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Review Requests: OFF
1,115 Public Reviews Given
1,116 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Versatile: I'm good at reviewing different types of writing in different ways. Honest: While I do my best to be honest and encouraging in reviews, I don't omit things. If I tell you I like something about a piece, you can trust that I'm not just saying it. All-Inclusive/Well-Rounded: I look for the good and bad in writing. I'll give you an overall opinion as well as the highlights and what needs worked on.
I'm good at...
Giving feedback within set parameters. If you're looking to receive opinions on something specific, let me know and that's what I'll focus on when giving a review.
Favorite Genres
Horror - all time favorite. Science Fiction and Fantasy are tied in a close second.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance. (Exceptions: Dark erotica intrigues me if it's, you know, dark.) I will happily read and review romance pieces, but I might be a little tougher on it than on other genres.
Favorite Item Types
Static Book/Collections.
Least Favorite Item Types
N/A
I will not review...
N/A I'll review anything. If for some reason you don't think I'll want to, feel free to email me with your concerns before submitting a request.
Public Reviews
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251
251
Review of Burned  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Wolf2* DISCLAIMER *Wolf2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.




*Wolf*A RAVEN FROM THE NORTH: AN INTRODUCTION:*Wolf*



Hello Scott Joseph ,

This review is written on behalf of House Stark for "Game of Thrones" .


*Wolf*THE NORTH REMEMBERS: WHAT I LIKED:*Wolf*


I loved the end.

I liked the twist, but more specifically I liked the final line. It was a good wrap up, it added levity to the story, and it hinted at what might happen after this piece concludes. It left me surprised at how invested I had become in your main character, and this is something I'd like to read more of.

Leading up to that, I think you did a good job setting up the scene without giving too much away or ruining anything.

Additionally, the tone was perfect. I got a very sneaky vibe from Margaret, and the atmosphere made me feel like I was reading a classic mystery novel.

Very well done.



*Wolf* DARK WINGS, DARK WORDS:SUGGESTIONS: *Wolf*



My only suggestion would be that you write more about Margaret. I get the feeling that this was just a taste of someone who promises to be a very interesting character, and I'd like to see more of her.


*Wolf*WINTER IS COMING: A CONCLUSION:*Wolf*


To wrap this up, I think this was a great story. It could be a great stand alone piece or a great introduction to something more. Margaret was interesting, your writing style fits the subject matter perfectly, and I thank you for the very entertaining read.

Sincerely,

Cat



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
252
252
Review of Hidden Lies  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Wolf2* DISCLAIMER *Wolf2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.




*Wolf*A RAVEN FROM THE NORTH: AN INTRODUCTION:*Wolf*



Hello Vivian ,

This review is written on behalf of House Stark for "Game of Thrones" .


*Wolf*THE NORTH REMEMBERS: WHAT I LIKED:*Wolf*


I loved this story!

There were so many little twists and turns. I was expecting one good twist, but they just kept coming.

In a very short story you were able to set up a good amount of characters, a few of whom had very distinct personalities. The story that the father told was very surprising and the way that it was told seemed pretty realistic. The writing style was engaging, and as a whole I think the piece worked really well.





*Wolf* DARK WINGS, DARK WORDS:SUGGESTIONS: *Wolf*



The one suggestion that I have is that you consider either extending the story, or cutting down the number of siblings. I think working so many characters into a piece this short is really difficult, and having the extra siblings around just drew attention from the most interesting dynamics. I think either branching out a little to set up Karen's relationships with the rest of her family or making it so that it's just her competing for the fortune against her brother and his wife would have worked a little bit better - but that's just speculation.

*Wolf*WINTER IS COMING: A CONCLUSION:*Wolf*


I really enjoyed this piece, and it took me by surprise. I hope that the review was at least somewhat helpful.

Sincerely,

Cat



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
253
253
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Wolf2* DISCLAIMER *Wolf2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.




*Wolf*A RAVEN FROM THE NORTH: AN INTRODUCTION:*Wolf*



Hello ♥Hooves♥ ,

This review is written on behalf of House Stark for "Game of Thrones" .


*Wolf*THE NORTH REMEMBERS: WHAT I LIKED:*Wolf*


This is one of the vest W/C entries I've read!

What I like best is the way that you were able to take the prompt in such a unique and vivid direction. Including the prompt up above the story really drew attention to what you were able to do, and in such a short amount of time.

I was also quite taken by the tone. Even in the opening line when you're reiterating information from the prompt, you got in the voice of your character and really set a vivid atmosphere for your piece.

I could feel tension, relief, and quiet friendship all so strongly while reading this, and was invested from start to finish. It was concise, unique, and well written.



*Wolf* DARK WINGS, DARK WORDS:SUGGESTIONS: *Wolf*



The only suggestion I would have is that you considering coming back to revisit this idea. The ending felt just a little bit rushed, but I imagine that's just because of the strict word count. I know I'd love to see a more fleshed out version, if this was ever something you wanted to work on more.


*Wolf*WINTER IS COMING: A CONCLUSION:*Wolf*



I hope that this review was somewhat helpful, as I really enjoyed your piece and was very impressed with what you were able to accomplish so quickly.

Sincerely,

Cat

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254
254
Review of Votive  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Wolf2* DISCLAIMER *Wolf2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.




*Wolf*A RAVEN FROM THE NORTH: AN INTRODUCTION:*Wolf*



Hello Eliot ,

This review is written on behalf of House Stark for "Game of Thrones" .


*Wolf*THE NORTH REMEMBERS: WHAT I LIKED:*Wolf*



I liked the structure.

The way that the poem is broken up into short lines at the beginning really makes it feel like it's mounting up to something, and then you really hit your stride toward the end of the first stanza where the lines are longer and the pacing picks up. It worked well in combination with the unusual rhyme scheme, and I must admit I've never read anything quite like it.

It' also really neat that you included the link to where people could hear the piece being read aloud. That's something that I find often helps my enjoyment of poetry, and it isn't something I see a lot on here.


*Wolf* DARK WINGS, DARK WORDS:SUGGESTIONS: *Wolf*



This isn't really a suggestion, but I thought it was worth noting that the piece is quite abstract. It did a good job putting an image in my head, but I don't feel like I fully grasp the situation surrounding it. Of course, that might not be an issue, depending on your intention as the writer.


*Wolf*WINTER IS COMING: A CONCLUSION:*Wolf*


I hope that this review has been somewhat helpful. Although it left me with a lot of questions, I liked the flow and the imagery in this mysterious poem, and I'm glad to have read it.

Sincerely,

Cat


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255
Review of His Mother's Eyes  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Wolf2* DISCLAIMER *Wolf2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.




*Wolf*A RAVEN FROM THE NORTH: AN INTRODUCTION:*Wolf*



Hello willwilcox ,

This review is written on behalf of House Stark for "Game of Thrones" .


*Wolf*THE NORTH REMEMBERS: WHAT I LIKED:*Wolf*


A great concept. The focus on the eyes really emphasizes the different layers happening in the story.

As always, I'm impressed by how intricate of a web you were able to weave in such a short amount of time. It was immediately engaging, well-paced, well-structured, and had just the right amount of dark content.

I could see where the story was going, but I wasn't at all disappointed when it came around because of the wonderfully potent way it was written.



*Wolf* DARK WINGS, DARK WORDS:SUGGESTIONS: *Wolf*



The only thing I would suggest would be perhaps tweaking the dialogue a bit between Horace and Chris. Chris seems to take bad news just a little bit too well, especially considering how violently he reacts to similar news later on. I imagine working in genuine reactions to emotionally draining news like Chris has to face in this scene would be difficult without adding too much to the story (and messing up the wonderful pacing that you have currently) but it was the one thing that didn't strike me as realistic.

*Wolf*WINTER IS COMING: A CONCLUSION:*Wolf*


It has been a pleasure reading your story, and I hope that I get to read more of your work soon.

Sincerely,

Cat



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256
256
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Wolf2* DISCLAIMER *Wolf2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.




*Wolf*A RAVEN FROM THE NORTH: AN INTRODUCTION:*Wolf*



Hello Shadow27899 ,

This review is written on behalf of House Stark for "Game of Thrones" .


*Wolf*THE NORTH REMEMBERS: WHAT I LIKED:*Wolf*


In short, I liked how blunt you were. You had a message, and you got it across. I think in that respect, you did a good job achieving what you set out to.

This piece was short, sweet, and very to the point.

The message itself was also good. You can't achieve everything that you set out to, and this is a great mindset to get through mistakes and failures with.



*Wolf* DARK WINGS, DARK WORDS:SUGGESTIONS: *Wolf*



While I think the short piece was effective, you might want to consider expanding the premise. Depending on what you're going for, it's arguably too short in its current state.

If you want to really motivate people and push your skills as a writer, you could consider turning this idea into an article, or into more of a personal essay. Readers might be more inclined to take your mindset into consideration if they knew what events taught you to think this way, or where you learned this sort of coping technique from. A personal touch might make the piece easier to connect with and more memorable.


*Wolf*WINTER IS COMING: A CONCLUSION:*Wolf*



I hope that my suggestions were a little bit helpful. I enjoyed reading the piece and this is something I'll keep in mind the next time I don't accomplish something the way I hoped to.

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257
257
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Wolf2* DISCLAIMER *Wolf2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.




*Wolf*A RAVEN FROM THE NORTH: AN INTRODUCTION:*Wolf*



Hello Lisa Grove46311 ,

This review is written on behalf of House Stark for "Game of Thrones" .


*Wolf*THE NORTH REMEMBERS: WHAT I LIKED:*Wolf*


I thought the tone of this was great. It was tagged as personal and emotional, two feelings I think you conveyed well. It read quite honestly, and upon finishing I felt like I had gotten to see just a little bit of insight into the life of the person writing. That can be a rare thing, but it's something I look for in all my poetry.

I was also impressed with your clever use of internal rhyme in the first few lines of the poem.



*Wolf* DARK WINGS, DARK WORDS:SUGGESTIONS: *Wolf*



I do have two quick suggestions.

The first is that you play around with the format. Formatting free-form poetry can be a little tricky, but I think breaking up some of your longer lines will help present your words in a way that draws attention to way you've put words together.

The second suggestion would be that you consider switching out the "inspirational" genre tag for "religious" or "spiritual." It's not that I didn't think your poem was inspirational, but I find it's really helpful to give readers a heads up about spiritual content, at least in my experience.



*Wolf*WINTER IS COMING: A CONCLUSION:*Wolf*



I really enjoyed your piece, and I hope that my suggestions were at least somewhat helpful. All the best with your writing!

-Cat

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258
258
Review of THE LEGACY  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Wolf2* DISCLAIMER *Wolf2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.




*Wolf*A RAVEN FROM THE NORTH: AN INTRODUCTION:*Wolf*



Hello tosca ,

This review is written on behalf of House Stark for "Game of Thrones" .


*Wolf*THE NORTH REMEMBERS: WHAT I LIKED:*Wolf*


I liked the entire premise of this. Since your protagonist is a writer (as are many of the people reading your story on this site) it was easy to relate to her. Plus, explaining that the narrator is a writer allows you to easily take the tone of a writer and show off your own skills, something that you did quite well here.

There was one line in particular that stuck out to me as memorable;

But I’m just an out-of-work widow with a word habit.


I thought it had a lot of character, and the light touch of humor made me smile a bit.

One final thing that I enjoyed about this piece was how much you were able to fit into such a short piece of fiction. It felt like a mystery as I was reading it in terms of pacing, but you set up the premise very well without sacrificing character or details.

Very well done.

*Wolf* DARK WINGS, DARK WORDS:SUGGESTIONS: *Wolf*



The one big suggestion that I have for you is that you consider expanding this piece. Although we got a feel for the character's voice, I would have liked to see her (as well as the other characters) expanded upon more.


*Wolf*WINTER IS COMING: A CONCLUSION:*Wolf*


This was a great, short mystery and I'm glad to have read it for this event!


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259
259
Review of Stairway To Hell  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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*Spider* DISCLAIMER *Spider*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Bat2*          ALL ALONE :: INTRODUCTION           *Bat1*

"From even the greatest horrors, irony is seldom absent." - H.P. Lovecraft


Hello willwilcox ,

I am here to leave a review for your item "Stairway To Hell"  because of its feature in the Horror/Scary newsletter. It was a pleasure to be reading more of your work, and I'm glad that I saw this in the newsletter because it was one of your scarier items that I had not yet read.

So, let's get straight onto the review for this chilling tale:





*Bat2*           IN THE DARK :: WHAT I LIKED           *Bat1*
"Terror is the desire to save yourself, but horror is rooted in sympathy." -Joe Hill


*Bats* Hatch:

For the brief time that we get to see him, we get to learn a lot about your main character.

While I won't go so far as to say that I liked him (and I don't think it was your intention to make him a particularly likable character) he was incredibly interesting and well-written. There was a sense of depth there, like he was a well-rounded and very real, very disturbed individual, and he's a character I gladly would have read more about.

*Bats* Writing:

Perhaps it's just because this is a shorter piece, but it read as immaculate and well-polished. While the nature of the story was disturbing, the writing itself was quite beautiful. There were a few lines in particular that really caught my attention with their descriptive nature.

Although he longed to return to the land of the living, this endless tunnel of eternal damnation was a pleasurable distraction from his everyday life of slaughtering innocents, but still, he didn’t feel quite right.


And

To Hatch, death had always been a breath of honesty, a wounded-wonder that he courted like the ultimate truth, and within this grotesque relationship, he developed into a man who had eventually murdered his own soul, and was simply living only to die.


Both of these lines were well-phrased, and the second one in particular shows a lot about the character. There's a very alluring contrast between the dark things being said, and the beautiful way in which the words portraying them are organized. Very, very well done.

*Bat2*          SOUND OF SCREAMING :: MY SUGGESTIONS:           *Bat1*
"Horror is the removal of masks." - Robert Bloch


I really don't have any suggestions for you on this piece. While I would gladly read more about Hatch, I don't feel like I needed to know anymore to make this story feel complete. Great job.



*Bat2*           WAKING FROM A NIGHTMARE :: CONCLUSION           *Bat1*
"We make up horrors to help us deal with the real ones." - Stephen King


In conclusion, I loved the story. It had a good premise, an interesting character, and it was disturbing enough to leave an impression. As always, it has been a pleasure reading your work and I'm glad that the newsletter brought my attention to this piece.

Sincerely,


-Cat

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
260
260
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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*Spider* DISCLAIMER *Spider*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Bat2*          ALL ALONE :: INTRODUCTION           *Bat1*

"From even the greatest horrors, irony is seldom absent." - H.P. Lovecraft


Hello Kotaro ,

I saw that your item "In Through the Out Door"  was featured in the Horror/Scary newsletter, and I thought that I would drop by to give it a read and leave you with my thoughts. I also was intrigued by the Title/description, and am fairly sure that I would have read it based on those, even without the fact that it was featured.

So, let's get straight to the review.





*Bat2*           IN THE DARK :: WHAT I LIKED           *Bat1*
"Terror is the desire to save yourself, but horror is rooted in sympathy." -Joe Hill


*Bats* Description:


I like that there was a lot of description in the piece - that seems particularly fitting considering the inspiration seems to be from the cover of an album. I think it's interesting that you were able to put together such a vivid, and unusual story from the cover of an album.


*Bats* Tone:

I really appreciated the tone of the story. While the imagery was clear, the events were just vague enough to carry through a feeling of the mysterious from start to finish, and leaving just enough room for the reader to come to their own conclusions about the bizarre situation. Nothing was spelled out too much, and I feel like that really benefited the story as a whole - it left me a lot of things to think about even once I had finished reading.

*Bat2*          SOUND OF SCREAMING :: MY SUGGESTIONS:           *Bat1*
"Horror is the removal of masks." - Robert Bloch


*Bats* Annotation


The only suggestion that I really have for this piece, would be that you consider adding an annotation. The Title/Description really pulled me in, and even while reading the story I remained impressed by what you came up with in regards to what it was that had inspired you. I would have liked to see a little bit more about when/why you decided to write this particular piece based off of an album cover, since it makes for such an unusual prompt.


*Bat2*           WAKING FROM A NIGHTMARE :: CONCLUSION           *Bat1*
"We make up horrors to help us deal with the real ones." - Stephen King


To wrap this up, I liked the piece quite a bit.

It was an unusual story with unusual inspiration, and I think that it was a strong story. It was unlike a lot of what I've read here. There was something about it that, while hard to put my finger on, made me really appreciate the story. Perhaps it's just that it is so unique, but I was very impressed, and it wasn't at all what I was expecting going in.

I'm glad that this was featured and that I got to read/review it. I hope that I get the chance to read more of your work in the future.

Sincerely,


-Cat
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261
261
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

Three weeks later, I'm finally getting around to finishing my week 1 reviews for the "Around the World in 52 Weeks" contest. There are so many amazing entries, I bet the judges are feeling as overwhelmed as us contestants!

Now that I'm getting onto activities I've been having a lot of fun learning more about this country - and this crossword was a fun way to keep at it. It's amazing how many things I don't know about America, despite having lived here my whole life.

I liked that you had a good variety of questions about the different states, and with each one I figured out I feel like I was learning a little piece of interesting trivia. It was a fun crossword, and I'm happy to have completed it - even if it was harder for me than it maybe should have been.

Thank you so much for participating in this great contest, and sharing awesome items like this with everyone. I had a lot of fun completing your crossword, and I'm looking forward to seeing your entries for the following weeks as well. I wish you all the best in competing and with the judges!

Sincerely,




-Cat


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262
Review of Late Night Snack  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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*Spider* DISCLAIMER *Spider*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Bat2*          ALL ALONE :: INTRODUCTION           *Bat1*

"From even the greatest horrors, irony is seldom absent." - H.P. Lovecraft


Hello Inkscribe ,

I have been meaning to leave a review for your item "Late Night Snack"  for a couple weeks now - I first read the story when it was featured in the Horror/Scary newsletter. (Belated congratulations on the feature, by the way.) I had a lot of fun reading it, and am now finally returning to leave you with my thoughts.





*Bat2*           IN THE DARK :: WHAT I LIKED           *Bat1*
"Terror is the desire to save yourself, but horror is rooted in sympathy." -Joe Hill


*Bats* Concept:

Without giving away too much for those who are seeing this in the public review thread, let's just say that I liked the premise. It poses an interesting "what if" question that provides a suitable amount of terrifying possibilities, particularly for us horror fans in the audience.

Although the tale doesn't go into a tremendous amount of explanation into the mechanics of the situation and leaves the reader with a ton of questions in regards to specifics, it is coherent, well-written, and the short format gives some leeway on explanations anyway.

*Bats* Opening:

We're not dropped directly into the horror - you take just a little bit of time to set up the dynamic between the two characters. While I feel like this might have been overdone (or underdone depending on how you look at it - but I'll cycle back to that in my suggestions) I liked it a lot in theory, if not execution.

Setting up character dynamics is always appreciated, and it's good to see a little of the personalities in a regular setting before anything too crazy happens - even in short shots like this.

*Bat2*          SOUND OF SCREAMING :: MY SUGGESTIONS:           *Bat1*
"Horror is the removal of masks." - Robert Bloch


*Bats* Set-up


As promised, I'm going to discuss briefly my issue with the opening scene and the character dynamics between Jen and David.

While the dysfunctional couple dynamic works well in horror, I think having it be this blatant is as much of a curse as a blessing. I felt myself a little too focused on the questions plaguing me about their relationship - and I don't really like to have my focus drawn from, well, the horror.

I couldn't really understand why they're together - and seeing what I'm assuming is not the best side of either character drove a wedge not only between boyfriend and girlfriend but also between characters and reader. I had bad impressions of them both instantly, and it made it a little harder to empathize - especially in a short piece like this.

The one upside of having less emotional investment though, is that I was able to better appreciate the irony of the situation upon Jen returning to the TV.


*Bat2*           WAKING FROM A NIGHTMARE :: CONCLUSION           *Bat1*
"We make up horrors to help us deal with the real ones." - Stephen King


In conclusion, I liked the story. While I did have a slight issue with the characters, the premise was good and the piece was well written. It's got a concept that makes the reader think and leaves them with plenty of aspects to ponder.

I can see why it was featured and I'm glad to have read it. I hope that this review was at least a little helpful, and I wish you all the best with any and all of your writing endeavors.

Sincerely,


-Cat

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
263
263
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello IGWOOTEN ,

I saw that your item "Rudolph Goes On Strike"  was featured in the Horror/Scary newsletter a couple weeks ago. I almost put off reading/reviewing this one just because it looked like it might be more seasonally appropriate a little closer to Christmas, but since I have been reviewing other newsletter items I figured I'd go ahead and take a swing at it now.

I was highly amused, and would like to leave you with my thoughts.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Pacing

This is the sort of story that throws a lot of information at the audience very quickly, especially in the conversation between Rudolph and Santa. While normally I like being given some time to adjust to the situation - but I think that the quick pacing worked well with the bizarre premise.

It made me feel like you weren't taking the story too seriously, which actually worked to it's advantage in this instance. I think it would have been not only difficult, but ill-advised to make this too much of a serious story, and the quick manner in which information is flung at the audience just makes the whole thing work in a quirky, almost charming way.

*Cat* End

Without giving away too much of the end (for anyone who might be stumbling across this in the review forum) let's just say that I enjoyed it. It was sad, but not without some comedy - and it was the sensible icing on a ridiculous christmas cake that really brought the whole piece together when reality hits.

It was interesting, and I can't really see the piece working as well with any other ending.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


I actually don't think that I have any suggestions for the piece. While it may not make my instant Christmas-Classic list, it is a ton of fun for what it is, and I think you've done a really good job creating something that is very... different *Laugh*




*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


To wrap this up, I'm glad I read this piece when I did and that I didn't have to wait for the holiday season. It was strange, it was a little twisted, and it was a ton of fun. Thank you for sharing this demented reindeer tale with everyone here on WdC - I can see why this was chosen for a feature.

I would be happy to read more of your work in the future, and I wish you all the best with any and all writing endeavors.

Sincerely,


-Cat


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264
264
Review of The Eagle's Talon  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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*Spider* DISCLAIMER *Spider*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Bat2*          ALL ALONE :: INTRODUCTION           *Bat1*

"From even the greatest horrors, irony is seldom absent." - H.P. Lovecraft


Hello Ray Hawkins ,

I am here to review your item "The Eagle's Talon"  which I read after seeing it was featured in the Horror/Scary newsletter a couple weeks ago. I'm sorry for the delay between the feature and review because this is something I have been meaning to do, but I hope that my thoughts on the piece are still welcome.

So with that, let's dig right in:





*Bat2*           IN THE DARK :: WHAT I LIKED           *Bat1*
"Terror is the desire to save yourself, but horror is rooted in sympathy." -Joe Hill


*Bats* Opening/Ending:

I liked the opening and ending scenes quite a bit. I think that they were the two strongest aspects of the story - but for different reasons.

The opening scene sets the stage. It gives us an idea of who the main character is, it puts the reader into the situation, the dialogue and setting seemed realistic, and there was a certain amount of subtlety. There isn't anything overly ominous about it, and the foreshadowing wasn't terribly obvious.

On the other hand, the ending scene, while also very in the moment, is a lot more tense. While we can sense the impatience in the protagonist in the earlier scene, the final scene has slowed down with his fear, and it leaves the audience hanging. It's much less defined, and works in perfect contrast with the opening scene.



*Bat2*          SOUND OF SCREAMING :: MY SUGGESTIONS:           *Bat1*
"Horror is the removal of masks." - Robert Bloch


While I did enjoy the story, I do have one big suggestion.

*Bats* Changing Focus


While this is a good tale - it's also a very familiar one that I've seen told many, many times. It's very much like a more modern, Monkey's Paw. A family man gets an artifact that gets him three wishes, but the wishes come with unintended consequences, and everyone knows what happens there. It even leaves off at a point almost exactly like the original story with the reader hanging - waiting to see if the child has really come back from the dead.

I think that originality is really important, but I also see that there are a lot of points to include more original aspects to this story, and make it a little more your own.

For instance, the origin of the artifact. Going in a little more into the history of the artifact and where it came from, showing the audience the rich history, that would be a new development and it could be really interesting.

Another good example (and this could even tie in) would be that Mia has dreams of eagles after her father gets the talon. Is she the one having dreams because she'll be the one most negatively affected by the presence. Is she most in tune with the origins of the talon because she's more innocent? Could her dreams tell us anything more about where the artifact comes from?

Exploring questions like that and giving the audience more history could really, really help make this into something truly unique.


*Bat2*           WAKING FROM A NIGHTMARE :: CONCLUSION           *Bat1*
"We make up horrors to help us deal with the real ones." - Stephen King


Overall, I thought it was good. I think that this would be a great starting point to a larger story that centers more on the artifact, if you choose to take my advice. If not, that's perfectly fine too. It's a good read as is, even if previous versions made it a bit predictable.

Either way, I wish you all the best with this, and any other writing endeavors.

Sincerely,


-Cat

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
265
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Review of The Red Festival  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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*Spider* DISCLAIMER *Spider*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Bat2*          ALL ALONE :: INTRODUCTION           *Bat1*

"From even the greatest horrors, irony is seldom absent." - H.P. Lovecraft


Hello Mista Winstrom ,

I read your item "The Red Festival"  a few weeks ago when it was featured in the horror/scary newsletter, and I have been meaning to write a review for you since then. I'm sorry that I' just now getting around to it, but hopefully there's something in here that you find useful - and belated congratulations on having this great work featured.

So, let's get straight to it *Smile*





*Bat2*           IN THE DARK :: WHAT I LIKED           *Bat1*
"Terror is the desire to save yourself, but horror is rooted in sympathy." -Joe Hill


*Bats* Description:

You have an incredibly vivid style of writing.

I hope that you will forgive me in advance for the length of this excerpt, but there was one description that I just had a ton of fun reading:

It was uncertain if it had still been the naked man because it barely resembled him, or even a human being; its form was a twisted bloated mockery of it. Its flesh had turned a red tinge, appearing as if it had been flayed; its body horribly swelled and malformed in a hunchback-like position, with different proportioned limbs, including one massive trunk of a right arm, which was able to grip the two-handed weapon like it was one. The face was the only vestige that it had been the man, as it was permanently set in the agonizing expression when he was screaming; the chains that collared him became nearly embedded in the newly formed creature's throat.



^^ This is a dark image, and I could see it so well thanks to the detail and work you put into this section. You did a fantastic job here, and every word was gripping. Chilling and well done.

*Bats* Setting:

Even though this was a short story, I felt like the world was really well-developed. I've always felt like a unique and well thought out world is one of the most important aspects of a fantasy piece (or dark fantasy, as is the case here) and even though I am more lenient on short stories than on full-blown novels when it comes to setting, I feel like I didn't have to be here. In the way that the action, dialogue, characters and setting are all portrayed - I sense a good layer of depth to this world that made the piece, as a whole, more engaging.

You've done a wonderful job building a fantasy world AND showing it to your audience. Brilliant.

*Bat2*          SOUND OF SCREAMING :: MY SUGGESTIONS:           *Bat1*
"Horror is the removal of masks." - Robert Bloch


*Bats* Editing/Revising


There is a lot of description. That's also something that I included in the things I liked because sometimes I think it works to your advantage - like I mentioned above, but it can also work as a disadvantage. On the one hand, the story flows smoothly and the setting is very easy to visualize, but on the other hand, it starts out a bit slow. I think if the story were longer, all of the description would seem a little bit more balanced, but considering that this is a short story, it might have been overdone a touch.

Of course, that's just my personal opinion, but it may be something to consider in future revisions.

*Bats* Exclamation Points


Again, this comes down to a matter of opinion, but I thought it might be worth mentioning - I think that exclamation points are the sort of things that are most effective when used sparingly. I noticed there were quite a few in this story.


*Bat2*           WAKING FROM A NIGHTMARE :: CONCLUSION           *Bat1*
"We make up horrors to help us deal with the real ones." - Stephen King



Aside from a few smaller points, I feel like the story was well done. It not only told a story, but it put the reader in the middle of a dark fantasy world filled with new and exciting things for them to watch as they unfold. I can definitely see why it was featured.

I'd be happy to read more of your work in the future, and in the meantime, I wish you all the best with any and all writing endeavors.

Sincerely,


-Cat

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
266
266
Review of Story Maker  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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*Spider* DISCLAIMER *Spider*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Bat2*          ALL ALONE :: INTRODUCTION           *Bat1*

"From even the greatest horrors, irony is seldom absent." - H.P. Lovecraft


Hello Early ,

I read your item "Story Maker"  a few weeks back when it was featured in the Horror/Scary newsletter, and I quite enjoyed it. I've been meaning t give you a review since then, and I'm sorry that I'm just now getting around to it.

But, in any case, belated congratulations on the feature, and here are my thoughts *Smile*





*Bat2*           IN THE DARK :: WHAT I LIKED           *Bat1*
"Terror is the desire to save yourself, but horror is rooted in sympathy." -Joe Hill


*Bats* Graphic:

Alright, so this is a small thing, but I think it's worth mentioning that I really liked the image that you had for the piece. I always like images to have covers when possible - and it's always cool when people go out of their way to design/acquire images specifically for their work, as was the case here.

*Bats* Description:

Although I felt like the beginning was a little slow developing in comparison to the end - I feel like it was worth it for the descriptions. I could picture the bookstore quite vividly while reading, and I think your word choice was well suited to the piece.

There was an excerpt that I particularly appreciated for the scenery.

The air hung heavy with the scent of cloves and wood chips, and a quiet that pressed in on all sides like the walls of a coffin.


^^ Fantastic. Not only did the morbid imagery give the reader a feeling for the dark setting, but it also made them feel like they were in the store with Gemma. It was also a good idea to include the scent for the store because it made it feel much more real.


*Bat2*          SOUND OF SCREAMING :: MY SUGGESTIONS:           *Bat1*
"Horror is the removal of masks." - Robert Bloch


*Bats* Pacing


I feel like the end could have used just a little bit more work. I like where it cuts off, and I think the slower build up helps, but I would have liked to see the man explain the story situation to Gemma just a little more clearly, or alternatively, seen a little more of her process in coming to terms with the surreal situation. As it is right now I could follow and understand everything that was happening, but if I were actually in that situation I feel like I would need walked through it a little more, or would have reacted a bit stronger.

*Bats* Gemma


I like that Gemma isn't too cliche - at least in the beginning she seems to fall somewhere in the middle of the horror lover spectrum. The only downside to this is, that with a story this short, I feel the nuances of her personality didn't have time to really shine. She gets spooked sort of easily at the beginning, and asks for a comedy/romance story - but then when the man is talking about her preferences she seems every bit the devoted horror fan. I would have liked to see a few more hints about her being the "only one he never got bored of" and her dedication to the genre being a little more prominent in the beginning.

*Bat2*           WAKING FROM A NIGHTMARE :: CONCLUSION           *Bat1*
"We make up horrors to help us deal with the real ones." - Stephen King


Overall, I thought it was a really good piece. The vivid setting and unique premise hook the reader and leave them hanging at the end, wondering what happened after the conclusion. I can see that the story has a ton of potential, and you clearly have a lot of natural talent.

I hope that this review was helpful, and that I get to read more of your work in the future.

Sincerely,


-Cat

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*Web3*
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
267
267
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I'm finally getting around to finishing up on my Week 1 entry reading - so I'm back. Hopefully you don't mind more reviews.

I thought this was a really interesting essay. I liked that you put the disclaimer at the beginning, and overall I was impressed by the tone of the piece and how maturely and respectfully it was written.

I learned a lot from the essay and thanks to the thoughtful and convenient links in the footnotes, I have easy access to the resources I would need in order to learn more, which is something that I plan on doing soon. One of the things that I've loved about reading all these essays/entries is that I am really learning to diversify my knowledge - and this was a topic that before today I knew virtually nothing about.

Thank you for sharing this essay with everyone and putting all the hard work into it to make it so informative and interesting. I'm really looking forward to reading more of your entries in the coming weeks, and I wish you all the best in judging!

Sincerely,




-Cat


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268
268
Review of Desires  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I stumbled across this when I accidentally clicked onto the "Read and Review tab" but it looked so interesting when it popped up that I decided to give it a read.

I really liked this piece. It was dark, twisted, interesting, and I really didn't see the last line coming. It left me wanting to know more about the situation and the characters, which shows that I got invested in a very short amount of time, and that's exactly what I like for flash fiction to do. It's something you did a really great job with and it was a fascinating read, so thank you so much for sharing it with the site *BigSmile*

I do have a couple quick suggestions about formatting. I feel like there were some missed opportunities for paragraph breaks in here - multiple paragraphs are a little more reader friendly - especially on a screen. They can also help emphasize certain, dramatic pauses in the story.

My other suggestion is a super easy thing, you might want to go in and change the font size. Again, it's something that's just a little easier for the readers who stumble across this. Making the text larger is a quick fix that might make it easier to get people to read it and leave feedback.

Anyway, I hope that this has been helpful. It was a great piece and I'd be more than willing to read more of your work in the future. Keep up the great work!

Sincerely,




-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
269
269
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

This popped up on my dashboard and at first I didn't even realize what contest it was for. I'm so glad it did because it was a great reminder to go check out the other "Around the World" entries, which is something I have been meaning to do.

I loved your poem. It goes back to the roots of the country while illustrating problems that we're having in current times. You also made very good use of the phrase "make American great again" and I enjoyed the commentary about it.

I think my favorite part was:

preventing you from achieving
the greatness that your birth certificate
foretold.



I just really enjoyed referring to the Declaration of Independence as America's birth certificate, and it was a nice image to bring home the point you were making in the rest of the very strong, very accurate stanza. Great job!

I also really appreciated the footnote at the end. It's always good when people take that little extra step to source information that they use in their work.

This is a great piece. I'm glad I read it, and I look forward to seeing more of your work as we travel together through this epic contest.

All the best,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
270
270
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

This was overall a good chapter, very exciting and fast paced. Plus it left off at a very interesting point, it's a good place to leave your audience anticipating the next chapter.

Two quick things;

The first is that there seems to be a slight perspective shift in this one. Like with the other chapters it's written in a third person limited perspective, but this one seems to follow Tyollis as opposed to Branston. It's not a huge complaint, but it does seem a little inconsistent after having Branston be the focus for the eight chapters before this.

The other thing I wanted to talk about is character development. This is something I was going to try not to talk about too much until the overall review for the entire book, because it's something that I think is going to be mostly need to be worked on in the second draft, but since we were talking about it the other day and this chapter seems like a good opportunity to answer some of your questions - I am going to give you a couple pointers now.

This was actually the chapter where I felt like you had put the most effort into developing Branston, and where I felt the more like he was a character I cared about. I want to refer you to a specific line:

Branston kept his head low, but pride marked his voice. “It was given to him by King Krassos.” Sadness, as well. Tyollis frowned.



This was great. From a technical standpoint it could use a tiny bit of editing - but that's editing stuff. In terms of character development, it's a really good start. Branston is proud of what his father accomplished to get the saldecrosse, and sad to have lost his father. These emotions are evident in his voice as he talks about his past, and they make sense. It shows rather than tells that Branston cared deeply for someone other than himself, and it shows emotions that the audience can relate to.

Like I said, it's a great start. I would try to work lines like this into the story more frequently (and when you go back to do a second draft, I would try to add more lines like this earlier on.)

Elaborating on sections like this would also really help show Branston's character and build sympathy for him. How old was he when he had to kill his father? What part of the experience haunts him most? Does he blame himself at all? What mental scars did this leave that explains who is now?

Asking yourself questions like this and then doing your best to work your answers in smoothly to the piece will go a long way toward making Branston a better, well-rounded, and well-loved character.

I hope that this has been helpful, and wish you the best in continuing.

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
271
271
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this in the review request thread and thought that I would drop by to see if I could offer any advice.

I've never really worked in a situation like this, so I can't relate to it personally, but I can see how this would be great advice for someone working in a more traditional environment.

It was humorous and helpful, which I think are two great things, and probably exactly what you were going for, so great job!

The one thing that I would suggest is that you stick to your metaphor. King Kong and Ann Darrow are mentioned a lot more than I was expecting going into this - but that's cool. It helped paint the picture and illustrate your point. That being said, it might be most effective if you stuck to only King Kong imagery (or broadened out more to include a wider range of references - I suppose that could go either way.)

Other than that though, I thought it was great.

I hope that this has been helpful and I wish you all the best with this any any other writing endeavors.

Sincerely

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
272
272
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello!

I found this in the review request thread and thought that I would offer my opinions, just in case there's any way my insight would be helpful.

I think a story about crushed dreams has a ton of potential, and I can see in the beginning of this that you have a lot of natural writing talent, so you can probably pull it off.

I do however, also have a few suggestions for the beginning.

The tone, style, throughout the prologue is very inconsistent. As a reader I'm much more lenient with prologues not fitting the style of the rest of the book, but I think picking a tone and sticking with it until the end of the prologue would be a good idea. It starts as a personal opinion and then edges into an objective, almost omniscient perspective for awhile before switching back abruptly into the narrative, which was a little jarring.

My other suggestion is that you try to show that the narrator has grown some, and show a little more of their character. The reason I say this is that, because of the focus being on Amanda, she is much more sympathetic at this point than the narrator, who seems very cold and callus despite being the one introducing her struggles. I feel like I'm much more likely to be invested in a story if I care about whoever is telling it.

Since this is an introduction, it would also be a good idea to explain why the narrator is telling this story. They seem to like Amanda or sympathize with her, but yet they're taking the time to write this all out. It would be a good idea to let them introduce themselves and explain why this is important enough to them to talk about it. It will not only make the reader more intrigued about the personality of the narrator, but it will show them a little better where the story is going and why they should be invested.

Anyway, I hope that this helped. I think you've got an interesting idea with a lot of promise, and I hope that this review had some of the feedback that you were looking for to help make that happen. I wish you all the best with this, and other writing projects that you may have.

Sincerely,



-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
273
273
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________



Hello!

I found this in the review request thread and thought that I would come give a review.

I really loved this one *Heart*

I don't know a lot about poetry, but the premise really spoke to me and you conveyed loneliness is such a lovely, poetic way. The flow was great and the imagery was just great.

I think my favorite part of the piece was its emotional resonance. Emotion is probably the aspect of poetry that I find to be the most important (at least in the poems I read, and I'll admit, that's somewhat limited) and it's something that you conveyed really well here. I definitely sympathize with the narrator and, to an extent, can relate to that feeling of isolation.

Thank you so much for sharing this piece. You did a wonderful job with it, and I'd be happy to read more of your poetry at any time. I hope that this was somewhat helpful, although I don't know what kind of feedback you were looking for specifically. I wish you the best of luck with this and any other writing endeavors.

Sincerely,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
274
274
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello!

I found this in the review request thread, but you didn't mention if you were looking for feedback on any specific aspect of the story. Since you said all comments were welcome, I figured that I would drop in and try my hand at being helpful, even though I don't know a lot about westerns.

My first thought is that it seems interesting, and wastes no time getting to the action (which seems to be a staple of the genre, from what little I know.) I liked that the excerpt was short and gripping all the way through - the only downside of this is that it is just an excerpt, at this length, I have no idea what's happening in the story or even what the book might be about (past the genre, obviously.)

That being said, I think you should keep writing the book because it probably has a lot of potential, and you obviously have a knack for the language.

I also have a few quick formatting, editing tips if you're interested in those:

One Mans Revenge


Should probably be:

One Man's Revenge


This indicates that it's the revenge of one man. (And actually there are a few other instances in the piece where a possessive has been turned into a plural)

“Seems I underestimated you Richmond.”


Should have a comma in it:

“Seems I underestimated you, Richmond.”


This indicates that the speaker is addressing the person, in this instance Richmond. (There are a couple instances of this as well.)

And finally, indenting. Traditionally the beginnings of paragraphs should be indented, or since this is being hosted online, lines of space between each paragraph are equally acceptable - but it makes it just a little bit easier for the readers.

I hope that this advice was helpful in polishing up this great piece, and I wish you all the best in continuing work on your story.

All the best,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
275
275
Review of The Gift  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________



Hello!

I found this in the review request thread and even though I often feel out of my depth when reviewing poetry, I thought that I would drop by and read the poem and see if I could offer anything constructive.

Overall I really enjoyed the piece. It conveys a beautiful sentiment, it flows well, the first and last stanza mirror each other nicely and overall it's just what I consider to be a good poem.

There was one little section (just a couple lines) where the grammar struck me as off, but not being as proficient a poet I thought the best thing to do would be to bring it to your attention, just to see if I'm wrong.

Your gifts to me all massive,
That's never left my sight


This couplet just struck me as a little awkward - but everything else was perfect!

I hope that this has been at least somewhat helpful and that putting this in the request thread has been earning you lots of good feedback. I had a good time reading your poem, and I wish you all the best with this and any other writing endeavors.

Sincerely,


-Cat


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