The shadows of my life

Long it has been since I dared to face the thing that most people on these lands fear most – themselves. Nothing is more confronting to look in that mirror and reflect on what you have done with your life so far. Peaks on which you can see the flags of success as they are played with by the wind but also deep valleys. Valleys in which you can see crosses with on them the stories of your failures. The successes are there to be celebrated, to lock away in your heart as a reminder and a guide in times where hope is scarce. The failures… well they are there to make you stronger, to make you realise that nothing is for free in this world. To remind you that, even in times of celebration, you should dare to look back, just to see where you came from. I saw it all, reflected in my eyes when I looked at my mirror image. I saw times in which I lay down, bleeding and near death. I saw times in which people took me on their shoulders while shouting my name. I saw times in which I was working, day in and day out to reach my final destination. Where I am now? No idea. Where I am going? Would not want to know. What I want to do? Tell you my story.

My name is Eilfy, a quite normal girl who enjoys playing games every now and then. I am both shy and outgoing, intelligent and idiotic, strong and weak, normal and abnormal. I am far from fearless but I am not overly courageous. I think and I feel. I act and I react. By the means of this description, it looks like I am close to what people call ‘a human being’. Yet it does not feel that way.
What is normal? What is abnormal? What makes you to who you are? Why are you who you are? Questions that can not be answered but I do not believe that they should therefore be forgotten. Thinking about yourself, consciously reflecting on who you are, what you have reached and why you are at a certain point in life are important things for me. I do that via writing: poems and short stories or essays. I feel satisfaction when I see the words appearing on my screen, knowing that they are a reflection of who I am and what makes me that way. I am aware that, despite the certainty with which I have stated this, it all comes down on opinions and debates. I do not avoid them – I learn from them. I teach during them and they are a reminder for me to keep reflecting on why I think that some things are right and others are not.

Two things will be important during the rants I will hold: poetry and debate. The poems I write are an artistic way to tell what I feel and think. They are a reflection of both the peaks and the valleys of my life. The debates are there to show that despite my superficial determination and strength, I am no more human than anyone else out there.
I hope that, by these means, I will be able to show a bit of who I am. I also hope that it encourages others to open up a bit more, to get to know each other and listen to the opinions that are so often overheard.
         
I stand here in this field. When I look up, I see the top of the highest mountain. Behind me are the graves of my last mistakes. As the sun rises between the mountain tops and rays tickle my face, I look up to face the sky. A soft breeze strokes the skin of my bare arms as I stretch them to the side. Slowly I move my head backwards until the back of it makes contact with the cloth of my shirt.

“I ask you to free me from the burden that lays upon my shoulder. Let me be a warrior once again. Hear my prayers and make me return to all that grows.”