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Review Requests: OFF
1,115 Public Reviews Given
1,116 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Versatile: I'm good at reviewing different types of writing in different ways. Honest: While I do my best to be honest and encouraging in reviews, I don't omit things. If I tell you I like something about a piece, you can trust that I'm not just saying it. All-Inclusive/Well-Rounded: I look for the good and bad in writing. I'll give you an overall opinion as well as the highlights and what needs worked on.
I'm good at...
Giving feedback within set parameters. If you're looking to receive opinions on something specific, let me know and that's what I'll focus on when giving a review.
Favorite Genres
Horror - all time favorite. Science Fiction and Fantasy are tied in a close second.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance. (Exceptions: Dark erotica intrigues me if it's, you know, dark.) I will happily read and review romance pieces, but I might be a little tougher on it than on other genres.
Favorite Item Types
Static Book/Collections.
Least Favorite Item Types
N/A
I will not review...
N/A I'll review anything. If for some reason you don't think I'll want to, feel free to email me with your concerns before submitting a request.
Public Reviews
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426
426
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was great!

I'll read just about anything with dragons in it, but this was very good. A lot of the dragon stories I've read through here focus more on characters who get to interact with dragons, rather than having the dragons themselves be characters. Reading this was very refreshing.

There seemed to be a couple typos, mostly toward the end, but nothing that really detracted from my enjoyment of the story and nothing that couldn't be fixed very quickly :)

The characters were very good, there was a lot of action, and the setting is obviously very well developed. It was very well written and I'm looking forward to reading any additions that you post.

-Cat
427
427
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This was a very touching poem, and very nice for a rough draft. I hope I get to see a final draft of it sometime soon.

It could go in a couple different directions, depending on what message you feel like you'd like to get across, or you could pretty much leave it as is, and that would be alright too.

I can't tell you what to do with this or what would be best, but I can make a couple potential suggestions to consider. Since you're using a format that re-uses the same opening line for each stanza, it's very likely that some people will find it tedious. That's something I've been reading in a lot of other poetry reviews on this site lately, and it's taught me that some people have very little patience for motifs in poetry. I think re-using the line works for this piece, but in order to keep it from coming up quite as often, you could try shortening the poem. There are some very deep moments in here, but I think they would be equally effective if they were a little more vague and if you wanted to try cutting the piece down a bit.

Another alternative would be to play with the length of the stanzas themselves - if there are more lines in between the one being repeated, it will seem like it comes up less frequently even if it's used the same amount of times.

The one solid piece of advice that I can give you (for this piece specifically, though it applies to other things) is that if you like it, don't let people get in your head. If you like the way your poem is broken up, stand by it. The narrative is more important in this piece than the phrasing.

You took on a very serious topic with dark undertones, and you gave it an optimistic end. You did that with a pretty low word-count and extremely creative way. That's an incredible place to start with any idea, and I'll be looking forward to checking out some more of your stuff.
428
428
Review of Broken Wings  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was very touching. It went in a different direction than I thought it was going to and the end hits very hard, which I'd imagine is what you want from a piece of this nature.

I feel like I'm not offering a lot of constructive comments in this review - and I'm sorry if that's the case, but I don't really see any way to make this better than it is currently.

It was well written, emotional, cautionary, and like with all the best sad fiction the end sort of sneaks up on you. It was a great poem, and I hope to read more like this from you in the future.
429
429
Review of The Sun Won't Set  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I know that you're looking for advice on the grammar in particular, but I'm afraid that I can't give corrections with any sort of confidence.

The overall story was a bit hard for me to follow and I'm not sure I grasped all of what was happening. I'm not sure what exactly could be done to improve that other than to maybe extend it - focus on the characters a bit more, really try to identify them a bit more. I think that would help make the plot a bit more clear.

I did really enjoy the piece though, it flowed rather nicely and I enjoyed your word choice quite a bit. The penultimate stanza in particular I thought was quite beautiful. The imagery was moving and the words you used fit together perfectly.

Best of luck in the contest!
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430
Review of Lost in Thoughts  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was beautifully tragic and quite well-written. For a first crack at emotional writing, this is astounding. You got a very strong emotional response, from me at the very least.

The feeling of loss is universal, and it's an emotion that runs very deeply. Your story did an excellent job and evoking those emotions whilst simultaneously putting everyday hardships into perspective.

There are a couple technical edits that could be made (grammar errors and typos) but that's the case with most things, and I only noticed one or two throughout the piece. It certainly wasn't enough to detract from my enjoyment of the story in any way.

The only real suggestion I would make would be to clarify why exactly the man's wife leaves him. She has cancer, that was mentioned, but a little more elaboration on when and how she leaves would be the sort of thing that would interest me. Having never personally lost a child or spouse, I can't begin to imagine which one would be more painful to experience - but since it's easier for me to imagine losing a partner, and for that reason reading about it in higher detail always hurts more, which is good for emotional pieces. Of course, that's a personal preference and may not apply universally - it's mostly me being curious about the history of your character.

What I enjoyed best about the piece was the end. I've noticed you have a natural talent for very strong endings. The last line was very deep, and it tied the whole thing together very nicely in a way that made me really reflect on the things said in the story. I liked this story even more than the last one of yours I read, and I look forward to viewing more of your work.
431
431
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This was an amusing tall tale, it made me smile.

Although I enjoyed it quite a bit, there is one tiny suggestion I would make. It's emphasized early what a great salesman Silver Sam is, and overall he is depicted as a hero. This makes the end surprising, certainly - but it also comes out of nowhere. I think the end would be a bit more effective if there's just a bit of foreshadowing that he's out to make profit. If you slipped a line in there when he first accepts the task that hinted it might make him rich or that he might see an opportunity, the end might click a little more. Of course, that's only one way to do it, and the unpredictable ending you have here is a valid choice as well. I know I found it humorous.

Your writing style suits the piece very well - the way it's written really does remind me of the stories I used to read as a kid, though perhaps a bit sillier. I enjoy your work and would be happy to read more at any time.
432
432
Review of BANG!  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
I read in the review request that this was for a bad story contest, and then saw that it had a really low rating. At first I was sort of offended on your behalf because I think for a bad story contest you did a great job, and I was going to give it 5 stars until I saw your note at the end asking for low ratings.

People take for granted the sort of skill someone needs to write a story that's bad, but also entertaining. You did an excellent job making the story coherent enough to follow while not complex enough to be considered a "good" story, and this made me chuckle more than once. I hope you won/ do win the bad story contest.

-Cat
433
433
Review of Colour Me Black  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
I think was a very interesting poem, and I'm glad to have read it. It's definitely not the sort of piece that's for everyone, but it was done very well for what it was.

The danger of using repeating words and phrases, especially in prose, is that it's hard to find the line between not using them enough that the reader sees the pattern clearly and overusing them to the point they become tedious. A lot of editors and readers will tell you to avoid using word and phrase repetition at all. I personally think it can be extremely effective in some cases.

In this instance, colour (and its variations) were used a lot. They were used in very creative ways that I personally found quite inspirational, but it did feel repetitive by the time I reached the end.

What I would suggest wouldn't be to take out any lines or change any phrasing (because the lines individually are all wonderful) but to try adding in some other lines that don't start with the words "colour", "colours", "colourful", etc. There were 4 lines like that in the poem already that contributed to the imagery and themes without using the colour motif that you've established.

I would also maybe go through and slightly rephrase the last stanza, because those lines could use some grammatical attention.

Other than that, I think it was really great. It's probably one of the best poems I've read in awhile, and I'm sure it's one that I'll remember.
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434
Review of Living a life  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This has a very good message and is written in a way that makes it very entertaining to read. The poem is, for the most part, phrased very well. T

I like that the couplets at the beginning and the end sort of mirror each other, but the one at the beginning comes off sounding a little bit redundant, which might not be how you want to start a poem.

There's also a line that stood out for me "A coherent fit. from grit to lit." It rhymed, and it went well with the flow of the poem, but it didn't seem to match the tone that the other lines had set.

Other than those couple things, it was a very good read. I think your word choice was excellent, and the general sound of the poem was quite lovely.

-Cat
435
435
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Although all three versions have their merits, I think I like the third one the best.

The second one was my least favorite, just because it didn't hold the same emotional impact for me as the other two, so that one was easily to eliminate. The first and third versions were honestly, very close for me and I went back and forth about which one I liked better.

I think the first one might be written better, and having the hens lose to the wolf made it a little bit easier to read as a cautionary tale, which might have been for the better.

The reason why I did, in the end, choose the third version, was because what counts most in a fable is the last line. That's where the moral of the story is, and more memorable the last line of a story is, the more likely it is to be repeated. "Never trust a bargain brokered with threats" is a good lesson and a great final line.

-Cat
436
436
Review of Nicotine  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Your story has a lot of very strong emotion, and I felt like the accompanying imagery was very effective.

I will admit, I was a little bit confused at the beginning and still a little confused by the end. Although I found the general premise to be very moving, it would be nice to know a little more about the characters - namely Kian who was very intriguing, but had a little bit too much mystery and not enough explanation.

You have a very easily read style of writing, and I would be interested in seeing more on this story or having better insight into these characters.

-Cat
437
437
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
There are a lot of really great ideas in this, and I would like to see them expanded upon in any further additions to the story.

If you're looking for ways to possible improve these chapters, I would suggest explaining more of what your characters are feeling. Draxel might not remember who he is or where he comes from, but he seems like the kind of person who would have a very strong personality, and it would be cool if we got to see more of it. You also changed perspective just to introduce Melody, but we still don't know much about her other than she's "the full package."

I'd also like to know a little more about the world and how it works. It seems to go back and forth between a fantasy story with medieval weaponry and a more contemporary setting with schools and pizza. I'm sure you have a plan to work these two things together, but it might seem more natural if you explain the setting a little closer to the beginning of the story.

The last thing that I'd suggest is trying to make that dialogue flow a little bit more naturally. Have the characters respond to one another a little bit more fluently to make it sound more like a real conversation.

I hope to see more installations, as well as potentially some edits.

-Cat
438
438
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I think this was very well done.

It definitely wasn't too silly, it went off on a couple tangents, but just enough to keep it entertaining and colorful. I particularly enjoyed the line about Trump.

Although it's not the sort of thing I would normally read, it was a very good avocado rant - a sentence I honestly never thought I'd have to use in one of these reviews.

What I liked most about it (and found most surprising) was that I related to a lot of the issues you described. I probably don't feel as passionately about them as you do, but these are fairly regular issues in my household as well. It's always nice to read about someone else experiencing the same sort of weird issues that you've always assumed no one else ever thinks about.

I hope you find a solution to your avocado storage issue, and that when you write about it it's as eloquent as this was.

-Cat

P.S. I usually just eat them all at once with ranch and lemon pepper. Probably not good for me, but neither is Instant Soup or an erratic sleep schedule, and neither of those are as satisfying as finishing a whole avocado because I felt like it.
439
439
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I think you made some really good points in this.

The one thing that was unclear to me was your objective in writing it. The examples vary throughout the piece, and the tone seems to range from objective observer to someone personally affected. Was this supposed to be more analytical, or more persuasive?

I do think that the subject matter is not only interesting, but something that should be talked about. shining a light on these sorts of problems is always a good thing, and I'll be excited to see if you do more with this.

-Cat
440
440
Review of Hashtag  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This was definitely an interesting read. I liked the concept a lot, and thought the delivery was quite clever.

I think you should spend a little time tweaking the phrasing because the meter is a bit awkward in some lines when read aloud. That's usually something that works itself out in the first edit along with typos and the like. (On that note, I think there was probably supposed to be an "I" in the first line? As of right now it just reads "As walked down the street")

The one thing that really caught my attention was the line in the fourth stanza that ended with the word "beep" because it's a slant rhyme. I think slant rhymes are completely acceptable (especially with the sort of rhyme pattern you're using) but it stuck out because it was the only one that I noticed. I would maybe try to redo that line or slip another couple slant rhymes into the piece so that it doesn't draw as much attention.

Other than that, I thought it was very good. It was an interesting take on a lesson that too many people ignore these days.

-Cat
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