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This is my first blog entry. I decided to try entering my thoughts on an online journal. I guess my first entry should be on how I reached this decision. I saw in the latest (well a couple of weeks ago) contests letter a piece about blogging. I checked out the blogs portion of the site and I was impressed. So many people sharing the intimate details of their lifes. I want to do my part. This may not be the best blog entry, I know. But, I want to learn how to express myself better. I also want more people to get to know me on the site. Today I plan on watching college football and reading during the commercials with the mute button on :). I may check some more of my e-mails and read some more online stories and try and comment on them. I try reviewing everything i read. I admit sometimes I read something and dont review it. Other times I am afraid I write a pretty crappy review. But noone has commented so far. Well I will go for now. |
| What do you do when you inhabit a cold and loveless universe? I ask myself every day because that is what this world is, cold and loveless. God either doesn't exist or doesn't care. Every day events prove that. There is no love, no compassion, warmth or anything just people sterile, cold and loveless. The only thing I can think of is create... create worlds where love does exist....in my head...and so that's what I do. I write stories where love exists and is real where there are actually happy endings... where a God actually cares. I do the same in real life.... i create scenarios in my head where people actually care about me... where I'm actually loved.... and I do the same to the people I care about. None of it is real.... none of it matters.... because in the end of the day... God is not real nor does He care if he was.... but it's all I know to do... |
| I started back in the gym this weekend. I went Saturday and this morning at 2:`15. I plan on going 3 days a week. So far... so good. It only took an hour or so and it's not too far from my house. I also plan on walking 10K steps per day. Hopefully I can keep this up. |
| Supertramp's Logical Song is a perfect representation of where I am. The gist of it is.... Please tell me who I am.... The song is about someone who was once happy and carefree and then grew up to all these voices telling him what he was supposed to be, say, do, etc and he lost track of who he was. That's me in a nutshell. I have no idea who I am. None And no clue as to how to find it either. |
| I am seriously stressed out. In order to be a part of this community I have to do things, participate, get involved, etc. But there ARE SO MANY THINGS OUT THERE! I have NO IDEA WHAT I'M SUPPPOSED TO DO! and if I pick the wrong thing then I will get ostracized, ignored and all my efforts to integrate with this community will come to nothing! But if I don't do something then I won't integrate at all. So basically it's toss darts out blindfold and hope they hit something And I'm supposed to have FUN with this process! Sorry but this does not sound like FUN! |
| Just got a new computer at work. Ugh. EVERYTHING has been erased.... everything... years and years of files I have built up on my old computer, passwords, etc.... And even my home setup has been erased. I used to work on two monitors so I had plenty of screens to use to work. Now, I am back to my one monitor. I ordered some equipment from Amazon that will hopefully help resolve this situation. Technology.... Are we really better off? if we have to constantly upgrade everything because all our equipment becomes obsolete so quickly? Could not these technological giants make an effort to make their new equipment compatible with the old so users can at least have an easier time migrating? But... I suppose not... after all... they make more money by charging for all these parts necessary for their constant upgrades. |
| School Shootings. I live in Nashville where, last week, there was another school shooting. A transgender person killed a bunch of kids, and a few adults, at a Christian school. Those details are going to be hashed social media but to me they are irrelevant. In my worldview... a person shot and killed a bunch of other people. The overall identity of the participants is not relevant. A human committing violence against other human beings. Why? Simple... a lack of overall understanding, compassion and tolerance in the human race. Too many times I see a group of people not being able to stand another group of people so instead of simply looking away they strive to outlaw them. Case in point...Nashville is trying to outlaw Drag Shows and Drag Queens overall....I have no personal like for either of them... nor do I like specific type of movies but does that mean they should be outlawed for everyone else? No. Here's an idea... you don't like something... don't WATCH IT!.... it's pretty simple... there's no need to enforce your likes/dislikes on everyone else. |
| I am in a little better place spiritually today. I am more in touch with who I really am. It is not something I can easily explain here because there are many details I cannot share because they are personal and nobody would accept them anyway. Still, over all, I am in a better place. I think |
| I posted an entry on a church member's facebook page. This man was praising a youth service and talking about the need to get to know the youth in the church, their hopes, dreams, etc. I replied, in truth, that the middle aged members of the community are ignored that nobody pays any attention to their hopes, dreams, etc. As of yet he has not responded to me. The youth pastor responded with a generic comment about how my contribution to the service is valuable, etc but never spoke to me specifically about my issue. He also talked about how the Holy Spirit is moving in the Church. Question: if a church member's needs are completely ignored when specifically expressed is the Spirit really moving? I doubt it. Something is moving in my church but I do not think it is the Holy Spirit. |
| Old Testament Prophecies fulfilled by Jesus. I saw this headline on a MSN article. I am sure Christians will be thrilled that the 'World is talking about Jesus' and they're saying we can tell you about how Jesus fulfilled all the Old Testament Prophecies. I hear that practically every other week in Church. My question is this.... why should the world care? After all Jesus only cares about the Christian Church is only here for the Christian Church and doesn't give a flip about the world. So why should anyone outside the Church care? Jesus is here for the Church and Church alone according to what I hear practically every Sunday. |
| Just another day trying to find myself. I grew up in Church. I was raised in a Christian household. I have lived my entire life in Church to some extent or another. I attend a Church every Sunday even now. However, I do not attend this Church because I care for the actual service. I am a part of the service in that I run the audio visual stuff for the song lyrics and the Sermon pdf and the clock and other stuff like that. I was asked to do this years ago by the worship leader when I was still a 'Christian' when I was still ultra religious. Back then I was proud to be asked. It was a honor. But that was over a decade ago. Now.... it is a nightmare... a chore.... while I enjoy serving others in that capacity I have grown to HATE the service itself.... Now.... that constant religious garbage sets my teeth on edge.... God really only loves Christians.... Truly... Really.... yeah... he loves non-Christians but they are all worthless sinners because they haven't 'Received Christ yet' and we should 'preach to them' Once you are a Christian.... you can do whatever you want... and God just winks.... like it's no big deal... That isn't what they 'Preach' but it is how they act in that they never repent of ANYTHING..... I am so sick and tired of it! Yes, I am rambling... but this is my blog and I will write what I want... it's not like anyone is really reading this anyway. |
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