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 |  This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters. |
| They say you have to live with someone for a while before you get to know them. Many years ago, I was on a website called SupportGroups.com. It was after my divorce, and I wanted to connect with other people going through a similar experience. I also joined a meth users group to post about my journey and offer support to others in need. The list of groups on the site was extensive, and in my experience, there were a lot of damaged people who had good intentions but lacked the skills and professionalism to offer meaningful advice...and most of the focus was on handing out advice. I learned a lot in the two years I was a member there. I was inadvertently introduced to the astounding number of disorders being diagnosed and treated by 'well-intentioned' doctors. A Google search provided me with information on over two hundred different mental illnesses, along with more than four hundred and fifty definitions of mental disorders. It appears we could all fall under the banner of suffering from one disorder or another, and I wonder if the medical fraternity is guilty of over-diagnosing what in my mind appears normal/understandable (under the circumstances) behaviour rather than being abnormal. Tell a person they have a problem enough times and they will develop a problem whether there was one to begin with or not. Stress-induced...drug-induced...habits that make doing things a certain way become a little more than necessary. The fact that I like to use the same coloured pegs in pairs when I hang out the washing could be considered strange. I could go on, but surely we aren't all crazy? Or perhaps crazy comes in various degrees. One day on SupportGroups, I saw a post from a girl who was threatening suicide. She was a member of a group called HOCD (Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Apparently, according to the medical professionals who treat them, they are not gay, and instead, suffer from a mental illness that can be treated (and I would assume, cured). I felt for this young girl and reached out to her. But, I made a huge mistake by telling her that it was OK...and so what if she was gay? It's a public forum and the hate that came my way from the other members of the group surprised and shocked me. They genuinely believe they suffer from a mental illness (and later I realised that who am I to say otherwise) and any suggestion that this girl might simply be gay, they found offensive. I apologised for my lack of insight and left them to their suffering. The one good thing that came from the experience was it inspired me to write this story "HOCD...Fact or Fiction"  .After Nada and I woke up yesterday, I helped her make the bed. I've noticed this thing she does whenever I put my hand on anything around the house. I was on my side of the bed and did my best to follow her actions. I folded the doona down and arranged the pillows the same way that she did, but when I moved away from the bed, she went to my side and fixed the imperfections she saw in what I had done. There are many other things she does that I question. If I move something on the table, later, it will be back the way it was before...and don't get me started on when I offer to cook anything. Even when I do the dishes, it becomes a coaching session. So, today I sat Nada down and explained to her how it makes me feel when she always corrects what I do. She told me that because she had worked in hotels for so long, it had turned her into a perfectionist. Then she used the old line that 'she does it to make me happy'. The line blurs between habit and OCD. I could simply allow her to do everything and sit on the couch and watch TV while she makes the world right...but that's not what I consider a formula for developing a happy relationship. I was gentle in my approach. I want her to let go of her need to control everything so she can relax and enjoy this new life we are beginning together. |
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