Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you make yourself at home, and enjoy all that WdC has to offer. The people here are a friendly bunch of folks, and don't be afraid to jump right in or ask questions!
I'm reviewing your piece today.
My initial thoughts: I enjoyed reading your first piece. I say good for you! It is your life, and if you choose to smile, I say more people should try for the same philosophy...Maybe there would be less violence in the world. That is my opinion, though (or maybe just wishful thinking).
My favorite part: I like how you said that you came into the world crying, and that your goal is to leave with a smile on your face. Very inspiring.
Some suggestions are: You've written from the heart. I saw no typos or grammar issues with your writing. It seems to be well thought out and executed.
Overall: A great job for your first writing. I am looking forward to more of your work in the future. And welcome again!
Thank you for sharing your work, and Keep on Writing!
sincerely,
amy
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Thank you for sharing this touching poem. I liked the flow and rhyme of the poem. It marks a very sad week, bittersweet with memories to cling to in addition to saying goodbye. I tough subject to be sure.
I saw no grammar issues or typos in your writing. It looks to be well thought out and carefully executed. Your imagery in the words you've written were clearly seen in my mind's eye.
I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. Keep up the good work.
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you make yourself at home, and enjoy all that WdC has to offer. The people here are a friendly bunch of folks, and don't be afraid to jump right in or ask questions!
I'm reviewing your piece today.
My initial thoughts: I can feel the pain that you write about clearly. I can picture in my mind the betrayal and the grief that comes from being left. I can also identify with this pain as I've experienced it in my own life.
My favorite part: The last part really spoke to me, with no matter what that person was to you, someone else shined in the other person's eyes. Very dramatic and spot on!
Some suggestions are: I saw no issues of grammar or typos in your writing. It was well thought out and written.
Overall: This was from the heart, and I enjoyed reading your writing. A tough subject to be sure. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!
Thank you for sharing your work, and Keep on Writing!
sincerely,
amy
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I like the way you drew me in with the color choice. At first I wasn't sure where it was going...perhaps an eccentric person with a fetish for orange? Then as I read the end, it dawned on me that it was a prison orange you were talking about. It must have been a long time if the main character cannot remember when he last wore other colors of clothing.
I spotted no typos or grammar issues with your writing. Thank you for sharing this story. Amazing how a few words can say so much.
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you make yourself at home, and enjoy all that WdC has to offer. The people here are a friendly bunch of folks, and don't be afraid to jump right in or ask questions!
I'm reviewing your piece today.
My initial thoughts: You pose some interesting questions in your poem. It is definitely thought-provoking. No two people grieve in the same way, although there may be a few similarities.
My favorite part: The last two lines are my favorites - forever loved or memory forsaken.
Some suggestions are: I saw no typos or grammar issues. You have a vivid way of writing and making the words come alive.
Overall: I enjoyed reading your work from beginning to end. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
Thank you for sharing your work, and Keep on Writing!
sincerely,
amy
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Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you make yourself at home, and enjoy all that WdC has to offer. The people here are a friendly bunch of folks, and don't be afraid to jump right in or ask questions!
I'm reviewing your piece today.
My initial thoughts: I waited with bated breath to see what would happen.
My favorite part: The last line, ending with "I smile."
Some suggestions are:Only a couple of questions - is the title supposed to say Splayed fingers? and the other, the last line - should Elate be Elated? Just curious.
Overall: Your description of the scene was thought out very well. I enjoyed reading your work.
Thank you for sharing your work, and Keep on Writing!
sincerely,
amy
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I enjoyed reading your list. You sound like a very fun person. I'm glad you can see the humor in things, and that I'm not the only one that is a "trouble" magnet. Thank you for sharing your post! It was very positive and inspiring. Congrats on the years together with your hubby! My children also have the "gift" of eye-rolling. Will be checking out your posts, and thank you for checking mine out!
I enjoy reading about your adventures. You may like Cincinnati much better in the summer time. I heard about the restaurant you talked about on the Diners, Drive Ins and Dives as well. I'm glad that you enjoyed the food. The descriptions you gave make me want take out...LOL
Safe journeys to you now, and when you go to NYC. As always, looking forward to your next adventure.
I definitely have to chuckle reading this story. My only experience on a horse was back in kindergarten. And I rode a Shetland pony named Dinky. The first time Dinky galloped, my heart was in my throat. I always had fun riding him. Thank you for the memory I had not thought about in a long time.
Your first ride seems like something out of a dream. The painful reality sounds about right as well.
I spotted no typos or grammar issues with your story. I thought it a wonderful memory. Thank you for sharing it.
My first impression: I like how the bicycle tells the story, from dad's work and care and restoration to the youngster's happiness to having a "new" bike.
How I feel about this: It brings to mind memories of my dad working in his wood shop making furniture and hope chests for my mom and my sisters and me. About the love and care that he took in creating special things for his "girls".
Some suggestions I have: I spotted no typos or grammar issues in your writing. I have no suggestions to make it better.
Overall: I enjoy reading your poetry. I will continue to read as long as you continue to write , and I'm hoping that will be a long time to come.
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you make yourself at home, and enjoy all that WdC has to offer. The people here are a friendly bunch of folks, and don't be afraid to jump right in or ask questions!
I'm reviewing your piece today.
My initial thoughts: I cannot imagine the pain of losing a sibling. The words you have written are heart-breaking and vivid.
My favorite part: the lines "But for me I fill the void within by Silently drowning in oxygen"
Some suggestions are: I spotted no typos or grammar issues in your writing. I wouldn't change anything, for it speaks so loudly of loss and pain and grief.
Overall: You write with clarity and vivid imagery. Even though a tough subject, you wrote about it with grace.
Thank you for sharing your work, and Keep on Writing!
sincerely,
amy
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Ouch! I can feel the pain and frustration in the words of your poem. Once trust is broken, it is hard to repair. It is one of those things that is hard to come back from. I hear the plea as well in your last line..."please don't lie to me again ever". I take it to mean you aren't willing to cut "whomever" off completely.
The line you wrote "you're not honest, your not true" - the second your should be the same as the first...contraction of "you are". Other than that, you've certainly have strong feelings that you've portrayed in writing so vividly.
A very dark and chilling poem. It gave me goosebumps as I read it. I liked the last stanza best, and found it the scariest. "Fear not...what steals the soul."
I notice on the last stanza that you didn't finish with punctuation. An oversight, perhaps? Other than that I spotted no grammar issues or typos in your writing.
Thank you for sharing, and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
Once again I am drawn into your world of musings. This one isn't as "out there" as some have been, and I would love to see this picture and get a better look at it. I like the imagery of a quiet oasis and the texture of wool against damp skin. With just a few words you draw one in and make them want to experience and see something from your point of view.
Thanks for sharing!
as always,
amy
I am interested in the Greek gods, and so this title caught my eye. I have read well the capriciousness of the gods, so when Zeus and Poseidon (Roman is Neptune) deny the love of others out of their envy or jealousy, it doesn't surprise me at all. Your words are beautiful and paint a vivid picture. Thank you for sharing this poem, and I enjoyed reading it greatly. Keep up the Good work.
An interesting take on becoming obsolete written from the point of view of paperclips. I see that you entered this into the Humorous Poetry Contest. It is cute, and the picture reminds me of the dozens of paperclips lining my desk drawer. I hope it did well. An ominous destiny of the trash can is their future? Wait...arts and crafts could be their savior...LOL
Thank you for sharing.
It is amazing what treasures you can find in a box of old photographs. Generations of memories and histories that may or may not have been forgotten. The wonder of what their daily lives may have held. And all boiled down to a few pieces of paper and perhaps a name or date on the photograph - if you are lucky.
Thank you for sharing this poem. And for the reminder that we need to make the most of our time, for one day, we too will be reduced to images on paper.
Thank you for sharing this dark piece. I can almost imagine a story prompt in this writing. Sinister wording: I've become my shadow and my shadow's become me. Just thinking about it gave me goose bumps. It is scary how fast an illness can turn someone into a shadow of their former selves. Vivid imagery is painted by your words. Well done!
I loved reading your poem. Having lived in the northwestern LP, I can clearly see the scene as you have portrayed it. I love the last line, and it is fitting - "Just a simple walk in Northern Michigan". This is my favorite line. It makes me smile and homesick at the same time.
Thank you for sharing a bit of home for me. I spotted no typos or grammar issues in your writing. Well done! I plan on checking out your other writing soon.
I am not a total fan of crossword puzzles (I prefer word searches) but this one is well done. The only typo I noticed was in the clue for 20 down: a small piece that cuases disease (I think you meant causes?)
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I was grateful that you had the words there, as I am not very good at guessing clues. At least I had a leg up to work this one LOL.
You are very talented and have many, many projects in your portfolio.
Thank you for sharing your work. I plan to "snoop" from time to time and see what new goodies you come up with!
A serious letter to a hated enemy. The anger, frustration, and bewilderment sound out in your letter. Cancer IS a bully, and you pointed this out in clear fashion.
You also write of hope, and the talk of a cure. You talk about the strength that women have as a whole, and how we won't let this bully rule us forever.
I also like how you signed the letter, and how you colored the letter in pink. Nicely done! I see you've entered this into a contest, and I wish you luck with it! Keep up the great work.
Hate when I hear/see that happen. Muse takes a vacation, and here we are holding the pieces. I have been lucky so far; but I am sure my time will come when I will have to shackle Marbles to me in order to get any writing done .
A short, yet powerful image you've created with your words. I can only hope and pray that it doesn't happen to you all that often.
Thank you for sharing this little poem. And thank you for not adding any "blood shed" to the poem...LOL. Well done.
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you make yourself at home, and enjoy all that WdC has to offer. The people here are a friendly bunch of folks, and don't be afraid to jump right in or ask questions!
I'm reviewing your piece today.
My initial thoughts: The transition from childhood to adulthood is indeed a subtle thing. You wrote about it eloquently in your paper.
My favorite part: The last phrase: "The child inside us is what keeps the magic alive and makes life all the more interesting!" Truer words have never been spoken. "Acting our age" should be an option (especially at my age...LOL
Some suggestions are: There are some typos that I noticed. Capitalization and some punctuation issues. They aren't bad, but it would help with the flow of the story. I'm not an expert, but I would be happy to help you with them with you via email, if you'd like.
Overall: I like what you've written. We can indeed be "child-like" without having to be "child-ish." You've made a wonderful start with your writing. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
Thank you for sharing your work, and Keep on Writing!
sincerely,
amy
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A very sad piece here. Vivid imagery you conjure with your words. The way you made the line "I fell down" as though you were actually falling was riveting. I got the feeling the last lines explain the "self imprisonment" that is felt here. A living ghost - is this because there is no choice? Or perhaps the narrator feels there is no choice...
Your work is gut-wrenching. I spied no typos or grammar issues with your work. It was well thought out and written. A very rough subject, but you wrote with respect and didn't judge the narrator's point of view.
I can picture the movie "Phantom of the Opera" as I read your poem. This Phantom you've written about could have been either an older man, or perhaps a ghost. Still she followed him.
My favorite lines are the last two: "And as he rows, I am rocked to sleep."
I spotted no typos or grammar issues with your writing. You described the Phantom in such a way that I can see the scenes clearly as I read them.
I am glad you are finding your way around Writing.com and that you are putting your work out there to be read. I look forward to reading more as you progress.
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