*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cat.voleur/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/13
Review Requests: OFF
1,115 Public Reviews Given
1,116 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Versatile: I'm good at reviewing different types of writing in different ways. Honest: While I do my best to be honest and encouraging in reviews, I don't omit things. If I tell you I like something about a piece, you can trust that I'm not just saying it. All-Inclusive/Well-Rounded: I look for the good and bad in writing. I'll give you an overall opinion as well as the highlights and what needs worked on.
I'm good at...
Giving feedback within set parameters. If you're looking to receive opinions on something specific, let me know and that's what I'll focus on when giving a review.
Favorite Genres
Horror - all time favorite. Science Fiction and Fantasy are tied in a close second.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance. (Exceptions: Dark erotica intrigues me if it's, you know, dark.) I will happily read and review romance pieces, but I might be a little tougher on it than on other genres.
Favorite Item Types
Static Book/Collections.
Least Favorite Item Types
N/A
I will not review...
N/A I'll review anything. If for some reason you don't think I'll want to, feel free to email me with your concerns before submitting a request.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 9 10 11 12 -13- 14 15 16 17 18 ... Next
301
301
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

______________________________________________________________________



*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________






*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Breach ,

I'm glad that you're open to reviews for all chapters, because that's something that I hope to get to you today *Bigsmile* I'm here at the moment to tackle your item {item:2117100, and how it relates to your story as a whole.

So, let's get right to it!

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


A big part of what I liked are things that I also said about the last chapter. To avoid being too redundant, I hope you don't mind that I sort of gloss over those altogether in one sentence. This story was paced in an even style that made a good continuation for the story and I felt like it kept things moving along, so while I feel like this chapter had different highs and lows within that range, overall it still did a great job.


*Cat* Branston:

What I liked specifically in regards to this chapter over the others was Branston's character.

While I'm still not as invested in him as a character as I would like to be at this point, I do feel like I was more impressed with actions/thought process in this chapter than in any other installation of the story. The fact that he seemed sorry for the people he was leaving and that he went back to his town without much of a fight, really made him more sympathetic and that's something that went a long way.

Those sort of actions obviously aren't practical all the time, but I hope it's an element that you continue to build on in future chapters.


*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:




*Cat* Basic Editing

This is something that I always suggest, but I wanted to make a note of it here because I do think that when you get around to it there are some areas of the chapter that will really be improved just in the process of reading back through. Here are a couple of the things I would watch out for when you get to revisions for this:

Pacing/Opening

Overall the pacing of your story is great, that's something that I've mentioned before and that generally applies to this chapter. The opening of this scene seems to move very slowly in comparison however, without adding a lot. The downtime in the story could be used for additional exposition, connecting the audience to your protagonist, or even for building tension. In the first several paragraphs of this chapter, I felt like it just kept setting the same scene over and over.

Exclamation Points

This is a very subjective matter, people seem to feel two ways about it, but I thought it would be worth mentioning. I feel like there were a lot of unnecessary exclamation points in this chapter. I fall into the group of people who believe that as a punctuation mark, they're most effective when used incredibly sparingly, and typically only in dialogue between two or more characters. That is however, an opinion.

Redundancies

This is something I mentioned back in the first chapter, and it's easy to fall into the habit of doing without even realizing it. There were sections were certain words, or in this case, certain names, seemed almost overused:

Branston's eyes widened. It was the fisherman of the village, Hythern. So, Branston's poor luck continued. Hythern was the largest man in the village, and while Branston was fairly large, Hythern was head and shoulders taller and nearly twice as wide.

"Stay back, Hythern," Branston warned.

This is just one small example, and while it's not a huge deal it's just something to generally watch out for since a lot of readers don't like seeing words too repeatedly.

Addressing

And as a final note, I feel like too often characters address each other by name when speaking. This is again, a personal opinion, but it's something that makes dialogue feel less realistic. It's different for introductions or the beginnings of conversations, but when I'm talking to someone I usually don't say their name after the greeting, or unless there's a lot of emotional importance to whatever else I'm saying.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


While I did have some technical issues with the piece, I do feel like it's going in the right direction and this might actually be my favorite chapter thus far. I am looking forward to reading the next one and leaving a review.

All the best,

-Cat


______________________________________________________________________







** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
302
302
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________






*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Breach ,


I said that I'd be happy to review the other chapters in your book, so here I am to review your item "FTB: Chapter 2: The Sun and the Star" . I hope that you don't think these reviews are too terribly redundant.

So here we go:

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Installation:

What I liked best about this chapter is that it achieved four out of the five things that I like to see in every chapter of a book:

- Building on Existing Plot

This chapter followed what happened in the chapter before it. They went back to reclaim stuff from the attack, they picked up on conversations they were having, Faldashir was injured from the battle, it felt like part of a larger story.

- Furthering the Plot

You didn't just talk about stuff that happened in the previous chapter, but you let new exciting things happen so that this chapter moved the story along, and had its own merits. The story didn't slow down or rely on action from other parts of the story to keep the reader engaged.

- Keep Steady Pacing

The tone and pacing for this chapter were incredibly like the tone and pacing for chapter one. Obviously a novel needs to rise and fall throughout, but I think that especially early on while you're establishing atmosphere, characters, and premise, that steady pacing helps keep people invested, especially when it's as fast-paced as your story seems to be.

- Promise More Story

The reader is left wanting something at the end of this. We see that the conflict, though evaded for now, is not entirely dealt with, and we get a little insight into what obstacles Branston has ahead of him.


The only thing like I feel this chapter didn't do that I would really have liked to see was build on the character. By the end of the first chapter I like to have a good feeling for who the protagonist is and what their motivations are. We talked about that a little following my last review - but I'm bringing it up again now because traditionally I would like to see that arc furthered a little bit in the second chapter.

Normally I'd like to feel a much stronger connection to Branston right now, but I'm beginning to feel like that's something that's going to be developed at a slower pace throughout the story - which I'll try to adjust my expectations for, since it is something we have already discussed.


*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:



*Cat* Injuries:

Here is an excerpt from the story (I'll tuck it under a drop note due to length:

Excerpt ▼


Faldashir has got some pretty serious injuries. Although you did address to an extent that his injuries should have been obvious and that Branston should have noticed them - I feel like you didn't really show them enough to the audience.

Bleeding is serious. In the heat of battle, with the adrenaline pumping, it's normal not to feel the complete extent of an injury. But if he's bleeding, you should show the audience in addition to this conversation - because it's important. We should have seen where he was injured in the battle, and we should have had a hint as to how bad. When Branston does finally notice the blood, the audience should be informed of how much blood there is, and from where.

Broken ribs hurt. Broken ribs hurt really bad. I cannot stress this enough. Faldashir (both in the first chapter and in this chapter) carries on relatively normal conversation with Branston after his rib has been broken, and we're just now seeing the toll that this has taken on him. Someone with a broken rib would not introduce themselves, carry on conversation, and wait for their companion to notice that their rib is broken. Depending on the severity of the break and the person's pain tolerance, they might not even be standing once that adrenaline wears off, wouldn't be speaking normally, wouldn't be walking without noticeable, distracting pain.

My suspension of disbelief was incredibly shaken at the part of the story that I quoted in the drop note, and you might want to either reconsider the severity of his injuries or go back and show the audience the damage he's taken earlier on rather than to have this exact section introduce it.

If he really is this injured, and he really can handle it that well, explain why. Hint at the years of training or the racial traits of spiritual fortitude or whatever it is that allows him to endure something this serious this well. If you have a reason for that, show the audience that you have a reason.

(It might also be important to note how Faldashir's injuries negatively impact my attitude toward Branston. I don't know if this is something that all reader's would feel - but it made me like him less, especially since I already felt like I was lacking empathy toward him at the end of the first chapter. I didn't find him to be relatable beforehand - and then this. He doesn't notice a serious injury for a long time after we're introduced to him knowing he's verye aware/alert, expresses his surprise poorly with very little consideration/compassion, and then doesn't make any effort to amend the situation before expressing his desire to take an injured man with him back to his house - a long distance away. Don't get me wrong, with the sort of situation he's in, a little self-absorption would be completely understandable, but without any strong emotional ties or formative, redeemable characteristics, I'm starting to like him less.)

*Cat* Show, Don't Tell:

This is something that felt, to me, a lot more balanced in the first chapter. There was a good amount of descriptive language to dialogue/exposition (if anything it was weighted more toward the descriptive side) but I felt that this chapter was a lot less focused on showing things to the audience. That's something that generally, I'd like to see a little more of.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:



Wrapping this up, I feel like you're doing well overall. There was one very specific and one general area that bothered me in this chapter, but structurally, it was still very sound. As I mentioned up in the things that I liked, I think it did most of what a chapter should do and most importantly, it fit in well with the story up to this point.

I hope that this was helpful, or at least an interesting third party perspective, and that you don't mind that I continue reviewing chapters. I do feel invested in the review process at this point, so hopefully this is beneficial. *Smile*

All the best,

-Cat


______________________________________________________________________







** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
303
303
Review of Lost at Sea  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________






*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Blake ,

Thanks so much for taking the time to submit a formal review request for your item "Lost at Sea"  and for being patient with me in my absence. Now that I am back I am more than happy to look over your piece. *Heart*

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Gripping Opening

Although there wasn't anything overly exciting about the piece's opening lines, the tone of your tale is immediately set and the descriptive, almost poetic way in which it was written drew me in instantly.

*Cat* Message

I liked the story as a whole because of content. The message at the end tied the whole thing together very nicely, in a way that I found satisfying and gave me a deeper, retroactive appreciation for the piece.

Great job.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Following Line

Words then floated into his conscious thought.

“Do it. Just do it. Oh, c’mon you wimp.”


^^ This gave me pause the first time I read it, because it made it sound like this was going to be more of an internal thought like what we had already seen Eliot thinking in the passage above, and not a man speaking from behind him.

It's kind of nitpicky, but it was the one thing that bothered me about an otherwise smooth-flowing piece.

*Cat* Flashbacks:

One thing that you might want to consider is taking out the memory of Eliot and his daughter at the movie.

On the one hand, it is nice to see a little bit of the relationship he had with his daughter, and it shows how much he really did love her, bringing a lighter side to this story.

On the other hand, I feel like it's definitely the weakest part of the story. The lighter tone makes it stick out in relation to everything else, which made it seem out of place. I feel like the dialogue between your characters seemed less realistic there than anywhere else, and the pacing felt a little awkward. Additionally, I'm not a huge fan of time lapses during a flashback - and speaking form a structural standpoint I feel like the story would have been stronger if it had only been the scene of Eliot waking up to learn that his daughter had passed - perhaps with some allusion to what they had been driving home from.

There are pros and cons either way, but it's something to think about.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


To wrap this up, I think you've got a story here that has a good premise and a lot of really beautiful description. Although there were a few things that stood out to me as less effective, there was no point during reading that I found something I disliked, and overall it's a pretty smooth read.

I hope that this review has helped some, and if there's anything that you'd like to talk about be sure to let me know. I'm always only a PM away.

All the best,


-Cat


______________________________________________________________________







** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
304
304
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________






*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Breach ,

Thanks so much for taking the time to formally request a review for your item "From The Breach: Chapter 1: Dragons" . I'm sorry that I wasn't around to answer the request before it expired, but I am still happy to look over your piece. *Heart*

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Chapter Length:

One thing that I'd like to say about this right off the bat, is that I enjoyed the length of this chapter. Although there were some things I would have liked to have seen added form a storytelling perspective, the chapter as written is a comfortable length.

*Cat* Tone:

I think that the tone of the piece matches the content, and that your writing style suits both well. It made for smooth, easy reading which is something I can really appreciate.

*Cat* Setting:

I think this is by far my favorite aspect of the piece - your setting. The descriptions of the scenery were vivid without being overbearing, and I got the sense that the world this takes place in is far more well-developed than we get to see in just this chapter. This of course had the positive effect of me wanting to see more. The names and descriptions both added to the environment, and gave the piece a good sense of continuity that I hope to see carried through in future installations.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Opening:

I would have liked to see the story start at a different point. In my opinion, starting the story where Branston is looking out for something right before he gets ambushed anyway was an anticlimactic introduction to your world and characters. I feel like a more eye-catching alternative would have been to start right after he has already been ambushed, or to extend the quiet portion and give us a little more insight into his motivation so that we can begin to feel for him as a character before seeing him threatened.

*Cat* Exposition & Characters:

To expand on the previous comment just a touch, I would have liked to see a bit more exposition introduced early on. By the end of the chapter I had a decent grasp of the situation, but that mostly comes in at the end after all the action.

Ideally, I also would have liked to feel a bit more strongly about your protagonist, and have a better concept of who he is as a person, not just as a plot devise. It's obvious how he will further the story and where he stands in relation to the action of the book, but knowing more about him would make add an additional layer of investment.

*Cat* The Man:

I feel like the action sequences could use a bit of work. This might be my own personal bias at play, because action scenes have always had a harder time holding my attention. I had a tough time visualizing what was happening in the fight Branston gets into though, and had to go back multiple times to re-read sentences and try to piece together what was happening.

I think a big part of my issue was the overuse of the phrases "the man" and "a man." I understand that the men were strangers, but I think distinguishing between the two somehow (be it by recognizable features, height, outfit color, weapon choice, etc.) would help cut down on redundant phrasing and confusion.

Under the dropnote is an excerpt from the fight scene that I think best illustrates this:

Fight Scene ▼



*Cat2* CONCLUSION:



My overall impression of the piece was actually very good, despite the fact that I went and did some nitpicking in my review. I would have liked to see you get deeper into some aspects of the piece, but the flow was good, it had a strong sense of atmosphere, and the premise was engaging. I think there's a lot of potential in this for a great story, and I hope that you keep working on it and that I get to keep reading it.

Of course if you have any questions/comments about anything I've said, feel free to PM me at any time and I would be happy to discuss it with you.

All the best,

-Cat


______________________________________________________________________







** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
305
305
Review of Tired  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________



Hello!

It's so nice to be reviewing you again. I saw that this piece made it into the most recent drama newsletter and thought that I would drop by to leave some thoughts on it.

I also saw that you were nominated for a Quills Award, which is super awesome - so congratulations to that as well!

I'm not going to pretend that I understood this piece in it's entirety because many parts of it left me pondering, but I thought it made for an interesting read. Your poetry is always very unique and memorable, and I'm glad I stumbled across a reason to read some more of it.

Best wishes,


-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
306
306
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)

______________________________________________________________________



*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________






*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Adrian Snow ,

Thanks so much for taking the time to submit a formal review request for your item "Chapter 4- Shadowed Tides" . I have a good time taking a look at it and compiling my notes. It might be worth mentioning that this might be the first time I'm reviewing a chapter of something without going through and reading/reviewing the previous chapters - but you said you wanted an outside opinion and I think I can at least do that.

So, here we go.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Merits as a stand alone piece:

One thing that I enjoyed is that I wasn't nearly as lost as I thought I was going to be considering that I'm coming into the story on chapter four. Despite not having an prior information to the story, I wasn't terribly confused while reading this and I got a good feeling for your protagonist and setting both.

*Cat* Environment:

I think that you have a good fantasy environment built in here, and there were a lot of good, vivid descriptions that really helped to set the scene. Environment is one of the most important aspects to any story that doesn't take place in a contemporary setting, such as this.

*Cat* Potential:

The impression that I got from reading just this one chapter is that you have a good foundation, you're just lacking a more solid plot structure and ideas. That being said, I think that this piece has the potential to be a great story.


*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Formatting:

My first suggestion for the piece would be that you reformat it. Formatting makes a big difference in how the audience feels about the reading experience, and formatting a piece properly makes it more readable, gives a better impression, and allows the audience to focus on the story itself rather than the presentation. My biggest issue with the piece had nothing to do with content, but the fact that when I started reading it I got the initial first impression that it was just a wall of text - and that's something that as a reader it can be hard to get past.

I saw only two distinct paragraphs, and there was very little distinction between them as there was no line break and no indentation.

I would start by breaking this up into shorter paragraphs, and then by formatting either with line breaks or indents (and if you need help figuring that out I would be happy to assist. I know the formatting on here can be a pain.)

*Cat* Length:

I felt like this was too short to be an entire chapter - and even though I've just read the one, I feel like there's a good chance that the other chapters were short as well. By the fourth chapter in a story there should not only be a distinct arc started for the entire book, but there should already be some progress on that arc. The main conflict of the novel as a whole should be evident, and your protagonist should already be on the path to overcoming it (perhaps even have already hit their first roadblock along the way.)

Starting from here, I really didn't see what the plot is or any progression towards making it. Great stories tend to be very plot driven, and each chapter should build on the ones before it in advancing that plot and giving the audience ideas or questions about what should come next. I feel this chapter lacked that, and perhaps that's some of why you're having trouble figuring out where to go next.

Also - to give you a frame of reference for chapter lengths (which comes down to writer/reader preference - no one can tell you how to best structure your book, so keep in mind this is just an opinion) but I like my chapters (as both a reader and a writer) to be somewhere in the 2,000-5,000 word range. I tend to lean to more toward the 2,000 side, and a lot of people consider my chapters to be shorter than average.

*Cat* Expansion:

If you're looking for ways that you could expand your chapters (should you decide to take my advice about lengthening them and are looking for things to include other than the plot thing I mentioned) you could try including some of the following:

-Exposition (explaining through thought or narration the events leading up to the situation in which the characters currently find themselves)

-Emotions(explaining how your characters feel and what sort of things drive their actions)

-Characters (adding more people for your protagonist to interact with)

-Dialogue (showing how your protagonist interacts with other specific characters by showing some of their conversations.)

Those are just some examples, of course there are plenty of ways to go about this.


*Cat2* IDEAS ON EXPANSION:


This was something that I wasn't initially going to include, but it was something you asked for specifically when requesting the review, so I figured I should cover it. I think before expanding the story you should consider backtracking, really analyzing the structure, and asking yourself what sort of story you want to tell. Maybe you could even incorporate these thoughts and the pieces of the story you already have into an outline, so you have a comprehensive understanding of where you want to take this project, and what the overall story is.

Other than that my main suggestion for continuing the plot from this point is that you introduce a conflict and start taking steps to resolve it.

Perhaps Aylien's Knight is trying to manipulate her. Perhaps the two of them get separated. Perhaps she's taken by a villain and he battles to her while she battles just as fiercely to get back to him. Perhaps the mother disapproves of the time they spend together and tries to drive a wedge between them. Perhaps one of them falls in love and the other doesn't. Perhaps they both fall in love but can't be together and must struggle to do so.

I would definitely expand on the idea of the gaze she feels on her right at the end of the chapter.

There are a lot of different plots you can utilize here, you just have to decide what kind of story you want.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


To wrap this up, I think there were a lot of really great ideas in here. I'd be interested to see where you're going with this story, though typically by this stage in a book I like to have the feeling that the writer already knows where they're going, which in the end was what I liked least about the piece.

I hope that this review has been somewhat helpful, and that you continue working on the project.

If you have any questions/comments, be sure to let me know. You're free to PM me at any time, and I'd be happy to discuss this with you.

All the best,


-Cat


______________________________________________________________________







** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
307
307
Review of Sea Muse  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________



Hello!

Congratulations on having this piece featured in the most recent "For Authors" newsletter.

I really enjoyed this piece, not just because it was well-written and concise (though I also appreciated those aspects of it as well) but because it spoke to me on a personal level. Reading this I knew exactly what you were talking about, and I could relate to it so strongly.

I'm actually from California myself. Now I'm staying by a whole other ocean - and seeing the beach is something that is always inspiring, but there's just something truly magical about being by the Pacific.Your Muse is not alone in thinking this way, not by any means.

I really loved your piece, and I'm glad that I got the chance to read it through this newsletter.

All the best,


-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
308
308
Review of No Longer  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________



Hello!

Congratulations on having this piece featured in the most recent "For Authors" newsletter. I've been reviewing newsletter features today, and this has probably been one of the most unique ones yet.

This rings as very true, and I can tell that this is something you have a lot of experience with, and care a lot about. That's something I always really appreciate seeing in the poetry that I read and you've done such a good job with it here.

The structure was also very eye-catching and kept the reader moving along through the piece, which made it a very quick read.

I hope that I get to read more of your work in the future, and in the meantime I wish you all the best!

Sincerely


-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
309
309
Review of Singing By Whales  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________



This was such a great poem! Congratulations on having it featured in the most recent "For Authors" newsletter - I can definitely see why it was chosen.

I like whales and I think you did a great job putting them into a great light and describing their music to your audience. I absolutely love that you included links at the bottom where people can actually go listen to whales - I'm going to go do that as soon as I'm done typing up this review in fact.

The poem does take on a darker quality, but the issues that you bring up are all very important and it's nice to see that other people out there care about them. It's pieces like these that help give a voice to the voiceless. Thank you so much for sharing it with us here at WdC.

All the best,


-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
310
310
Review of Two Mothers  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello!

I just happened to stumble on this accidentally - I clicked over to the read and review category when scrolling through things with my touch pad - and this was the piece that was randomly selected for me to review. I'm so glad that I chose to read it instead of immediately clicking to where I was trying to go, because I really enjoyed this piece.

It's short, but it's just such a lovely story told in such a beautiful way, and I'm so glad to have read it.

I hope you enjoy this random-happenstance review, and I hope that I get to read more of your work in the future - especially if you have anything else like this.

All the best,

-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
311
311
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello!

Congratulations on this piece being featured in the most recent "Noticing Newbies" newsletter, I'm sure that's probably really exciting.

I think that you're off to a really good start with your writing, and I hope that you find the encouragement and support you need on this site that motivates you to continuing sharing your work, and more importantly, keep writing.

I think this is a pretty good piece. It could use a little polishing, but there's a lot of good imagery and the idea behind it is something that I think is very strong. You're definitely headed in the right direction with this.

Thank you for sharing your piece with us here on WdC. I would be happy to read more from you in the future and hope that I am given the chance to do so. I also wish you all the best in any of your future writing endeavors.

Sincerely,

-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
312
312
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________



Hello!

Congratulations on having this item featured in the most recent "Noticing Newbies Newsletter." That's where I saw it first, and why I decided to come give it a read/review.

I really like the idea of this. A lot of people have done Romeo and Juliet inspired fiction, but you have a lot of new elements in yours that I think are probably going to develop in a really interesting way, should this be a project that you decide to continue working on in the future. (And I hope that you do stick with it.)

I think my favorite aspect is that Romi and Juri are both female. It adds an extra little twist to the story and makes it all the more appealing, seeing the new kind of representation for the tale.

I wish you all the best in continuing work on this project, and hope that I some day get to see it continued.

Sincerely,


-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
313
313
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________



Hello!

Congratulations on being featured in the most recent Noticing Newbies Newsletter!

I thought your item had a lot of really interesting concepts in it.

I'm not entirely sure that I can follow the protagonists train of thought at certain points, and I couldn't quite relate to some of the religious sentiments in the piece - but it was definitely a unique piece, and I loved the idea about someone discovering an invisibility potion.

I wish you the best of luck in working on this story if it's something you decide to revisit, as well as luck in any of your other writing endeavors.

All the best,



-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
314
314
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)

______________________________________________________________________



*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________






*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello mitrix,

I found your item "The Best Friend - A New Rhythm"  while looking for some more things to review and I really enjoyed reading it, so I thought it would be fitting to leave you with my notes on the piece. I don't know a lot about poetry but I have read enough of it that I know generally what sort of things to look for.


So, let's get right in.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Rhyme Scheme:

One thing that I really enjoyed about this was the rhyme scheme that you used. I imagine that this was probably not the easiest pattern to follow when writing, but you did a good job sticking to it. At no point did I feel like you sacrificed rhythm or content to try and make these rhymes happen and it didn't read as forced at any point.

*Cat* Flow/Rhythm:

To elaborate a little bit on the previous note, I feel like the piece had a good flow to it and I really enjoyed the rhythm of it - the words fit together very cleanly and it reads aloud nicely.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


I actually don't have any suggestions for the piece. The only thing I really would have liked better would be if your message was a little bit clearer, because it seems to go by pretty fast. On the other hand, I think that fast-paced nature actually helps to illustrate your point and the things that are being said in the poem, so it sort of works. My personal preferences aside, I think from a critical standpoint it should be left just as is - even if that doesn't fit the things I like to see in a poem specifically.



*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


To wrap this review up in a neat bow, I liked the piece.

It works well as a poem because of the skill in which you followed the rhyme scheme and the rhythm which you were able to harness for the piece. The structure and tone used illustrate and reflect what is being said in the poem - and all in all it works well as a whole.

If you have any questions/comments about anything I've said in this review by all means, PM me. I liked your piece quite a bit and would be happy to discuss it with you.

I'd also be happy to read more of your work at any time, and hope that I get the chance to do so sometime in the future.

All the best,

-Cat


______________________________________________________________________







** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
315
315
Review of Taste You Again  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello!

I think you did a really great job with this poem. I've been searching for some vampire related items to review for an Anniversary Challenge being hosted by Gaby ~ Finding my way back and this one pulled me in.

I thought that it was a very beautifully written poem, even if it's not the type of thing I usually read. To be honest I don't normally like vampire fiction much, especially outside of the horror genre, but your piece was well-written and to the point. I appreciated it deeply and thought that your word choice was exquisite.

I would be happy to read more from you, and I wish you all the best in the meantime.

Sincerely


-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
316
316
Review of Martyr  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello!

I've been looking for some vampire stories to review as part of the Anniversary Challenge that Gaby ~ Finding my way back is holding. I have to be honest, I was sort of dreading doing it because typically vampire stories are some of my least favorite horror tales, but I was pleasantly surprised by how much I liked this one.

I thought that your take on the vampire tale was very enjoyable. There was a lot of psychological build-up and the way that you described everything was impeccable. This was a wonderful story and I'm so glad to have read it.

I would be happy to read more from you at any time, and hope that I get the chance to do so sometime soon.

All the best,



-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
317
317
Review of Eyes in the Dark  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Web1*
*Web2*



______________________________________________________________________





*Spider* DISCLAIMER *Spider*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________


*Web3*
*Web4*





*Bat2*          ALL ALONE :: INTRODUCTION           *Bat1*

"From even the greatest horrors, irony is seldom absent." - H.P. Lovecraft


Hello Rose Green ,

I hope you don't mind me dropping by to leave an unsolicited review. I found your item "Eyes in the Dark"  while searching for stories to review in celebration of Women in Horror Month. The first thing that I will say is that this is not at all the scary story that I was expecting (I came across it in the Horror/Scary page) but it did make for an interesting read and I have some thoughts.

So, let's get right in.





*Bat2*           IN THE DARK :: WHAT I LIKED           *Bat1*
"Terror is the desire to save yourself, bur horror is rooted in sympathy." -Joe Hill


There was one thing that stood out for me that I really liked about your story. It was only one thing, but it was all encompassing.

*Bats* Concise: I do like that the story is very tightly written. I don't know if it's because you had a tight word count limit for your contest or because of a short deadline or even just if you felt like writing a short piece, but I do know that you did a great job.


In a very short amount of time you were able to set the scene, provide snippets of character development for five girls, hint at their relationship dynamics, introduce a conflict, build a bit of tension, write believable dialogue AND resolve the conflict. It tied together nicely and it wasn't excessively long. It was very to the point and it left me with the impression that the piece is strong as a whole.

You did a really excellent job with that.





*Bat2*          SOUND OF SCREAMING :: MY SUGGESTIONS:           *Bat1*
"Horror is the removal of masks." - Robert Bloch


*Bats* A Quick Technical Suggestion:


I do have one quick technical suggestion regarding your dialogue, and it should be an easy edit if you decide to take my advice.

You use the ' key to mark dialogue as opposed to the " key. For example:

'Did you see that?'


I think that quotation marks would be preferable and make the piece look a bit more professional. For example:

'Did you see that?'




*Bats* A Quick Notation Suggestion:


Response to the prompt for 18/1; five girls share a cabin and get a fright


I know that this is a contest entry (and the date that the prompt was for) but not what contest or where you placed or anything. This is just my personal preference of course, but I really like seeing just a little more about the contest when the items are prompt responses. It gives me more context for things like word count, genre, etc. One thing that I would suggest for this (and really all contest entries) would be a little authors note in the item itself, either above or below the story (depending on your preference) that just has a little content/prompt information for the reader. You can even make it a different size or color or put it in between symbols so that people know it's not part of the story, but I do think it would help.

*Bats* The Ending:

This is the only suggestion I have in regards to the story itself, and like all review suggestions it comes down to my own preferences for fiction. To avoid spoilers for anyone who stumbles across this in the Public Review page I'm going to go ahead and toss this one under a drop note:

Suggestion Regarding the end ▼


Of course, taking my suggestion would make it a different story and leave the readers with a different perspective of the events, but it's something that would, in my opinion, be really cool.

*Bat2*           WAKING FROM A NIGHTMARE :: CONCLUSION           *Bat1*
"We make up horrors to help us deal with the real ones." - Stephen King


So to wrap this up, I really enjoyed the story. I would have liked to see it end a little differently, but I thought it was a well-written read for the short little entertainment piece that it is - and aside from the couple quick suggestions I had up above, I found it to be very polished as well.

If you have any questions or comments about anything I've said in this review, please feel free to PM me. I'd be happy to talk about this piece or read more from you at any time.

All the best,



-Cat

*Web1*
*Web2*



______________________________________________________________________





STILL SEEKING HORROR SIGNATURE




______________________________________________________________________



*Web3*
*Web4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
318
318
Review of Mirror, Mirror  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Web1*
*Web2*



______________________________________________________________________





*Spider* DISCLAIMER *Spider*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________


*Web3*
*Web4*





*Bat2*          ALL ALONE :: INTRODUCTION           *Bat1*

"From even the greatest horrors, irony is seldom absent." - H.P. Lovecraft


Hello WakeUpAndLive️~scary 2024 ,

It's really exciting to be doing another review for you, and I hope you don't mind me dropping by. Since this is Women in Horror month I've been looking for pieces that I can review in that spirit, and when I found your item "Mirror, Mirror "  I thought that it was something I'd really like to drop by and leave my feedback for.

So let's get right to it.





*Bat2*           IN THE DARK :: WHAT I LIKED           *Bat1*
"Terror is the desire to save yourself, bur horror is rooted in sympathy." -Joe Hill



*Bats* Style:


This was a short story, obviously, but it was easy to get into. The writing was smooth and for the most part very consistent. It didn't require a lot of set up, but you did a good job introducing the reader quickly into the environment and getting them acquainted with your character while progressing the plot forward.

*Bats* Premise/Ending:


I have to say that I like what you did here. Mirrors are a staple of the horror genre, and you took that concept in an interesting direction. The story really wasn't what I was expecting and it went somewhere that I definitely wasn't able to predict, so I think you deserve a lot of credit for that.




*Bat2*          SOUND OF SCREAMING :: MY SUGGESTIONS:           *Bat1*
"Horror is the removal of masks." - Robert Bloch


*Bats* Suggestion 1


I really only have one suggestion for you, and that's the following line;

Within seconds the room was empty. Arie the dog slowly opened his eyes. To find his boss gone. He closed his eyes again.



I understand that this is a transitional line, and I do think that there does need to be something there to transition the two parts of the story, but this part really just didn't seem to fit, and I don't think it's the smooth transition that you'd probably like to have. I think a big part of it is that the rest of the story is written in the first person - but this right here (which makes up an entire paragraph by itself) doesn't really seem to have a distinct narrator or a clear voice of its own. That makes sense with the transitional theme, but it was also, in my reading experience anyway, a little jolting.

Because of how short the section is, there isn't really time to think about it, and let the perspective sink in and the whole thing reads as rather abrupt (or at leas that's how it read to me.)

It's not necessarily a problem, and I don't have a concrete suggestion as to a better approach, but it's something that I thought I should share in case it's anything you'd like to look at, or if you're thinking about revisiting this piece.






*Bat2*           WAKING FROM A NIGHTMARE :: CONCLUSION           *Bat1*
"We make up horrors to help us deal with the real ones." - Stephen King



So, aside from the one thing that one section distracting me right there at the end, I feel like this was a really tied together and unique piece. I enjoyed reading it, and it's always a pleasure to review your work. I hope that I get the chance to do so again sometime in the future.

As always, if you have any questions/comments about anything that I've said you are free to PM me and I will do my best to get back to you in a timely manner.

All the best,


-Cat

*Web1*
*Web2*



______________________________________________________________________





STILL SEEKING HORROR SIGNATURE




______________________________________________________________________



*Web3*
*Web4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
319
319
Review of Tap, Tap, Tap  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Web1*
*Web2*



______________________________________________________________________





*Spider* DISCLAIMER *Spider*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________


*Web3*
*Web4*





*Bat2*          ALL ALONE :: INTRODUCTION           *Bat1*

"From even the greatest horrors, irony is seldom absent." - H.P. Lovecraft


Hello NeedingBeachDuf 🐠⛵🏝️ ,

I found your item "Tap, Tap, Tap"  while looking for pieces to review. February is Women in Horror Month and I've been trying my best to review things in that spirit. This one caught my eye, so I hope that you don't mind me dropping by to leave my thoughts on it.

So, let's get right to it.





*Bat2*           IN THE DARK :: WHAT I LIKED           *Bat1*
"Terror is the desire to save yourself, bur horror is rooted in sympathy." -Joe Hill


What I liked best about this piece was that it was it was a great example of polished, tightly written fiction. To honor that I don't want to dissect it too much (why should I, when the piece works as a whole?) but I do think it would be cool to highlight a couple specific things that caught my attention.



*Bats* Characterization:

We don't get to know a lot about your protagonist (his name for example) but you've successfully left the impression of his personality by the way that the story is written and the inclusion of his direct thoughts at a few choice moments. Writing believable and engaging characters can be really, really difficult for SCREAMS!!! entries, but you did an amazing job with it here - and I think that it was one of the strongest aspects of your story.

*Bats* The Homage/My Favorite Line:


The shower curtain was drawn and I swore at Hitchcock under my breath as I stepped forward and grabbed it.


If I hadn't already found the narrator to be entertaining, this would have sealed the deal. I think we've probably all had moments where we hear something or have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, and seeing a drawn shower curtain we can hear the Psycho music in our heads. This line was not only a great homage to the master of suspense, but it made your main character even easier to relate to all in one, amusing sentence.

Fantastic job.


*Bat2*          SOUND OF SCREAMING :: MY SUGGESTIONS:           *Bat1*
"Horror is the removal of masks." - Robert Bloch


You did excellent with this, and I don't have any suggestions for you in the traditional sense. You responded to the prompt well, the story was concise and effective and it works very well as is. If there are any technical mistakes or it needs edited, I didn't notice. This is so much cleaner than any of my entries for this contest, and I think you did a brilliant job.

One thing that I really appreciate in reviews I receive however (especially reviews for things I've entered into SCREAMS!!!) is for the reader to let me know if the concept would be worth revisiting - which leads me to my one suggestion:

If you're ever on the fence about revisiting this idea or extending the story; do it. I would definitely read more about this.





*Bat2*           WAKING FROM A NIGHTMARE :: CONCLUSION           *Bat1*
"We make up horrors to help us deal with the real ones." - Stephen King


I hope that this review was at least slightly helpful, especially since it wasn't really requested. I thought the story was great, I enjoyed reading it, and I hope that I get the chance to read more of your work in the future. If you have any questions/comments, feel free to PM me.

All the best,


-Cat

*Web1*
*Web2*



______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________



*Web3*
*Web4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
320
320
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________



Hello Joan Summers .

I clicked onto this piece by accident when it came across my homepage but the title piqued my interest and I ended up reading it. I just wanted to take a moment to let you know that I really enjoyed this piece and was very impressed by the maturity with which it's written.


I think it's incredibly sad that you, a sixteen year old, seem to have a better understanding of the President's policies and their impact than he does. The contrast between this well written and thoughtful letter and Trump's tweets are staggering.


Aside from agreeing with a lot of the things that you've stated in this letter, I really appreciate the tone in which you wrote it. It doesn't attack him, or blatantly make fun of him as so many other things do, but it outlines your concerns with cool grace and diplomacy.

The one thing that I would suggest is adding an extra line of space between paragraphs (or indenting) to help your piece look as official as it sounds and help with your online visibility.

In every other regard however, I thought this was great. You stated your opinions and concerns eloquently and I was very impressed with this. I wish we lived in a world where a letter this well thought out would be responded to by a president who could sound even half as intelligent as you came across with this piece. Seriously, seriously well done.




-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
321
321
Review of Obsession  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*Web1*
*Web2*



______________________________________________________________________





*Spider* DISCLAIMER *Spider*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________


*Web3*
*Web4*





*Bat2*          ALL ALONE :: INTRODUCTION           *Bat1*

"From even the greatest horrors, irony is seldom absent." - H.P. Lovecraft


Hello TJ Marie ,

Congratulations on having your item "Obsession"  featured in this week's horror newsletter. I hope you don't mind me dropping by to give it a review, I've been looking for some female horror writers to read and critique this February, in the spirit of Women in Horror Month.


So, with that said, let's get to the review.


*Bat2*           IN THE DARK :: WHAT I LIKED           *Bat1*
"Terror is the desire to save yourself, bur horror is rooted in sympathy." -Joe Hill


*Bats* Interesting Elements:


There were a lot of really intriguing things about the story. Although I feel like I'm missing part of the connection here, the individual aspects of the scenario have me deeply interested. The buzzing driving Carla to finally learn about the man in the cubicle next to her makes for an interesting set up, and I really like the dynamic she has with him. The fact that even once Larry has reminded her who he is she doesn't seem to recall him is something that left me questioning and added an extra layer of mystery to this piece.


*Bats* Foreshadowing:

I like that before Carla and Larry interact there's mention of a new guy working in that cubicle. It made the end tie in better and made the piece stronger as a whole.



*Bats* Ending:

What I liked best about the piece was the point that you chose to leave off.

Carla tried to run past Larry. She didn’t make it. Larry caught her by arms and threw her down on her chair. He looked at her with a cat that caught the canary look on his face and said, “Let the games begin.”


^^ Aside from just feeling like this was a strong, well-written segment in general I really liked that this is where you chose to leave off. The fact that he's comfortable using this sort of force with her after stalking her does a good job of quickly yet efficiently suggesting just how deranged Larry is as an individual and the enigmatic, ominous note really leaves the audience wondering about just what he might have planned and what these "games" will consist of.



*Bat2*          SOUND OF SCREAMING :: MY SUGGESTIONS:           *Bat1*
"Horror is the removal of masks." - Robert Bloch


*Bats* Dialogue:


One area that I would suggest working on a little was dialogue. I feel like some of the speech patterns of characters lacked a certain sense of realism, and wasn't entirely consistent.


For Example ▼



*Bats* Further Explanation:

Although we seldom get to know in real life why strange things happen exactly in the way that they happen, I feel like in fiction, they should at least be hinted at to the point where the audience can start to piece together a picture of what's going on. There were a few too many questions that I would have liked to seen hinted at a little more if not answered entirely.

Examples ▼


*Bats* Tense Consistency:

For the most part this is written in the present tense, but right toward the end I noticed there were a few lines in the past tense that you might want to consider editing, just for the sake of consistency.


*Bat2*           WAKING FROM A NIGHTMARE :: CONCLUSION           *Bat1*
"We make up horrors to help us deal with the real ones." - Stephen King



So, that about wraps this up. I think this is an interesting idea, and although I personally feel like it could be polished a bit, it's obvious that you have a good set up for something pretty creepy with a lot of potential. I hope this review has been at least a little bit helpful. If you have any questions about anything I've said or would like to discuss something with me, feel free to shoot me a PM and I will do my best to respond in a timely manner. I would be happy to re-read and re-review this piece at sometime in the future if you do decide to revisit the concept or make any changes.

I hope that I get the chance to review some more of your work in the future, and wish you all the best in the meantime!

-Cat

*Web1*
*Web2*



______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________



*Web3*
*Web4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
322
322
Review of Love Unending  
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Web1*
*Web2*



______________________________________________________________________





*Spider* DISCLAIMER *Spider*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________


*Web3*
*Web4*





*Bat2*          ALL ALONE :: INTRODUCTION           *Bat1*

"From even the greatest horrors, irony is seldom absent." - H.P. Lovecraft


Hello elizjohn ,

Congratulations on your item "Love Unending"  being included in this week's Horror Newsletter. I've been looking for female writers of this genre to review this February to show my support for Women in Horror in Month, and I really enjoyed your piece, so I hope you don't mind being included. It had been awhile since I had reviewed one of your stories and this just seemed like a really good opportunity to fix that.

So, with all that said and done let's get to the actual review part, shall we?





*Bat2*           IN THE DARK :: WHAT I LIKED           *Bat1*
"Terror is the desire to save yourself, bur horror is rooted in sympathy." -Joe Hill



One thing that I think it's really important to say is that the piece works as a whole. With as short as it was I could probably analyse it line by line, but for the most part I don't really think that I need to because again, it works altogether.


*Bats* Micro-fiction:

Micro-fiction is really tricky because it's hard to get a reader attached to the story in such a short amount of time. A lot of people use the minimalist approach, sacrificing a lot of details to get the full beginning, middle and end of the story. You on the other hand focused more on describing just one small piece of the story, telling the audience in no uncertain terms what was happening right then with your characters - and this allowed you to include a little bit more information than would normally be seen in a piece of this length. It was a different technique, and one that I really enjoyed.


Generally I think that the most important aspect is a strong core concept for shorter pieces, and that was something you definitely had. The idea was interesting and the piece was just enough to give us a taste of it.






*Bat2*          SOUND OF SCREAMING :: MY SUGGESTIONS:           *Bat1*
"Horror is the removal of masks." - Robert Bloch


This piece works. I can't really imagine it being any better for what it is. You made a good impression in a very, very short amount of time and it was a good read. Cutting anything out would have made it less enjoyable and adding too much would have made it an entirely different sort of story. I think you have a great balance for what it is. That being said, I do have one suggestion, based solely on personal preference.



*Bats* Revisit This.


All of the things I said about enjoying it for what it is are very true BUT I think I would also enjoy it as a longer piece. I'm sure a lot of other people probably feel the same way and would love to see more about this scenario. There's obviously a lot of potential for expansion here and if you ever do decide to revisit, I would love to read more about the plotting that was mentioned and how it all plays out.






*Bat2*           WAKING FROM A NIGHTMARE :: CONCLUSION           *Bat1*
"We make up horrors to help us deal with the real ones." - Stephen King



So, that about wraps it up. I'm really glad to have read this and I hope that you liked the review. I hope that you'll let me know if you ever do revisit the idea and as always you can PM me if you have any questions about anything I've said or would like to talk about anything. Thank you for sharing your piece, and I hope I get the chance to read more from you in the future.

All the best,


-Cat



*Web1*
*Web2*



______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________



*Web3*
*Web4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
323
323
Review of THE HOME  
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Web1*
*Web2*



______________________________________________________________________





*Spider* DISCLAIMER *Spider*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________


*Web3*
*Web4*





*Bat2*          ALL ALONE :: INTRODUCTION           *Bat1*

"From even the greatest horrors, irony is seldom absent." - H.P. Lovecraft


Hello willwilcox,

You asked me to check out your story "THE HOME"  awhile ago, and I don't think I ever heard back from you about whether or not you wanted a public review or not, so I hope you don't mind. I really enjoyed the story, and I finally decided that a public review would be the best way to promote it while giving you my feedback. *BigSmile* I also hope that you don't mind being my guinea pig for the horror template I've been playing with - it's fairly new and this is the first chance I've really had to use it.


So, let's get right in:


*Bat2*           IN THE DARK :: WHAT I LIKED           *Bat1*
"Terror is the desire to save yourself, bur horror is rooted in sympathy." -Joe Hill


*Bats* Opening Line:

One of my absolute favorite aspects of the story was your opening line:

People die hard.



^^ This was a short sentence that did not leave itself open for debate. The fact that it makes up the entirety of your opening paragraph makes it seem all the more of a definite statement, and I think that makes it an incredibly engaging and strong opening. Backing up this claim in your second paragraph continues to build on the mood that you've set for the story, helps the readers to understand the character while easing us into the tale.


*Bats* Winston's Introduction:

I will spare you the little rant about my conflicting feelings about dogs in horror fiction - and skip ahead to the part where I tell you that I think you did a wonderful job writing him in. Discussing how his wide talked him into getting a dog in the first place after establishing that he doesn't seem to be much of a dog person says a lot about their relationship and how deep his feelings were for her. He'd already said that, but this really showed it in my opinion.

Furthermore, I think it says a lot about Rose's character that she named her beloved pet after the cigarettes that caused her to get sick - it was a small detail that made her seem all the more real, as well as more interesting. It's always difficult to make a character seem so engaging when they've already passed before the story starts, and little details like this go an incredibly long way.


*Bats* Tone/Style:

This is more of a general observation, but I have to say that I really like the voice in which the story is narrated. Lots of hard truths and a very brutal outlook on life. It's a refreshing sort of honesty, and again, it made me really appreciate your protagonist all the more.

There was one section in particular (aside from the intro) that I thought really illustrated this.

Excerpt ▼


Sorry for the length of the excerpt, but as a section I thought it just really captured the aspect of the writing style that I appreciated so much.


*Bats* Concept:

This was something that I quite enjoyed, an idea that was quite chilling. The isolation of old age, or really any kind of social isolation, brings on a fear of its own. Being abandoned in life is just as scary as being abandoned in death, because it's not a matter of finding someone to help or getting somewhere safe - it's being put somewhere full of people and knowing that none of them will help. In a way I think that's a lot more terrifying, and it's nice to read a story that harnesses that particular fear.



*Bats* End:

I'm going to go ahead and put this under a drop note to avoid spoilers:

Excerpt: ▼


*Bat2*          SOUND OF SCREAMING :: MY SUGGESTIONS:           *Bat1*
"Horror is the removal of masks." - Robert Bloch


*Bats* Extending the Story


This is something that just comes down to personal preferences. This is a great piece - and I'm clearly not the only one to think so as it's been rated very highly. The only suggestion that I have for it would be to make it longer. I have always preferred longer stories - and even though I have spent this last year learning all about the wonders of concise horror fiction, I am still a big believer in stories with slow build up and lots of detail if the concept supports it, and I think this one does.

In your exposition you have so much rich character history, and the transition into Mercy House is slow enough, that I think there is a fantastic foundation if you wanted to slow the end down a bit and build up the paranormal aspect a bit more. This piece has amazing potential for an element of psychological horror.

Of course, just because something could be longer, doesn't mean that it could be better. Although I liked Bob and Rose enough that I would happily read a story twice this length with them, a lot of people are not as accepting of really long horror stories. Just know that some of your audience (even if it's just me) would definitely be interested in more.







*Bat2*           WAKING FROM A NIGHTMARE :: CONCLUSION           *Bat1*
"We make up horrors to help us deal with the real ones." - Stephen King


In conclusion, I thought the story was great. Though I personally would have liked it to be a bit longer toward the end so I could see more of your characters, I think that's just a testament to how well developed they were and your skill as a writer.

Thank you so much for asking me to take a look at this - it has been one of the best reads I've found on here and I really enjoyed it. I will never forget you gave me my first review on this site, or how much I appreciated it, and I'm always more than happy to repay the favor. I have another one of your stories I've been meaning to review, so you can expect to be hearing from me again soon. I'm looking forward to reading it.

All the best,


-Cat

*Web1*
*Web2*



______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________



*Web3*
*Web4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
324
324
Review of Gate 11A  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________






*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Blake ,

Thanks again for taking the time to request another review formally for your item "Gate 11A" .

I have to say that I wish I had gotten to this piece a little bit sooner. I read it for the first time this morning, and I'm still sort of processing it. I feel like it's a story that needs awhile to sink in, and that I would have more insightful things to say about it if I had a little bit longer to mull it over.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Interesting Concept:

One thing that I can say about this piece is that it's very, very interesting. I can honestly say that I had no idea what was going to happen next at any point. It's probably one of the mos unique stories I've ever read, and I think it's one that I'm going to remember for awhile. Similarly, I think it's worth mentioning that Paul was a very interesting character, and I enjoyed seeing what was going on in his mind.



*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


As I said in the little introduction up above,I'm not sure that the piece has entirely hit me yet,so at this point I don't have a lot of suggestions as to how it could be improved. I do however have one small technical suggestion that I think might help out.


*Cat* Use of italics:

My favorite aspect of the story (and the more I think about it the more I realize I like it) is that the reader gets to see some of Paul's characters by reading his thoughts, which are in the story periodically as italics. That's a technique I'm quite fond of and I use it a lot in my own writing.

The one suggestion I have for you is that only the thoughts should be in italics.

Example:

What is wrong with me? Thought Paul.


Might read better as:

What is wrong with me? Thought Paul.



*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


I'm sorry that I can't be of more use with this review and that I didn't have more concrete suggestions for improvement. I'm just not sure what to think of it. To be honest this story was just not at all what I was expecting and it caught me a little off guard.

That being said, I hope that this at the very least offered you a fresh perspective on the story, even if it wasn't particularly helpful. I have enjoyed reading your work today and would be happy to do so again at any point in the future.

All the best,


-Cat


______________________________________________________________________






** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
325
325
Review of The Light  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________






*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Blake ,

Thank you so much for taking the time to request a formal review for your item "At arm's length" . I had a good time reading it and it gave me a lot to think about, which is always something that I enjoy from the things that I read.

With that being said, let's get into the review.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Style:

Although the order of the things being said made this piece feel a little aimless in my opinion, I liked all of the individual aspects on their own very much. Your writing style reads very smoothly if taken in one sentence at a time, and there were many lines that I quite enjoyed from the piece.

For example:


Feelings are everlasting, but they can also be fleeting.


I thought this was a great opening line. It was concise, but powerful. It piqued my interest and made me want to know more while still hinting at the introspective nature of the piece.


*Cat* Theme:

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Clarify Your Intention:

The one suggestion that I have is that you state a little bit earlier on what exactly this is. Is this fiction or nonfiction? Is it a personal experience tale, or is it a study of human nature? Why are you sharing this story with the reader? These are all questions that were running around in the back of my mind while I was reading, and I was distracting myself trying to answer them and figure out what you, as the author, wanted me to get out of the piece. What you were hoping to achieve.

Although there are some pieces where an element of mystery is a good thing and you'd like the minds of your audience to be bouncing around like that, it's something that I don't think works as well in this particular instance, because I feel like it detracts from your message and makes the piece read confusedly.

Of course, that is just my personal opinion.


*Cat* Consider Revising the Structure of the Piece:


This is something I mentioned briefly earlier and it ties into my only other suggestion, but I think that you could really clear up your message by restructuring the order of the information given in this piece.

As I stated up above, I think all the content itself is great, but I think it could be more effective if put into a different order.

Your voice seems to alternate between one of an omniscient narrator with self-assurance ▼ and one of a friendly, conversational man who has had a life changing experience. ▼


Although I think both of these elements can coexist in the piece together, alternating between the two gave me pause a few times while reading. I think if you started by introducing who you are and that you wanted people to learn from your experience earlier on, it would offer enough clarification for the reader that for the rest of the piece they could focus on your story more completely.





*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


To wrap this up, I liked the piece. Although I personally disagreed with some of the structure, I think the message was strong and I think you have an incredibly unique voice as a writer. I hope that this review was at least somewhat helpful, and I look forward to reading the other piece that you requested a review for.

All the best,


-Cat


______________________________________________________________________







** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **





______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
443 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 18 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cat.voleur/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/13