\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/beholden/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/24
Review Requests: ON
1,550 Public Reviews Given
1,551 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a review template that is only used for in depth reviews, usually those that are specifically requested. These will be as comprehensive as I can manage, including everything I have noticed in reading the piece. Most of my reviews, however, are more in the nature of reactions to the piece with brief notes on things I find particularly good and suggestions on dealing with any obvious flaws in the writing.
I'm good at...
Reviews of stuff I particularly like. If I think the writing is good and the ideas original and inventive, I will say so and become enthusiastic about it. I will point out flaws, particularly where I feel that they interfere with a positive reaction to the piece, but I will also offer suggestions for fixing such problems.
Favorite Genres
I have a broad spectrum of genres I'll review. It's easier for me to list the genres I won't touch.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, erotica, overly dark subjects without a good reason for existence.
Favorite Item Types
I'm unsure what is meant by this - I would have thought the genres sections covered this.
Least Favorite Item Types
See previous section.
I will not review...
Again, see the genres section that lists the genres I won't review.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 20 21 22 23 -24- 25 26 27 28 29 ... Next
576
576
Review of First Homerun  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found this in Read & Review.

What a delightful little poem. Not being a baseball fan, I had no idea who Hank Aaron was but I think that gave me an advantage in reading this. It took me to the field where a young player scored his first home run and his youthful joy at the experience. I was immersed in it, truly hijacked by the words. I love the device of "going, going, gone" too.

As a tribute to Hank, this succeeds admirably. The flow and pace are excellent (important in free verse) and the words are simple but effective in reaching the reader. I can find no flaws in it.

Well done!

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
577
577
Review of Calendar Cow.  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I found this in Read & Review and, to my surprise, I kinda like it.

Don't get me wrong - all dairy cows look alike to me. But, by circumstances too complex to go into, a trio of guinea pigs came into my family's care. One of them was a handsome fellow, a deep brindle in colour, a noble profile and a habit of posing to show off his features to best advantage. So I can understand that, to a dairy farmer, certain cows can be more attractive than others.

You have written a delightful story, whether true or not, and I enjoyed reading it. There are no flaws that I can see, apart from the lack of a flash fiction twist, and that is excused by the sheer prettiness of the story. Well done!

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
578
578
Review of Untitled  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
I found this in Read & Review.

To be honest, I found it impossible to read but I think, having made the effort, you need to be advised what is wrong with it. Essentially, it's all about presentation. Without punctuation, the piece is so difficut to make sense of that the reader gives up. Your initial description doesn't help - what does, "isnt aware of here were background" mean? It is, at least, a hint at what is to come.

A book on puctuation would be one way to solve the problem but a free program such as Grammarly might be more suitable. It's too much to expect an editor to insert the punctuation for you and, until it is punctuated, it is as good as unreadable. The object of writing is to be read and so I can do no more than urge you to find a way to learn basic punctuation.

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
579
579
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I found this in Read & Review. How unusual to find something so special in that box of tricks but there we go. I absolutely love this story in lots of ways. Let me tell you about it.

You stopped me with your parenthetical comment, that glorious internal debate inserted without warning into the body of the story. And not only that, but it contains another parenthetical digression of its own! Now that is sheer genius (I'll ignore the fact that, strictly speaking, the internal brackets [as they call them where I come from] should be square) and wins me over immediately. Others will tell you that such a thing is a no-no, breaking the thread of the story and banishing the suspension of belief so carefully built in the reader, but I say it's brilliant, a sparkling entertainment in a story that already promises so much (flying cars indeed - that'll never happen). The fact that I do this kind of thing myself has nothing to do with it, although I might mention that the great JD Salinger uses footnotes in exactly the same way, thereby giving the reader the option of skipping them if he wishes (and his curiosity dores not get the better of him).

But, to continue, your story unfolds, displaying an impressive knowledge of your subject, music (well, it does to me and I'll admit I know nothing of the technicalities of music) as the Professor cajoles his student, Steven, further along the course of understanding. That technical knowledge is important to the writing. It gives the reader the feeling that we are safe in this writer's care, that he will guide us through the difficult bits and we'll not get lost. Think Day of the Jackal and its intricate description of the assembly of the assassin's rifle.

And so to the Professor ripping off Steven's head, so unexpected, horrific until we realise the mechanical nature of the deed. How excellent a twist and ambushed the reader. Your invention is as good as the Professor's.

There, I think that gives an idea of how much I like this story. Applause, applause.

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
580
580
Review of The Chase  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I found this in Read & Review.

A mastiff/pitbull cross? Now I believe your conversation with him - of course he was intelligent enough to understand. Like most males, I'm a sucker for a dog story and this one is no exception. Naturally it's well written, the grammar is sound and everything is in the right place. But the tale is good and that's what counts. The really sad thing is that it may have been a squirrel that had the last laugh. What they call a fatal weakness...

In conclusion - I love the story and regret that it has such a sad ending.

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
581
581
Review of Mannerly Victory  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found this in Read & Review and I absolutely love it! What a wonderful demonstration of fitting alliteration and the cascade of words to overpower the reader and bring true realisation of disgust at the process of eating (not only to the dieter, I might add). The only weak line is the one bolded as the prompt.

This is free verse as it should be, glorying in its freedom from form and restriction, showing off its access to expressive words and combinations of words. I tried reading it aloud and, true to the subject of the poem, sprayed saliva over the vicinity!

Wonderful stuff and I thank you for such an enjoyable read.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
582
582
Review of Light  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I found this piece by looking through my list of friends and picking something I haven't reviewed before, so that I can enter the Twenty Reviews in Ten Days Contest. Even so, I'll give you an honest review over the 250 character requirement (which I've exceeded already).

Yes, it's about light but, even more so, it's about your feeling for this person. It's an eloquent expression of love and the words, simple yet carefully selected, combine to give the reader an idea of the emotions felt. The poem is a delightful picture of a minor event transformed into something quite magical. Wonderful work.

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
583
583
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found this piece by looking through my list of friends and picking something I haven't reviewed before, so that I can enter the Twenty Reviews in Ten Days Contest. Even so, I'll give you an honest review over the 250 character requirement (which I've exceeded already).

Being reminded of my previous reading of your poems, I decided to look for some prose this time. This piece was the first I found so it gets the treatment. What a fascinating, expressive description of a man, yet tantalising too in its refusal to give us a label, a name to identify the subject. It's stated to be fiction, yet this piece brings the person to life so vividly that I cannot help but wonder if there is truth here.

The piece is also enigmatic in that it begins by detailing the talents and attractive side of the personality but then, suddenly, presents the dark side of his character. I was really taken by surprise by this, the tone being summed up in the final two words - "comfortably alone." Surely this is based on someone or, perhaps, a few you have known. If not, then I am amazed at the power of your imagination.

The writing is, of course, excellent, with a flow and pace that is perfectly suited to its subject and the words clearly chosen for their ability to fit with the text as a whole. The work of a poet, indeed. Wonderful stuff - I applaud.

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
584
584
Review of The Visitor  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I found this piece by looking through my list of friends and picking something I haven't reviewed before, so that I can enter the Twenty Reviews in Ten Days Contest. Even so, I'll give you an honest review over the 250 character requirement (which I've exceeded already).

What terrible thoughts lurk in the mind of man. And especially of Angus! Yet another scary little story that saves its "BOO!" for the last line. Expertly done. Cracking good pace, no grammatical errors, everything hunky dory and leaving me nothing to say, of course. Except!

Except this little exchange: "“What the…” Perry asks? Says?" It took me a couple of readings to work it out. And then I realised it was an instance of one of those things I get taken to task for - the dreaded internal debate that shows up in print. Never argue a point with yourself with the reader watching, they say. And they might be right because this certainly stopped me in mid-flow. But hey, it's a matter of personal taste and I still do it if I think it's entertaining enough.

Oh and you did a great save at the end there. I was getting ready to get pompous about "it was all a dream" endings when little Tammy wandered in to save the day.You know what you're doing, don't you? All in all, it's a great story, masterfully told.

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
585
585
Review of Ordinary Heroes  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'll be honest - I found this piece by looking through my list of friends and picking something I haven't reviewed before, so that I can enter the Twenty Reviews in Ten Days Contest. Even so, I'll give you an honest review over the 250 character requirement (which I've exceeded already).

That was a brave thing to do, to include edit points for readers to offer suggestions. Perhaps I'm too secretive in the way I work. But to the poem!

'Tis a solid little poem that deals with those whose daily work includes what we lesser mortals call heroism. Which is not too common a theme, I think. And I also wouldn't worry about the ease with which it came to you. There is no extra reward for slaving away for years over anything - it's the finished product that matters. The poem works, is what I'm saying. I do prefer your suggested change to the last stanza, although that doesn't mean it's awful as it stands. It may be a matter of personal taste. One of my most successful poems came to me in a flash upon noticing a small black beetle crawling across the bathroom floor. I could easily have dismissed it as a silly thought but then I'd have been one Quill award down. Thank goosdness for inspiration!

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
586
586
Review of Death and Faxes  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I'll be honest - I found this piece by looking through my list of friends and picking something I haven't reviewed before, so that I can enter the Twenty Reviews in Ten Days Contest. Even so, I'll give you an honest review over the 250 character requirement (which I've exceeded already).

The character of Death is refreshing in this little story. It gets tiresome to read so many accounts of the grim reaper and how awful he is. And then you throw this completely different take on things into the ring. Bravo! The story itself is strong, tackling the subject of suicide with a light touch but not becoming too dark. Which means that the denouement remains believable (although I do think Margaret accepted the boyfriend's explanation just a little too easily - but who can fight the dreaded word count?

This is a well written, amusing tale that entertains to the end. Excellent work!

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
587
587
Review of Gridlock  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'll be honest - I found this piece by looking through my list of friends and picking something I haven't reviewed before, so that I can enter the Twenty Reviews in Ten Days Contest. Even so, I'll give you an honest review over the 250 character requirement (which I've exceeded already).

The matter of private transport is a subject close to my heart. Anyone who grew up in the fifties and sixties remembers the freedom of those days and the wonders of driving a car. Yet I can see that your premise of the coming end of private transport is correct. Motoring has not been fun for several decades now and our cities are gridlocked with traffic. Systems like the electric scooter movement seem to be the way forward.

You have written a tight and concise essay on the subject, setting out the problem clearly and giving the reader something to think about. There can be little argument with the fact that private transport cannot continue forever and your article introduces us to the prospect with tact and a knowledge of the facts. It is well written without flaws that I can see. Well done!

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
588
588
Review of Madam President  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)


I'm presently raiding the Pay for Review lists to bolster my little stock of GPs and I came across this story. I seem to remember you announcing your decision to do this and suggesting that we get in quick as the offer won't last very long. If I'm too late to claim it, that's okay - I was always going to review this story sooner or later.

Initial Impression:

I'm impressed with your knowledge of the various branches of government and the titles of their heads (presuming you got them all right, of course). It gives the piece an air of authority, setting us up very nicely for the ultimate denouement. I admit to feeling that I should have seen it coming - maybe I'm just too gullible.

Title:

Excellent title, establishing immediately the main premise and posing the tantalising question, "How does she do?" The answer has to be "Then read on and find out." Great advertising.

Content:

It's a clever story with well thought out stages as the various crises mount around our excellent heroine. She makes the difficult decisions yet each time something even more pressing comes along to complicate matters. No doubt this is often how it feels for anyone in the office of president. The suggested hundred million dollars does stretch the bounds of credulity a little but not enough to break the feeling of mounting panic you are creating.

It's all written with great ease and flow, I might even say "lulling" the reader into a state far from realisation of the coming twist. And I have to say this - the device of "it was all a dream" is number one on the list of Do Nots in Writing 101. Of course it's tempting for all of us but it remains a bit of a cheat and we should never rob the reader in this way. Having said which, I give you a free pass since you write it so well and do not rely on it alone for your twist. It's the decision to change major that really counts and the way we get there is not so important.

Style:

I never know what to say under this heading. If I don't notice the style, I take it that it works. It's when it irritates or annoys that I can see what is wrong with it. And your style is such that I didn't think about it until I reached this heading. You pass with flying colours.

Flow/Pace:

It's all good - you know what you're doing and do not give the reader a rough ride.

Suggestions:

If I'd change anything, it would be some of the names - the ones that refer to the present political scene. You don't want to be offending half the country, do you?

Favourite line or part:

It has to be, "She powered up her laptop. 'I’ve decided to change my major.'" This is what we've been working towards all along, after all.

Overall Impression:

I enjoy anything that steers close to the boundaries of the politically correct as this story does. Tell your story andf let 'em make of it what they will, say I. Most enjoyable, well-written, tight little story. Well done.



Small photo

Beholden


Image #2194837 over display limit. -?-



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
589
589
Review of A Simple Rescue  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I found this story while flipping through Read & Review in search of something to review. Sometimes reviewers of my stuff mention where they found it and I've realised I like this - to know how they found some of the obscure things they review is interesting. So I've started mentioning it myself.

Nothing simpleton about you, Mr Kenword. Your account makes it clear that you are married to a master manipulator (assuming the story to be true, of course). And you do as we all do; put up a feeble rearguard before capitulating hopelessly. There's nothing we can do about it - they hold all the cards. Perhaps the only answer is to become poor, thereby forcing the wayward relative to look elsewhere for redemption.

It's a well written piece that flows along effortlessly to its conclusion. The only thing I would add is that the ending must be expected by most males reading it. Oh, and there's a word missed out in "Where do think he wants the money..." An enjoyable read, however, in that it is encouraging to know that we're all subject to these weaknesses.

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
590
590
Review of Hank's Flower  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very beautiful. A fine portrait of a young girl looking for certainty in her life. Funnily enough, I identified most with her feeling that she was older than she appeared. All my life I've anted to be "older" (and now I have my wish - I'm 72).

It all hinges on the story of Hank, of course, and Janey-Jane's concern for the flower that grew up on his grave. The father's explanation is just what she needed and, for all we know, may have been entirwely correct. It ends with a warm feeling of the father's wisdom in settling his daughter's fears and the peace and contentment of the final scene, the daughter asleep in her father's lap. Wonderful stuff!

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
591
591
Review of The Frog  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I took a look at your profile (just to get a feel of who you are) and noticed your story about guinea pigs. Being a guinea pig fan, I read the story, preparing to be upset about the way you portrayed them but then won over by the father telling the story (and, no doubt, scaring his kids to bits with it).

And now I read this delightful tale of Linda Lee and I'm impressed by your understanding of children. I don't want to assume that you always write for and about children but I would understand if you did - your insight gives you an ability to write quite magically of the world children live in.

I'm supposed to make comments on style and make suggestions for improvement but that seems impossible to me. I don't know how you do it and I find your writing flawless. Just keep doing it, is all I can say.

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
592
592
Review of My Bio  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I think this is the first time I've reviewed an autobiography on WdC. Yours makes a refreshing read, particularly since we are of similar ages and, although growing up on different cintinents, there is much in your story that resonates with mine. It seems now that we were very lucky in our early life to have such freedom and ease of life. Childhood is a much grimmer business these days, or so it seems to me.

Your enjoyment of your upbringing shines through your essay and the reader gets a clear view of how you appreciate it now. The tale is told without exaggeration yet your love for the places you grew up in is quite apparent. Your writing is smooth, without flaws and I can offer nothing to improve it. And now I have to think about my own childhood and the effect it had on me!

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
593
593
Review of Partner  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I came across your story while ploughing through the random selections of Read & Review. It seemed to be worth a read and I am glad that I succumbed to its appeal. This is a fine story but it disappoints in the end. Without a proper denouement, the tale feels like the introduction to a much longer story or perhaps a book chronicling the adventures of Kenji and his dragon. I can't really believe that you went through all that trouble of building the scene, the characters and mechanics just to let it dissipate in an ending that doesn't feel like one.

The thing is, it's beautifully written, constructed with care and expertly paced. It feels as if it's going somewhere but, in the end, leaves us hanging while Kenji and the dragon disappear into the future. As a piece of writing it's excellent and that's why it deserves expansion into a completed tale or many stories. You have it classified as a short story - which it is, but it lacks that twist or surprise at the end which defines the short story. The revelation that the orbs may be the souls of the dragon's partners, rather than their enemies, doesn't quite hack it as a twist since we have no idea how the orbs feel about things. Whether it makes any difference to Kenji that he will end up as an orb is not known so it fails to induce any horror.

It is always a pleasure to read good writing, however. It's just my feeling that it needs completion in some way.

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
594
594
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
It's a great idea, edible and sentient Martian mushrooms, and you kept the secret quite expertly until the twist at the end. Nice double meaning, indeed.

The story is well written with no obvious flaws. Pace is good and the tale flows effortlessly towards its denouement. I am presuming that the bolded words are the ones required by the contest. Altogether, this is a finely executed piece that does exactly what you wanted it to. The central invention, the sentient but tasty mushrooms, in particular, is a brilliant idea (especially as I like mushrooms). Great work!

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
595
595
Review of The Diagnosis  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi J.E.,

I must admit that I'm reviewing this piece with a template, partly because I don't want to forget any points that occur to me, but also to give value for the GPs on offer. It surprises me a little that you are still asking for reviews in view of the fact that the story has placed in the Twisted Tales Contest, been nominated for a Quill Award, earned an Awardicon and already has 72 reviews. Aware that I'm unlikely to find much wrong with something so thoroughly tested and approved, I must shrug and be as honest as I can in my assessment. Any suggestions I have can be taken or ignored, obviously.

Initial Impression:

This is a well written, tight and competent tale that delivers on its promises. The ending caught me unawares but that may say more about my gullibility than the story itself.

Title:

The Diagnosis is an accurate summation of what is to follow that yet gives no indication of the twist hiding in the tail. It's good without being too clever.

Content:

Great scene setting and description. The various locations become familiar to the reader through the details presented. The story unfolds smoothly, without stumbling, apart from a few typos that we can look at later. As I have mentioned, the twist caught me but the denouement wrapped in a final message is a fairly common device in this type of story so some readers might have figured it out by then. What saves the story is the very late realisation that the murder of the wife is also part of the deal (and I think this is why I didn't see the real twist coming). I was still thinking about the deviouisness of including the wife when you threw the telephone message at me. Very good, an excellent way of distracting the reader from the real trail. The story is very well constructed, with tension increasing all the way through.

Style:

You know how to write, that's clear. You give the reader enough information and detail to work with and then allow him to build the rest of the scene himself. Always a good ability, to leave something for the reader to play with - he roots for the story as a result. Too much control by the writer lets the reader become bored. Duncan's character is revealed in stages through the story, this too allowing the reader to gain sympathy for and empathy with him so that his fate begins to matter. He is, in a way, a hero in that, as ordinary as is his life, he looks for the best way to end it. The reader assumes that it's not only for his daughter that he does this - the twist of the wife's death is still in the future. The best writing is writing that isn't noticed - it means that it's the story driving things forward without little irritations of style getting in the way. So it's a good thing that I have no criticism of your style.

Flow/Pace:

Flow and pace are fine, without any hiccups or sudden changes. Again, these are things that the reader shouldn't notice if they're done correctly.

Suggestions:

And so to the typos and stuff. "He pushed away the thought, it’s not every day you get to meet the man who will murder you." This should really be two sentences (his thought was not that it's not every day, etc.). This is the kind of thing that would probably only be noticed by grammar nazis like me but, hey, grammar nazis read too.

The mention of Han Solo may be a mistake. The name is recognisable to most but, as time goes on, Star Wars will fade from public consciousness and your reference will be left high and dry on the beach. Perhaps it would be better to just say "hero" instead.

"he thought about Shelby coming in to the world kicking and screaming." "coming into" would be more correct. Same for "she would need to tap in to that strength" a few sentences later.

"When he closed the door, he found his fingers touching the deadbolt. Torn between his wife’s constant reminders to remember to lock the back door, and the directions he gave the man he met behind the bar." Here the second sentence is incomplete. The whole thing needs to be one sentence with a comma replacing the period that separates the two sentences.

Favourite line or part:

I must admit that the telephone message really grabbed me - I hadn't suspected it for a moment.

Overall Impression:

A finely crafted tale, laying its traps inconspicuously as it unfolds and then catching the reader with a pair of neat twists at the end.



Small photo
Beholden

Image #2194837 over display limit. -?-



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
596
596
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I think this may be the first review I've done for you, Huntersmoon. That may be the result of the majority of your poems being rhymed - I don't understand the attraction of rhymes and do not consider myself an unbiased judge of such poetry therefore. This one, boldly announcing its form as free verse, was pounced upon as a result.

I'm glad it was the one I chose, too. It's a fine poem, revealing its story through measured and well paced verses until we arrive at the picture of the wolf in the moonlight. Like all good poems, it takes more than a single reading to begin to understand the meaning intended by the poet. The late night scenario is well described and established in the first stanza; then the added ingredient of the dog twitching in sleep brings us closer to the poet's thoughts as he sits at his desk, awaiting inspiration.

The "pockets" of the desk still mystify me a little but I get around this by assuming an array of cubby holes for documents and writing materials, as some desks possess. But now we approach the heart of the matter - the accusing pencil, chewed with long contemplation, speaks of the wait to begin. The hourglass, with sand now stilled, is a fine metaphor for the frozen moment of time as inspiration strikes.

It's the picture of a wolf, stirring memories of how it was painted and the scene that caused its creation. And now the blend of that memory into a new creation, the poem itself.

I like it a great deal. Your writing is effective in placing the reader in a position of sharing the experience. And what more can we ask for?

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
597
597
Review of Chasing the Sun  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like this little story. It has a lot to recommend it, especially considering how few words it was allowed. The child's wish to catch the sun, to extend its brief reign near the Arctic Circle, is quite poignant and perhaps a reminder of some of the beliefs we had at such an age too.

The ultimate answer of going to Australia to find the sun could be seen coming but your telling of the tale was effective in that this spoiled none of the reader's happiness at Jan's wish being fulfilled. A clever tale indeed.

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
598
598
Review of webspeak  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I used to be happy with the way the net had multiplied the ways in which we could speak to each other in writing. At least this is keeping everyone literate, I thought. And then they invented textspeak and I realised how silly I'd been. The determination of ignorance to perpetuate itself is limitless, it seems.

Your little poem to illustrate the delights of chat is both pointed, funny and too true. I particularly love the slightly offended answer to the question near the end - "english...can't u tell?" Telling humour indeed!

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
599
599
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Read & Review offers me this to review and I think immediately, oh come on now, this is by Fyn, the writer of newsletters, a blue suitcase, around since 2005, and here's me, only a month or so away from being a newby. But I'm hardly that chronologically, being 72 years old, and I dare say I've been writing longer than most, having written a half novel on my mom's typewriter at the age of 16 (me, not the typewriter, although it was a wonderful old tank of a thing). And besides, this piece interests me, being free verse and, more to the point, possessed of very long lines, a direction that has been dragging me along for quite some time now.

So I'll do it and if the powers that be throw me out for such cheek, so be it. As I mentioned, the idea of long verses in free verse is interesting. For a start, it flirts with the inevitable criticism of free verse, that it's just prose divided into separate lines. Clearly, free verse must demonstrate something pretty powerful to overcome this perception. It's why it's more difficult than form poetry but also more effective in involving the reader's emotions. Cummings and Dylan Thomas demonstrate this all the time.

Certainly this piece gets its meaning across but does it succeed in evoking a depth of feeling in the reader that takes them to a higher level of understanding than straightforward prose would do? I'm not sure on this one. The freedom to write as many words as one pleases in lines of such length does tend to lead to excess, an abandonment of the exact selection of the right word each time to elicit the desired emotive response. It's the same problem I find in myself when I attempt such lengthy verses. The open expanses of space tempt us to go into detail on our thoughts and emotions and we lose that sharp precision that catches the reader by the throat and demands a response.

It's a huge subject, almost a lifetime of experience, and maybe too much to be attempted in poetic form. Also, the change in thinking which is the core of the poem is a matter of the mind more than the emotions. Hard enough to communicate feeling without having to explain a theory by expressions of feelings!

I can't take any stars away from it, however. Since I'm in the same process of trying to write free verse of unusual length, I know how difficult this is and am hardly the one to sit in judgement on this one. Rather I applaud what is, in fact, an excellent attempt that comes very close. And I had to write all this on seeing that you were doing what I am trying to do too.

That's what I think, anyway.

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
600
600
Review of I Detest Thee  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Have read them all now. This is good - you have a natural flair for poetry, it seems. Your strength, too, is in departing from the conventional view, in this case of hope. It is not a matter of right or wrong here, the fresh viewpoint is what makes the piece more readable and stimulating. If this is how you see it in this given moment, than this is how it is. You succeed admirably in getting your point across, in bringing the reader onside so that they can say, "Yes, I can see what you're saying."

It is a true depiction of those early days in a new institution when everything and everyone is new. Surely everyone has felt this alone and isolated in their life. Your capture of the emotion stirred in your subject are well communicated to the reader and so you have done your job. I'm quite impressed (and that doesn't happen every day). I'll click that plus sign once more and become a fan!

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
766 Reviews • *Magnify*
Page of 31 • 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/beholden/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/24