Bouncing Back

There are just some times in life when things just knock you down.  Actually takes the sail out of your wings and leaves you feeling alone, lost and destitute in mind, body, soul, and finances.  They just happen.  You don't plan for them, and you darn show wasn't sitting around just waiting on them to happen.  So, what do you do when this happens to you?

The easy answer is dust yourself off, get off your pity wagon, climb back in the saddle, and  do something about it.  But that is often easier said than done.  In fact, from the sitting down or lying down position that the situation has landed you, it is almost fairly impossible to even think about getting back up or climbing in the saddle.  You really just want to sit there or lie there and pull the dirt up over you.  Why bother?

But, wallowing in your bad feeling allows you to not take any responsibility for what happened to you.  It also allows you to place blame, and blaming feels oh so good as you sit or lie in your present position of failure.  If you don't do anything, no one could blame you because everybody knows that you have given it your best and it just was not suppose to be.  Some might even think that you really did a good job considering the circumstances  Why not just sit or lay there and be done with it?

Picking up the pieces is just so hard and requires some effort, when you have no effort left.  You are broken with nothing left in the bank -- physically, mentally, spiritually or otherwise.  You are in utter disrepair.  Your hopes, your dreams, all dashed into nothingness, and now you are out of it with nothing to show.

So, what do you do?

I cry.  I cry and cry and cry until all of my tears are gone, and then I get deeply deeply depressed.  I question my very existence, and that of everyone else around me.  I can't believe that I let this happen to me.  What in the world was I thinking?  How could this have happened to me.  Followed very quickly with why not me, I am not all that special, so why not me?  This can go on for days, but like everything else in my life, I limit my pity party and/or I forget why I was feeling so low and turn my attention to my next adventure, usually something totally different from my last big failure.

Having something to feel good about often provides the opportunity to examine what really went wrong on the last one, and allows time to let it marinate until it germinates something that I can use.  Quite often that time really pays off in dividends because I am no longer consumed with why I failed, but with what can I do differently the next time, IF there will be a next time.  For me, there is always a next time.  It may be wrapped up differently, but there will be a next time.

Bouncing back is hard, but it is not impossible.  So, I find little things that can be done quickly and be rewarding.  Things that can bring me a temporary relief from the pain and the self-pity.  I write a poem that expresses my feeling at the moment.  I write in my journal about the incident, the total crash, and resolve to climb back in the saddle. I get out of my bed that seems to just be drinking me up, and begging me to stay in it.

Bouncing back can also be rewarding.  It shows strength of character.  It shows courage.  It shows resilience. The trick to bouncing back is recognizing that you can!  Once you arrive at that position, you are back!  How you do it may not be easily discernible.  It could be waking up one morning and feeling once again like facing the world.  Or it could be as subtle as finding yourself appreciating the beauty of a rose.

Being able to recover from a knock out means making sure that you are ready to recover and that you are in recovery mode.  To begin the process before you are ready often means new setback, unanticipated results, and even greater financial losses. Plan your recovery by first assessing the loss.  Determine what went wrong to cause the calamity.  Making adjustments, and gathering your resources to ensure a better outcome in the future.

These little tidbits have been learned through trial and error, and I am not sure that everyone has to go through trial and error to arrive at each of these little tidbits for themselves.  Since each of us learn differently, and experience life from different vantage points, what works for me may not work for you.  BUT, no matter the difference, the vantage point or the environment most of us are capable of learning from our mistakes.  To me, that is all it takes to bounce back -- learning from ones mistakes.  Learning not repeating!