Witness to Withness #10

Life seems like it spirals out of control. Today was one of those hopeful days for the most part. I have one more day to finish off my work week. After meeting with Phil, I discovered that the tattling is very common and just part of real world dynamics. I had night mares of all kinds after hearing that. One nightmare included putting the finger on a violator of the law as a security guard and fearing for my life. There were also dreams about courting the end of the world or at least feelings related to it. On a positive not I saw myself at a Catholic seminary trying to regroup. I am still a long way from trying to spread my wings.
My sports obsession continues even after the Celtics lost and the Sox continue to struggle. I want to feel some sense of connection. Sharon is on the mend. She found out she had an infection. It feels kind of painful, only because I feel like I am working hard and continue to struggle with getting myself on schedule for working with wife to get the house in order. On a positive note I enjoyed when Sharon helped me get my tire fixed. There is hope-just hang in there!!! My attitude needs lots of work. My own journey to run and shoot baskets on a regular basis is helping me feel a lot better. I got a best of 28 out of 50 and there are signs that I can do better. I am running in the neighborhood of 5 miles a week. Today I ran a high of 2 and one quarter miles on the tread mill. My work habits are getting better. I continue to keep my work area looking good and I am more on task. Time will tell what this means as I continue to envision some form of stability financially and psychically. It will be real nice to be with my kids in church on Sunday. I will see how things progress. Keeping a more consistent journal will help as will my exercising and better work habits. When I do things to make my own home look better-I will know that I am doing more to let my attitude heal. It is up to me what I want my life to look like and a trip to Massachusetts or anywhere else won’t help if my internal dynamics are way out of synch.
I continue to praise the Lord about similar things: resting, music, working, exercise, sports, puzzling and loving sweetie-connecting with others. My goals are similar-I still struggle with reading the bible and helping around the house. My stand at keeping myself medically sound by keeping appointments is still there. Hospice has been put on hold. Having better work habits continues to be important. When I recently saw scripture in the work place I felt like I woke up. There was a woman with a cigarette problem. She went to all manner of methods to get her need met. Immediately I was remembered about the lame beggar by the beautiful gate-the disciple did not have money, but they had Jesus and in passing this vital knowledge on the lame man jumped for joy. The woman did find an encounter that landed her at the addiction clinic across from the walk-in gate where I observed. It was sad to see she could not get help-due to lack of insurance resources, yet it was heartening to see she could look in a different place. Sometimes one can only make another curious and witness to how another seeks to find their way to Christ-the realization Christ lives in them and works through others!!