~Greetings from a Gruesome Gargoyle~

Allow me to introduce myself; I am the feared library gargoyle. I come off my perch nestled upon the gothic spires of the library’s turn of the century period, style architecture.  (Not this turn of the century, that other one.)

It is my job to roam the hallowed halls of this library each year during the month of October.  If, perchance a book should fall off a shelf and startle a patron I am amused. No one really notices me, as I can stay perfectly still, the way a sculpture can.

My favorite time of day is during those wee hours of the morning when no one is around. I wander the aisles of the dust-covered books and breathe in their essence.  I just love a good book, with coddled eggs, and some fava beans, and a nice Chianti (slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp, slurp).

So here, I sit; it is three o'clock in the morning, and I am engrossed in a good book or maybe I'm enjoying a gross book. It doesn't really matter, does it? This particular book is one of those "how-to" type books on home improvement. I am quite drawn to this specific chapter on adequate insulation. You see, these old libraries do get drafty on an October's evening. Since I only have one month to haunt this building, I would like to be comfortable.

The old librarian, the very old librarian, (Oh, hell who's kidding who, the dame is a fossil!) had quite a fright earlier yesterday. I waited as quietly as possible near the ancient history section of the bookshelves, when suddenly old stone face hobbled down the aisle on the opposite side. Just as she prepared to place a book upon the shelf, I lurched forward pushing several books down upon the floor in front of her.  The old bat must have jumped a good ten inches off the floor whilst screaming profanities of the most disturbing nature. Subsequently, she collapsed in a fit of faint, I believe, on the floor in a very un-lady like position, with her legs reaching for the sky and her unmentionables all up close and personal. It was quite a remarkable sight, albeit very irritating to a gargoyle’s delicate constitution. I resolved not to frighten the old biddy again, but rather, to spend my time tapping the back side of the younger librarian every time her back was turned. I even did this classic trick on her, when a gentleman was nearby in the same aisle as she. Well, you should have seen the feisty gal turn on a quick and slap that poor, unsuspecting man across his face. That was just so amusing!

I am sorry, I do ramble on, I was talking about the old lady. Well, the assistant called the emergency medics to come tend to the unfortunate old woman’s state of unconsciousness. I heard her talking on the phone about the folly of the frail, fossil’s first freefall in fifty-five fortnights; requesting the aid of an ambulance to get the beast to a doctor. That’s right, I said beast. I thought to myself... “hey lady, don’t bother the doctor, for pity sakes, go straight to the veterinarian!" 

However, all that is behind me, for another day will soon shine its sunlight upon this antique building.  I will again frighten and harass all who dare to step before me; until the midnight hour of Halloween has arrived. Pending that moment, I must ask, have you read any good books lately? Oh No, wait, what was that? Ouch, dang, owie, it’s a blasted rat trap! The indignities these humans put we civilized statuary through, these days. Grrrrrrrrrr!


598 words.