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1,115 Public Reviews Given
1,116 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Versatile: I'm good at reviewing different types of writing in different ways. Honest: While I do my best to be honest and encouraging in reviews, I don't omit things. If I tell you I like something about a piece, you can trust that I'm not just saying it. All-Inclusive/Well-Rounded: I look for the good and bad in writing. I'll give you an overall opinion as well as the highlights and what needs worked on.
I'm good at...
Giving feedback within set parameters. If you're looking to receive opinions on something specific, let me know and that's what I'll focus on when giving a review.
Favorite Genres
Horror - all time favorite. Science Fiction and Fantasy are tied in a close second.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance. (Exceptions: Dark erotica intrigues me if it's, you know, dark.) I will happily read and review romance pieces, but I might be a little tougher on it than on other genres.
Favorite Item Types
Static Book/Collections.
Least Favorite Item Types
N/A
I will not review...
N/A I'll review anything. If for some reason you don't think I'll want to, feel free to email me with your concerns before submitting a request.
Public Reviews
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151
151
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello,

I found this through the "Read and Review" button and thought that it was pretty interesting. It seems to be a very personal story, and I could feel the emotion that went into writing it, there was a lot of care and nostalgia in this piece.

I do have a couple suggestions.

My first would be taking a look at your sentence structure. There were a few sentences that could have been broken up, while others maybe could have been combined to allow the story to flow a bit better.

My second would be that you extend it a little. The description says that it's a fishing story, but you don't talk a lot about fishing. You mostly talk about your grandfather. I think that's a lot of the draw of the piece, but if you had any stories about times you were with him out on the water, that might give the reader a little more to sink their teeth into.

That being said, I think this is a great starting point for something, and I really liked the way it was written. I wish you the best of luck in editing it, or working on other projects.

Sincerely,

Cat



-Cat


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152
152
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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I found this in the Read and Review section randomly, and was happy to come across it.

It was a really beautiful little poem, with a lot of power in its sentiment. I could really relate to the emotion behind this, and I could feel the warmth when you talked about the scenery.

I do have one quick edit/suggestion:

And the light of Las Vegas are turned out:


Should 'light' maybe be 'lights' instead?

Other than that, everything looked great. It maybe could have been a little longer if you're wanting it to be a song more than a poem, but especially as a poem I don't think that it was missing anything.

It was to the point, the tone was consistent, and it carried with it a very strong sense of home. It was a short, sweet read and I'm really glad to have stumbled across it. Thanks for sharing this piece, and I hope that I get to read more of your work in the future.

Sincerely,

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
153
153
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Airy Gracegiven Author Icon,

First, I just wanted to thank you for submitting a formal review request for your item "A Hug for Dad, A Hug from Mom" Open in new Window.. It was a good story that I might not have seen otherwise, and I'm honored that you would seek out my personal feedback for it.

So that being said, let's just jump right into the review.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Emotional

This was obviously intended to be an emotional piece (regarding the subject matter, and considering that it was tagged as emotional) and I think you did a really great job with that. It's a very moving memory that comes across strongly in your telling of it.

A lot of the themes in the piece are common in any army related story, but the honesty and tone with which they're written with keep them from seeming trite or overdone. The personal aspect really brought something to the piece.

*Cat* Opening

My first impression was that you didn't really need the opening part of this. The item description made me think this would be just a memory of the deployment, and I wasn't really sure you needed to include anything else, especially since a lot of more modern war stories start with where people were when they heard the news (and even more have allusions to the 1940s, in my experience.)

That being said, by the time I made it to the end, I think it paid off. That scene was a little piece of insight into the nature of your relationship with your father, and it really added the personal element that made the story so great, even if it wasn't my favorite at first.



*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* End

The one big suggestion that I have is maybe reconsidering the ending.

I think since the story is being told after the fact and it's being paced quickly over such a broad amount of time, it might benefit from a stronger conclusion. Although the end you have right now is very emotional, it offers no closure, and I think the audience might be interested to know what happened after that.

(And while I did like the opening, as I mentioned earlier, I think a tighter narrative focused just on the deployment scene is something that would be good with the emotional but ambiguous ending you have right now.)

Of course, that's personal preference, and might take away from what you were trying to do, since I obviously can't speak to your intentions.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


All in all, I thought it was very good.

There are some creative decisions in the storytelling that I would have made differently, but it's difficult to argue with your results. This was a moving piece, and for a story this personal I'm sure it must have been hard to share. I thank you for having the bravery to do so, and again for sending it my way.

I hope that I get to read more of your work in the future.

Sincerely,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
154
154
Review of SONG OF FREEDOM  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this through the "Read and Review" button on the site, and I'm so glad that I did because I thought it was just so beautiful.

This isn't the type of poetry that I'm usually drawn to, but it is one of the rare occasions where I'm truly happy to have read something outside the realm of things that I usually read because despite not being scary or telling a narrative, it was very rewarding.

The meter was great, it read aloud beautifully, and I think you did a fantastic job expressing the freedom that you were talking about in the poem.

This was short, to the point, and you didn't linger on any one part of the experience. The pacing was excellent and I can't really single out any one line that I liked because they all went so beautifully together.

Thank you for sharing this poem. You seem to have a real talent for poetry, and I hope that I get the chance to read more of your work in the future - especially if it's anything like this.

All the best,



-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
155
155
Review of BUYER BEWARE  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this by clicking the "Read and Review" button, and am happy to have stumbled across it. I can definitely see why it won the daily contest.

One thing that I really don't read enough of is horror poetry, so this was a fun one. It was spooky, there was a good flow to it, and it was very descriptive without elaborating too much on any one thing or messing up the pacing (which I imagine must be hard to do with a piece this short.)

The one thing I would have liked to have known (perhaps in the form of a drop note or annotation) would have been the prompt that you wrote this for. Especially for a contest like Writer's Cramp that changes it's prompt every day, it's not really practical to go back through to look up prompts, and I think knowing that can always provide some interesting insight into the piece.

As for the poem itself though, I don't have any suggestions. I liked it, and am glad to have read it. I hope that I get to read more from you sometimes in the near future.

All the best,



-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
156
156
Review of Fear of Heights  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I'm here, again. You showed up again through my "Read and Review" button.

Being a big fan of the horror genre, I do really like stories about fear, and acrophobia is a very, very common one but you managed to make it a very personal little story that relied on the characters and experience to keep it interesting, which is was.

The one suggestion I would have, since this is a first person story, would be focusing a little more on the fear itself. Describe what it feels like to be that scared, what thoughts are going through the narrators mind while they're being scared. If the reader can really feel the tension in that moment, then getting off of the roof and all of the resolution that follows would be more satisfying - at least, that's my personal opinion on it. (And I like to think that I know a thing or two about fear.)

I also liked that you included the contest it was written for the in the description. Being familiar with the contest, I had a little bit of insight into the parameters for your writing.

All the best,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
157
157
Review of Sleep apnea  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this through the "Read and Review" function of the site and thought that I would stop by to leave you with my thoughts on the piece.

Sleep apnea is, as you said in the item, a very serious condition. I had a roommate who suffered from it, and I've seen what it can do to someone.

I like that you covered the medical explanation behind sleep apnea, explained why it's a problem and what causes it, and then ended with treatment. You did all of these things very concisely, which I was impressed with.

I was a little curious as to why you linked to the item in the item? That was a little strange, but maybe it was a contest rule? On that note I would really have loved to see an author's note explaining what contest you wrote it for, as well as some links to sources that you used to write the piece.

Overall though, it seems like you did a really good job writing about the condition, and I hope that you did well in the contest.

All the best,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
158
158
Review of Thank God  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this through the "Read and Review" function of the site and am here to leave you with my thoughts.

As a parable, I thought this was really great. It has a clear message that's stated at the beginning by one of the characters, illustrated to be true throughout the story, and everything ties neatly together right before the message is really brought home at the end. You even transition from storytelling to speaking to the audience to accentuate the point at the end, which is a very common allegorical tactic.

My first suggestion would be that you clean the story up just a little bit in terms of formatting/grammar. Add quotation marks to the dialogue, make sure that the paragraphs are spaced out evenly, and make sure that everything is spelled out.

Stories like this are usually intended for younger audiences, so it's important that everything is correct, and easy to read.

My other suggestion would be that you change the name to reflect the style of the piece. Something like "The King and His Pious Servant" because that would give people the impression going in that they're reading a parable.

Overall though, I really thought that the story was great. I'm glad to have read it, and I hope that I get the chance to read more from you in the future.

Sincerely,



-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
159
159
Review of Awarded  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I stumbled across this while browsing with the "Read and Review" button and even though it's not like a lot of the items that I review, I thought it was really interesting.

Giving awards on here is something pretty special, and reading through this it was really interesting to see what items you've awarded, and for what reasons. It was also really helpful in collecting some new reading material, because a lot of the items looked really interesting.

The sad thing about this item is that many of the items you talked about showed up as "Invalid items." It's sad that people reading through this piece won't be able to read the items linked, but it's also a sad feeling to award an item just to see it get taken down later.

This is a great idea though, and it made for a good read! It was like going through just the editor's pick section of a newsletter, and that's always been one of my favorite parts of the newsletter, so it was really neat.

Thanks for sharing this, and I hope that I get to read more of your work in the future.

Sincerely,



-Cat


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160
160
Review of bleeding  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this through the read and review section and really enjoyed it, so I thought I'd leave you with some thoughts.

I thought the sentiment behind this piece was really interesting. It's taking a somewhat mundane experience that a lot of us can relate to and putting deeper meaning behind it. It's a great idea and it only took you a few lines to pull off.

My only suggestion would be that you keep playing with this piece. Since it's so short I think it would be easy to experiment. Maybe play around with the punctuation/formatting, just to see if you can get something a little more powerful. Since this is poetry, I know that grammar doesn't have to adhere to normal rules, but I do think there were some really powerful lines that could have used some more attention, and might have been a little more poignant in more traditionally formatted poetry.

That being said, I enjoyed the piece a lot. It left an instant impression with me and I hope that I get to read more of your work in the future.

All the best,

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
161
161
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this through the read and review function and thought that I'd drop by to leave you with my thoughts.

I'm a Californian, and the beaches are by far one of my favorite things about the state, so the subject matter of this poem really spoke to me. I think you did a great job capturing the feel of wandering in the sand, looking for adventure and appreciating the beauty.

The dedication you included at the bottom was also quite moving.

The only thing that I didn't really like about it were a couple couplets in the middle:

My search goes on,
I talked to a man named Don.

He told me that I had a big beautiful smile,
That it was as long as a mile.


While the rest of the piece was really strong, these lines stuck out as a sort of weak point. I thought the meter here felt a little awkward, and the encounter with Don seemed to take away from the mystical quality of the rest of the poem. It made it seem more like a narrative, less like an experience, and overall seemed to be needlessly forced into the middle.

My suggestion would be to either take these lines out or replace them to make the rest of the piece even stronger. Of course, that's just an opinion and it was enjoyable either way.

Sincerely,

Cat

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
162
162
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this through the "Read and Review" button on the site, and thought that it was pretty interesting.

I liked that you included the drop note at the bottom that had the contest prompt, it was a really good insight into the rules for people who were unfamiliar with it. Color coding the prompt words was also a really nice formatting touch.

As for the content of the poem itself, I thought it was pretty good. It didn't really read like the poetry that I'm familiar with, but I thought it did a really good job exemplifying the animalistic traits mentioned in the guidelines.

It was also nice how the statement in your opening line was summarized so concisely in the final line, tying the whole piece together and really getting your message across. It added some symmetry and contributed nicely to the reading experience as a whole.

I don't have any suggestions for you for this piece, but I hope it did well in the contest! I wish you the best of luck with this, and any other writing endeavors.

Sincerely,



-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
163
163
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Dragonbane Author Icon,

Thank you so much for your formal review request for your item "Return of The Banished Sorceress" Open in new Window.. I am really excited to get into talking about your story, which I think has a lot of potential.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Descriptions

I think that for the most part you really captured the feel of a high fantasy novel, which will probably be very well received by your target audience. One way that you really succeeded in accomplishing this was by including vivid descriptions and letting the atmosphere contribute to the story.

*Cat* Intrigue

One thing that I really like about the piece is that the titular Banished Sorceress, Maeyon, has a lot of intrigue to her. Her backstory about being banished has a lot of appeal to me, as does the source of her power.

I particularly liked that she went by a different name when she introduced herself. The inclusion of her alias when she is picked up really adds to her character because it adds the tension of discovery, and the little tidbit about how that's what she had been called by the people closest to her makes her current situation all the more tragic, because we know that she wasn't always isolated.

*Cat* World-Building

A lot of the world building in what you have here was done with scenery descriptions, which I've already mention, but I wanted to bring it up again because there was one line that really caught my attention:

She had her scarlet gown one of the trappings of her former status as a court sorceress


It was a small thing, but it was really interesting to me because it alludes to her former life and lets us see just a sliver into what the world is like off of the boat and island that we've seen. When the captain sees the robes, he too seems to understand the meaning in them, which lets us know that the court sorceress is a position that's easily recognizable.


*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Editing

The first thing that I'd recommend (something I almost always suggest to people) is a little bit of polishing up.

I'm a big advocate of not self-editing too much early on in the story, because I think it's more important to get entire drafts done. I certainly wouldn't suggest major edits at this stage.

That being said, there was just a little bit of clean up work, and some technical editing to be done, missing commas, typos, etc. I wouldn't worry about it too much now, but I would keep it in mind if and when you move this project to the next draft.

*Cat* Structure

The biggest issue that I noticed was structure. The first chapter cuts off in the middle of a conversation and the second chapter is very, very short (is it perhaps not finished?) I think a better break might be after the boat makes it to the island so that the entirety of her conversation with the captain can be all in one chapter. The hook for continuing won't be quite as obvious, but I think it might make for smoother reading.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:



All in all, I think you've got a really good start to something here. The story has a lot of potential, your character is interesting, the style is consistent and aside from my structural issues with the way chapters were broken up, you seem to be doing fantastically.

I hope that this is something you continue working on, and that you'll let me know when you have more done.


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
164
164
Review of Dragon Breath  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this through the "Read and Review" tool - and I absolutely loved it.

Two of my all time favorite things are playing with the reader's expectations by inverting tropes, and dragons. This story had both of them, and I thought it was absolutely fantastic.

You did a good job setting the scene, you built up a rich backstory for the knight, and the emotions were fantastically written. There was tension at the beginning, there was empathy for the dragon, and you could really feel the guilt when the narrator realizes that the dragon is the victim, not the antagonist.

It's also worth nothing that the last line was absolutely fantastic - and the perfect way to wrap up such a nice conclusion to the tale. *Dragon*

I'm very glad to have read this, and I hope that I get the chance to read more of your work in the future.




-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
165
165
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found your item through the "Read and Review" tool and since I've read it, I guess it's time for the review.

This was such a really sweet piece.

It starts (and ends) in proper fairy tale fashion which works well with the setting and themes. Emily is a good character, a hopeful girl in a tough situation and I think that's illustrated well in the story without sacrificing any of the style that the item is written in.

What I liked best about the piece was its message. It touches on there being different kinds of wealth and how some gifts can be meaningful without being expensive. That's a good lesson, and I can see this being a very successful fairy tale.

The only thing that I'd suggest is maybe altering the scene with the old woman. I think the message would have been a little bit clearer if Emily had come up with the idea of doing something homemade herself, even if she does get assistance/sewing supplies from someone who is sympathetic to her situation. That way it feels like it comes from from the heart.

Overall, I thought this was a great story though, and I'm glad to have read it.

I wish you all the best with this, and any other writing projects you've got going.



-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
166
166
Review of The Royal Mage  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this through the "Read and Review" tool, and just thought I'd leave you with my thoughts.

There were a lot of things I liked about this piece, primarily the description and the world.

It seems like you have a very vivid idea for what kind of fantasy world this is, and I thought you were very good at painting a picture to let the audience get a glimpse into what you've created. It seems like it's going to be the start of something very interesting that I hope I get to see more of somewhere down the line.

There were a few things that you should maybe look out for in your next stage of editing; run-on sentences, punctuation, and repetitive phrasing. I don't know what stage of the editing process you're in with this particular piece, but if this is a rough draft it's exceptionally clean - and even if it's a later draft, I feel like the technical aspects that need some work are far from enough to cast shade over the story you're telling.

It might also be helpful to mention somewhere if this is a complete story or part of a project. I felt like there was a lot more going on with this piece than meets the eye, and those sorts of annotations can be good to put a story into a bit of creative context for the readers.

I hope this review was helpful, and I wish you all the best on this and any other writing projects you might be working on.

Sincerely

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
167
167
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this item in the "Read and Review" tool, and thought that both of the poems featured are really interesting.

The first one caught my eye because of the way that the lines work in conjunction with the rhyme scheme. A lot of the poems that I've read (especially lately) have shorter lines that are more focused on even syllables, but the longer lines made the poem feel more like a narrative - which made sense because you were telling a story. It also was strange because it didn't have quite as much rhythm (or a pronounced focus on the rhymes) when being read allowed as a poem with shorter lines might have had, but it put the focus onto the events unfolding, which worked for the piece in question.

The second one caught my attention because of the topic, it was very straight forward when addressing the topic of West Nile Fever. Since it's not a topic I see covered a lot (especially in poetry) I really liked this direct approach.

The only suggestion that I have for you (and it's a small thing) would be that you do a little bit of formatting to make the link at the bottom stand out from the poems a little more. It's so cool that you have a poetry blog and I 100% support you plugging it at the bottom of some awesome poetry, but at first I thought there was one more line to the second poem, and it was a little disorienting. Changing the color, font, alignment, or even just adding a larger break might clear that up, and draw more attention to the link.

The poems are fantastic and I'm so glad I stumbled across them!

All the best,


-Cat


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168
168
Review of News Fit To Print  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this item in the "Read and Review" tool and thought that I would drop by with my thoughts.

I thought you picked a really interesting topic for a poem, and overall it flows together really nicely.

In particular, I enjoyed the repetition of the rapier metaphor, because it puts an emphasis onto the power of words - which is good for both the topic and the form. There was one instance where I felt it was particularly effective:

Leave the Journal on its rack,
words, cutting like a rapier.


This was just very on the nose, but effective - not to mention that is sounded really cool.

The other thing that I liked about the poem (and this is a small detail) but I liked the title. It piqued my interest even before I started reading, and it just sets a good tone for the story you're telling in the piece.

I had a good time reading this, and I wish you all the best with whatever writing projects you're working on now.

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
169
169
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this through the "Read and Review" tool, and thought that it was really interesting. Not only was it a good piece, but I learned something about a type of poetry I was unfamiliar with.

It's always good to see when authors take the time to annotate things about their piece like you did here, because it's a fun way to educate the readers. It's especially cool when the item is for a challenge/contest, because then the audience gets to feel like they're reading something with the writer.

The only suggestion that I have for you is to take a quick look at your formatting, because it looks like the first letter of the poem isn't inside your WritingML tags.

Other than that, everything seems to be in order!

All the best,


-Cat


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170
170
Review of Puddles  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello superkatvon ,

I found your poem "Puddles" Open in new Window. in the review request thread and I just have to say, that I loved it. So with that said, I guess I should probably leave you with my thoughts on the piece.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Style

I think the perspective and tone work really well together in this piece to make the overall style really unique. These sort of questioning poems about change are fairly common, but the angle from which you approached the topic made it seem very unique.

That's also one of the reasons that this piece seemed so effective despite being very concisely written, and the large impact in a short amount of time is one of the reasons I liked it so much.

*Cat* Subject


The other thing I really liked about the poem is that it's about change, which is such a universal emotion. This works really well, especially considering the way that the poem addresses the audience and the perspective that it's written from.

This was so easy to relate to and it heightening my enjoyment of the poem, but I can also see from a critical standpoint how it might heighten anyone's enjoyment of the poem, and that's just a good, creative decision that I have a lot of respect for.

*Cat* Favorite Line:

Since there was one line that really resonated with me, I thought I'd share that as well:


Like all at once you had forgotten
How you fit inside your skin,


This was just the epitome of what I enjoyed about the piece. It was beautiful, and sad, and easy to understand.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


I don't really have any suggestions for you. I think this is a strong piece that doesn't need a lot of work, if any.





*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


That about wraps it up. I thought this was a great poem, I'm glad to have stumbled across it. I hope that this review has been helpful, and that I get to see more of your work in the future. I'd be happy to read more from you at any time, and I wish you the best of luck with this, and any future writing endeavors.

Sincerely,


-Cat


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171
171
Review of Love's a Racket  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello jsheeshy,

I saw your item "Love's a Racket" Open in new Window. in the review request thread and thought that I would drop in to leave you with my thoughts on it.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Tennis Terms

When I saw that there were tennis terms incorporated into a love story, I thought it could either be a great idea or a terrible idea. The concept struck me as cute (though I'm not sure if that's quite the right term, all things considered) but I don't know a lot about tennis, so I felt going in like things would either be too subtle for me to get, or too obvious.

Overall though, I think you found a good balance of working those tennis terms in stylistically so that they were obvious, but not annoying.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Tone

The one thing that I didn't like as much was that because of the style this is written in, it comes off as lighter than is perhaps appropriate given the subject matter. The tennis terms and the style used to implement them in the piece was fun, but when the piece got darker toward the end, the fun tone seemed less like it was there for entertainment value and more like it was making light of a serious subject.

I doubt that was your intention, but that's also the risk of combining comedy and horror/dark subjects.

You were pretty close to finding that perfect balance, but it can be really tricky - especially when the darker stuff blindsides the audience. A successful twist can really affect the audience's perception of the tone, which I think was what was working against you here.

That being said, I found that I had an easier time putting the whole thing into context after I noticed this was a "twisted tale" fiction, but I thought I'd make a note of how it could come across for anyone who doesn't have that extra bit of context.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


Although I have some doubts about the overall piece and how the content relates to the presentation, I liked the style of writing quite a lot, and I'd be very interested to read more of your work. It's something that I hope I get the chance to do in the near future - and I wish you all the best with this, and any other writing endeavors.

Sincerely,


-Cat


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172
172
Review of She is Too Much  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello scottdaniel Author Icon,

I found your item "She is Too Much" Open in new Window. in the review request thread and I thought I would give it a read and leave you with my thoughts.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Flow

I think that the poem, with a few exceptions (which I'll get into later) reads aloud very nicely, which is something that I really look for in poetry. The rhyme scheme was simple, but that also means that it didn't feel forced, and I think the fact that the piece sounded so natural was one of its greatest qualities.

The same could be said about the rhythm of the piece, which again, for the most part, was spot on and had a nice style to it.


*Cat* Picture

I really like the picture that the poem paints, not just about "her" but about the narrators devotion to her and the intense nature of their relationships. Great job getting that deep, poetic emotion across in a way that allows the reader to form an image.

*Cat* Favorite Line

My favorite line, I thought I should mention, was the opening one:

She is too much
And I want more.


It's poetic, it's intriguing, and it sets a good pace for what the poem is going to be. This is an excellent opening line, and my favorite of the piece.



*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Flow Interruptions

As promised, I thought I should point out the two areas of the poem I felt were weakest, because I felt like (especially when reading aloud) they interrupted the great flow established in the rest of the poem.

I dance in exquisite flames.


Although this was a very poetic follow-up to the line above it, I felt like it had too many syllables to fit into the stanza comfortably.

There is nothing and everything.
There is silence and thunder.
There is ice and fire.
There is peace and wonder.


This is the second consecutive stanza that starts each line with the same word. While I think there are instances where repetition is really effective in poetry (the stanza above this one, for instance) I felt like this one was a little too abstract to be effective in this particular poem. It gets very wrapped up in this obscure metaphor that is being focused on very intensely without tying into the rest of the piece.

If there were to be a second stanza that begins the same way with each line, I think the focus of it should be on her - since she's the takeaway of the poem.

*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


Aside from a couple smaller details, I thought this was a fantastic piece. It's a lovely poem that I think captures the emotions behind it very well.

Thank you for sharing it with the site, and on the review request thread.

Sincerely,

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
173
173
Review of The Fall  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Antonia Author Icon,

I found your item "The Fall" Open in new Window. in the review request thread, and the description pulled me in right away so I thought that I could come and offer up some feedback.

So, let's get right to the review:

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Description

I mentioned this briefly in my intro, but it's just worth stating again that the description was fantastic. It was gripping without giving anything away, it is eye-catching, and having read the poem I can now say that it accurately reflects the nature of the piece.

*Cat* Tone

I like the somber, questioning tone of the poem. It's deep, and just introspective enough to walk the line between worldly views that are easy to relate to and the illustration of a personal narrative. It makes it versatile, and it worked.

*Cat* Final Line

But why have a heart,
if not to break it?


I just thought this was a beautiful sentiment to end on, and in context it really wraps the poem up nicely - not with a statement but with a question.

*Cat* Favorite Line

My favorite line from the piece is also a question, and I just thought it was really beautiful, so I should share it here.

If this is agony,
then why am I flying?


I just really liked what this says not just about the narrator of the poem and the piece itself, but anyone who finds themselves relating to this piece strongly. The question is very effective right there, and I enjoyed it immensely.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Experiment

The way that the piece is addressed is a little fluid. Some parts take the tone of a narrative, some parts focus on him, some parts seem to address the audience - and I actually think the ever-shifting nature is really interesting.

That being said, I think there might also be potential for a shorter, tighter poem in here somewhere if you focus on one aspect/style. It might be even more effective, if not quite as unique.

I think a good thing to do would be to take this idea, the messages and emotions behind this poem, and experiment with it. Focus on different ideas from it, play with different styles, and just see what you like best.

I think it's very effective and enjoyable the way that it is, but when you have something with so much raw creativity in it, it never hurts to play around, I think that would be a great opportunity for a learning experience, even if this turns out to be the best possible version.

*Cat2* CONCLUSION:



Thank you for sharing your piece, on the site and in the review request thread. I'm glad to have read it, and I hope that my review was helpful.

All the best,


-Cat


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174
174
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Tim Chiu Author Icon,

I found your item "High Stakes Moments: Just a Chance" Open in new Window. sort of by chance, and although I don't know a lot about sports or poems, this piece really interested me. I couldn't recall any other inspirational sports poetry, so I gave it a read and am now here to leave you with my thoughts.

So let's get to the review *BigSmile*

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Message

Although this wasn't what I thought of when I saw the inspirational genre tag, I did really like the message that the poem gives to athletes. It paints a picture of sports as a whole, some of the good and the bad, but then you really get to the message in the last stanza of the poem.

I also really liked that even though the description says the poem is about coming through under pressure, the tone doesn't pressure the audience, it's almost relaxed toward the end, a calmer look on the idea of not having regrets.

*Cat* Rhyme/Rhythm

The other thing I liked about the piece was that it felt natural and flowed very well.

At first, I felt like it was sort of getting sidetracked, but by the end I saw how all the pieces fit together, and thought it was very effective.

The rhyme scheme felt natural for the most part and I really liked the rhythm that the poem had to it while reading.



*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


There were only two points where anything felt forced, and although they didn't take away from my feeling on enjoyment upon reading the first time, I caught them the second read-through and they sort of tripped me up that time, so I thought they'd be worth mentioning.


The first, I'll admit, might just be me not knowing anything about sports *Laugh*

To gravitate, perform so clutch.


I'm not really sure what the takeaway from this line was supposed to be. It sounded good in context, but on closer inspection I realized I had no idea what it meant.

As for the second one, I don't think there was anything wrong with it but I think the use of the word 'as' twice in the same line felt a little awkward when read aloud.

As we, the players, prepare as such.


I think maybe changing the first 'as' to 'and' or even just taking it out might make for a stronger sounding line. Of course, you'd lose the feeling of that simultaneous action, but I think the flow would be better - but of course, that's up to you to decide.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


All in all, I thought this was a good poem. It was well-crafted and left a positive message about taking chances and winning (or losing) with grace, knowing you did your best.

Thanks for sharing this poem, I'm glad to have read it.

All the best,

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
175
175
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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*Spider* DISCLAIMER *Spider*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Bat2*          ALL ALONE :: INTRODUCTION           *Bat1*

"From even the greatest horrors, irony is seldom absent." - H.P. Lovecraft


Hello Insomniac Author Icon,

I am here to review your item "Dreams of the Mentally Disturbed Part 1" Open in new Window. which I found when it was featured in the most recent Horror/Scary newsletter. Being a big fan of the genre, I hope that you don't mind me dropping in to leave you with my thoughts.





*Bat2*           IN THE DARK :: WHAT I LIKED           *Bat1*
"Terror is the desire to save yourself, but horror is rooted in sympathy." -Joe Hill


*Bats* Effective:

What strikes me most about this piece is just that it was really effective.

The first paragraph really pulls the reader in. Although there are a few themes in there that are pretty common to see in stories about writers, the last line really makes the reader question Ferris, and made for a gripping introduction into the next section.

What is even more baffling though is his reaction to what he writes. Everything about the piece after the excerpt from his writing project happens very quickly in a sort of frenzied state that was reflective of how the protagonist seemed to be feeling.

His actions left the reader with a lot of questions and while I might have liked a little more insight into what he was doing, the confusion did add to the notion that I didn't really understand him. The last line about him having gone to grave with a mission did a good job of making me want to read on and see what exactly that mission is. (I have ideas, but absolutely no certainty, which is a good note to end a piece like this on if it's just a part one.)

I think all in all, that's what makes the story work. It's got strong areas and weak areas, but the bottom line was that I did want to read more when I made it to the end.



*Bat2*          SOUND OF SCREAMING :: MY SUGGESTIONS:           *Bat1*
"Horror is the removal of masks." - Robert Bloch


*Bats* Excerpt


The biggest thing for me was the excerpt of the piece Ferris is writing.

I obviously am not Ferris, which might have been the point you were trying to get across, but trying to put myself in his shoes, I think I might have written in more detail, with a focus on different areas.

In particular, I think I would have written the piece to answer questions I had been asking myself since the murder.

Why my wife? Why was she chosen? When was she chosen? How did the killer see her before deciding to take her life?

I think as a writer in pain, those are the questions I'd want to explore with my craft and I think, as someone putting myself into the mindset of a killer, the anticipation of the hunt would have been one of the sweetest moments on which to dwell.

Of course, this is all just my take on the scenario, but what I'll leave you with is that I think the excerpt would have been more believable and poignant to me if there had been more build up of that frenzied, uninhibited writing leading into the actual murder and the writer's breakdown over the scene.


*Bat2*           WAKING FROM A NIGHTMARE :: CONCLUSION           *Bat1*
"We make up horrors to help us deal with the real ones." - Stephen King


Although I had a lot of questions (and one large moment of doubt that messed with my suspension of disbelief for the piece) I think you did a great job. The piece was good, gripping, disturbing, and I would be happy to read more of this story at any time. I can see why it was chosen for the newsletter.

Sincerely,

-Cat

*Web1*
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