Misunderstood...

Misunderstood

         

She went down the aisle in her white flowing gown. I was at the end of the line, wearing my black suit. She smiled at me. I smiled back. She reached her hand over, and I-- oh, what was I thinking. I'm the best man, not the groom.

         Not the groom--  and never will be with Jen.

         

         Days passed since the wedding and I was still the same, looking out for my bestfriend, Jen, even though she was already married. We were still the same, neighbors and each other's best of friend. Everyday, I look at her from my window, wondering why things have gone so wrong, why can't God just tie our strings together, why can't we just fall for each other.

         I used to come to her house twice a day, back when we were still in high school, every other day when we were in college, and thrice a week since we got our jobs. But since they got married, I've only been there once-- during the wedding which was held in the garden.

         I remembered the time when she gave me an I-Miss-You letter when I went to stay with my grandparents for vacation, when she blew me a kiss before exams for good luck, when she patted my back everytime I missed a shot in the basketball practice. We were indeed very close, but why, why can't she be my lady?

         How I wished she could be mine.

         

         One day, I got hungry so I decided to shop for some food downtown. I was about to ride on my car when Jen came running to me with tears rolling down her soft pink cheeks.

         "Allan, Allan is dead!!" She shook my shoulders hard with her slender fingers.

         "What-- what happened??"

         "He-- he stabbed himself," she buried her face into palms.

         "What?? Call the ambulance."



         We waited outside the operating room. The smell of different medicines lingers to my nose, but I didn't care. It was not a time to complain, but a time to comfort my best friend.

         Jen continued crying. "What did I do??"

         "It's not your fault. It's not like you're the reason why he did that. "

         "I do love him, Matt."

         Those were the five most painful words I've ever heard. Why does it have to be Allan when it was I who never left Jen's side?? Should life be always this unfair?

         The doctor finally came to us, after minutes of waiting that felt like hours. He shook his head and told us it was too late.

         "I'm sorry, I could no longer save him."

         Jen cried hardly as she ran inside the operating room. I didn't follow her cause I now that seeing her, weeping and needing Allan badly, hurts twice than those words.

         

         We came back home late. I left her when she fell asleep on the couch even though I knew that she needs a company for the night. I know she needs me, but I needed some space to myself now.

         Allan is dead.

         I remembered the time when she cried on my shoulders when her little puppy died. It felt that way, but now a person is dead not a dog or cat anymore, but someone just like me.

         I didn't know if I should be happy or not. I never liked Allan. Nothing about him is likeable, I don't know what Jen saw in him. He's plain and simple, not the type of guy that any girl would like to date. Even though I don't look good or anything, but next to him, I was a star.



         The next day, I looked out the window to check if she have open her windows for fresh air, or her door to invite me in. But no, her heavy curtains were still blocking the sunshine from entering, and her door, from letting me in.

         There was nothing fun to do, nor was there something left for me to do. I decided to take some nap and check on Jen once I woke up. But unexpectedly, I was awaken by the sound of the ambulance, disturbing my peaceful sleep. Then some police cars came. An officer then knocked on my wooden door.

         "What do you want?" I said as I open the door.

         "Do you know 'Mrs. Jennifer Frost'?"

         "Yes. I do."

         "Tell me, sir, by any chance, is your name Matt?"

         "Yes, I'm Matt Atkinson."

         He did not reply but handed me a letter. I was about to ask him, but he left immediatedly upon handing me the letter, I opened it, and it was from Jen.



Matt,

         I've always liked you since before-- since we were still young and till even now. But I was wrong in thinking that you liked me back, too. It was just friendship to you. I did everything to show you that I like you. I sent you an I-Miss-You letter, which if you fold backwards, you'll read an I-Love-You. When I blow you a kiss before exams for good luck, when I pat your back everytime I missed a shot in the basketball practice, when I cry on your shoulder to show you that I trust you, those were all signs of love, but you never seemed to see the meaning behind.

         I got married then, thinking I'll just forget you, but it made my emotions fire up. I don't want Allan, I need you. But Allan doesn't want a divorce between us, we've been just married for days! But I was completely in love with you. I stabbed him from behind and instantly he died.

         But  I thought everything would be okay, no, guilt creeped into me and I didn't have any choice but to be with Allan. I thought of not doing this,  I was scared, but you never showed back any sign.

         If only you love me back, I could have never done this.... and be apart from you.

                                                                                                                       

Jen