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368 Public Reviews Given
677 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest and critical reviews offered. I look at all components of story-telling: setting, dialogue, characterization, conflict and resolution. I will not generally do a line-by-line edit, though I will point out minor errors. If a piece needs a complete rewrite for grammar and spelling I will tell you so. I do not sugar-coat. I try to be insightful and will offer honest suggestions where I think are necessary.
Favorite Genres
horror, comedy, romance, erotica, drama, emotional
Least Favorite Genres
spiritual or religious
Public Reviews
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Review of Desmond Doss  Open in new Window.
Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
What an interesting poem. I feel educated. I've never heard of Desmond Doss, but of course, conscientious objectors don't get as much attention as generals. This poem made me feel elated. I cheered for the character who in the end proved himself to be braver than those from whom he tolerated ridicule. I think you did a great job of telling the story vividly and succinctly through poetry. I will remember the story of this particular soldier. Great subject matter, and very good composition.


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for entry "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
A poem that can't help but bring back the reader's own experiences with those first experiments of love. You paint a picture of a time period, of moments in youth stolen and discovered. You use the description of music that gives those moments a soundtrack. Reading it I felt like a voyeur of a tender vignette of youthful exploration and friendship evolved. My favorite line is the opening line. It drew me right in.


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Review of War of Words  Open in new Window.
Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
The most interesting part of this poem I think, is the way it makes me feel like I can almost hear the argument taking place. Machine-gun chatter is such a powerful image, following through with the idea that words can rend the air, and then the quiet statement at the end does give a sense of finality, the word "silence" cuts through the noise of the rest of the poem. Excellent word choice. A very powerful piece for being just a 24 syllable poem. Good job!


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Review of Deceit  Open in new Window.
Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a free verse poem that details a love grown stale. It is a mournful, emotional piece. It drew me in immediately with the opening lines. Then there are images that are easy to envision, the meaningless sounds like breezes,(my favorite part) and the idea of touching one that no longer feels. A dark, rather hopeless poem, but powerful in its language and purpose. Well done.


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Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
A short little story about Lily, a woman who had been a dork in high school and is preparing for her reunion. She decides to get a spray tan to prepare, but things do not go as planned.

This story was so short, I find myself wondering if there was a word count limit for it's composition. There are many elements to story-telling missing.

The story is in third-person limited POV in the past tense, and is consistent.

It's told from the perspective of Lily. Characterization is there but limited. we are told that Lily was a dork in high school. We are told that she is now quite successful by any measure: good job, good man, good apartment.

Actually the reader is told pretty much everything in this tale, without any showing of details.

There is virtually no setting. We are told she has a great apartment, but we are not given any details. She goes to a tanning salon, but there is no descriptive language of the salon. None of the senses are engaged.

There is no dialogue. This is fine, but we are told she has a great boyfriend, we could be perhaps shows this through dialogue with him, for example.

I saw no errors in grammar or spelling.

The plot, that she experiences a mishap while tanning, and then ends up making the opposite impression that she wanted to at her reunion , is funny and resolves nicely. I like the way the story ends.

Overall, I think this story could be flushed out a lot more to draw the reader into Lily's world a bit more, and make the reader even more invested in how it all turns out. But what there was of the story was well-written and amusing. Normally I would rate it three stars as it's lacking in areas, but as I suspect it's written with an abbreviated allowance for word count, I give it a four. It's a good story. :)


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Review of Mama Said  Open in new Window.
Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
A chilling account of a child who has committed murder.

The POV of this story in the first person, past tense, told from the perspective of a reporter who has come to a prison to interview a killer.

The characterization of Anthony, the teenage murderer is strong. There wasn't a lot of physical description of him aside from having looked like he hadn't slept. It could use a little more physical description to get a better image of him. However, his personality really comes through in the dialogue of the interview. He talks about his feelings of being repressed by his mother, and his bitterness over the way he was being raised. We get a very good feeling for the life he was living with his mother, and his motivations for murder. The reporter on this other hand, is excited to get the opportunity for the interview, but that is really where personal information on his/her thoughts end. The reporter is nameless, genderless, and doesn't reveal really any of his thoughts on what is happening in the interview. While the reporter shows sympathy for Anthony, the reader doesn't know if this is genuine, or manufactured in order to get Anthony to open up. There is a lot of room for you to play with the character of the reporter, especially as the story is told from their perspective.

Setting isn't overly atmospheric, maybe more senses could be engaged. But there was a visual of the prison upon arrival, and a sense of being frantic to get away from the crowd that was good. I had a solid image of that opening scene.

Dialogue is the strong point of this story. There is a vernacular used by Anthony that comes off as conversational and natural, and is revealing of that character's voice. And that voice differs from that of the reporter, separating the characters through the sound of dialogue. A story that is mostly told through dialogue, as it is an interview, Anthony's experiences really come to life. It propels the story forward.

Grammar and spelling were excellent, I found no errors.

The plot was that of a reporter come to interview a child who has murdered his mother, and through the interview we learn the motivations for the murder and what exactly happened. It is intriguing subject matter, and it held my rapt interest all the way though. It resolved in a wonderful way, with Anthony's statement about sometimes still wanting his mother, it had an emotional affect on this reader.

Overall I thought it was a good story that with a little bit of tweaking could be an absolutely excellent story. I thoroughly enjoyed it.


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Review of Gray Rain  Open in new Window.
Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was an interesting poem, with some great visuals and colorful language choices. I got a robust image of a cities waiting for a storm in dread, and of the storm itself. It seemed at first that it was going to be a poem about acid rain, but then in the last stanza it surprisingly introduces the subject of alien invasion. It was an unexpected twist to the story told by this free verse poem. The poem is thick with the emotion of dread. I liked it.


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Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
A poignant list of regrets. It seems each one of these items could be a writing prompt for you in and of themselves, for each one evokes a feeling of interest from this reader, and I would be interested in reading further on each of the subjects presented. Evocative.


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Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
An emotional story of a person who feels like love i lacking in their life, that they don't understand what love even is, even as they find themselves surrounded by lovers.

The setting is a bayside town, which I felt I got a very good feel for. (Being from Florida, I could envision it perfectly) but your descriptive language regarding the environment was quite vivid.

Characterization is strong, as the story is told in first-person POV and the reader gets to ride along in the character's head privy to their suppositions and insecurities.

The plot has the reader also question, what is it to be loved? And this story answers it as recognition. I found this to be quite insightful and unique. The subject of the story experiences a wide range of emotions in this piece, from disdain to sadness, to finally a sense of hope in the ending. I enjoyed being along for the ride as this character attempted to come to terms with their opinions on what love is.

A well-written story, very well edited, there were no errors that I spotted. Just a genuine emotional trip through one person's battle with themselves and their inner doubts.


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Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
An affectionate free verse love poem dedicated to a girl's car. The author takes the reader on a ride through various life happenstances and adventures. I felt by the end that I had real insight into the life of the author. I think this is a poem that anyone who has ever loved a car would be able to thoroughly appreciate, and and anyone that loves a love poem can also appreciate. My favorite part of this poem is the personification given the old car as he gets on through trials and tribulations. A very interesting choice of subject matter for a poem, I thought.


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Review of Cleansing  Open in new Window.
Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
A free verse poem about the cleansing power of a walk in the rain. It insinuates the author has experienced some troublesome times and and finds relief in a downpour that washes away the pain. I liked the idea of the rain being presented as a cleansing force for more than just the physical, but rather offering an uplifting experience to the author, and therefore the reader.


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Review of Schmoetry  Open in new Window.
Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
A simple senryu as the forms begs. I found it to be fun and tongue in cheek, sparking a bit of humor from me. The "I don't do haiku" as an introductory line definitely caught my attention, I can see why you had to roll with it and turn it into a poem. The fast that you could then turn it into its sister form, the senryu, just by talking about doing so is clever.


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Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
A year that seemed at first like it was going to turn out well, but is instead turned on it's ear by a natural disaster . . . looking at the year this was written, I imagine it refers directly to Katrina. I like the images presented in the last stanza, the cigarettes, the crumpled dollar bill. An overall sense of giving in and and giving up permeates this pieces. Free verse gives it a conversational tone that works well for this poem. There is certainly a strong sense of resignation in the tone of this piece.


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Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
A poem that brings to mind times gone past. The author is thinking back on someone they knew in high school, and perhaps had feelings for at one time, but that time is long past. This has a lovely tone of nostalgia to it, that radiates in the image of scrawling passages in a yearbook. My favorite part is the last line, "I close the book on your memory." It sums up the poem nicely.


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Review of The Red Umbrella  Open in new Window.
Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
A creative and humorous story about a couple of people hiking through the mountains, who discover a lone umbrella accompanied by a strange man who claims to be from a another planet and contains the cure to all of life's woes.

The dialogue in this is a real treat, and where the majority of the humor lies, aside form it's general kind of tongue-in-cheek tone. The list of maladies that the strange little man rattles off made me laugh out loud.

For such a short piece there is some attention given to setting, and I had a clear vision of them walking through the woods. Some more attention could be given to engaging more of the senses however.

Characterization is fairly limited. There is a mischievous quality that exists among the two main characters, Lily and Bill, which is somewhat charming. Being that the strange little man is from another planet, or at least so he claims, I would have liked to see a little more description of him, rather than just that he was in tattered clothes. My curiosity was peaked.

POV was first person past tense, and was consistent.

Grammar and spelling were good.

The plot was imaginative, and resolved nicely at the end, with the strange little man apparently succeeding where he intended. I enjoyed this little bit of flash fiction.


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Review of Aunt Jade  Open in new Window.
Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I thought this was a comical fun poem to read. It flowed beautifully and had a great rhyme and rhythm to it, that made it delightful to read aloud. I laughed as it was something of a storytelling poem, and the plot, a main character who wishes to marry his half-sister is scandalous and presented in a really funny way.

It was very well written with no errors grammatically or in spelling that I noticed. I actually was quite impressed with the ability to tell a story with such language in the rhyme, it had a great vocabulary and word choices.

The last stanza threw me off, as it didn't really seem to jive with the plot of the rest of the poem. It comes off as extraneous, although I see it was written for the cramp which required the use of the dead battery. Since that round is over, my only recommendation would be to rework this poem with a different conclusion, and remove the stanza about the dead battery. That's only my humble opinion, of course.

In general, I enjoyed this quite a bit. A well-written bit of poetry!


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Review of A Moving Day  Open in new Window.
Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
A charming flash fiction story about a moving man who has come to do an estimate on a house, only to be confronted with a surprise.

Characterization is quite good for such a short story. I got a firm sense of the Susan character and her precociousness. It was even somewhat revealing of Sandra's character to invite our main character inside sight unseen. But of course we find out why she might have done that later. The main character is a friendly efficient man, although nameless.

A little attention is given to setting. I know where the story takes place, if it's not particularly atmospheric.

Dialogue is natural-sounding and moves the story forward.

Story is in first person, past tense POV and is consistent throughout.

Grammar and spelling are good throughout.

The plot is simple and somewhat charming. My curiosity was peaked to find out what the story was about when I realized it was so short and there wasn't a lot of space for plot to be revealed. I liked the little twist at the end, and definitely feel you could expand on this story, revealing what happens next. You do leave me wanting to know more, which is a credit to the tale.

Overall, I liked it. It was well-written, holds the reader's attention, and while the plot doesn't exactly resolve, I do like how it ends.


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Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
What an interesting thing to do, to write the story from both perspectives. It takes skill to write the second part of the story, and pull the reader into the new character in such a way that it doesn't seem repetitive.

This was a very short story, first from the perspective of Jack. Through his observations and inner thought-processes regarding his ex, one gets a pretty solid feel for his character. I learned enough about him that I was drawn into his story and wanted to know more about him, like what happened between he and his ex.

Jill's story is as breathless as she is, with a sense of real danger and she seeks to protect whatever it is she has in her fanny pack. Again, I felt drawn into her character, which I got a good feel for based on her reactions to Jack on the park bench.

The dialogue is natural, and moves the story along nicely, and is limited so that in the second half one doesn't feel like like they're reading too much of the same story over again.

POV is past tense third-person limited (although obviously limited to each of the individual characters in their separate parts. POV was consistent.

There is some attention given to setting in the description of the kiddie pool, the description of the park is somewhat limited. Setting is not particularly atmospheric, though it is adequate to have a sense of where they are.

Grammar and spelling was perfect as far as I could see.

The plot, though incomplete as their was no real resolution to the story was interesting and definitely held my attention. You initially drew me in the with the characterization of Jack to such an extent that I was already interested in him before the plot took the bizarre twist it did with the contents of Jill's fanny pack. Because we were already exposed to what was going to happen from a narrator's standpoint in Jack's part, it added to the sense of danger immediately in beginning Jill's part. Overall, I feel the plot was executed very well, although it did leave me with a lot of obvious questions. What was the thing in the pouch? What does Jill deal with the confrontation at the end? Does Jack continue to just hide and observe or do events catapult him into action?

In summation, I really enjoyed this story, found it to be very well written, and am only disappointed to not know how it continues--a tribute to the storytelling in and of itself.


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Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Great story! I was immediately drawn in by the voice of the little boy. There are three characters in this story, and Mom and Dad are sufficient as they never actually make an appearance but the reader still gets a feeling for their characters even with them floating on the outside. The character of the little boy is fully realized, in his voice and his inner dialogue.

That inner dialogue is the only real dialogue in the story, and it's quite brilliant. You do an amazing job of showing versus telling through that dialogue and it's very impressive.

POV is first person present tense, which is a very unusual choice. A lot of people complain about it, but I personally love it when it's executed well as it is in this tale.

The plot is great. The perspective of an abused child locked in the basement by his dysfunctional parents is told in heartbreaking detail. But (as I suspected it would be) it turns out to not be entirely what it seems. The plot has a twistiness to it, although I guessed the ending myself, I didn't care because I was so enchanted by the characters voice.

Grammar and spelling are perfect.

Setting is effective and I got a firm sense of where the story was taking place. There were details like on the temperature and his wish for a blanket that gave life to the basement he was in, real atmosphere.

Overall I enjoyed this story immensely, I found it to be perfect as is, and I wouldn't change a thing.
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Review of Marbhna Croí  Open in new Window.
Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
A rhyming poem that is not in a traditional form I am familiar with, as it repeats lines and rhymes in parts and other just rhymes, but I like it. It has a musical quality to it when read aloud. A haunting poem with a grandmother speaking to grandchild, and giving sage advice. In the end the stars are still falling as in the first stanza though, and I love that. I love this poem. I can't pick a favorite stanza, I think, because every line seems carefully chosen and crafted for effect. I do particularly like the last stanza, I guess, the way it answers the beginning, and the lament it contains is a nice touch. Wonderful poem.


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Review of Easter Dresses  Open in new Window.
Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
A lovely free verse poem that is a tribute to daughters who loves their mothers. You really captured that particular form of familial worship. I like how it begins with the references to sewing, and how it spirals back to that again in the end.

Along with a fascination for the fantastical and the mythic
Adventures writers, and eventually she created,

This line through me off a little. Is there supposed to be an apostrophe in Adventures, or am I just reading it wrong? and what did she eventually create? In the next line it refers to her wandering off, I am left unclear.

Anyway, could be my error in how I'm reading it, but it was a bit of a hiccup for me.

Overall I find it to be quite a vivid tale, and I get a strong sense of characterization for both mother and child, which is a nice element to find in poetry. The way it ends is my favorite part, full circle, and with the daughter showing great appreciate for her mother.


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for entry "You - Fisher" Open in new Window.
Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
A somewhat tragic poem of love waning. From the first stanza you draw the reader in with this imagery of a string caught, a string that is the summary of this relationship. It is grasped for, it is lost. A poem in free verse, you wrangle language to represent the loss that is occurring, a relationship gone sour for whatever reason, a moment that is blessed in hope for renewal. I love the hope that is represented right in the opening lines: that love has to be stronger than doubt. "That stronghold in my heart firms
in our waning hours holding you like a kite" is my favorite image that you represent in this piece. A free verse poem of longing, I thoroughly enjoyed it.


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Review of Forest  Open in new Window.
Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
A very emotional piece that tells a story of a mistake made and consequences in a relationship that the author clearly feels are unfair. This is a creative form you've written in. Not a traditional form, but I see the three line stanzas with the aba rhyme scheme followed by the abcb rhyme form. My favorite part is the reference to the splinters, and the last line is particularly powerful and sums up the whole thing beautifully.


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Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
A heartfelt plea for the homeless. I love the repetitive description of them as "urban tumbleweeds". You actually decribe them in several ways I found to be great comparisons, creative, "sidewalk flowers" "plastic bags". I like how you point out in the end that God-religions call upon people to help their brethren. I've always wondered how people can be so heartless about the homeless and also call themselves religious. The aabb rhyme scheme worked well for this, it's good when read aloud. Overall an insightful well-crafted poem.
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Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
The villanelle is not an easy form to write in, I commend you in doing such a good job with it. The poem questions the poetic ability of one's lover throughout, with a tenderness of acceptance of a level of silliness that exists between author and subject. It's a funny piece thats written like a conversation, consisting of the subject's "bad" poetry (which it isn't lol) and the author's opinion of it. I find that back and forth amusing.


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