To bring comfort to those who are grieving and awareness to those who are not. |
Perceptions Go away! You don't understand. I don't feel anything. I'm empty. I'm coping. I need to make people understand. I need them to know how I feel. But they can't. Thank goodness. Nothing matters. What's the point ? People try to help - empty words. Not empty to them,perhaps - but empty to me. I have to do everything perfectly, properly.. As he would have wanted. Emptiness, nothingness, as I have never felt. Sobbing - so much sobbing. I can't stop - I will never stop. This is how I will always feel. Was it my fault? Did I do something wrong ? Should I have noticed more ? Listened harder ? Did he know ? Did he have a premonition ? Do people blame me ? What if ...............? I can't remember what you look like. I can't remember your voice. I don't see your face in my dreams. What's the matter with me ? Didn't I love you ? Slowly - too slowly, you come back. You try to help me. I see you in my dreams. You tell me you are all right. And that I should be, too. The parachute gradually opens. You tell me it is okay to laugh. To trust the help I am being offered. To allow others to assist me on my journey. To be strong. I try to help others, too. But at what cost to myself ? Where is the balance ? How much can I give ? Nothing - unless I first think of myself. There is an ache - there will always be an ache. In this new and different life. I will try to start anew Enriched with the knowledge my journey has given me. The journey is not finished, But it is my LIFE. There are others who know what I know. Who feel what I feel. We are one in our loneliness. I find comfort in their words. Identify with their cries for help. You will always be with me. My other half, my other life. But I will try to be happy, Try to be the best person I can, In your memory. Thank you for your love. For moulding, cherishing and protecting me. Now I will prove that you didn't make the wrong choice. I will show the world that I am me. And that I am special. As special as you thought I was. But I need strength - so much strength. And every so often..I must pull back, And just take some time To remember, to remember How it was. Trish |