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DISCLAIMER
I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.
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A RAVEN FROM THE NORTH: AN INTRODUCTION:![Wolf *Wolf*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/wolf.png)
"Dark wings, dark words, me mother used to say, but when the birds fly silent, seems to me that’s even darker."
Hello Merry Mumsy ,
This ally battle review is written on behalf of House Stark for "Game of Thrones" .
THE NORTH REMEMBERS: WHAT I LIKED:
"Fear is for the winter, my little lord, when the snows fall a hundred feet deep and the ice wind comes howling out of the north."
Emotional Aspect:
I really enjoyed how you were able to tie something as cheerful as a carousel to something that was as emotionally deep as losing a loved one. You were also able to convey those feelings very briefly and effectively.
There was a section that I particularly enjoyed:
EXAMPLE ▼
Just the bittersweet memory of another carousel in another place, at another time. Her grandfather, oiling the gears to keep the machine running smoothly. The scents of popcorn and cotton candy, mingling with the salty tang of the ocean on the other side of the boardwalk.
Those days were gone. Her grandfather was gone
^^ Absolutely beautiful. It plays off of nostaglia and loss expertly, bringing across the entire point of the story in one excellently written section.
DARK WINGS, DARK WORDS:SUGGESTIONS:
"Nothing burns like the cold."
Premise:
The one thing that didn't work for me about this piece was that the overall concept seemed a little unlikely. It seems like your narrator went through a lot of work to have this experience, and there was one line in there that made it sound like it wasn't particularly worth it:
EXAMPLE ▼
And now, this really was the only way she could tolerate the carousel.
^^ Maybe I'm just reading too much into this line, but it seems like there wouldn't be a whole lot of situations where she'd have to tolerate a carousel unless she went out of her way, like this time.
WINTER IS COMING: A CONCLUSION:
"Summer will end soon enough, and childhood as well."
So sum this all, aside from the one nitpicky little thing, I thought it was very good. You did a great job tying deeper meaning into the prompt response, and as a story it reads very well. I hope that this was at least a little helpful, and that I get to review some more of your stuff in the future.
All the best,
Cat
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