Hi again, Belinda.
Another passionate poem of heartbreak and sadness.
Once again, I must point out the punctuation for effect.
Commas, full stops and dashes (or dots, as you have used after "Goodbye.....") will make all the difference. I felt the pause and emotion after "Goodbye" before reading "Forever" That was good placement of punctuation.
One teeny spelling mistake, however.
"to" should be "too", in the line:- "Do you love me too?"
It's just a personal preference, but I always put the title of the piece at the top of the poem as well.
If you ever print the poem out, it looks better to have the title up there where it introduces the poem.
Well done with a lot of emotion!
Cheers Meg.
Hi Belinda,
This is a sad plea from a girl with a broken heart.
Your feelings come through in your words and I'm sure a lot of readers would be nodding their heads in agreement .... "I've been there too", or "I know how you feel".
You have no spelling or grammatical errors, which is always a plus in presentation.
Now the "but"! and there always is a but.
But, punctuation is vital in poetry to allow the reader to know when extra pauses and emphasis is needed. A few commas and full stops will add emphasis.
Keep writing. You have something to offer.
Cheers Meg.
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Some stories/essays are boring. (Quote) "- it's the way it's presented in bland and watered down format that bores" (unquote) readers.
Your essay is neither watered down nor bland. It is far from boring, and it's message should be spread.
Removing Religious instruction from schools for the sake of "Political correctness" was definitely a mistake that should be amended.
Many years ago in schools here in Australia, I can remember Religious Instruction was a voluntary subject, and I attended many of the different religion classes that were offered.(Mainly to see who sang the best Sunday school songs, told the best Bible stories, and to stay close to friends). We
didn't care what the Religion was, it was all about God. That was the basic fact. Our appreciation of other religious beliefs grew healthy as a result, I'm sure.
Well written.
Meg.
Perfect! Even in Australia, the favourite pastime is FOOD!
I worked at an Old People's Home for many years and we, the staff, actually did a version of the Twelve Days similar to this, in one of our frequent impromptu concerts. However the diets of folk 80 and over is quite different. There were bowls of pureed steak and blood pressure pills, and not to be forgotten by an aging digestive system :- FIVE DRIED UP PRUNES!
Thanks for the sing-a-long. The neighbours think I'm crazy! (I think I am anyway, so it doesn't matter what they think)
Cheers Meg.
Wow! What a trip down memory lane!
You have certainly put a lot of time and effort into your research here, and it is greatly appreciated.
As a young housewife in the early 60's, I did try on occasions to dress the part of a TV housewife, but a pretty dress does get ruined while one is cleaning the bathroom, and high heels are just not suited for carrying a full laundry basket down a flight of stairs. (not elegantly, anyway).
Thank you for this interesting and informative insight into how we women have progressed on the home and work front, and for the delightful trip down memory lane.
Well written.
Meg.
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Don't fret, pet. This happens to all of us.
It is quite a relief though, isn't it, when you finally do remember what you went into a room for.
Have a little chuckle at my interpretation of this very affliction. "SOME SAY I AM INTELLIGENT." .
I am so pleased there are others out there, just like me! Welcome to the club.
Cheers Meg.
Aah, birthdays. When you are young there are presents and cake and friends. Oh the joy of it all!
Our first and many people's last birthdays are so similar. Just think about it. Someone sits you in a chair and puts a cake in front of you with burning candles on it. A close family member has to help you blow the candles out, for if you blow too hard, that close family friend will need to change your diaper. And then you have to go have a nap while the rest of the gang enjoy the fine feast that was set up in honour of your 1st/90+ birthday.
Life does go a full circle doesn't it?
Good one. Hip Hip Hooray!
Meg.
So that's who those people were at Great Great Uncle Fred's funeral!
For a sad occasion, this was a rather funny story.
I can see where it could happen for real. No one takes much notice of who is at a funeral, and it's not the done thing to go around asking people why they are there. I mean, we all know why we are there, and why would anyone want to go to a funeral if you didn't know the dearly departed soul.
Well done piece of imaginative writing. (Or is it?)
Cheers Meg.
My Dear Maree,
I know I think of you as a sister, and at some stages of this story, I really thought you were writing to me.
It wasn't me of whom you wrote,
Although I wore a much bigger coat,
To cover up the bulges and leg braces,
That didn't help much in the cross country races.
And although I lisped because my fangs
Were wired up, and my knock-kneed bangs
Would make me trip and fall quite a lot,
It didn't hurt cause I bounced on the spot.
I knew it wasn't of me you were writing
Cause I didn't have dimples of which to be skiting.
And you didn't mention the scar on my head
Where my sister hit me with a hunk of lead!
I'll give you some gift points, just what you deserve,
For having the courage and having the nerve
To write about your dear sister this way,
I'm sure she appreciates you every day!
Love, Another Meg.
My first experience with palindromes made me wonder why people even bothered writing this form. Your creation has renewed my faith in a style of poetry that can be read and enjoyed for its content as well as its poetic style.
This is truly a lovely tribute to 9/11.
Well done,
Meg.
Hi Maree,
That's the best thing that could happen to a brown snake, though there are some reptile lovers that might disagree. Poor chook though. Not much left of him to salvage.
You did a better job of snake killing than I did, one day. I hit it with a shovel till it stopped moving, then threw it in a garbage bag. The next day I opened the bag to show someone, and it crawled out of the bag. Needless to say, it didn't get far before it was disposed of properly.
Good short story, my friend.
Meg.
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This may be one of your favourites, Maree, but I think it could become one of mine, too.
Such a sad picture of an old street lady. Though who is to know she is old behind those tired eyes and tired clothes.
The last verse sums up all of the hopelessness and depair she suffers.
Lovely rhyming and rhythm and choice of words to allow the flow move gently yet emphatically throughout the lines.
Well written. Thanks for sharing this one.
Meg.
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A well written acrostic indeed.
Descriptive lines such as these give a wonderful picture for the reader to visualise the beauties and freshness of Spring.
I particularly love the Rivulets of happily dancing waters.
Cheers Meg.
ps. The title had me giggling at first, as I recalled a childhood poem I learned. Spring has sprung, the grass is ris,
I wonder where the birdies is?
The bird is on the wing - But that's absurd!
The wing is on the bird!
Humour me, I'm getting a little silly in my old age!
An enjoyable read to which I can relate.
These muses of ours can be very temperamental, can't they? They seem to come and go as they please, and are never around when you need them most.
I can see yours was with you when you wrote this, though! Perhaps because you were writing about him! Conceited, isn't he!
Cheers Meg.
Hey, you are in a bad way, aren't you?
I know just how you feel though.
I went for quite a while, doing without a nice cup of coffee because I was in the middle of reading, writing or just browsing. I solved the problem!
I have the phone,a coffee maker and a biscuit jar and a supply of water bottle and a little fridge, right here in my computer room.
Now all I have to do is to find a way to get the housework done without getting up!
If I never leave this room, the rest of the place should stay tidy, Right? - No housework needs doing!!!
Problem solved!!
Cheers Meg.
Hi IdaLin,
A poem that has a flowing rhythm and perfect rhyme and extols the virtues of WDC. What more could I ask for!
I'd say your sentiments echo those of many who regard WDC as their second home. I know I do!
I have written down my thoughts on this subject too.
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?"
Thanks for sharing your enjoyment of our hobby.
Cheers Meg.
What a wonderful poem, Julie.
If more people listened to these men and women who gave so much, maybe they would talk more, and release just a little of those pent up emotions.
Thank you for being a Listener. It's not really a hard job. I really wish more people would just try it.
Love Meg.
This is a terrific poem. A pleasure to read too. I love a poem that sounds great when it is read aloud and just flows along with a rhyme and rhythm as it tells a tale.
I always knew there were beasties down there under the cushions. Now I know what they are called and what the pecking order is.
Well written and most enjoyable.
Cheers Meg.
Well you pulled in at least one sucker, wordsy.
Hey, I've always been one to follow instructions to the letter.
This is exactly the sort of thing that I would expect from an Aussie's sense of humour, so you are tops in my book.
Are there any more surprises in store for me as I wander around your port? I'll be a little more cautious from here on.
LOL.
Meg.
Quite a novel way to look at how different two people can be, while making the point that we are all the same in God's eyes.
A poem with a great rhythm and rhyming scheme which bounces along adding to the rise and fall of Treasures pleasures and Trashes hashes of life.
Just one little query.....Why was it a plus for Treasure to have pink and a minus for Trash to have blue?
I have 5 blues and 1 pink, and have no complaints with that.
Well done. I enjoyed it immensely.
Cheers Meg.
Hi TR,
This is quite a concise description of the pleasures and pitfalls of a trip to Vegas!
Does anyone ever go to Vegas just for the sightseeing tour? I don't think so. The city is known for its casinos, world wide, and if one does tour Sin City, a little flutter would always be on the agenda.
However, you make a lot of good points about how one can be drawn in for just one more roll of that dice to recoup one's losses.
If you are not prepared to lose everything - don't gamble! Yes indeed, Go to Disneyland!
A couple of suggestions for the poem. Some lines seem to be a little wordy, and detract from the flow of the poem.
I offer these changes as my suggestions only:- One armed bandits are what you should watch out for. I'm sorry to announce, that won't be Siegfried and Roy. This town has got bigger...etc Now - what you came for - let's get the gamble on! "But, how do you think we build casinos?" If you walked on the wild side, I will show you no pity
This may seem a lot of suggestions, but it is actually just a turn of phrase here and there which I feel will smooth the flow and keep the reader focused on what is a pretty good poem.
Well done.
Meg
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What an emotional poem. The words have so much feeling and passion of a love and life that may have been.
You certainly pulled at my heart strings with this one.
I can appreciate your attempt at free form poetry which ultimately still ends up rhyming. I tend to suffer from the same affliction, if you could call it that!
"I JUST DO NOT UNDERSTAND." is my attempt at explaining why I do not write free form.
Thanks for sharing this beautiful poem.
Cheers Meg.
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