Nothing.

Today might not have been able to make World's Wackiest Weather, but it's a strong contender in my book. All day the rain has been coming down relentlessly and, at 10:00 PM, with the sun down but the rain still coming, my parents still aren't home from their shopping trip. Well, I'm worried, sure, but I decide to go to bed. I head up from the computer room, going up the first flight of stairs and reaching the sort of 1.5 floor of the house, it being comprised of nothing more than the little landing in front of the front door. I stare at the large door a moment, biting my bottom lip nervously, then make sure that both locks are set. I then turn around and put my hand on the dark brown railing of the second set of steps, this one leading upstairs to the second floor, when I hear a strange noise from behind me.

Someone -- or something -- is at the front door. I hear scratching accompanied by a horrible, wet-gurgling sound. Considering I'm a rather jumpy person to begin with, and I'm all alone in the house, my reaction is perfectly understandable. I turn around to face the front door and proceed to scream my flippin' head off.

Anyway, after I recover from that, I run up the stairs as fast as I can and practically leap into the kitchen. My hand on the phone, ready to dial 9-1-1 if anything worse happens, I peer down from behind the kitchen wall, my greenish hazel eyes trained tightly on the front door a short distance away and below me on the 1.5th floor of my house.

Nothing.

Why did it have to be nothing? Any sound, any voice, or any sight would have been better than this nothingness.

I know what I heard, and I know it was there...so the question is, where is it now? Oh man! What if this is like one of those horror movies where it's RIGHT BEHIND YOU!

I turn around quickly, light gray phone in hand, my back pressed against the wall. My empty kitchen stares back at me. Phew.

OH MY GOD! Wait! What if this like one of those scary movie moments where it's RIGHT back where you were JUST looking!! Ahh!!

I spin around swiftly, looking in all directions, phone in my hand like some sort of medieval bashing weapon. Nothing here, nothing there, nothing over there!

Practically hyperventilating by now, I try telling myself that I'm not in a horror movie. The light's on in the kitchen and downstairs but nowhere else in the entire house and I'm not in a horror movie. At least, I hope not.

You know what? The lights are on in the kitchen, and there are two entrances into it...maybe if I just...stay in the kitchen, I'll be all right. But it's very close to an entrance! Crap!

What am I going to do?? "If you'd like to make a call..." my hand told me. "Ahh!" I yell before looking down at my hand, seeing the phone, then quickly hanging it up. I sigh.

Well, if something wanted to maul me, now would be the perfect time. Sad part is, I probably wouldn't be able to defend myself or even see it coming. I guess I might as well resign myself to my fate because, well, let's face it, folks: the 9-1-1 people NEVER get there in time.

I stand like that, my back against the kitchen wall, unable or unwilling to move, for what seems like an eternity. I look over at the clock. 10:03 PM. Okay, so much for an eternity.

Sighing once again, I say aloud, "OKAY! Listen up! If you want to talk to me, talk! If you want to kill me, just do it! If you want to leave a message, please wait till you hear that funny beeping sound!"

I snicker a bit. It makes me feel better to make a joke out of what might possibly be my last few seconds alive. "But seriously, come on out! Might as well get it over with, right? Let's get to it!"

I look through the far kitchen entrance. Nothing. Next, I look over my shoulder through the kitchen entrance nearest to me, expecting to see that freaky corpse woman from The Grudge or, at the very least, a salivating, viscious mut with glowing red eyes and long, jagged teeth gleaming in the kitchen light staring back at me. Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing, nothing, nothing! This is driving me nuts! But hey, come to think of it, nothing is better than a hand bursting through the kitchen wall and strangling me, right? Nothing's better than shadow people coming to get me and drag me away through a thick, black portal in the ground to an eternity of horror and pain, right?

And if you think I'm going to answer that door, I've got a very nice bridge I'd like to sell you.

Anyway, let's look at the clock again. 10:07 PM. 10:07 PM and not a sound, not a peep, not a single cat in sight. Wait...not a single cat in sight? We have FOUR of them. One of them would have come to see me by now if everything was all right...if everything was normal! Oh my God! Something really is wrong! Who the hell is at the door?!

Perhaps for the first time since this tale of nighttime woes began, the frightening reality is setting in. I'm home alone, there aren't any cats around, and there was scratching at the door. Okay, that's good enough for me!

I turn back to pick up the phone but I never make it. If you want the specifics, read the coroner's report, but I warn you: it's not for the faint of heart.

Good night. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite.