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My thoughts released; a mind set free |
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These pages contain my thoughts, from meandering ideas and persuasions to deep cerebrations and serious mentations. Why, for what purpose? To release my mind and set creativity free. Somewhere inside the constraints of my mind dwells a writer, a poet, an artist who paints with words. In here I release those constraints and set the artist free. Perhaps, lost somewhere in the depths of thought, is a story or a poem, waiting to be written. |
| I'm heading straight in here today, since I didn't get anything done in here yesterday. I had a long day and was just to exhausted by the time I got home last night. Today helped, I was done work and out of there by 9:00. I enjoyed a few hours with my wife before she had to go in to work, and then I slept the rest of the afternoon away. But, I feel better; not as stiff and sore, and actually feel rested again. Just in time, too! Tomorrow I pull another twelve hour shift. On the bright side, I have Saturday off. It was very nice to get done work and be heading home by 9:00 this morning. Once home I sat out on the patio with Rhonda and enjoyed a cup of coffee. Then she started brunch while I set up for our next schedule, in between cooking the pork chops, she assisted me and it was done in less than a half an hour. Then it was time to eat; this was the first lunch we have enjoyed together since the third week in February. That was the last time we had a day off, together. Even though today wasn't a day off, it was nice to have those afternoon hours to share before she went in to work, and I laid down to nap. If things work according to the schedule, we should have a couple of days off together, next week, but so far things have not worked according to schedule. Even so, we continue to stay positive on this. It's been rough, no days off yet this month for Rhonda, her last day off was March 31. My last day off was on April 1, but my last day off with Rhonda was back on February 25. I don't remember if it was an actual day off, or if there was work for me to do from home, there often has been. It's amazing how much I get to missing our time. We are not just husband and wife, we are also best friends and share so much together. Now, with the nice weather coming in, I find myself longing for time spent with her as it was in past springs. Morning coffee out on the patio, listening to the song birds as the sun rises in the east. Working side by side to clean up the yard, taking our breaks together in the shade of a tree, and spending evenings in front of a fire as we talk about how much e got accomplished that day, or perhaps discuss our plans for the next day. Luckily, we have so many wonderful memories to share at times like these. We miss each other, me working from five until she comes in, working until five that night. By the time she commutes home, it's six o'clock or after, and about time for bed. Some days it's all day, I go in and open, work half the day and then she comes in and works the second half, until closing. So, until we get our schedule working again, it's mostly memories. But, it also means that when the time comes, we will enjoy making new memories even more. |
| Look at the clock! No, it's not wrong, it's right on. I'm just home this early. I got home, changed out of my work cloths, made a sandwich and finished eating it, now, it's time to start my entry in here, and all before one o'clock in the afternoon. It even feels strange to be home this early in the day, but I can get used to it very easy. So, what am I going to do with all this time? I'm going to go take a nap. Yes, a nap. I'm exhausted from the last few weeks, or month, or how ever long it's been now. Also, I was up past midnight last night, up at three this morning, and fighting sleep at work as well as all the way home. In order to even think coherently, I need sleep. XXX I slept very hard and deep, getting some much needed rest. I barely woke to the phone ringing. Well, it actually makes a different noise, but for some odd reason we continue to say the phone is ringing, a leftover from years gone by when all you had was a bell. Anyway, I digress. I slept very well, and had my wonderful slumber disrupted by that evil devise, the phone. No, it's not always evil, but it seems it makes the most noise when I'm sleeping and in dire need of it, when I'm in the zone writing, and when I'm engaged in deep thought or activity. It's at these times that it seems the calls are always just spam. Today it wasn't spam, it was the guard who is having some family problems. He is suppose to work tomorrow and Thursday, but called to tell me his son took a turn for the worse, and is now in a lot of pain. Still not a single answer to what is going on, and no response to medications and treatment. Therefore, he is not going to be back to work this week. We are in South Dakota, he is in Minnesota. This means another last minute change to the schedule and no relief to the long hours. It won't be quite as bad as last week, since we do have another guard hired, but he needs more training before he can pick up all these hours. Another opportunity to let that pessimistic side gain control, yet there is a bright lining to the dark, ugly cloud. The guy we just hired is broke and almost homeless, he needs money fast and the added hours will benefit him a lot. So, the glass is half full for one person, half empty for another, and still in flux for me. I just hope and pray that the little boy begins to heal soon, and that his family can soon return to a normal life. |
| Just got home and had some dinner after another long ten hour day at work. Being so tired, I just grabbed some Chines food to bring home and heat up. It was alright, but fresh is always better. I picked this up at the grocery store, out of the cooler. They do have a buffet there, with an Oriental section, so I could have gotten fresh and hot, but I was too tired to wait for it. As it was, I dozed off on the drive home. It's been quite a while since I found myself nodding off while driving, although I have been very tired and fighting it a lot recently. This was the worst, I didn't just nod off for a second, I fell asleep and started drifting off the road. Luckily it was towards the right side and not across the highway. Also, they have a rumble strip along the edge of the road and this is what brought me back out. It woke me up pretty good, and since I was only a couple miles out form home, I continued. If I had been further away, I would have had to stop and get out for a while to wake myself up. Now, I have my tummy full of food, I'm sipping a cup of coffee, but it's not doing anything to ward off the tiredness I feel. It's not just sleepy, my whole body is starting to feel exhausted from going so much. I should go soak in a hot bath, but since I'm home alone, I suppose that wouldn't be a very smart idea. Instead, I'm going ot find something on Netflix, snuggle into the love-seat,and sleep through a movie. Currently, I have a seven or eight hour day tomorrow, then I should have two days off. It's not certain yet, and considering the situation, it won't be certain until the time is over. I hope it works out, I really need some down time. XXX Two entries today, I'm doing good. Well, actually, I should be in bed sleeping, but I woke up to the phone ringing. My first thoughts were that the schedule had changed yet again and I was now working Wednesday and Thursday. I'm so used to things going this route, I think this way automatically, even in a sound sleep. But it was't bad news, it was Rhonda calling from work. She was doing the training today, and the new guy passed his test. That means he's alright to work alone now. Yes, that's the system they have for us, set up by the store we are hired to work at; eight hours crammed down our throat and then we are put on our own. I remember well how little I knew and how unprepared I was after the two four hour sessions they call training. At least now we can do it all in one shot, instead of two, four hour days. But, it's still a lot of information stuffed into our heads, and it really doesn't make sense to put a person on alone this quick. During the nine months out of the year that we only have one person working at a time, I go in on their first day and oversee things for them. I'm not on the clock, and not working, but I'm right there to lend a little support, answer questions, and give a little hind if needed. Usually by the end of this first shift, they see they do know enough to handle the shift on their own, and now also have a little confidence, too. Right now, we are working two guards on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday afternoons. It's called double coverage and is available from ten until six, as needed. This also gives us the opportunity to give a new guard some hours with an experienced guard. That's what we are planning for this new guy. He passed, but Rhonda said he was pretty stressed and feeling overwhelmed with so much information. I think he will feel much better with a few days of working with someone, and putting things into perspective now. And, it will free me up for more time to write and get caught up on other tasks here at home. Well, it will once we get the other new guard back to working his scheduled hours. He's the one with the little boy who got hurt and is in the hospital. We are all hoping that they find the answers soon so that the little boy can be healed and the family can get back to a normal life. Until then, it's very hard to set up a schedule, knowing that it may very well change at any time. Like I mentioned, it will be great once everyone is back to a normal schedule, but now that we have this new guy hired, we have a little help covering the extra hours as needed, so it's also easier to accommodate the changes as they come. The end of this week is looking a lot better already. In fact, as of right now, I have a pretty easy week ahead of me. I work a normal shift tomorrow, then should have Wednesday and Thursday off, if nothing changes. I go back to work on Friday, but it will be my normal morning shift, as it will be on Saturday as well. Now that I have gotten all this out, I remember that I wasn't going to use this for a work journal, and yet here I am, talking shop. Only this time it's not stress and all that my life is, it's excitement to have a full crew, and to know there is some relief in sight. It's been a long time since I could even consider scheduling back my hours to make time to have a life outside of work. In fact, and this is kind of scary, I find myself nervous about having some time outside of work. Yes, you read that right, I find I'm having second thoughts about scheduling myself for fewer hours. Even though there are these second thoughts, they will be short lived. Once that new schedule becomes reality and I have a little time to adjust to having a little time, I will have those second thoughts on the run. I already know just what I want to do to chase them away, I want to delve into my true profession and write! I don't have anything sitting on the back burner to write about, but I'm sure I will find plenty of things to write about. What I'm even more excited about is working at the mechanics of writing. I've always been a poor speller, and my grammar is nothing to write home about, either. My biggest downfall in writing is the mechanics and editing my work. So, I went out and invested a little money in some material to help me learn better grammar and editing. I started working through one book about the time that everything fell apart last fall. I was already struggling with time, but it was slower at work and I was able to do some reading and studying at work in the mornings. At least, I thought I could. But, as it turned out, there were just enough interruptions from my job to make it very difficult to study and do the lessons. So, I brought it home, and had just started to plan out a new schedule to allow me a little more time to work on this at home. Then, things went from no time, to even less time. Now, it's finally looking like I may be able to get back on task with that, too. |
| I survived the weekend! I use to say that after a weekend of having a lot of fun, now it's after a weekend of having a lot of time in at work. It started on Thursday, and I was desperately holding out for tomorrow, when I would have a relatively short day. Not quite a day off, but only a few hours before I could come back home and relax. And, to top it off, I wouldn't have to go in until eleven in the morning, so no super early alarm. Well, it didn't work that way. I got a call today from the person out with the injured child. They are not finding the cause of the problem, and the little guy isn't responded to medications. This is a parents nightmare and I feel terrible for the family. It also means that he won't be back to work tomorrow morning, so I will have to go in and open, and possibly put in another twelve hour day. It's also going to mess up a few other days, mid week. At the present, he is still planning on working two days this week, which will help us out a lot, but it's so uncertain, with all the tests going on with the young boy. When I talked to him earlier, they are talking o moving the boy to the University of Minnesota. This will put him even further away and make working even more difficult for him. It also meas we have no set schedule right now, because nobody knows what's going to happen. If the person we are training tomorrow works out, it will take a lot of the burden off, and we should be able to continue with a semi regular schedule. What would be best is if they find and fix the problem, but until then, things are kind of up in the air for everyone involved. I told the guard I would do my best to work with him so he can keep his job and still be there with his son, I know once we get past this, I'm going to turn off every phone and go hide someplace where work cannot reach me. |
| I guess this is some of the ludicrous, my work hours through the weekend, I mean. I could find a few other colorful words to describe them as well. One more day, and even though it's just nine working hours, I may be in town for twelve or better before I get back home. Monday is looking a little better, but it's uncertain yet, it could also turn into another ten to twelve hour day. I'm burning out fast, and in desperate need of some time off. At least tomorrow is a later start; I won't have to be up until five. How's that for crazy, five o'clock in the morning is sleeping in. But, it helps, and if next week works out with the schedule, I may just find myself with a little time off. Of course, if I do get the time off, I'm going to need to use some of it to get caught up on paperwork, reports, and other items I'm getting behind on. Being another late day for work, I decided to try a new fast food place for dinner. It's a Taco Bell, new in the area, but I have eaten at other Taco Bells before. Some have been good, some not so good. This one was pretty good, and it was fast. But, they didn't have much of anything for side dishes. They would be good to stop and pick up an order to bring home and have with something else, but not the best for dining in without some side dishes. That about wraps up my day, work all day, fast food after, now home to write this and then off for the night to relax for a little bit before turning in. I do have to get caught up on a few things in here pretty soon, so I'm hoping Monday works according to the schedule. Also, I'm bringing my netbook in with me tomorrow, just in case I get some time to use it after work. There won't be time to come home and then go back in to get Rhonda, so I may just spend a little time in here. |
| A long day, and I'm beat. My feet hurt, and I'm just going to put them up and relax for a little while before going of to bed, since I have to be up at three again, and will put in another ten hour day. Sunday is looking like nine hours, and I'm not sure about Monday. Working so late makes it difficult to eat healthy, and with Rhonda getting done about the same time as me, it was more convenient to just go out for dinner tonight. We both like Chinese foods, and used to go to the local buffet. But, it started getting pretty run down and we kind of lost out appatites for eating there over a year ago. But, a couple people said it had all be redone. I was told it's under the same people, but they completely remodeled and it was a lot nicer now. I was also told they put in a grilling area, and you pick the meats and vegetables you want grilled, along with the seasonings and sauces. I had eaten in Sioux Falls at a place similar to this, and once you had it figured out, it was kind of fun. Of course, the first time through was kind of rough, but they offered suggestions and by the second time around, I had some idea what went with what. I thought this would be just as fun, so after work, Rhonda and I headed over to the redone Chinese buffet. It was a little different, but only in the area where they put the grill in and the area for raw foods to cook on the grill. The rest was the same old buffet, just cleaned up and slightly remodeled. The food wasn't any better, and some of it wasn't very hot, the same old story as before, and why we quit eating there. Being hungry, I stayed and tried a few things, but I was not impressed at all. Rhonda said the same, and I doubt we will ever return, no matter what people are saying. A new manager or something that changes the entire establishment, then yes I would go back but not anything less will convince me to eat there again. I should have known better. In an area where a gas station deli is the preferred eatery, what can you expect? I mean, it's like the majority of the people around here just do not appreciate good food. It makes me think of the movie, The Jerk, when they offer a vintage wine, and he hollers at the waiter to get rid of that old stuff and bring me a new bottle instead. Anyway, I have a full stomach and I'm fighting sleep. |
| Where to even begin? If I wanted to vent about work, I could write volumes. I finally got two days off, yesterday and today. I would up working both, and will have some long hours for the rest for the rest of the week. It only hammers home the point that this job requires more than I am willing to put into it, and more than I get compensated for. There was a good reason why I had to give up my days off again, even if I have not had any this month yet. That's not the problem, it's compensation for the extra that's required, recognition for all that I put in, and a little bit of help from the office so it isn't a whole month of no time off. But, none of this is going to happen. And, even if it did, I would turn it down, it does not supply me with the time I need to pursue my writing, and that is my one true passion. On the flip side, I did get to sleep in yesterday. I also enjoyed a nice morning with Rhonda, before things went haywire. And, even though the afternoon was shot to hell, we did get to enjoy a nice evening with a fire out on the patio. We didn't get to stay out there very late, since I had to get up and go in to work today, but even that was alright, since it turned pretty cold last night. I have also been doing a lot of thinking about things, and it's clear what direction I need to go. I need to reduce my hours and put that time into writing. It's not just reducing the hours I work, it's reducing the amount of interruptions and off site work I'm doing. I'm not sure just how to accomplish this, yet. I can turn my phone off around five-thirty, but that would not leave me much time for writing, since I'm up at three and would be in a vegetative state by then. But, I am determined to follow through with this, I will make the time I need to write. I know it's not going to be something sudden, but over the next few weeks, I'm going to find a way to get my hours cut back and I'm going to figure out a way to get my messages for work, but not while I'm doing my writing. I'm excited about this decision, and eager, and that's going to be the most difficult part, weening myself off from work and back into writing. It's been three years like this, and if I move to suddenly, it's going to have repercussions and cause even more problems, so it's slow and steady... |
| I'm enjoying a day off today, but it's been so long, I continue to look at the clock to see if I need to get ready for work. Also, I woke up at three this morning, the time I set the alarm for when I work openings. I didn't get up, but I woke up and told myself I did not need to be up this morning. It took a few minutes to really sink in, then I rolled over, snuggled up to Rhonda and drifted back off into blissful slumber. I woke again, as Rhonda did also, at five this morning. That's the time we get up on Sunday for work, and the time my regular shift starts. This time I did have to get up, but I waited until Rhonda returned to bed. Then I got up to go to the bathroom. I looked at the clock when I came out, since I had the kitchen light on and wanted a drink of water. It was 05:07 and the new guy should already be on duty. Of course, if he didn't show, I would not get called until a quarter after or a little later, and I was tempted to stay up, just in case. I had to tell myself that he did fine, and everything is alright, I won't get called. I even thought about firing up my computer and logging into work, just to make sure he was there. Crazy, but it's just been so long since I had the mornings covered. I had to tell myself to go back to bed, and sleep in. As soon as I was back in bed, Rhonda rolled over and snuggled right up to me. I didn't fall right back to sleep, but instead continued to find my mind wondering back to work. It's become very difficult for me to not think work. In fact, I have become aware that work has taken over and my personal life has been stuffed on a shelf collecting dust for some time now. When I first took the position as supervisor, I knew this was going to be the case, and with all the problems, it was needed. But, I took care of the problems, got everything working smoothly and turned things completely around. We went from getting the lowest scores of any of the sites to the highest. In fact, we surpassed everyone and set new records for our efficiency a few different times. Last month we made another all time high for the month. At 2 for 85 we are meeting the stores expectations, at 2 for 75 we are doing a great job and meet our companies expectations, and at 2 for 65 we are performing above expectations. We usually score about 2 for 62, which is fantastic. Last month we scored 2 for 50. So, I figure I've done my duty for the company, and I feel it's now time to take my life back. things are running smoothly, but we are short on help, so I've been putting in a lot of work hours, and a lot of my own time as well. Now, we are covered for all shifts, but still short one person, so there are some long hours yet. Even so, I'm back to getting a couple days off, and it's time now to enjoy them and spend them on activities other than work. But, here I am, with two days off, and my mind continues to drift to work and what needs to be done, what needs to be covered, and what may come up. It's insanity, I tell you. I know, it's been going like this for two and a half years, it's going to take a while to reprogram my thinking. I know it will take a little while to change this and get my life back to where it should be, work on one side, my personal life on the other. I'm already working at it, and even though it's kind of difficult, I'm determined to have a life outside of work. XXX On a different topic, I seen a link to try the new BETA version for Writing.Com, and I gave it a try. I like the setup, and am actually in here again today. Yesterday was the first time I tried it out, and as is normal -- I think -- I kind of played a bit here and there, even with some settings. Somehow, I managed to make a lot of big changes to my settings here, and things were kind of messed up when I logged in today. I'm not even sure if I have them all set back to what they were before or not. I had to look at the Writing.Com 101 to even figure out what I did. That's what happens when you mess around with things while half a sleep and three quarters out of it. But, as always, the site here has wonderful instructions for finding and doing, and I do believe I have everything set back to normal. I'll give it a little while and see if anything else is messed up, but like I said, I think I'm set back to the same settings I always had. If by chance you find something that's not working, send me an email or something so I can reset it. I just hope I'm not set at some privacy setting and nobody can access my stuff. I looked and it seems they are all back to open for everyone. Thank you. XXX Updated at 16:00, I no longer am having a day off. the phone started ringing at noon, and I had Rhonda go in and cover the rest of the guards shift while I got into the paperwork and faxing. The guard we just hired had to leave early, an emergency situation came up. I almost turned my phone off, but decided to keep it on, just in case. Now, I'm wondering if tomorrow will be a day off or not. I have not heard any updates on the status of his emergency. This only reinforces my resolve to find a way to get my days off. But, that means we need to have another person hired to do fill in at times like this. It also means that the store needs to call my office if they cannot reach me, instead of just calling my phone over and over. Rhonda is going to make sure they have the office phone number, as well as my boss's. |
| We started our new schedule this week, so today I got to come home from work early. It was sweet to be able to stop for a few groceries and still be home by noon. Yesterday ended up being ten hours, even though I was only on the clock for a couple. But it's an investment in the new guard, and if he works out it's worth it. But, that left me pretty tired today, and of course, I didn't get nearly enough sleep last night. So, after eating lunch, a frozen lasagna I had picked up while shopping, I took myself an hour nap. Once again I slept right through the alarm and woke up after an additional hour of sleep, wondering what that irritating noise was. Now, I find myself short on time for the afternoon, and a lot to do. I had intended to get all my paperwork and anything else work related done this afternoon so I wouldn't have to do any work on my two days off. Yes, two days off. Of course, it's not certain, but I think the new guy will pull through just fine. Anyway, I have to get some work done, but just can't push myself to do it. Instead I decided to log in here and write just a little entry, then I have to go make dinner. I'm thinking of chili burgers on grilled Texas Toast, french fries, and a vegetable. I know, it's not fancy, but it's quick. I'll do better for tomorrow when we will start the day with sausage and french toast, then finish it with barbecued pork ribs and jambalaya or red beans and rice. I'm still undecided which box of Zatarain's we will use. I know, it's cheating, but it's faster than from scratch. Also, I don't have any rice and forgot to pick some up today. I'm hoping to get back in here after dinner, but that never seems to work out. For now, it's time to check my mail, then get dinner going, and after -- well we shall see what shall be... |
| First things first, I need to get in here and make an entry, then I want to send out an email and try and keep myself caught up. With limited time, it seems my email is always full, but luckily most of what I get is,[NOTICE] New Notebook Reply. Of course there are the communications from the Reviewers Group and Writing.Com, but these are only a few and usually very short. Once again, I'm feeling exhausted. It's been a long time since I had a day off, I just put in another ten hour day, and the weather just zapped the little bit of reserve energy I had left right out of me. We started out at fifty-six degrees this morning, with northerly winds at twenty miles per hour. By three this afternoon, it was thirty-six degrees, thirty mile per hour winds, gusting as high as fifty. I'm really ready for spring, and not just because it's been such a long winter. It has been a long winter, even though we didn't get much snow. The weather patterns have just repeated over and over since last November, a couple of pretty nice days, then the cold and wind for a week or better. Since winter started early, I think everyone was hoping for an early spring, but it just hasn't arrived. We get a couple of pretty nice days, then right back into the freezing temperatures and strong winds. On top of the unpleasant weather, it's just been a few years since we had a spring. That may sound impossible, but we really haven't had a spring in three or four years. Winter weather hangs on into May or June, then we jump right into the heat of summer. This year is looking like it will be the same, just dryer. We didn't get much for snow, just cold and windy, so it's dry. I mean, very dry. Wetlands and sloughs are drying up rapidly, we are under burning bans, and the fields are powder dry. We may have gotten as much as a half inch of rain over the last two months, maybe three, but the high winds and low humidity sucks it back out of the ground as soon as it stops raining. Kind of a complete reversal of the weather. Of course, South Dakota tends to be a pretty dry stated, but over the last twenty to twenty-five years, it's been very wet and humid. My brother and I have fished in lakes that used to be fields and pastureland. It's not uncommon to boat past a stop sign barely protruding from the water, or see the tops of trees midway across the lake. Now, it looks like the land may soon be open to till again, long lost roads are surfacing, and things are returning to their past state. I digress, though. It's interesting to see the weather patterns, but it's spring I miss. Spring is my favorite season, and I wait anxiously for it from summers end. Sure, autumn is nice, the colors and the cooler nights, but spring is a renewing of life, it's invigorating and motivating. I just love the warm days, the cool nights, blossoms and flowers everywhere. the birds singing as they build their nests and prepare for raising their young is the sweetest sound of all, as the warm sun caresses my skin and chases the early morning chill from the air. |
| I started this before I had to run into town to pick up Rhonda, but I got logged out while I was typing it, then my internet and or computer got real slow. Luckily, I copied it and saved before trying to post it. So, here's a quick paste to finish what I started. Here it is, my first entry in the newly named journal. Along with the change to the name, I want to try and get away from writing about work. It seems my job has kidnapped my life, or at least is trying to, and I need some down time. Why then would I come home, log in, and write about work? But, that's just what I have been doing. I suppose it's because I spend so much time and thought on my job, it's also because it's front and center for attention. It's going to be a bit difficult to put things on the back burner again, and focus on my life outside of work instead. Old habits are hard to break, even unwanted ones. But, the time comes when you have to face up to it, make a decision, and then move with it. That's what this is, a new direction to focus me away from writing about work, thinking about work, and getting burned out from work. Also, as a friend suggested, it may free my thoughts up and generate some ideas to write on. Good suggestions from a very nice lady and a good friend. Thank you. |
| I guess this will be my last entry here, in Abysmal Thoughts. Of course, it won't be my last entry, not by a long shot. Just my last entry in the journal titled Abysmal Thoughts. I'm going to change the name, and of course, that means all my entries in this journal will be under a new title. It was a suggestion that I try a different name, something that would be more likely to draw someone in, instead of turning them away. That was never the intention, and I had never given it much thought after I had come up with the title. I had intended the term Abysmal to indicate some deep thoughts, but in fact, most people do not grasp that meaning and consider it quite the opposite. Along with my image, it does tend to invoke that impression. Therefore, I'm going to find another term to indicate what I intended all along, and will likely try another image. This was taken from the edge of my yard some years back, on a foggy morning. I was looking down the road and across the railroad tracks as the sun rose ever higher in the foggy morning sky. I decided to go back in and get the camera, then returned to capture this image. I think something brighter, or at least, not quite so gloomy looking will fit better with a new title. Now, I have to reply to a few email messages, while I consider various titles, I should make some lunch, and I have a ton of work that's piled up on me. I do plan on returning with another entry for the day, under the new title. |
| What a day! Saturdays are always busy days, and today was also the last day of an 11% rebate sale store wide. This added up to complete chaos in the store and in the yard. In addition to both of these, rain was predicted for the day, but it continued to get set back later and later, so a lot of people rushed in to get their stuff before the rain started. It all added up to one of the busiest days we had in a long time. I opened, and was done work about nine-thirty, but the new trainee was doing his first day of actual work, and was pretty unsure of himself. I understand this, and try and stick around to oversee things until they feel a bit more confident. But today it was so mad, that there was no way he could have kept up. I ended up working, unofficially until noon. Then, another guy showed up with his completed application, so I took a break and talked to him. It's sounds like we may have out temporary summer position filled now, too. Once I was done with everything, I was going to skip out for the rest of the afternoon. My wife, Rhonda, was working now, until three, so I was clear to go. I was giving her a ride home, so I needed to hang out until three, and figured I could work on scheduling and some paperwork. But, it was so busy, I still ended up helping out until one-thirty. Then it was a run to the store to pick up something for dinner. After this, I set up my netbook to do the schedule, and about fell asleep before Excel even opened. I was beat, didn't get as much sleep last night as I should have, and doing anything that required concentration was senseless at this point. I'm glad I don't have to get up until five tomorrow morning, I should be able to relax for a while tonight, get to bed by nine or maybe even sooner. This will be the first night in a month that I will have eight hours of sleep. Now, I just hope I don't wake up around one or two in the morning. I know I'll wake around three, that's the time I normally get up, but hopefully I can recall I don't have to be to work until eight, and can fall right back to sleep. That's my day so far, except for an unknown caller on my work phone. That was around five-thirty. I screen my calls, especially on my work phone, and since it didn't show up on caller id, and was not a number I recognized, I let it go to voice mail. Nothing. But they called back three times, each time letting it ring until it took them into my message center, but they never left anything. I was tempted to answer, but gee-whiz, I guy needs to have a little time away form his job, and since they didn't leave a message, I figure it's nothing important. On the upside of things, I have a new pen-pal. Well, no pens, keypads, but I do have a new friend and see she has returned my email, and left me another. I have not looked at them yet, I wanted to get this written, then go back and read her letters; kind of savoring them. It's always so nice to find mail, and I've been so inactive in here for the last year or so, that I don't usually get anything except the newsletters, updates from the Power Reviewers Group, and notices on new notebook posts. Now, off to my email, and hopefully I have enough energy left to write back. It's kind of doubtful, however, since I'm already started to have to fight to keep my eyes open. I may have to wait until tomorrow to write her back, at least if she wants anything comprehensible and not sounding like the rantings of a lunatic... |
| Again, so little time to spend in here, Writing.com. I have a few minutes to write in my journal, then I have to run back to work and see how the new guard did on his test. I'm sure he did fine, but he was pretty nervous when I got off work and left him to finish his training. This hiring and training takes a lot of time and energy, both of which I must supply after I'm clocked out and what little they pay me above the normal wage does not compensate for the added burden. But, if we get a good worker, someone who will stick around, and someone who won't have to have me coming in all the time during my off time, it's worth it. I think this guy is going to be just that, a wonderful asset to our work site. But, it's not giving me much for time to do anything until he finishes training. And, once we get him tested and passed, it starts all over again. I have another position we need to fill, and I will have to put in all this time again, until that spot is filled. But, being positive this guy is going to do great, I'll start having a couple days off each week again by next week. There will be a few long days in there, but having a couple days off will make it a lot better, and easier, to deal with them. I was hoping to have a little more time today, but it's just not panning out that way. I stopped by Facebook, and an old friend had posted pictures of the town I grew up in. She was my neighbor, and best friend back when I was in grade school, until her family moved away. It was nice sharing some pictures together, and having a little time to comment back and forth. What I really would like, is a few extra days off from work so I can travel back to Minnesota and visit my dear old friend. We had lost track of each other for many years, but I always thought of her, and cherished the memories we had made. Our paths crossed a few times in life, but the last time was before I served in the Air Force, a long time ago. Like I had mentioned, I thought of her quite often, and even had thoughts of trying to get in touch. But my life wasn't working out the way I had planned back then, and I soon found myself raising three teenage children alone. One day, a few years ago, I logged into Facebook to see a friend request, and guess who? Yes, she had also remembered me, and did a search, found me and added me as a friend. I have a poem I wrote about this in my portfolio. One day I will be able to travel back to Minnesota and visit her, but for now, it's just a little sharing in Facebook. Once I logged out of there, I logged in here and went through my mail. I found a reply to the letter I had sent out yesterday, and it seems I have found a new friend as well. I read her letter and want to send her a reply, but I want to take my time and write her a full letter, commenting and answering her questions. But, I also needed to get in here and write this since I may not get a chance later. So, I'll have to send off a short letter, explaining I'll write more later, when I get a little time. Of course, we met through my blog, so she may already know this just from reading my entry here. |
| I am so tired! Some of it's not getting enough sleep; I've been getting to bed later than I should. But it's more than just sleepy tired, I need some time off. It's been a long time since I actually had any time off. Sure, I had some days I didn't have to go in and work, but there was still work that needed to be done, phone calls, and problems. I have one of those jobs that makes it difficult to actually get a break from work even when I'm scheduled off or not at work. Normally, it wouldn't be so bad, but we had a person who was a problem child. We are also short on help, and now working everyday. I think the last time I had a real day off we went to Rhonda's moms eightieth birthday. We left that morning, spent the day, and had to be back that night because I had to go in and open the next morning. That was back in October, and there hasn't been any real down time since. It wouldn't be so tiring, but it's preventing me form doing any writing, and that's where I go to escape. I really feel a need to get lost in some story or poem, an essay, anything. But, I need the time to write, without interruption. I also find it almost impossible to write if I know I have to stop in an hour or two and get ready for work, or go someplace, etc... I guess it's because I tend to get so lost into my writing, that I lose track of time and everything else. So, if I have something I have to do, or someplace I have to go, I don't let myself drift off into my writing, and that means I don't write. I stumble through some notes, jot down ideas, and stuff like that, but I just can't lose myself to writing. Also, I'm horrible at spelling and need to learn some basic mechanics. I write good stories, or so I'm told, but they have many mistakes and need a lot of editing. So, I went out and purchased some lesson books in order to improve my mechanics, and so I can learn to edit my work. Less mistakes in the work, and less time needed to proof and fix the ones I miss. Again, I need time to do this. I can find bits and pieces of time, which would work fine for this kind of activity, if I wasn't so tired. I catch myself falling asleep at the computer, watching television, even sitting out on the patio when the weather permits. Just dog tired, that's what I am. I can keep working on getting to bed on time, and that will help, but like I said, I need some serious down time; a real break from work. That's where we were at when the last guy quit. we were setting up a tentative schedule that allowed for me to end my workday at five or six, then relax. It also incorporated me turning off the phones and not working on my days off. I don't think this will go over real well with the office, but if they want me to be on stand-by on my days off, they are going to have to give me some serious pay increase. Well, I have to get ready to go in and pick up Rhonda, fill out some paperwork, fax it to the office, and then it's back home for the night. Hopefully there are no calls or changes to the scheduled training tonight, but the guy we are training in has a child who had a head injury, and may have a concussion. He did make it in today, but only until two. I'm hoping things go well, and he can finish his training tomorrow, and start a regular shift on Saturday. |
| I want to write something. In fact, I feel I need to write something. It doesn't have to be long, I just need to write out a short story or poem. As a writer, it's how I express myself, and has been for as long as I can remember. If I have a problem, I write about it as a way to think it over. If it's emotional, I write to release the emotions. Writing is also a means of escape. Daily stress, the pressures of work, of all the stuff that goes wrong, it doesn't matter, I can escape for a while when I write. But, I also need time to write. I can't take an hour and say this is my writing time, I need to be able to get lost into my writing and may spend the whole day there. When I was out of work, it was terrific, I could write for a while, or write all day, it didn't matter. But now I find I have way too much of my time spent on work, and no time left to write. Just knowing I have to stop and do something at a set time prevents me from getting lost into my writing, which, in itself stops me from writing at all. I would say writer's block, and in a sense, it is. But it's not writer's block, either. I know, if I had time, I could slip off to where it is I go when I write. I like the term, "In the zone." But, it's going to take some assistance to get there, like a writing prompt, or an interesting circumstance. The biggest thing I need to go into the zone, though, is some time. Time without interruptions. I'm reading a book when I have time at work, by Stephen King, Bag of Bones. It's an interesting story, and I'm enjoying it, even though reading at work means it's stretched over a long period of time. One of the things I enjoy is the character in the story is a writer, and in the same kind of slump I find myself. In fact, the writing process and how this person gets lost in the zone, are much the same as myself. I imagine Mr. King is actually revealing much about how he is when writing, also. It becomes clear to me that I don't write as a hobby, I write because it's a part of me, it's like breathing. When I write, I'm fine, but when life prevents that, I feel as if I'm suffocating. And, that's how I feel right now, like I'm suffocating and need to breath. To many issues going on, and no time to relax and just let myself get lost into my writing. Even as I type, I'm interrupted by the phone --- work, and more than likely, a problem. ----- phone call ----- That's my break to return a phone call. I tried to ignore it, but they called back and left a voice mail. We start training a new guard tomorrow, and we have had shitty luck with training this spring. In fact, two of the three we started training quit after the first day, the third person was willing, and did his best, but his disability prevented him from being able to perform the job. So, when I seen it's the person I just interviewed and hired, who is to start training tomorrow, I assumed the worst. I mean, after all the bad luck, it just has to be something similar. I thought he was calling to say he no longer wanted the job, to be serious. This would at least be a step in a better direction since we have not put a lot of time into this person, yet. But, it was something different. He was calling to confirm his training time, and to find out where he was suppose to go to. I had told him at the interview, but we all know how stressful it is to be interviewed. We covered a lot of material during our short time together, and it's only to be expected that he wasn't sure on much of it. In fact, it's normal for new trainees to show up at the site instead of waiting to meet the trainer in the store. This person just impressed me by calling to double check and find out what and where, instead of just showing up at the wrong place. There may be hope yet, hope that we will get a good worker, and I can get some much needed time off. Then, one more part-time person to fill in when needed and pick up a few more of my hours, and I will actually have some time again. Of course, with summer, I know there will be other's who want to take up some of that time, but we will deal with that as we need to. If, or I should say when, I have the means to afford it, I will have to purchase a remote little cabin or place where I can go to write. Someplace where I can get lost in the zone and write until I'm done with what ever item I'm writing. Then, I can come back to the real world and deal with it until the next time around. |
| Missed yesterday, so I better get an entry in here today. That makes two days so far this month, not bad, but I would really like to have a better excuse for missing than just running out of time. For example, if I missed a couple of days here because I was out camping and having fun, with no internet access, or even just didn't have time because I was doing something fun. But, that's not the case. I'm running short on time because of work, and related problems. Today should have been better, since I got done an hour early. But, I was having some issues with my vehicle, so I stopped by the local garage and got some ideas from the mechanic. He didn't really check it out in depth, just kind of looked and listened, then decided it was the catalytic converter plugged up. It's an older vehicle, and I can't afford to put a lot of money into it, so I set about seeing what would be needed to do this work myself. I spent the better part of the afternoon under the thing, didn't get as much done as I would have liked, and then discovered something that would indicate it's not the converter at all. He assumed it was plugged by the way it's running, and because there's no exhaust pressure. But, there's a big hole in the muffler, and all the exhaust is leaking out there. It's showing plenty of pressure, so it's not likely the converter at all. It could be the spark plug wires are bad, they have not been changed in a long time, if ever. Also, the distributor cap and rotor were pretty fouled, which could be the problem, and could be caused by faulty wires. But, it could also be a failing fuel pump, or a fuel regulator. It could even be a vacuum leak or something similar. There is just no way for me to tell. I will try the wires, cap, and rotor, just because I know they need changing, but if it still isn't running right, I will have to take it in to another mechanic who will at least diagnose the problem a little further. What this means, however, is more time burned up, and I'm already so short on this commodity that I'm having a tough time getting in here, or even getting enough sleep. |
| I'm late getting in here again; I should be in bed already. But, Rhonda closes tonight, and won't be home for another half hour, and I wanted to wait up for her. Besides, even if I had gone to bed, the dogs would have kept me up running back and forth watching for her. And we won't even mention the kind of wake up I would have when she pulls in the drive and they both start barking. Some brighter news is that when I talked to her on the phone, she said that we have already gotten one person to stop by for an application from the advertisement in the paper. He only wants part time, but that may be the best route to go, a couple of part time people. Now, if he can work the days and times we need, and if he finishes the two day training part and sticks with us, I may just be able to get a day off again. Other than this, it was a nice day, just too windy. But, that's been the norm for a long time now. It's dry, warm, and we are under red flag conditions for fire. Not only us, but all the way into Minnesota. It's just dry all over. I had a guest talking about how so many people around here have removed the irrigation systems because it's been so wet for the last twenty years or better. Now, we are getting hit with a dry spell, and they may just need to irrigate again. In fact, not only have a lot of farmers removed the irrigation systems, they have been putting in drainage systems to dry out their fields. So, even if we get a little rain, they won't be able to hold the water. It's just a sad situation for so many people around here. But, it's not like they didn't get warned, for the last few years they have been predicting a severe drought for us. But, when it didn't dry out, everyone thought they had it wrong. As it turns out, they may have just forecast it a little early. A gentleman stopped and talked for a while, telling me about a friend of his who is a meteorologist, and who has been studying the weather patterns for the last one hundred years, or in some cases, more. He has looked back as far as he can find records of the weather patterns for this reg eon as well as other areas around us. It seems we are in a pattern that matches almost exactly the weather leading up to and into the dust bowl years. He thinks we are going to get it again, possibly even worse than before. I don't know about that, but I do know they have been cutting down shelter belts, draining wetlands, and putting in drainage systems all over. If we do get hit with an extended drought, it's going to be bad. The winds have been blowing twenty to forty miles per hour quite often, with gusts as high as fifty and sixty miles per hour. I can imagine just how bad things will get if we don't get some rain soon. In fact, we had a week of rainy weather that just ended, and I don't think we ended up with a quarter of an inch total out of it. What we did get, dried right up in the winds and low humidity that followed it. Water levels are dropping fast, not only in the slews and wetlands, but even the rivers and lakes having dropping water levels. |
| I went and let it get kind of late again, so I won't be writing much. Not that I had much choice, work tends to get in the way quite often. But, as long as everyday isn't as long as this one was. Not that it was a bad day, just a long and tiring one. See, I haven't been getting enough sleep for a long, long time. The result is my body being programmed to wake after so many hours, and now I'm trying to reprogram my body clock. I've been so tired, and feeling burned out, that I'm not getting anything done. So, we have started trying to get to bed earlier, since sleeping later isn't a choice. But, the schedule changed at work and kind of messed it all up. Now we are back to the start, on day three of getting to bed a bit earlier each night. The problem is, I still wake up after my programmed amount of sleep. At first, it was waking a half hour before the alarm, and not getting back to sleep. I didn't help solve this problem by taking a nap in the afternoon, but I was so tired, I was falling asleep at the computer. Last night we managed to get to bed an hour earlier than normal, and I was awake an hour before the alarm. That had me awake at two this morning, and I could have slept till three. Yep, a long day. Tomorrow, I get to sleep in until five in the morning, so I don't want to nap, and I don't want to go to bed too early, but I'm hoping I will sleep through to the alarm since I'm so tired today. I know if I manage to sleep through, I will have broken the cycle, and that means better sleep, and more of it. That means more productive most days of the week. Of course, we need to get at least one person, preferably two, hired and trained in so I can get a couple of days off each week. But for now, even working seven days a week, I'm home early and can get quite a lot done most days, if I'm not falling asleep in my chair. Weekends are the worst right now, and soon it will be Friday through Monday as the long days. Once we have more help, I can shorten some of them, but right now they are ten to twelve hours long. That's why I didn't log in sooner, I didn't get home until four this afternoon, then it was time to make dinner, eat, and then just relax a little. Hopefully tomorrow isn't as busy and I can leave a little earlier. Then, Tuesday through Thursday, I have very short days, and if I'm not so tired out I can't stay awake, I can get a lot done; hopefully, in here. |
| Wow, I'm home from work, and not dead tired. Also, I have the chili cooked and just need to reheat for dinner, the bread dough is rising, and it's not even two in the afternoon yet. It's been so long since I had any spare time, I'm not sure what to do. I may be going into shock! Of course, I do have some things I could be doing for work. But, they will still be here tomorrow, and they are not really very pressing. Besides, I may have a ten hour day tomorrow. I doubt it, but it's possible. No matter what, I'll have at least seven, more probable to count on eight. It will be the same for Sunday, and who knows what next week will bring. Hopefully we will be hiring someone by then, which means more long days. On top of this, I've been working for the last nine days without a day off, and I don't anticipate one for a while. If we get someone hired and trained in the first part of next week, I may get a day off by the end of the week, but it would be more likely not until the week after. And, that's only if we get someone hired and trained. So, in anticipation of having a long day tomorrow and another on Sunday, as well as no day off for another week or more, I'm procrastinating work and enjoying a relaxing afternoon. My only plans are to finish the bread, and take the dogs out for a while. the bread needs to be punched down again, then left to rise. This will be my opportunity to take the dogs out for a while, then it's back in for all of us, into the oven for the bread, and back in here for me. I need to clean up my e-mail, and I may even read something and do a review. Then again, I may look at a prompt and write something... It's been a long time and it would really do me a world of good to write something, even if it's short and pointless!  Okay, so I didn't get any reviews written, I didn't read anything, and I didn't write anything. I did look at some poems; I thought I may be able to handle a short one, but didn't see anything that pulled me in. I got too tired to read anything of length, knowing it would put me right to sleep. I did get something accomplished, though. I changed my briefcase image, and I also changed my page skin. In addition, I have my e-mail all cleaned up, and I even thought about renewing my membership. I may still go in and do that, while I have the money. It seems if I wait, something will come along and eat up all my dough. Besides spending a little time in here, which was a nice change from my usually rush in, write my journal entry, and then on to other pressing things. I know, sometimes I'm not pressed, but just too tired to do anything; there have been many times I've dozed off at the keyboard. My younger brother dozes off regularly in front of the television, but I seldom do. Sure, once in a great while I will doze off, but not more than once in a blue moon. No, for me it's the computer; I get going with something and the next thing I know my head is bobbing and dropping. I wake up, but one of these times I'm sure I'll doze off long enough to bonk my head on the keyboard; yes, I'll be a forehead typist instead of a two finger typist. Besides spending some time in here, I finished my homemade bread, from scratch. I rolled it out into a kind of flat and wide loaf, and coated it down with a spicy garlic butter. For Dinner, I'll split it down the center, coat the cut side with more goarlic butter and then grill it until it's golden brown. Then, it's going to get topped with shredded cheese and popped into the oven until the cheese is melted, starting to brown, and beginning to bubble. We are having it with a vegetable beef chili. I also spent a good deal of time outside with the dogs, since it's so nice out. It's only fifty-eight degrees, but on the south side of the house, it's out of the wind, and warmer in the sunshine. It felt great to sit out in a t-shirt and get some sun. I also cleaned up the Oriole feeder and filled it, since Rhonda said she seen one out there yesterday. I also moved the seed feeder a little, and filled it. I took a break here and there to throw the dogs toys for them, so they could enjoy some outside exercise for a change, too. Now, it's almost time for Rhonda to call, and I doubt I'll hear the phone, since I have music playing pretty loud over the sound system. I haven't listened to music very much in a long time, which is kind of strange for me. But then, I have not been doing much of any of my normal activities for a long time. I've been so busy with work, sick, and just plain tired from everything. I got sick last fall, during the soybean harvest, possibly an allergy or sensitivity to them, and have not really recovered all winter. I would start to get well, but then catch something else. It seems like it's been one thing or another all winter. I don't remember ever being sick so often in my life. Of course, it was a bad winter for everyone around here, and it seems like everyone has been sick with one thing or another since last fall. On top of that, it was a long winter. We got hit with bitter cold temperatures in November, and are just getting into spring now. Oh sure, we get a day or two of nice weather, but then it's windy as hell and right back into the cold. In fact, we had snow yesterday; it didn't' stick, but it was coming down pretty good for a while. We hit thirty degrees last night, and will again tonight, but we may get into the seventies by tomorrow afternoon. That's why everyone has been sick, the weather has been so extreme. Also, work has had me very busy. Not as bad as it's been the last month, but busy. It seems like I was getting calls on my days off, having to run in off the clock, and there was just always something going on, usually bad. Once the problem child quit, it wasn't nearly so bad, but it left us short on help, so I went down to one day niff a week. I also had to put in more time with interviews and trying to hire someone, even though that 's also been a bomb. Now, we have lost another person, and at the same time, picked up more hours, so no days off, and about fifty hours a week. In another week, it will be closer to sixty hours for the week, if we don't get someone hired soon. It's no wonder I'm always so tired, and never have much for time. But, at the same time, Rhonda is picking up some of the extra hours, which means I get home earlier some days, like today. And, we are getting to bed sooner, so I'm getting more sleep time. I can't say I get more sleep, at least not yet, but more time to sleep. What happens is this, I go to bed with the intention of getting six to seven hours of sleep, instead of four to five. But, instead of sleeping through, I wake up about an hour before the alarm and can't get back to sleep. My body has become programmed for about five hours of sleep. at night, and then a couple hours of sleep in the afternoon. I have been working at cutting out the naps, since that burns up all my free time. At the same time, I've been working at getting to bed even earlier. I'm getting about six hours now, and I'm waking up about a half hour before the alarm, so I'm doing better. It's a slow process of reprogramming, but it's working. tonight, we are shooting for seven hours, and I'm hoping I will sleep through the night. I know it's not very likely, since I have been waking up at night for years, but if I can go to the bathroom, then back to bed and then fall right back to sleep, as is normal for me, I'll be happy. And, if I get seven hours of sleep, I'm good to go. Eight hours is like sleeping in, and seven is plenty for me to function on without getting so tired I can't think straight. Now, we just need to get someone hired at work, maybe even two people, so we can get some time off. And, speaking of time off, it's time I get off of here and get ready for Rhonda's call. Then it's dinner when she gets home, relax for an hour or so, and off to bed by eight. |
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- Platonic, of course. 
Ken
. I am so glad I only had one operation and am clean now. It's been one year ago. I am lucky, I guess. Hopefully, it won't come back.
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