same in last two
verses. This is an option though.
FIRST IMPRESSION
This piece comes with a interesting adjectives to hide
the meanings of its lines. The message isn't implied
and is left to the readers of their interpretation.
There is a progression from the start to the nice
concluding lines.
the poem paints a city well.
WHAT I LIKED MOST
I liked how it is structured.
These three lines catch my attention:
Raindrops still fall on my city,
Safeguarding dusty highways,
Dirty streets filled with an ethereal beauty,
SUGGESTION
There's one you left out -
The rain says welcome home, That['s] why it rains so much,
FIRST IMPRESSION
The piece is very short. I consider this as a free-hand poem.
The writer sets no rule in the technicalities (I guess).
Message employed is interesting though it can be written
in a simple one liner poem or sentence.
WHAT I LIKED MOST
The feeling rendered is straight forward.
No mixed emotions.
I liked the last two lines.
SUGGESTION
Do you consider putting some verses?
In so doing, the piece will reap more reviews
and contents will be flowing.
IMPRESSION This is a great tribute poem to the soldiers not only in the USA but also in the whole soldier world. The piece runs smoothly with its couplet in center-aligned. The couplet titles are amazing, giving your readers a glimpse of ideas and thoughts. Words used are not coerced.
WHAT I LIKED MOST The "Team" couplet strikes me very hard.
It has truth and sincerity when it is written.
SUGGESTION I think US of A to rhyme with pay isn't working out well. Try to reword it like: USA and so we say. Something like that. You have option anyway to take it or not.
REMARKS A very good piece worth reading for.
Reading it helps me to be more patriotic.
Thank you for registering to this challenge which will
start on July 1, 2011. This is a complimentary review.
The blog header is colorful. It gives your reader
an excitement to read on.
You have written longer entries in each page and that
tells me you have really something to share.
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This is a great tribute poem to the soldiers not only in the USA but also in the whole soldier world. The piece runs smoothly with its couplet in center-aligned. The couplet titles are amazing, giving your readers a glimpse of ideas and thoughts. Words used are not coerced.