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Apologies always seem to me like excuses.
—Jim Harbaugh
Delusion and denial does not equal an apology.
—Carole Radziwill
An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might be.
—Steve Martin |
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Amazon's Price: $ 13.99
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Oh, no! Someone's expressed offense at your joke! What should you do?
For starters, here's what you shouldn't do: double down. Like, say you make a joke about someone's mom.
Then, "My mom died last week," they tell you.
Wrong: "I thought she seemed colder than usual." While objectively funny, well... come on.
Moderately wrong: "Hey, it was just a joke." Obviously, it was a joke. That doesn't mean it wasn't insensitive, purposefully or not.
Probably right: "Sorry, dude. I didn't know."
"Sorry" is an ambiguous word. While it can indicate apology, it can also express condolences. This can lead to smart-assed comments, too. Like:
"My mom got run over by a bus."
"Sorry, man."
"Why? Were you driving the bus?"
Therefore, it's probably best to avoid saying "sorry."
Now, I realize that there are those who believe that they should never apologize for anything. Those people are wrong, and they should apologize for it. There are also those who apologize in practically every sentence. Those people are wrong, too, and they should not apologize. Someday, inevitably, they will do something that they should legitimately apologize for, but overdoing it robs it of its power.
The answer lies somewhere in the middle, and requires thought and probably empathy. It takes real bravery to make a proper apology, and to know what to say.
What not to say: "I'm sorry you were offended." No. That's not an apology.
Better: "That was insensitive of me. I wasn't thinking. I apologize, and will do better in the future."
In short, the apology needs to be about you, not the offended party.
Oh, and: never apologize for making a pun. Unless it's a really insensitive one.
Of course, some people get offended at the drop of a Croc. It's like these folks' entire personality is "offended." This is the flip side of apologizing too much: being offended at everything robs offense of its power. There is absolutely nothing you can do to appease such people, so an apology is useless. You should probably make one anyway if, upon reflection, you done screwed up.
There's also the power dynamic to take into consideration, but I'm still figuring that part out. So there, you're on your own.
Maybe ask your mom, after I'm done with her. |
No apologies for these funnies:
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Last time, in "Working Hard" , I discussed the perils of working hard.
Dave Ryan  : I find the more I try to be funny, the less funny it is. So I just decide up front if what I'm working on is going to be serious, have some allowance for humour or just be silliness from top to bottom, and then I wing it. And if, at the revision stage, it turns out that something supposedly funny doesn't really work, then I'm more likely to just remove it from the story than try to salvage it.
I'm told that one of the most annoying things about being known for comedy is that, when you do decide to be serious, people think you're joking. But I wouldn't know.
So that's it for me for October! See you next month. Until then,
LAUGH ON!!!
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Comedy: October 11, 2023 Issue [#12214]
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