A
Just Inheritance by
Dean Carroll
It was a cold
February afternoon, when I travelled with my wife Francine to the
late Sigmund Pretorrie's mansion. As his cousin I was to attend the
former actors reading of the will.
Stopping at the
bottom of the road leading up to my late cousin's residence. I
noticed that many cars had arrived already.
With Francine
clinging to my arm I greeted the many actors and agents that had
frequented Sigmund's life, some still currently on stage, other's
I hadn't seen or heard of for years.
As a stage actor
for forty odd years, Sigmund had a prolific acting career appearing
in Shakespeare and occasionally on film, but with the onset of
Parkinsons, he retired from acting, becoming reclusive. Holding onto
a tight group of friends. I was one of them.
As I waited outside
the house I greeted James, Sigmund's younger brother and
complimented him on his funeral eulogy he had read out in remembrance
of his brother. James smiled thinly in acknowledgment, and surveyed
the crowd.
"All the vultures
are out for their bit of the carcass I see," he sneered, at the
multitude frequenting the mansion. Some having not bothered showing
their faces at the service.
"Always the case
James" I commented "They're always shown at their worst at
these gatherings" I commented.
Meanwhile Henrietta
arrived at the house, in a small Fiat Punto.
Having lived a
modest life on a modest income, Henrietta still went out of her way
to help her elder brother, and encouraging him into acting. In his
later years she organised a home help to make Sigmund comfortable in
the onset of his illness.
"Hello Henri" I
smiled, given her a hug. I liked Henrietta immensely because despite
the fame and fortune her brother possessed, she never felt envious,
preferring to be content with what life dealt her, and be happy with
that.
She surveyed the
scene "I didn't know Siggie had so many friends" she said,
eyeing up the building crowd. James sighed at her naivety.
As Henrietta walked
off with her husband to greet the celebrities, a voice shrill and
piercing, broke through the sombre talk, causing people to look
around in surprise. I looked over as Sigmund's spoilt and obnoxious
niece came bounding over with her mother.
"Hello Matilda!"
I smiled, as James made himself scarce, barely acknowledging his
sister and niece.
"Hi my man Paul"
she said snapping a piece of gun in her mouth, hugging me tightly. I
acknowledged Sigmund's sister, Rosamunde, who looked in smug pride
at her daughter.
"What's Uncle
Sigmund promised you then?" she asked, cutting to the chase.
Unable to answer
her I told her it was secret.
"Well Siggie
promised me a car." She bragged. I listened on incredulously. "Well
it had better be, or I'll be digging him back up myself" she
cackled loudly.
Rosamunde looked in
snooty regard of her daughter "Matilda intends to go into acting
like her uncle. Aren't you dear" she said proudly.
"Yeah! But I'm
not going in for that Shakespeare crap. No way" she spat. "I'm
gonna get me a top agent and get small parts in blockbusters, move up
that way. Make my millions" She bragged.
I looked from
Matilda to her mother who looked quietly contented. Unable to say
anything else to this young whipper snapper, I smiled blankly.
"Well you have
everything cut out for you already" I said absently, desperate to
part company with them both.
*---*---*
At
3:00pm on the dot a black Bentley drove up the drive, carrying an
elderly gentleman and a younger man, that stopped outside the house.
Everyone stood in suspense as the solicitor struggled out from the
car, aided by his partner. In his hand he carried a large expensive
looking briefcase.
As the crowd
gathered outside the door to the mansion. The solicitor introduced
himself.
"Good afternoon
everybody, friends and family of the late great Sigmund Prettori."
He announced.
"I am Mr Peter
Crooks of Crooks and Wigham." He explained. He then pointed to his
assistant. "This is Charles Hatfield." he said, Hatfield nodded
in acknowledgment
"As being chief
executor of the late Sigmund Pretorrie estate, I will ensure that
everyone concerned will receive their inheritance as signified in the
will." Crooks declared.
Many were
frustrated at the solicitors formal speech, wanting to get in the
house, receive their inheritance, and leave.
The solicitor
opened the door to the mansion, with a large heavy key, used to open
the gargantuan lock. Flocking inside, everyone surveyed the place.
The place was
dirty and decrepit. The furniture was covered in years of dust, and a
heavy miasma of rot and mould filled the house, due to being
unventilated for so long. Some of the snobbish of the clientele,
smoothed their fingers along the furniture, producing cobwebs on
their gloves, much to their disgust.
The guests
followed Crooks into the main living room, where he sat down on a
dusty old sofa, surrounded by the crowd, who all squashed in to hear
the declaration. Hatfield standing beside the solicitor.
There was
lingering tension and anticipation, as Crooks produced the will from
his briefcase, opening it carefully, with a brass envelope cutter.
Opening up an ornate pair of spectacles, he carefully placed them on
his nose, and cleared his throat.
He read out a
short statement from Sigmund, that each piece donated would be on
merit of how each person conducted themselves. He said the first part
of the will concerned friends and acquaintances.
All of Sigmund's
agents and fellow actors each inherited pieces of art and furniture,
some very valuable other stuff worthless. There was a mixture of glee
and consternation as they were shared out pieces from the estate.
Barbara, Sigmund's
home help, who had looked after him for nearing on a decade, was
rewarded with Sigmund's collection of Clarice Cliff. Tears came to
her eye as it was announced. I smiled gleefully at her.
Eventually all of
Sigmund's friends and acquaintances had left the mansion, and now
the will dealt with his family. Having had no family of his own, the
will dealt with his brothers, sisters, cousins, nephews and nieces.
There was tension
in the air, as Crooks prepared to read out the will, wondering who
would get the majority slice of the pie.
Crook's read out
Henrietta's name, and she swallowed deeply as Sigmund described her
as loyal and trustworthy. He gladly donated a crown worn by Laurence
Olivier in Richard III that was gladly donated to Sigmund by the man
himself. She smiled at Sigmund's generosity and picked up the item
off the cupboard bidding everyone good day.
The second part of
the will concerned his youngest brother James, who he described as a
friend and reliable to the upmost degree. The will said that James
would find the possession under a burlap sack in the cellar,
describing it as a surprise.
Curious, he and his
son Howard left the lounge and found the cellar door in the hallway.
Finding the light switch, a low wattage bulb barely illuminated the
way, the stairs covered in cob webs. Reaching the bottom they
surveyed the scene.
In the far wall was
a wine rack and beside it they found what they were looking for.
Uncovering the item, they couldn't fathom out what they had
acquired.
The object looked
like a mass of rubber, dusty and rotting, with tentacle like
projections protruding from it. Shaking his head, James thought it
was a piece of junk. Together with Howard they struggled up the
cellar steps with the item, unwilling to reject the piece.
As they took the
item through the living room, everyone looked on. Rosamunde sniggered
with her daughter, who laughed at the offending item.
"It looks like
you picked the shortest straw there Uncle James" Matilda scoffed.
Saving face James smiled sarcastically and dragged the item out of
the house.
The will was close
to a conclusion and all that remained in the living room were myself,
Rosamunde and Matilda.
Crooks read out the
last will and testament to Matilda, who looked on expectantly, a smug
smile on her face." To my dear niece Matilda, who I sadly seldom
seen in life. I kindly donate my entire insect collection." He said
Matilda mouth
dropped like a bomb and looked in shock at her mother.
"But he promised
me a car" she shouted "He said I could have a beetle." She
spat. It was there when the penny finally dropped.
Crook ordered
Matilda to keep quiet who shook her head in frustration, while he
read out the remainder of the will.
The next piece
concerned Rosamunde. Crook' read out that he regretted the way
things turned out, between them in life, but would like to compensate
her with his wine collection.
Breathing out
deeply with relief, she dragged her daughter down to the cellar, who
was still remonstrating about her uncle's stinginess. "Don't
worry dear, I can buy you something better when I sell a sell a few
of Sigmund's finest." She tittered.
Climbing down the
rickety cellar, they surveyed the scene. There was aisle after aisle
of wine bottles, stacked together.
"Were rich!"
Rosamunde screamed, jumping in the air with her daughter. "There
must be a few hundred vintages here" she cried.
She whooped in the
air, while Matilda examined the wines. Picking up one bottle, she
examined it, followed by a second, then a third.
"Mother!" shouted
Matilda, who was loudly jigging. "What dear!"" she said
overcome with joy.
"Take a look."
Said Matilda soberly, handing her a couple of bottles. Immediately
her smile dropped off her face, before going into shock. Panicking
she lifted bottle after bottle from the rack but all were empty.
Suddenly she erupted into rage.
"Why that double
crossing tight-assed brother of mine," she shouted, smashing the
bottles on the floor in rage. Matilda looked on, unwilling to get in
her way, when she got like this. Sitting on the cellar step, Matilda
looked sick as a dog, as Rosamunde went on her breaking spree.
*---*---*
With myself as the
sole benefactor left, I embraced Francine as the solicitor read out
the remainder of the will. Crook's explained that the house itself
and the remainder of the furniture was being donated to the salvation
army, a charity which he had great praise for, it said in the letter.
But the will
included myself. I listened intently as Crook's read that I was to
receive a special artefact donated by Walt Disney. It said that I was
to receive a dinosaur head as used in the film 'One of our
dinosaurs is missing.'
I surveyed the
prop hung on the living room wall, and was helped by Francine to lift
it from its supports. Thanking the solicitor, me and Francine left
with the cinematic piece, wondering how to fit it into the car.
As we made our way
out of the house, I saw James struggling with the rubber object as he
attempted to get it into his van. Lowering the dinosaur head, me and
my wife walked up to clearly incensed James.
"I've a good
mind to dump this piece of crap here" he cursed as he surveyed the
rubber object.
"Don't threat!"
I said helping him carry it. It was when I lifted a tentacle, that
the secret was finally revealed. Attached to it was a yellowing
envelope, attached to the tentacle by a coil of wire.
As I detached the
envelope from the object, I handed it to James, who eagerly opened
it, inside was a photograph and a certificate of authentication.
Staring at the photograph, he couldn't fathom it out. Handing it to
me, I looked at it. It was an old black and white photograph of
several actors posing around an octopus type creature. The name of
the film 'Plan 9 from Outer Space' emblazoned above it.
"Wow!" I said.
Looking down at the piece of rubber. "You know what this is don't
you." I said to James.
"What!" James
croaked.
"You've got one
of the main props from possibly the worst film of all time. You
possess a piece of cinematic history. It's worth thousands" I
said to him.
I recalled the film
now. One of them Ed Wood Junior B-movies. And the scene where the
rubber monster was used.
"Every cloud has
a silver lining" I smiled, at the now chirpy James, who handed me
the certificate to read.
As I read the
yellowing certificate. Rosamunde and Matilda emerged from the house,
with Matilda carrying trays of insects. In disgust she came to a bin
and disposed of the collection, before climbing into Rosamunde's
car. Never acknowledging us.
While we pulled the
treasure into the van. The car pulled away a sullen look on both of
their faces.
THE END
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