First, let me commend you on writing a novel. It's a grueling, challenging process, and it takes courage to do, so well done! On with my review.
I like how you thrust the reader right into the action. It isn't the most thrilling hook I've ever read, but it hooked me enough to keep reading. Basically, it was a good idea not to present what killed Diane's husband. It makes the reader question what happened. Already, conflict introduced.
Because you separate the flashback with a multiple line break, and precede it with a sentence saying she's looking back into the past, there is no need for the italics.
The biggest problem I see with the story so far is pacing. You spend too much time describing the physical of your characters, and not enough on what makes them unique: which in this case is not their clothes. Unless what they are wearing is particularly unsual, which is a statement for the character, or unless the clothing is integral to the plot, there's no need to mention it. Plus, with too much physical description, the reader is tempted to skim, and it also interrupts the visual of the character they may creating in their mind, with is intrusive of the author. So try and keep this kind of description to a minimum, it bogs down the story. Better to just cut to the action.
As far as the action is concerned: I like how you've introduced more conflict, between Diane's father and Larry and (perhaps I'm reading too far into it) but the kind of seemingly intrusive little sister.
Also, you introduce some sexual tension between your main characters, but I get the feeling Diane is really inhibited and shy, so her coming forward and longing for the physical contact seems a little out of place. I think you need to get away from her clothes, and into her mind, and show the reader why she feels like overcoming this aspect of herself for Larry. What's her motivation? This could be difficult or not, depending. I get the impression this is at least partially based on your own experiences, which means it could go either way, as far how exhibitionist you're feeling about your own life, lol.
Also, toward the end, what is it that suddenly, after two years of celibacy, has pushed Diane to the point where she decides she's ready for a male connection?
Some technical stuff:
You are missing a quite a few commas, a read-through should help. Particularly where you have quotations there seem to be some forgotten ones.
The use of adverbs: You don't have a lot, but keep in mind, you want to try and avoid these at all costs. They are empty, tellish descriptions. For example:
After setting the flowers on the counter, she introduced him to her parents who immediately threw questions his way.{/i)
---Her parents could have pummled him with questions, beset him with a barrage of questions like gunfire, etc. I know, these are cheesy, but just examples. Or:
He responded smoothly
---I line like this is a perfect opportunity to flex the language muscle and reveal character. Smooth like what? Glass? Smooth like bath oil? etc. and whatever, you get the picture, lol.
Stepping out of the car, Diane begin babbling again about how much I liked the movie
--- whoops! lol. Might wanna change that 'I'
There weren't a lot of errors, and there might have been a couple I missed, because this is the second time I've typed this review (computer spat on me and I lost the first one, lol). All around, it's pretty clean work.
It's a polished first draft, but stilla first draft, so there's obviously work that needs to be done. But all in all, it's definitely above average work. Good job, and good luck!
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