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368 Public Reviews Given
677 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest and critical reviews offered. I look at all components of story-telling: setting, dialogue, characterization, conflict and resolution. I will not generally do a line-by-line edit, though I will point out minor errors. If a piece needs a complete rewrite for grammar and spelling I will tell you so. I do not sugar-coat. I try to be insightful and will offer honest suggestions where I think are necessary.
Favorite Genres
horror, comedy, romance, erotica, drama, emotional
Least Favorite Genres
spiritual or religious
Public Reviews
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Review of Hopper's Gift  Open in new Window.
Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a story-telling poem, about Hopper the rabbit, who wants to make a gift for his mother. It's told in an abab cdcd etc rhyme scheme that you are consistent with, and comes off well for the style of the poem. It's almost like this could be for a children's story. The tale is descriptive, has a beginning, middle and end, with a conflict that resolves in the end. Overall it's a delightful little poem. You said you're looking for suggestions, and there are a couple of things. You could use more tools like simile to make the piece more provocative language-wise. The other thing is that though it rhymes well, when read aloud the rhythm is off. This could be aided by using the same amount of syllables in each line. In all, I enjoyed it.


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Review of Missing you  Open in new Window.
Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
A poem of love and loss. The first stanza is my favorite and pulls the writer directly in with such language as in the lines
A whisper fills the silent room,
As if you were still in the womb
These lines in particular spoke to me the strongest. You paint an image of someone dearly loved and lost to death, and grief marches across the page. The poem has a great flow to it, and surprisingly the couplet-style rhyme scheme doesn't detract from the emotionality, where often that rhyme scheme is saved for more uplifting pieces. I do like how this poem starts with stark sadness and but then ends on an almost wistful, inspirational note. It has a decent rhythm, and flows well when read aloud, except when I came to the line
I must awaken from my dream to say good bye
which just seems to have a lot of syllables compared to the rest.

Overall this is a well-composed piece.


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Review of Joyous Morning  Open in new Window.
Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
A sensory little poem that brings to mind the sights, tactile notes, and fragrances of spring time. A simple lovely little tribute to the season. I was unfamiliar with the joybell form and had to look it up. You did an excellent job with it. Your language is lovely. It is perfection, I have no suggestions for this piece. Well done.


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Review of Little by little  Open in new Window.
Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
A love poem about walls coming down and trusting another with your heart. Free verse, there is no rhyme, rhythm or meter to this poem. It depends on language which flows nicely. My favorite part is the metaphor in the first lines, although I think you should replace the second use of the word whittle with something else to eliminate the repetition: cuts away, erodes, or something.

In general a nice poem.
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Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
A funny little piece. Indeed, there comes a time of year when air conditioning is the greatest gift one could ask for. However, the syllables you have here are 6/8/5 as opposed to 5/7/5 which is the qualifying format for senryu. Still, it made me smile.
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Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Piece of love coming from a history of sadness. Loss is discussed, but this isn't a melancholy piece, it is deep and full of love. I particularly like the lines about no longer being in spring-time but mature, and the line about adventures. The poem has an excellent rhymthm to it that would easily translate to song--it is very lyrical. The rhyme is done well, it rolls off the tongue naturally. Overall the flow of the poem is perfection. Well done.


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Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Touch of your hands caressing mine's -- mine
An heavenly feeling could not deny, -- a heavenly feeling
Your warmth caress my being, -- caresses or caressed. Thing is you jump around in this poem between past and present tense, so if you go back to work on it I suggest you keep that in mind when editing.
Cuddled in silence to Natures sounds, -- Nature's

Overall, I liked this poem. It's a lovely vision of a couple embracing each other on the romantic Brooklyn Bridge. I like how you incorporated so much setting. I have been where you're talking about, and your poem took me back there. Good job in evoking the senses through establishing a setting in a poem. There is no particular meter to this piece, but the rhyme signature is pretty good, and consistent. My favorite lines are the last two, I think it's a great way to sum up the end of the poem. My only complaint with this really is how you jump from past to present tense and back again. Aside from a couple of the edit's listed above, that's my major suggestion for improvement, should you decide to take it on.


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Review of Grey Area  Open in new Window.
Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
A poem of loneliness, is how this strikes me. Of waiting to be understood and longing. Your word choices zing. I absolutely love your style here. I am having a hard time picking out a favorite line because I love them all so much. Maybe "counting my shadow as opposite". You paint a very unique vision with your words. The word breaks are ideal and lend power to those phrases. Flow is excellent. A beautiful, haunting poem. Grammar and spelling are perfect. I have no suggestions for improvement except to hope you don't try to fix anything because it's perfect.


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Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
A tragic poem about the death of one's love. I like your analogy of the lily, and how you describe it as something that would live forever, only to be confronted with the cold hard truth: that nature must take its course, not just for the lily, but for us humans, and the lover in this poem as well. This poem is mournful and emotional. It reminds me of some classic poetry, perhaps because of the first line, how it begins with an exclamation. An evocative piece.


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Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Holla! I would hope so much of this would just be common sense, but if you're writing it I fear it isn't. This is an informative article on how to navigate writing.com obligations in a classy way. It is full of solid common-sense advice. Actually, in reading it I felt a desire to become more involved myself. (I have to figure out how these raffles and c-notes and things work for goodness sake.) Your article is informative, well-written and a positive-toned piece that also admonishes the bad behavior of perhaps some members. It's terrible to hear one might think of reviewing someone as a burden, here in this community. I appreciate your words here, and as it is so well-written I have no suggestions for improvement. Thank you for caring enough to contribute such a piece to our community.


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Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Tommy and Ruby are brother and sister being raised on a farm by their mother and abusive father. Tommy and Ruby plan to escape with a friend, Liam. Tommy and Liam have a secret they share, that they are gay which would be completely unacceptable to Tommy's strict religious judgemental father. So the plan is for Liam to fake his suicide so they can leave their small town and go somewhere where they will be accepted.

Characterization is a strong point of this story. I get a thorough feel for Tommy and Ruby, and their sibling relationship which is close though they bicker a lot as brother and sister are wont to do. Their father is a vivid character who shows no sympathy for the apparent death of their friend Liam. Their mother is a kind, weary long-suffering type. I thought the characters were all well-painted and the strength of the story.

Dialogue was fantastic. You used a country vernacular which would have been easy to come off as cheesy or forced but it doesn't, it comes off as natural and moves the plot forward.

The setting is their farm, and I had a good feel for it. It wasn't particularly descriptive but adequate.

Grammar and spelling were perfect, I found no errors.

POV was third-person limited from Tommy's perspective, and it was consistent throughout.

I found the plot to this to be very interesting. I was invested in Tommy and Ruby's escape. You drew me in right away and held my rapt attention throughout. I was anxious to see what would happen, if they would get away. I was a little surprised that it just jumped to the future rather than showing the actual escape and meeting up with Liam.

Also, I was a little confused about what Ruby knew. Her grief seemed so genuine and then she takes the flowers down the deer path in the end almost like she's mourning Liam, but I feel that Liam is alive and well and hooked up with Tommy. So she's just a really good actress? But if Tommy is going to tell Momma the truth in the end, why does she take the flowers? Maybe I missed something here . . . it wouldn't be the first time lol.

Overall a truly enjoyed this story a great deal! A great read!


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Review of Nonna's Story  Open in new Window.
Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The story of a woman who pursues the truth of her grandmother's story, because she was a mystery and never spoken of as she was growing up. She goes to Italy where she meets up with her aunt, who then gives her the complete story of what happened with her grandmother. It is a tale of tragedy indeed.

The story opens with an air of mystery and immediately draws the reader in. A good opening hook. I too want to know what happened. The story that the aunt tells is regaled beautifully and vividly. The story is told entirely through dialogue that while a little tale-tellish to come off as completely natural (not a lot of people can tell a story with such prose) but it moves the story forward, is interesting and serves its purpose. The setting is in Northern Italy, in her aunt's house, which I get a visual of with the description of the mountains outside. The offering of homemade wine lends a sense of hominess. We get a strong feel for the aunt character, her spirituality is clear in several areas, not just with her prayer at the end, but with the clutching of her cross, etc. The plot moves forward briskly, with the conflict--the mystery of what happened to her grandmother being ultimately resolved in a satisfying way when we the reader learn the truth of what happened. There is one area I stumbled over a bit. She is talking about all the children being asleep in the house, and yet she is full of description about her mother wrapping her head in a scarf before leaving, descriptions of the church and service, the people flowing from the church to the fire . . . how could the aunt character have seen any of these details in order to describe them when she was either asleep in the house, or in the burning house? Just something for you to chew on. I certainly like all that description and feel it's integral to the telling of the story, so I suggest finding a way for it work logically. POV is third-person limited and consistent. Grammar and spelling are great, you were only missing some end quotes here:
.The word asylum? I asked.

Overall I thoroughly enjoyed this story, you kept my rapt attention the whole time. Your writing flows and the language and descriptive elements are spot on.


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Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I found this to be an interesting bit of musing. I'm not very educated: I probably learned that cell renewal happens every seven years and then forgot, otherwise I never learned it. The whole concept of getting upgraded every seve years is indeed fascinating. I like your comparison to humans in their retirement process, the gold watch and all. This writing here flows perfectly, there is no grammar or spelling issues that I noticed. Just an interesting little article on the process of cell renewal and aging. A contemplative read, thank you.


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Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I lovely poem about the difficulting in expressing the depth of one's affection. I found your literary references interesting, they add to the poem and it's meaning (at least if you are familiar with the work of cummings and Shakespeare). I love the line that references not knowing "where you end and I begin". That in itself is such a beautiful expression of deep love. I also like the idea of being comfortable from the start--it lends that kind of soul mate feel to the piece.


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Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
A poem about finding one's way out of the darkness into the light of spirituality. My favorite lines in this poem are in the first stanza, "darkness my flag and ruin my badge". The language flows easily and the piece is overall inspirational in its message. I really like how it ends, with you speechless, showing the power that faith has had over you.


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Review of Life Eternal  Open in new Window.
Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I LOVED this story. Brad is innocently awaiting his dentist appointment when he meets a mysterious stranger that offers him an incredible deal. The plot of this story is totally original, and I was hooked from the opening.

Regarding characterization I don't get a deep look into Brad's persona, except he seems disturbed by the presence of the monk, and is impatient for his appointment. But the other character is fully fleshed out, vividly described and has a memorable way of delivering his dialogue. Dialogue overall was so natural that it was a delight to read, and expressed the characters well and moved the story forward. Setting wasn't particularly over-imagined, but was sufficient enough. Perhaps more use of the senses could have been incorporated. Grammar and spelling is excellent. There is one sentence: LIfe sat down and gestured for Brad to do the same -- as you can see there is an extra capital in the word life there. Speaking of which, that part where he says life eternal and is corrected--I flat out laughed aloud.

The gem of this story is how Brad made his decision so seemingly lightly, as so many would presented with such a dilemma only to ask the pertinent questions later. Conflict was presented and resolved brilliantly. I loved the ending.

Because I think a little more work could be done on the setting I would normally rate this 4.5 but I loved the concept and presention so much I'm just gonna give it a five.


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Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
A sad poem, about the loss of love, tinged with bitterness at that it's gone. My favorite line is "and the blue that shone like the moon I pine for". I feel this could be a powerful poem with the addition of more use of metaphor/simile. But overall I feel the sense of heartbreak, and have certainy been there and relate to it.


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Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a delightful poem with a wistful airy quality to it. A lullaby almost. I like the simplicty of your language here, it is powerful yet visual. The last stanza particularly is my favorite, summing up with lovely references to moon, clouds, branches your gentle command of the wind.
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Review of Autumn  Open in new Window.
Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
A lovely ode to autumn. You have some great imagery, and I love how you use the feeling of autumn to address a certain nostalgia as seen in my favorite lines, "Awakening memories/ashes of yesterday." I'd never heard of this poetic form before, I had to look it up. If it matters to you, your third line has seven syllables as opposed to six. I enjoyed this poem, and learning about a new form. Thank you for sharing!


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Review of Between Him And I  Open in new Window.
Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I poem about committing sin in life, living as one would without regard to consequence. A relationship between a person and God, and how it is personal, that the writer will live as they please until God's judgement is placed on them. This poem is a good one to read aloud--once one does the subtle rhyme really comes out. There isn't a specific rhyme scheme or meter, but it does flow nicely. There were no grammatical errors that I spotted. well done and write on!


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Review of HELLO  Open in new Window.
Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Here we have a story of a man who, while doing his regular jogging, comes to meet an elderly woman named Ann. As time goes on, he comes to know her better, and gain an appreciation for the lives and stories the elderly experience. It gives him a better relationship with his own mother. My favorite part about this story is how the character of David evolves over time, until we get to the ending which is moving, and I absolutely love.

The dialogue in the story is good, and comes off natural.

There is some work put into the setting, I think maybe you could add a little more and it wouldn't hurt--engaging all the senses, not just sight.

Characterizataion is the best part of this story. I get a real feel for both David and Ann, though I wouldn't mind being privy to more of their conversation.

The biggest problem with this story is in punctuation. There's missing punctuation, like quotation marks, run-on sentences connected by commas that really should just be made into two sentences to pack more punch. I would generally copy and paste them here to show you, but there's a lot of instances like this, and I think if you go over it with a fine-toothed comb in a rewrite you'll see what I mean. Here are a couple of things I am specificaly taking note of though:

I offered her to take her shopping or walk her home but she always refuses.
--should just read: I offered to take her shopping . . .

not because I was out of breath but because what I was afraid of what happened.
--not because I was out of breath, but because I was afraid of what happened

I went for a run and I stopped when I saw and elderly man with a cane sitting at Ann's bench. --stopped when I saw (an) elderly man

Overall, I really enjoyed this story. I would rate it four stars except for the editing that needs to be done. Feel free to let me know if you rewrite, I will go over it again. Thank you so much for sharing, and write on!


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Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Oh. My. God. LOL. I literally rolled around laughing until tears came from my eyes after reading this. It's absolute perfection. A poem of a farmer trying to sell his wares to a possible customer with unexpected results. This poem consists of a series of couplets in perfect iambic pentameter, brava! It gives it a perfect rhyme and rhythm, and flows so easily it makes the subject matter all the more fun to read. I'm in total awe. A delightful dirty little piece of poetry, that is nothing short of joy-inspiring. Thank you so much for the laugh. I couldn't possibly offer any suggestions. I'd rate it 6 stars if I could. Well done!!!


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Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What a moving story to be told in less than three hundred words! You completely got me with this one. A story about Robbie, told in the third person predominantly from the perspective of his mother. Robbie is on his way to a ceremony--graduation I presume due to his age and the importance of the event, and we are given insight into his mother's observations.
There is little dialogue, but what exists is fine. There is a level of characterization that could be fleshed out a little more if you choose to go back and elongate this story, but I get a feeling for Robbie and his mother both. There isn't much attention given to setting, but again, I realize this was written as flash fiction, so it's just something to consider if you decide to add to this story--which is good--I think you should. The conclusion of the story surprised me, and as a mom punched me right in the gut--no mean task for something so short. There were no grammatical errors that I spotted, composition is good. Really, I just want more of this! I enjoyed it, thank you for sharing.


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Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
So this is one of the most original things I've ever read on this site. You really put a lot of work and imagination into describing how to harvest Demon Spiders. (And here I didn't even know they existed lol).

This is a complete manual on how to hunt, stun, secure, and harvest for valuable parts, the Demon Spiders in Hell. After reading it I feel I would never do such a thing, as it sounds exceedingly dangerous, though profitable. You go into great detail on the anatomy of the Spiders, and each of the steps it takes to become a Demon Spider butcher. I applaud all the attention you gave to every step of the process. It reads very professional, and like it could be published for use tomorrow. The writing is dry, the subject weird and fascinating, and I thoroughly got a kick out of it.

Just some quick grammatical errors:

Your average adventurers trip into Hell
--adventurer's

You can’t do this in a quilted doubled and laced leather trousers.
--do you mean doublet?

It takes a spiders entire lifetime to push and weave it
--spider's

The exact diameter of a spiders axx will change between
spider's

With thirty two holes
thirty-two

In nature, the spider must weave the silk as its excreted,
--it's

Hunting, securing and harvesting a single Demon Spider is far easier than slashing ten to death. Yet, it’s immeasurably more profitable.
--This says it's easier to harvest a spider than to kill it. Is that what you meant to say? Because your manual implies the opposite.

third paragraph from the bottom needs a space between it and the next

Overall, I really enjoyed the creativity of this piece. Great job and write on!


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Review by jabberwocky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
A poem I think a lot of couples could relate to. I feel tempted to read it to my husband I relate to it so much, lol. While it doesn't have a specific meter or rhyme signature to it the rhyme that does exist here flows and there is a sort of rhythm to the poem. A poem about how some couples simply don't relate to each other sometimes, and can be very different, but that it doesn't mean it can't work out. It's a piece full of hope. I particularly like the first two stanzas the most.

light hearted
--should be hyphenated light-hearted

A solid poem, thank you for sharing your work!


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