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1,550 Public Reviews Given
1,551 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a review template that is only used for in depth reviews, usually those that are specifically requested. These will be as comprehensive as I can manage, including everything I have noticed in reading the piece. Most of my reviews, however, are more in the nature of reactions to the piece with brief notes on things I find particularly good and suggestions on dealing with any obvious flaws in the writing.
I'm good at...
Reviews of stuff I particularly like. If I think the writing is good and the ideas original and inventive, I will say so and become enthusiastic about it. I will point out flaws, particularly where I feel that they interfere with a positive reaction to the piece, but I will also offer suggestions for fixing such problems.
Favorite Genres
I have a broad spectrum of genres I'll review. It's easier for me to list the genres I won't touch.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, erotica, overly dark subjects without a good reason for existence.
Favorite Item Types
I'm unsure what is meant by this - I would have thought the genres sections covered this.
Least Favorite Item Types
See previous section.
I will not review...
Again, see the genres section that lists the genres I won't review.
Public Reviews
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551
Review of Stars  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Came across this piece in a run through Read & Review.

It's a wonderful little story of a girl seeking true enlightenment who finds it in the answer of one who tells her, not what stars are (which others get wrong anyway) but what they mean. For the first time the girl feels that there is another in the universe who understands - she is not alone.

I love the simplicity and innocence of the story. It is rare these days to find something so straightforward and without complication. Yet this cuts deep to the heart of the human condition in its conclusion.

There are moments of magic in the writing too. "It would catch the light and sparkle off the lenses of his spectacles and he’d grin madly" and "the question jumped in her mind like a shout" are examples. There is poetry in this writer as well as wonderful simplicity.

I didn't notice any technical errors but I wasn't particularly looking for them. It's a well written piece that stands out in the general stream of items flowing past in Read & Review. A most enjoyable read.

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552
552
Review of Trip to the Beach  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I came across this on a run through Read & Review.

You fooled me a little on this piece. It's described as being a dark tale of death so I expected there to be nefarious goings on at some point. And it turned out to be a love story. Oh sure, there's a suicide at the end but that really puts the seal on it. The man loved his wife.

The thing is, the description is absolutely correct and it would be difficult to find a genre that the story fits better. Ultimately, this is what makes the story more interesting than the average tale. The reader is lifted up rather than drawn down into the contemplation of some awful deed of horror. A welcome relief from the normal run of short stories.

The writing is faultless, as usual, and the tale is a little gem as a result. Most enjoyable.

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553
553
Review of Monsters  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Found in Read & Review.

Well, I can't say you didn't warn me - you said it was horror and so it is. I like the approach of speaking from the first person. It gives the narrative an immediacy that it wouldn't have otherwise and allows us to see clearly the internal struggles with the beast. I have some difficulty in imagining what the beast would look like when it escapes from the protagonist (usually this kind of possession takes over the body of its host to perform its horrors) but I don't think this is a serious weakness. It allows the beast to be more invulnerable than would a possessed human body and so we can believe the trail of mayhem it leaves.

A very minor niggle is the matter of bologna being loved by a vegetarian. Do they make vegetarian bologna? I don't think so but I could be wrong.

Otherwise it's a competently written story that fulfills its promises. Well done.

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554
554
Review of Simple Medicine  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Found in Read & Review.

And I'm glad I did. This is a charming story of a little old lady and her pills. You build a loving picture of the central character (Emma) and we are drawn into the story of her life umntil we, too, are delighted by her.

It's the quality of the writing that achieves this. There's an occasional typo but one hardly notices, so enthralling is the tale. And there are times when descriptions approach the poetic, so effective are they. Take this sentence for instance: "And all of us, generally, in this small hamlet where elbows easily rub and voices overlap and scandal is limited to the uncontrolled giggles from imbibing too much fruit punch at the VFW hall on Saturday night, all of us understand and humor and even looked forward in an odd sort of way to Emma’s cogent oration on the latest spasm, pang or bold gnawing that would dare tread her aged temple." Apart from being a magnificent construction that gives the lie to all wagging fingers insisting on simplified language, this extract gives example after example of original, effective similes and metaphors. I absolutely love it.

And that goes for the entire piece. You have written a tour de force indeed.

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555
Review of Life Undersea  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Found on my travels through Read & Review.

An interesting form, taking things beyond the simple and common forms. And on this you build a fascinating glimpse of a submariner's life. It makes clear how the burden of water around the boat must press on the awareness of the crew at all times, but also deals with some of the ordinary, day-to-day rituals of the life. I like that the poem deals with such things, such a fresh departure from the usual run of "poetic" subjects. It's like reading Frost's Mending Wall after reading fifty poems about roses.

Okay, I'm male so maybe it's inevitable that I would like it. But aren't males allowed to express their interests too? More power to your pen, say I.

Thank you for a very enjoyable experience.

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556
Review of Eunice the Unique  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Came across this piece on a run through Read & Review.

What a pleasant little tale this is! From the tiny perspective of a leaf that has landed on your face, you develop the tale until it changes your world, leaving you a tree different from both other trees and humans. There is no explanation for this and there doesn't need to be. It's a pretty imagining that is most enjoyable for the reader.

There is no twist at the end as so many short stories have but, in this case, it's not necessary. The writing and development of the story are sufficient to hold the reader. A twist would probably destroy the atmosphere that has been built so effectively.

Altogether it's an unassuming flight of fancy that brightens our day. Well done!

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Review of Down in the Dell  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I stumbled across this in one of my wanderings through Read & Review.

I don't usually review poetry since I don't feel qualified to do so. But, occasionally, I read one that I can't resist commenting on. This one insisted that I communicate how much I enjoyed it. Rhyming poetry? Hardly my metier but I'm giving it a try lately and so begin to understand a little about its attraction. And now this idea of double-consonant rhyming. Now that's satisfying, both to the writer and the tongue!

For some time now I've been a bit irritated with the simple moon-june-croon rhymes of far too many poems (my own too). And this poem is absolutely full of the wonderful rhyming of double-syllabled words. Maybe it's the increased effect of double rhyming that makes it so satisfying, maybe it's the rarity of the practice, but it really does grab me, regardless of the subject (which, in this case, is a pleasant fantasy of a utopian place).

I don't usually go for pink unicorns and rainbows but I love this poem. Wonderful stuff, Cubby!

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558
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Found this on one of my passes through Read & Review.

I seem to be coming across a lot of your stories of late, whereas it was always poetry before that. This suits me fine since I rarely review poetry - I don't feel that I know enough for that. But prose I'm comfortable with!

What I particularly like about this story is the easy authority it exudes. It might be because I know nothing of gambling but I was impressed with your apparent knowledge in that arena. There's no better a foundation for good writing than a thorough knowledge of the subject chosen. This enables you to build a thoroughly believable tale set in a future world that is well beyond our experience. And that allows the reader to become immersed in the story, the mark of real success for a writer.

Most short stories depend on a twist at the end for their impact but not this one. Yet it is completely successful in its intent to highlight a character and allow the reader to gain from the experience. There is wisdom in the words of Card.

The writing is effective, the flow even and well-paced, resulting in a piece that will stand for a long time in the memory of the reader. I just wonder what led some reviewers to deny the story half a star!

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Review of Vocabulary  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Found this in yet another trip through Read & Review.

Ah, you've said it now. And quite right you are. In many ways, it's a writer's responsibility to keep language alive, to use words that fit without worrying about whether they'll be understood or not. If we don't drive them to the dictionaries, who will? And, if they won't go, the language slowly loses words that supply it with the accuracy and precision it needs.

Of course they tell us to write in simple language, that it's all the masses understand these days. They miss the point that, without the experience of meeting more complex words, they'll never gain the ability to understand. In effect, those who would have us speak simply are contributing to the decay of comprehension in the reader.

Nice idea to put it in verse form and very ably done. The poem states your premise clearly and argues it to a sensible conclusion. The fight against "dumbing down" has to begin somewhere. More power to your arm!

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560
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Came across this in Read & Review.

What an enjoyable little poem, fun from the word go and a gentle sting in the last line. Add to that the flawless rhythm and steady pace, and I can find nothing to suggest by way of improvement. Almost, I am persuaded to try this cooking lark myself! But wait, memories of previous disastrous attempts return and I must retire from that particular battlefield.

It's not really a cooking lesson, however - more of a tribute to Tess and her cooking skills. Most excellently done!

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Review of Rock Seeds  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Came across this while going through Read & Review.

I love the basic idea of the story, the matter of rock seeds, but am a little unconvinced about the ease with which Harry accepts the fact of huge rocks appearing in his garden. He's been inordinately angry with Madalyn's mother in the first place, for allowing her daughter to wander unsupervised, so this lack of indignation at the rocks sprouting on his lawn seems out of character.

But the child sprinkling rock seeds is delightful. So imaginative and satisfying to the mind's desire for logical but impossible progressions. It's an idea that you might consider using in other stories a bit longer than this flash fiction piece, restricted as it is by contest requirements.

There are a couple of minor grammatical matters you might consider. In the sentence "He loved his yard and loved taking care of it," the repetition of "loved" jars a little. It might be an idea to change the second instance to "enjoyed."

The piece is written in the past tense but the final sentence contains both past and present tenses. ""The faith of a child," is all Harry could think" should be ""The faith of a child," was all Harry could think."

It's a lovely piece, however, with the brilliant invention of growing stones.

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562
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I found this in Read & Review.

A fantasy of sword and sorcery, it starts well, with well-created descriptions and characters from a legendary land. My first impression was, however, that you were spending too much time on the first part of the tale, leaving not enough for the the rest. The end loomed and we had not yet found the shadow. So, when it finally came, the fight was brief (although stated to be lengthy) and Cadoc's recovery thereafter even briefer. The final sentence told us very little of what ensued, leaving us with a feeling that you had become tired of writing.

You've put a lot of effort into the opening of the piece which, had you kept it going, would have resulted in an excellent sword and sorcery tale, I think. It may be that you were trying too hard at first, for the language seems a bit contrived, with a need to express everything in a sort of legendary form. It seems to me that the story would benefit from some cutting in the beginning and then extending in the subsequent paragraphs to include details of the knight's adventures and struggle with the shadow. It's a great beginning that deserves a better ending.

Which is my opinion only, of course. There may be more meaning in that final sentence than I have been able to discern. There is another sentence that didn't make sense to me and could do with fixing. "Soothe the rumors told you I crave blood..." makes no sense if you really mean "soothe". That must be a typo, I think.

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563
Review of Perfect Goodbye  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ersatz ice cream, I'll bet.

Found this gem in the Read & Review facility. It's a cool story with more to it than appears at first. Of course, Alex hankers after reality after suffering perfection for too long. But is it just the grim face of reality that has driven him there? Are there not flaws within ourselves that cause as much dissatisfaction with life as the mess we've made of the world? One can only sympathise with Alex's decision to turn off the simulations, including Helena, and learning to deal with life as it is.

The devices used in the tale, the view from the window, the robot wife (and maybe the ice cream), have been used before in scifi stories; it's the decision to return to ugly reality that is different. And the honesty inherent in this is why I like it.

The writing is fine and without flaw that I can discern. Nice work indeed.

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564
564
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I found this on one of my runs through Read & Review.

What I really like about the story is that it's different. I read once that there are only seven stories in the world and everything is a development of one or other of them. Whoever worked that out, I'd like to see him try to classify this one.

It all starts so innocently, little Ryan enthusiastically wanting to see the world and his father quietly indulging him. It's becoming a cliché that the fortune teller stops and refuses to tall the client's future and the reason is nearly always death. But you deal with this quickly and get to the much more original reason for it all - the indigo children. Nicely played, indeed. I still want to know about the indigo children but I guess I'll never know now. The ending is very well done, balancing the reader's expectations with events that may or may not have been surmised, so retaining the feeling of mystery.

It's all very well written and the flow and pace are suitable to the story being told. Altogether an enjoyable read.

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565
Review of Remembrance  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


I found this in Read & Review.

Initial Impression:

At first, I wondered where you were going with the story, dreading that I was going to be dragged into a political debate that I didn't want. I need not have feared - you avoided such a thing quite expertly and I have an engrossing story to read as a result.

Title:

The title is good, having atmosphere and mystery to attract the reader without giving the game away.

Content:

It's a great story, introducing an attractive character, the grandmother, and allowing us to get to know her through the eyes of the narrator. We understand quickly that she is dead and we're attending her funeral. To get from there to the grandma's house is fairly standard stuff but effective and then we have the mystery of what's in the attic. The key sparks the memory and so we have to see what's in there. All very well done and the reader is as eager as Forrest to find out. And so to the old uniform and the awaiting surprise. For a moment I thought you were going to drag me into another story entirely but just a flash and we were back in the attic. I should have known that the word limit didn't permit such an excursion. But the content is great, albeit with a few minor quibbles that I'll talk about in due course.

Style:

I didn't notice, which is always the best thing to say about style. If the reader is noticing style, he's not being held by the story. Which means that the style is a distraction and therefore flawed. Yours is faultless.

Flow/Pace:

Good flow and pace - what more can I say?

Suggestions:

Noticed a couple of typos that are easily fixed. "Even after all the years that had past." - "past" should be "passed." "I must have cut off my air off" - one of those "offs" has to go. I'd ditch the second one.

Then there's a matter of what the movies call continuity. We're told that the locked door leads to the attic but, when Forrest opens it, he's immediately in the attic. In my experience, attics are at the top of the house and yet we've not been told of any ascent of stairs. It's a strange house that keeps the attic on the same level as the rooms.

Favourite line or part:

"The ground is stained with the blood of our ancestors." I'd be a poor historian if I weren't stirred by such words. Also I like "Some things we're never prepared for" because it's true.

Overall Impression:

A very competent story that includes a magical hint of something mysterious going on. I enjoyed it.



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Beholden


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566
566
Review of The Beast  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Found this in Read & Review.

It's an interesting exercise, to write a story using only words of one syllable. Reading through, I didn't notice, which I presume means you succeeded very well.

And that's really the point - that the story is strong enough, whether written with certain constraints or not. I found it enjoyable, easy to read and the invented patois believable. The ending was a little weak, without any surprises or twists but that seems understandable considering the need to keep to single syllable words. It's a very capable piece of writing.

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567
567
Review of Crash Course  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Found this little gem in Read & Review.

I like it a lot. You caught me out with a surprise ending and that's not bad going in only 28 words. One could say that you didn't need even that many but I think the set up is important, that the first two sentences establish the situation in the reader's mind that the final sentence is going to turn on itself.

The short description in the header almost gives the game away - which would be a pity. Otherwise this is a neatly constructed and well executed tale that does exactly what it sets out to do. Well done.

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568
568
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I found this in Read & Review.

It's a good flash fiction piece, very direct and cantering on towards the denouement. The ending is unsuspected and suitably shocking. In short, the story has everything required by the genre.

What a pity then that it is marred by a few typos and errors that slipped by the final edits. I'll list those I noticed:

"He must good with women:" should be "He must be good with women."
"to gather as much evidence for an upcoming divorce filing" - as much evidence as what?
"envelops" should be "envelopes."
"What harm could come waiting a week?" - "What harm could come of waiting a week?"
"I remembered where I had seen." - "I remembered where I had seen her."
"I’ve caught on video him soliciting..." - strange word order. Normally we'd say, "I’ve caught him on video soliciting."

These are all minor slips that are quickly mended. But they are the kind of thing that distracts a reader and can persuade him to stop reading. Best to catch them before hitting that Post button, I think. Especially when the story itself is strong and checks all the boxes.

Beholden

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569
569
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I found this poem in Read & Review.

Normally I don't review shaped poems but this one rather appealed to me. The symmetry of the syllable count rising and fallen is very attractive and seems to me to have a bit more point than usual. The aim is not to create a rather vague image with text (an odd exercise, if you ask me) but to follow a more abstract pattern thereby amusing the mind more than the eye. And you've done this very well in the poem.

The feeling expressed in the poem is hard to argue with and held by most, I would guess, but you have encapsulated it neatly in very few words. An enjoyable read - well done.

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570
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I found this in Read & Review.

Hasn't gone very far, has it? I presume you put it aside for a while and are thinking about the continuation. You should complete it, you know. It shows some promise, introducing the reader to a couple of interesting characters with as yet unstated powers. The writing is a little confused, particularly as regards the tense. You seem to be trying to write in the present tense but keep slipping back to the past tense. This is disconcerting for the reader and you should choose one or the other and stick with it.

There are also a couple of typos or errors but these can be fixed when you've finished the piece. Once more into the fray, mon ami!

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571
Review of A longing servant  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
I found this piece in Read & Review.

You have written an interesting story that is full of vivid descriptions and action. It's clear to me, however, that English is not your first language and there are minor errors throughout the text. Most importantly, you often confuse tenses in your sentences, mixing the present with the past. This is not done in English and I would suggest that you keep rigidly to the past tense when writing fiction.

The occasional use of the present is a useful device when wanting to add an immediacy to an active part of the narrative. You have an excellent example of this in the text (I have edited a few mistakes in the lead-up sentence): "His knocking became increasingly rapid until, at last, he yelled, 'Master! Master!' as he slammed his shoulder into the frame and broke down the door.

His master lies perfectly still in a heap of tangled arms and legs. His face is chalk white."

Note how the sudden switch to the present tense brings the reader much closer to the action and the full impact of the murder can have its effect on him.

As I have said, there are other minor mistakes, mostly grammatical, in the piece but I don't want to dicourage you by listing them here. Understand that your writing is good, your use of metaphor original, and your subject very interesting to western eyes. If you get the matter of tense usage under control, you will be well on the way to producing a perfect manuscript.

If you wish, I could detail the grammatical errors in the text but I really feel that would be a distraction to you at this stage. Start writing purely in the past tense and you will soon be over that problem and we can attend to the details.

Fascinating glimpse into the time and culture, by the way.

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572
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I found this in Read & Review. It may be a few years old but it's still worth a review, I think.

This is a delightful little poem that imagines Tom and Jerry in old age. As such, it succeeds admirably with clever touches, mostly thanks to Tom's loss of his teeth and the invulnerability of Jerry and his descendants as a result. I am tempted to offer my young cat to solve the problem!

The rhyming schome is different (I thought only I was allowed to do things like that), changing from aabb to xaxa halfway through. Works for me, might not for others - I don't know too much about rhyme. But, essentially, this an amusing tale told in verse that is appropriately light-hearted.

Barvo!

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573
573
Review of Samosa and Gwyll  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I found this piece as an entry to today's SCREAMS!!! contest.

An interesting story, with well worked details and background, it draws the reader on to the surprising conclusion. The writing is fine, well paced and flowing, and you clearly know a lot of the places in which the story is set. You know your stuff.

I found a couple of typos which I'll list here so that you can find them easily.

'Too damn small.' He was muttered

Unnatural moonlight glinted on the open weopan

These are easily fixed, obviously. But I did have another minor niggle or perhaps it's just a question. You use an odd mixture of English and American expressions. For example, "if he did not get a wiggle on" is very English and might not mean much to an American. But, in other places, "park your butt" is American and so is "closet."

This interests me. Since coming to America, I have had to decide whether to write in American or English. Initially, I chose American for the blog I started but, years later when I became a member of WdC, I decided that I would take the easy route and write in English. Your combining the two never occurred to me as a possibility and I wonder if yours is the right approach. Nothing wrong with educating the Americans on a bit of Brit slang and metaphor, of course. I do find the juxtaposition of the two variants a bit disconcerting, however. Something to think about, perhaps.

Otherwise, it's a good tale well told and I wish you well in the contest. Keep on writing, as they say!

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Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I found this in Read & Review.

After my first reading of this poem, I went to your profile and read your Biography, and then several of your poems. You have a unique voice, a wonderful blend of the modern in your freeform poetry and yet the flavour of long ago, the expression of things that Shakespeare would have known. This poem is just one example. Where have you been hiding? I've not seen you before.

I am hardly qualified to judge, being so aggressively modern in my free verse, but I can bow in respect of the depth of feeling in your words. The meaning is there, just beyond my fingertips, but it seems almost rude to dissect in an attempt to find out how it is done. I suspect that the best way to read it is to let the words have their way in me and to acknowledge that anything more would destroy something.

To sum up, I have one word: wow.

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Review of The Semicolon  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I found this embedded in your comment in the Dreamweaver's Lounge and just had to express my total agreement with what you say. I have fought what I thought was a losing battle for the survival of the semicolon for most of my seventy-two years and it was sheer joy to read this gallant defence (yes, I'm a Brit, hence the spelling) of the noble punctuation mark. As the perpetrator of one of the longest sentences in the English language and a regular practitioner of the art, I have to thank you for your stand in favour of the mighty semicolon. Well done, sir (note the mix of both long and short sentences - of course we need 'em both)!

In my day, there was no insistence on the exclusive use of short sentences, so it is understandable that I should have resorted to the frequent use of the semicolon. But it is wonderful to see it supported in this time of haste and "spit it out, man!" Never underestimate the readers; they can live as happily as we can in the world of long sentences, provided we keep feeding them with suitably divided sentences.

This is supposed to be a review although it has turned into a burst of applause. Let me say only that your writing in this is a demonstration of how effective a properly mixed selection of sentences can be. More power to your writing hand, sir, and thank you for writing this.

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