Online Dating: It's Not for Sissy Girls

Okay, my dearest of dear friends know I have profiles on two well-known free dating sites. QPJ won't pay for the service, but why not play around with it for free, right? And of course, like the good girlfriend I am, when I'm in a relationship I always disable those profiles. After all, I am looking for Mr. Right! Why screw it up playing around with Mr. Wrongs?!

Let me preface this story by saying right now that I've experienced a couple meaningful, life-changing relationships and made many wonderful lifelong friends through this adventure (my experiences with them are not mentioned here in anyway), so not every one I've run across is a freak...but most are! I can say this from experience, and my numbers support it. And I've become a genius at deleting/blocking people from just about every digital medium there is. I've had to learn that to stay afloat out there!

I'll do my best to organize these minions into common categories, for your reading pleasure!

I Would Never Approach You in Person, but You're On a Dating Site So You Must Be Desperate
These are the most prevalent men out there! They are easy to spot; their profile pictures will absolutely rat them out! They can't hide from it!

They will fill your inbox daily, sending endless messages which become more desperate each time."Why are you ignoring me?" "Ain't I good enough for you?" "You are such a bitch!" "Slut!!!" Do they ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, I have a job? Perhaps I don't sit on the computer logged into to the site all day? Maybe I filter my messages to see just how weird a guy becomes before I even reply?! These are the ones that make the online dating game most difficult! They are my constant interference and have led, more than once, to me disabling my profiles for months at a time.

Stay strong and don't fall victim to these guys! They are not worth the effort!!!


Sexual Freaks and Deviants
Okay! I'll admit right now that these are my favorites!!! I have learned more from these guys' messages than I thought I'd ever need to know in my life! I've laughed so hard at some of the things I've found in my inbox. I always have new information to share with the girls at work from these fellas! They keep the game fun and interesting! And of course they provide much needed first-date topics of conversation!

These guys operate in a couple different ways: one will just flat out tell you or ask you if you'll willing; the other might keep it a secret until you're comfortable in a relationship with him for a few weeks. Either way, they are relentless. You must know your line in the sand...and don't allow them to cross it!

In my opinion, the guys who send full-frontal nudity pictures of themselves as an introduction also fall into this category.

I opened an extremely long message one day, unlike the typical polite introductory one that should be short and sweet, this one went on forever. The body of the message wasn't offensive at all, long and boring, but generally a nice guy, I suspect. At the very end, the guy gave me all his contact information: phone, email, FB profile. That's an online no-no!! But the PS is what got me; it's what sent me straight to Google and still gives me nightmares to this day!!! "I have a **6000* locking chastity device and would love to see the keys in your cute little hands."

Hhhhmmmm...curious minds want to know, right?! Well I wish I'd never stumbled upon that picture!! I'm a smart girl and knew enough about his statement to have a general idea of what I would discover, but the specifics were a little shocking. Why oh why would a man want that thing on lock down? I mean, if he's ready to go there and play a little, why all the work to release it? I just don't get it! He didn't get a response from me! Are you surprised?

Let me just say, I'm no sexual prude! I think what a couple comfortably does together while in a relationship is absolutely their business! Be adventurous and have fun! As long as both are game, why not? But to me it's more than a little weird when someone flat out asks me in the first few messages if he can suck my toes or would I stand behind him while he pees. Who are these people? And why don't they know they can't spring that stuff on a girl out of nowhere!!?? And how the hell do they all find me?!

...oh the things I have to go through on my search!


I Love You. I Love You So Much! I F*cking Love You Already!
These dudes have issues; I run away from these daters like I've been set on fire! Who loves someone on the first date? I swear! I've had this experience three times. Two of these times I was actually a little worried for my safety.

The first guy was all over me and couldn't stop telling me how much he loved me. I got out as quickly as possible. I always know where the exits are after this guy! He texted a huge apology for his bourbon-fueled behavior the next day. But then proceeded to sit outside my work each day, learn my habits, and showed up at my dive bar one afternoon. I freaked out a little and told him he'd better get himself together before I go ALL SHADES OF UGLY on him. He got the point.

The other guy didn't go psycho on me until our second date. This one was really interesting. I discovered he had cut out his own tattoo! Can you imagine that? Who "needs closure" so badly that they'd cut out their own tattoo with a pocket knife? RED FLAG, girls! Run!! But again with the "I love you" business. I don't like that, by the way. After I told him I wasn't going out with him again, all hell broke lose. He sent the ugliest messages for days afterwards, accusing me of all kinds of horrible things. He kept friend requesting me, as if I'd accept him after that. It was horrible. I disabled my profiles after him...for a long time!

I'm very selective about who, from these sites, I accept friendship from on FB...mainly due to their access to my actual friends and family. Once one of these guys made it in, but I didn't know he was one until after he was in. As soon as I accepted his friend request, he went straight to my contact information and started using it all: email, cell phone, and my IM! So I had him messaging me everywhere all day. I started blocking him like a crazy woman! Lesson learned!

I don't truly understand their motivation, but these guys are looking for something too hard. They don't understand the difference between love and physical attraction. They probably are not good for anything long-term. I don't waste my time. OKCupid, you missed on these losers!


"I'm So Much Cooler Online"
I've had little interaction with these guys, but I know they're out there. They are the ones who, in one way or another, misrepresent themselves in their profile. Maybe he's a foot shorter in person than he claims to be? Maybe he wrote that he drives a Ford F250 King Cab but really it's a Pinto? Whatever it is, these guys are much more perfect to themselves, in their heads. To me, it's all a lie! I don't like liars, and I don't waste my time with these either. Why start out with fabrications? And really, am I so stupid I wouldn't notice??!


Wolves in Sheep's Clothing
Ahhh...the playas! I bet you were waiting for me to get to these guys, weren't you? Holy moly they are out there in droves! They are easy for me to spot, but some girls get so caught up in their excessive compliments that they lose sight of who they are really dealing with. I don't think it's necessarily always intentional that a man is a player. The online dating arena can create one out of an otherwise perfectly respectable person. It's like being a kid in a candy store! Just walk in and take your pick from hundreds, thousands of choices! So I don't harbor any resentment for these fellas. They are just doing what they are allowed to do. Like children, they will do what they can get away with. Men! Guess you already know I don't waste my time on these either. :)


Normal Guys We All are Looking for
Good luck here! Although I believe many of the single men out there today started out here, or should be here, some other crazy woman along the way created one of the other categories out of him for us. He's the elusive prey I'm searching for...I've captured a couple, but eventually they show their true colors...too much baggage, anger management issues, yes man, insecure with the relationship, and a myriad of other emotional issues. However, sometimes there's hope here with these guys. I keep my eyes peeled for him; for one day, I will catch one I don't have to throw back!


Over all, I consider my online dating experiences a study in human behavior. I'm a people watcher! I love to study human interaction. And what better forum than an online dating site? People are at their best, their worst, and every point in between. If you've never jumped in the pool, perhaps you are considering a little dip of your toes. Be careful! Always consider your safety before anything else. I researched it for a long time before I even began. And I made sure I understood the rules of the game; they are different than dating/meeting people in actual real life.

So be tough and good luck! It's a jungle out there! Be selective and have a screening process. Don't settle, for Pete's sake! There are PlentyofFish in the sea! And please don't keep your stories to yourself!! Share the joy with your friends and family (and me too, please)! Laughter is the best medicine!