The Box

The Box

Staring out of the window awaiting your return seems pointless because I know you're never going to walk through the Iron Gate and down the path to the door ever again. I know that you're not going to ever leave the door ajar in the summertime in order to let the summer breeze inside. Yet still, I sit by the window every day at four o'clock and I stare out at the road in front of me, watching the cars drive by, watching the people walking past and sometimes I hope that I will see your '76 Mustang pass by or that I will see you turning the corner. I can always be hopeful.

         She crumpled up the piece of paper she was writing on and threw it on the floor, wiping her tears. It had been three years since he had been gone and although she knew and understood that he wouldn't be back, she couldn't stop herself from thinking, and slightly believing, that this was all a terrible nightmare that she would one day wake up from.

         She walked into the kitchen and put up a small pot of water. She never used the coffee pot anymore. It didn't make any sense to since it was just her who was drinking out of it. She mixed the instant coffee with the creamer and sugar and began to drink the coffee while sitting at the empty kitchen table. The house was too big for her to live in by herself with a three year old, but she didn't want to sell it. Too many memories lurked around the house for her to just sell it and while that would be a reason for someone else to sell a perfectly renovated house, it wasn't a good enough reason for her to do so.

         She took a slow walk around the house, looking at the pictures on the walls that she just couldn't bring herself to take down. She looked up the stairs and decided that she would indeed take the trip up there this year. It was about time that she stopped using the sofa bed in the living room as her bed. She figured three years had been long enough. She needed to move on from it now. She walked into the living room, opening a drawer on a side table, to take out the key to her room and her safe keys, figuring it was about time that she opened it to see what was lurking inside.

         Walking up the stairs, she decided to put both keys in her pocket, deciding to open the door to her son's room; a task she figured needed to be done before she could go into her room. Turning the brass knob to the door, she took a step inside and closed the door behind her.

         She glanced around the room, her eyes sweeping over the calm, peaceful blue of the walls that had cartoon characters on them and then gliding over to the mattress, still in its plastic, leaning on the box to the crib. She paused in the middle of the room and glanced around at the blue bags propped on the floor that were filled with blankets, sheet sets and stuffed animals, milk bottles and sippy cups were probably in those bags as well. A white dresser was in the corner with the drawers stacked on the floor with bubble wrap around them. All of this, stuff that he picked out, stuff that he carried up to the room. Stuff that she couldn't go through after everything that happened.

With a heavy heart, she walked toward the door that opened up into her room. Unlocking the door she walked inside and everything was the same way he left it. Clothes were hanging out of his drawers, the deodorant can was still in the garbage pail, his socks were on the floor and his pajamas were on his side of the bed. She didn't want to rearrange anything. The only things that changed in the room were the time on the clock and the normal room temperature depending on what season it was. The amount of dust, she figured, changed as well since the room accumulated a lot of dust in the past three years.

         She opened up their walk-in closet where all of her gowns and dresses were hung in front of his suits, one that matched every gown and dress and ten others that were for work. At the very end of the line were her white wedding gown and his white tuxedo. She ran her hands over it, pulling it out so that she could take a glance at it. She immediately put it back when the tears started to come out. She wasn't ready for this. Not yet. Not now.

As she sat at the edge of the bed, letting her tears out, she noticed a box that peeked out of the corner inside of the closet, a box that she had never seen before.

         She wiped her tears and kneeled down in front of the closet where the box was and she pulled it out. The box was brown with lilacs and red hearts painted all over it and had a key hole in the shape of half of a heart. She had never seen the key before, so what was this and where could the key be?

She put the box on the bed which was made up perfectly and had a nice baby blue comforter on it. She examined the box carefully and began to shake it. She heard something moving around but whatever it was, it was too thick to make a loud enough sound for her to know exactly what it was.

         She decided she would have to look around the room for it but then that meant that she would have to sift through the clothes and relive all of their memories, a task she put off for so long. She had no other choice. She was interested in the box.

         She walked to the opposite side of the room and decided to check the safe where all of her jewelry was kept. If there was any place that he would hide the key, it would be in there. She got the keys out of her other pocket and put in the keyhole then turned in the combination. Taking out all of her jewelry, she started to relive the memories of when she was gifted them but she quickly cleared her head to focus on the task at hand: finding the key to the box.

         She noticed how some of her necklaces had hearts on them, especially one; a locket. She opened the locket to see if the locket was the key to the box but it didn't work so she put it to the side. "What else could it be?" She asked the silence around her.

         Then it hit her, there was a chain that he bought one year, one that had their initials on it and it was half a heart since half went to her and half went to him. She went into her top dresser drawer of her white vanity and found her key chain, but that didn't open it either.

         She continued to sift through the jewelry boxes and when nothing in there was able to open the mysterious box, she decided to check the safe to make sure she wasn't missing anything and sure enough she had. It was a small box that she never saw before and it was wrapped in black wrapping paper; an odd choice. She opened it and inside was a small folded letter. "I hope you find what this belongs to before you find this. Or else, I just drove you insane." The letter read.

         Putting the paper to the side, she lifted up the small foam that was guarding whatever was in the box. It was a silver half heart that had their wedding date on it. She took it into her hand, feeling the cold of the metal against her skin and she opened the box with it.

         Inside of the box was a heavy, letter-sized envelope and under it were pictures of them together and her wrist corsage with his boutonniere; things that she believed she lost forever when she moved from their first apartment. She looked at the pictures one by one and couldn't figure out how he saved these pictures. She always assumed they got ruined in the fire.

         Moving on from the picture, she opened the envelope and she found all their love letters in there, some had burn stains on them but they were mostly all in tack. In the back of all the letters was a letter that wasn't smeared and wasn't burned and was folded horizontally. She opened the letter.

         Dearest Amelia,

         If you are finding this letter that means you found the box and if you found the box that means that I'm already gone.

         I love you, Amelia. I've loved you ever since we met. You lit up my life like no one else could and you loved me like I never knew I could be loved. There was something about you that made me want to live when I told you that I was dying and you refused to leave my side. I know it was crazy of me to stay in the burning building to get all of this stuff together but you and I both knew that I wouldn't last much longer and that these memories are what would keep me alive for years to come.

         I could never fathom that truth that I had to be without you and you had to be without me but that's just the way life is, Amelia. Don't you, for one second, show your hatred at the world for taking me away! I have lived forever in your arms when you'd hold me close at night, when you'd hold my hand to claim me as yours in the streets. It is only because of you that I was able to hold my head up high. So when you walk those streets every day, hold out your hand Amelia because I'll be right there to feel the warmth of it to make me feel whole once again.

         Thank you, Amelia, for giving me a life beyond anything I ever thought that I would have. Keep that beautiful smile on your face and let those dimples show, if not for yourself, do it for me and Nicholas.

         Nicholas needs you now, Amelia. He is the epitome of our love and don't ever make him feel like he's not getting enough of it. I know how much you love him and want to protect him so do it for the both of us. Don't ever make him want for his father. Show him me, talk about me. Let him know that yes death hurts but there's something that lifts the heaviness of it and that's love and hope which you have so much of Amelia.

         I love you. Forever. Since February 14, 2007 and way beyond the world's death.

                                                                      Love Always Yours,

                                                                                Jake



         Amelia's tears slid down her face as she held the letter to her chest with her knees drawn up. The pain in her heart was much more than she can bear and she felt the same way now as she felt back then when he died with his hand in hers in the hospital bed.

         Jake had a brain tumor and there wasn't anything the doctors could do but let him live out his days. She found out when they were dating a year that he didn't have too long to live and she decided that she would give him the time of his life and six months later they were married and a year later she was pregnant with the only child she would ever have; a boy named Nicholas.

         Calling her parents to let them know that she was on her way to pick up Nicholas, she thought, today is the day we begin again.{/