Capitalizing

Driving through the busy street, I felt like an outcast. Many children alongside their parents, single women strolling across town, vendors attempting to sell their souls, and groups of friends just hanging out. It's a busy day and I have static across my mind. I'm scared and nervous about actually getting off the car and performing with my guitar. Earlier in the week, I prepared about five songs that would go well, but now I'm second guessing myself and deciding to turn back. I don't however and eventually park the car about half a mile away from the ruckus. It takes me a good minute to actually think about what I'm going to do when I decide to turn the car off. I grab my guitar and cup for change to be thrown into. Walking and pressing buttons to cross multiple streets, I start rehearsing the songs behind my head hoping I don't forget the lyrics. Once in the area, I feel many eyes on my shoulders. Who are theses people? What are they going to say once I open my mouth? Pretending to shop around with a guitar across my back, I finally build courage to settle down in an area that seems to attract the flock. Outside of a retail store, I place my cup down, lean onto the wall, and tune my guitar. The guitar had been tuned twice before getting into the car, I'm assuming it was nerves. Eyes everywhere, the sound of boots onto the pavement, food being eaten and thrown onto the floor, I finally play my first chord. It didn't sound too bad.

After two hours of playing and singing, I pick up my cup and strap my guitar around my shoulder and walk away. I didn't get anything thrown at me, I didn't get a standing ovation, I didn't receive flowers, but it went well. Mostly what I could think of walking to the car were the reactions the people gave off. I remember the faces of the children who stared at me while I was singing. It was like they were for the first time witnessing the greatness of The Beatles. Some adults after throwing their cash into my cup yelled along some of the songs I was performing. Another instance was with an old man repeating the title of the song I was covering was delightful. These weren't the all-time best performances in my life, but to capture little stories like this and put a smile onto a person made it all worth it. Once I got into the car, I switched on the ignition, looked into the rear-view mirror, and yelled in happiness. These yells occasionally occur when good things happen; Exam scores, acceptance letters, job applications, etc. To let everything out knowing that I conquered a fear of mine really did feel well in my system. It's as if everything slowed down for a couple of seconds and I was able to escape reality for those few moments. Once I arrived home, I counted a total of $8.67 and stored it into a box I have inside my drawer. I'm not too concerned with how much I made. That wasn't the goal of today's adventure. I was able to overcome a fear of performing in front of an audience is a much bigger achievement over money. I finished reading the book "Greenlights" by Matthew McConaughey that night and one of the quotes I caught was “I created a lot of the greenlights by taking responsibility today, which created freedom for me tomorrow. I made decisions today, and sometimes even sacrifices, that teed me up for more pleasure or more of what I wanted tomorrow.”