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1,115 Public Reviews Given
1,116 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Versatile: I'm good at reviewing different types of writing in different ways. Honest: While I do my best to be honest and encouraging in reviews, I don't omit things. If I tell you I like something about a piece, you can trust that I'm not just saying it. All-Inclusive/Well-Rounded: I look for the good and bad in writing. I'll give you an overall opinion as well as the highlights and what needs worked on.
I'm good at...
Giving feedback within set parameters. If you're looking to receive opinions on something specific, let me know and that's what I'll focus on when giving a review.
Favorite Genres
Horror - all time favorite. Science Fiction and Fantasy are tied in a close second.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance. (Exceptions: Dark erotica intrigues me if it's, you know, dark.) I will happily read and review romance pieces, but I might be a little tougher on it than on other genres.
Favorite Item Types
Static Book/Collections.
Least Favorite Item Types
N/A
I will not review...
N/A I'll review anything. If for some reason you don't think I'll want to, feel free to email me with your concerns before submitting a request.
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello kat Author Icon ,

It's good to see you pop up again. I found this piece randomly through my Read and Review tool, and it was nice to be recommended another piece of yours.

I was also surprised to see the name of the piece, as I also have a character named Elizabeth Dawson! (Elizabeth is actually her middle name, but still, that felt like a coincidence lol.)

I think you did a great job establishing the world and the characters, even though I know that a period piece like this can be a challenge it's something you did great with. I also liked the ambiguous, rather open ending that doesn't conclude neatly, but rather suggests more adventure.

All in all, great job.

I do have a couple quick suggestions for you. One is to slow down enough to include conversations and more actions to help liven up the world. That would make the pacing feel faster, even though the piece technically would be longer. I just felt like I was being told a little more than I was being shown here.

The other thing is just to make sure that you have that extra line of space between your paragraphs (or that you're indenting at the beginning of them.) I know that the formatting here can be a pain sometimes, but presentation can absolutely help your piece read smoother.

Oh!

And I would have loved to know what contest entry this was for. I hope you did well with this entry, because it well-written and shows a lot of promise if this is a story you choose to pick back up later on.

Sincerely,


-Cat


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52
52
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello Happy to write Author Icon

I found your item "I have a different dream today" Open in new Window. randomly through the Read and Review tool.

I was glad to have read it because I like the message a lot, and I think what you're saying is very powerful.

The description of the item is "thinking and dreaming" so I think if all you wanted to do was organize some thoughts and put some good out into the world, you have already achieved that purpose.

If this is something you'd like more eyes on, however, I think cleaning up it just a little in some places would help bring your vision into clearer focus for readers. Below is an example of an early line that just had a couple typos and awkward phrases:

However, the struggle has changed some in the last %0 nor so years since this speech came to be.


One thing that really helps me catch this stuff is reading it aloud as I edit, but that's just a little trick I use and it totally depends on what you're hoping to do with the piece.

I hope this helped a little, and that I get to read more writing from you in the future.

Sincerely,

-Cat


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53
53
Review of Stardust  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello ~*Poppy C*~ Author Icon

I found your item "Stardust" Open in new Window. through the Read and Review tool, and I thought it was so beautiful.

This review is going to be longer than the poem, and I'm just amazed at how much you were able to convey in so few words.

The description also resonated, as "insomnia poetry" is something I think many of us know too well.

Thank you so much for sharing your work with us.

Sincerely,


-Cat


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54
54
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello EveForward Author Icon ,

I found your item "Trashscarf And The Mustache" Open in new Window. through the random Read and Review tool.

I think your writing style is well-suited to the story, though there were some parts that dragged and a couple of run-on sentences that could have been broken up. The dialogue was fun and you absolutely made the most out of a weird and wacky premise. You kept an even tone, and did something out of the box. There was a lot to enjoy about this piece, and Trashscarf in particular seems like an interesting enough fantasy character.

I was a bit saddened to hear that the premise came from Sudowrite, but I know that not all writers are going to share my feelings about AI. The important thing is that you had fun with the piece (which it seems like you did) and that you strive to make it your own.

I'd be happy to read more of your original works, and I hope I get the chance to do so in the future.

All the best,


-Cat


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55
55
Review of Unexpected Dragon  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello 💙 Carly: poems & novel Author Icon

I found your item "Unexpected Dragon" Open in new Window. randomly through the Read and Review tool and just wanted to leave you with my thoughts. It looks like a hard round of the Construct Cup but it looks like you did amazingly well. The lines flow into one another really well, especially considering some of the difficult letters you had to include.

I hope you placed well in the contest, and thank you so much for sharing your entry with us.

Sincerely,


-Cat


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56
56
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello Aurélie Asseo Author Icon

I am glad to see that you're transferring some writing over -- especially since these are great poems and you don't want to lose them.

I don't know much about the forms you're using or anything, but I can tell from the poems you've included in this piece that you have a good grasp of word choice and have a lot of experience painting a vivid picture with words.

The one quick suggestion that I would make is maybe using a little writingML just to make the titles stand out, to make the breaks between poems that much clearer. Presentation can go a long way, especially when hoping to attract reviewers.

The work itself is great though, and I wish you all the best with your future writing!

Sincerely,


-Cat


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57
57
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello Naomi Author Icon

I found your item "My Room With A View" Open in new Window. in the Read and Review tool, and thought that it was nice.

I don't know if this was your intention in sharing, but it did remind me of my own life and my own infatuation with constantly working. As someone that also loves a room with a review when it's raining, I appreciated this reminder to just pause and look at the little things around me.

All the best,


-Cat


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58
58
Review of growing pains  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello SIC Author Icon

I thought this was an incredibly emotional piece. There is a very intangible sense of loss here that I think is what you were trying to portray? But I think that it's all the more effective because it is open to some interpretation.

I don't know enough about poetry to know if there was a form or anything that you were using, but I do know that the final result was effective.

Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

All the best,

-Cat


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59
59
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello Kenzie Author Icon


This is an old piece to review, but it came up on the Read and Review tool and I'm so glad that it did because I can't agree more with this advice. I wish I had read it back when I started my writing journey.

I remember after I had published with a free magazine, there were a lot of writers who told me that I'd made a mistake or been exploited, and made me feel like it was something to be ashamed of. But I didn't feel exploited. I used that publishing credit to submit to more established places, and now I'm writing professionally! Plus they edited my work and gave me experience incorporating feedback and communicating with editors.

That's not a route that would work for everyone, but you're 100% right when you say it's the author's decision if that's a good step for them.

And I love the attitude of the piece overall.

This was so validating and inspiring to read, so I'm so glad that I found it.

All the best,


-Cat


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60
60
Review of Relativity  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello Hyperiongate Author Icon

I found your item "Relativity" Open in new Window. in the Read and Request thread and thought it was really well done!

I like the message of it, which I do think lives up to its name of "Relativity." It is a good reminder to be more content with the things we have and I appreciate that you were able to get that message across in a way that didn't feel overly preachy.

Your main juxtaposition of the woman having a bad day in compared to the main character having the best day of his life with far less was excellently done.

Great work, and I hope it won the flash fiction challenge!

All the best,



-Cat


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61
61
Review of Unrequited Love  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello Prosperous Snow celebrating Author Icon


Your item "Unrequited Love" Open in new Window. came up in the Read and Review tool and you know I'm always happy to read your work.

I was really drawn to the imagery in this one. The similes were all so strong and flowed from one into the next very smoothly. I also appreciate how you highlighted the prompt words so we could see what you were working with.

If they hadn't been highlighted, I never would have known you were writing this for a prompt. It all feels very natural.

I hope I get the chance to read more of your work in the future.

All the best,

-Cat


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62
62
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello Tim Chiu Author Icon

My Read and Review tool sent me to your item "A Love That Matters Most" Open in new Window. and I think it is a solid love poem.

I'm not a huge fan of things that are this straightforward romantically, but it is a time honored tradition of poets and I think you executed your premise really well. Even though it was not a piece I enjoyed, it is one that I can appreciate the attention to, and the technical details of.

It's obvious time and care when into this, and I thank you for sharing it with us.

All the best,

-Cat


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63
63
Review of Quondam  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello Sumojo Author Icon

Another Read and Review item! I was really impressed by this one.

Though I don't know a lot about poetry structure, I've done enough poetry exercises to know that the syllable counting is some of the hardest form to master, and it seems like you've done a great job with that in this piece.

I also love the emotional resonance! It packs quite a punch for such a little poem, and I think you've done a great job with that.

All the best,




-Cat


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64
64
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello Sumojo Author Icon

I found your item "What’s done is done" Open in new Window. in the Read and Review section of Writing.Com and thought I'd leave you with my notes.

I think as a prompt response you did exceptionally well, and as a poem this was presented well. I don't know enough about the form to comment on that, but the content and style are both there.

Great job with this piece, you should be proud of this prompt answer.

All the best,

-Cat


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65
65
Review of A Mother's Love  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello jamisonbrown Author Icon,

I found your item "A Mother's Love" Open in new Window. in the Review Request thread and thought that I'd drop in with my thoughts.

I thought this was a a really well executed prompt response. It takes a sadder, more realistic, and bleaker tone to the Mother's Day experience, and the end really hammers that home well.

If I had one suggestion for this piece it would be to rework the opening dialogue a little? It provides great context, but the back and forth comes off as a little stiff.

Other than that, the writing is great, the flow was fantastic, and you were able to pack quite a punch with this little story.

I hope I get the chance to read more of your work soon, and thanks for sharing this piece with us.

All the best,

-Cat


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66
66
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello Slight Author Icon

I found your item ""Consciousness" (Circa 2023)" Open in new Window. in the Review Request thread.

You said to please be critical, but I think that's a little harder to do with poetry because it's so subjective and I'm not well-versed in the poetic forms. So from a technical aspect, I'm not sure how you did in that regard.

From an emotional aspect, I did feel like there was something missing. You critique a lot of the words that we use to describe "consciousness" including "consciousness" itself, but then don't give us that alternative word that's mentioned.


But now we know better
That our word we used
did a disservice to "us"


I think if the poem had ended here you might not need to include an alternative. But it goes on for two stanzas after what feels like a correction, and I think it comes across more as a lecture than as a philosophical statement.

Up until the end though, I really liked the ideas that you were putting forth. It is something I don't see addressed much in poetry, and it's definitely interesting to think about. If you write the end more like the beginning, from a place of intrigue than correction, I think the whole piece would be more approachable, but stronger overall.

All the best,

-Cat


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67
67
Review of Work in Progress  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello L.A.Saxe Author Icon ,

I found your item "Work in Progress" Open in new Window. in the Review Request thread and thought I'd drop by with my notes.

I like the tone a lot, and think I see what you're going for with the overall style (though of course it's hard to tell from such a small excerpt.) It feels like you're trying to create sort of a Disc World situation?

While I don't know much about the plot of characters yet from just what you have, I have to say that yes, I do think it's worth continuing based off of just what I've seen.

I hope you do, and either way, I wish you the best of luck.

-Cat


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68
68
Review of First time test  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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This is sort of funny, but your test item came up in Writing.Com's randomized Read and Review feature.

I hope that your test went well and that you're taking to the website well. It's a very welcoming community and I'd be happy to review some of your actual work properly when it gets uploaded.

If you have any questions, feel free to reach out and in the meantime, I am wishing you the best of luck!

All the best,



-Cat


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69
69
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this through the Read and Review feature and I thought it was really sweet.

Normally I'd suggest using descriptions to paint the picture of a werewolf and kitsune rather than dropping the words in, but for a piece of this length you really have to make every word count. You got some world building, good dialogue, and a nice Christmas message into this tiny little piece and I think that's awesome.

All the best,



-Cat


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70
70
Review of Fallen  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello Tinker Author Icon


I found your item "Fallen" Open in new Window. through the Read and Review feature.

I don't know much about poetry, but I think if this is your first thought for "fallen" then you're absolutely doing something right. I loved the phrasing, and the deep emotional resonance of this piece.

If I had one suggestion, it would be that I'm not sure the line "fell hard!" at the end of the first stanza is necessary because you had already implied it so well, but of course that is subjective.

This was such an excellent piece, thank you for sharing it with us.

Sincerely,


-Cat


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71
71
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

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*Cat* DISCLAIMER *Cat*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION:*Cat2*


Hello Artful Flower Author Icon,

I found your item "For The [Supposed] Love of Dogs" Open in new Window. in the Review Request thread and think that you're off to a strong start. There is a lot to work with here, but I'm happy to leave my thoughts, since you said this is a piece that you want to do more with in the future.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:*Cat2*


*Paw* Emotion/Tone The first thing that I noticed about the piece was how early you were able to set the mood of being tired, miserable, while still justifying the concept of going into work. It sets you up as the narrator, we have this insight into your life, but it's also something that is relatable and which many of us can empathize with.

*Paw* Atmosphere: On a related, but slightly different note, I think your descriptive style is also effective at describing the setting and creating a sense of atmosphere throughout. There were many well phrased lines, but this early one is a perfect example of the tangible setting you've created throughout the piece.



The entire facility was a chamber of concrete, glass and metal with kennels sporting a large glass window to see what disaster the inhabitant created out of misery and boredom.



*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:*Cat2*



*Paw* Include a Hook

This may not be helpful depending on what direction you want to take with this as you move forward, but as a standalone piece, I think it would be good to include a hook in the opening paragraphs. Hint at your purpose in the story, the climax, anything that will grab and hold the reader's attention as it amps up.




*Cat2* CONCLUSION: *Cat2*


You have a great writing style and I think there is a lot of promise in this piece. I hope you continue working on it, and expanding it however you intended.

All the best,


-Cat


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72
72
Review of Beholder's Bloom  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello Slight Author Icon

I found your item "Beholder's Bloom" Open in new Window. in the Review Request thread and am here to leave my thoughts.

This is a pretty poem, and with some imagery. I noticed in the review request thread you were specifically trying not to hang too many metaphors in this single piece, so I wanted to focus in on that concern specifically. I don't think you used too many ideas, the knots and the flowers worked well enough together that they weren't jarring. I do think the metaphor gets a bit lost though.

While all the words sound great together, it's hard to move from one image to the next. Even in the opening stanza, you're equating the fists to knots, but then those knots were tied to bind your hands -- which gets a bit confusing.

Something that helps me with metaphors is really thinking about what I want to say, and then describing the action plainly, before going back and making the language sound more flowery. I don't know if that's a trick that will work for you, but it's something that may help.

Either way, you have some cool ideas and a great rhythm. Once you nail down that metaphor you're going to be in a great spot.

All the best,

-Cat


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73
73
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello thesuperpapagai Author Icon ,

Thank you so much for taking the time to submit a formal review request for your item "Gwen Ryvin: Part Time Hitwoman Pilot" Open in new Window.. This certainly was a one of a kind read, and although I don't have much experience writing/editing television scripts, I hope I'm able to provide you with some reasonable feedback for the story and character.



*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Genre-Resistant

I see that you had this tagged as a dark comedy. I watch a lot of television that I consider to mix dark themes with comedic overtones but I have never seen a story like this. I'm not entirely sure what I would classify this as. It's not what I think of when I think dark comedy, though it does have both of those elements to a certain degree.

I don't think it's laugh out loud funny, but it has its fair share of quirks.

I love that you were able to balance that with a dark subject matter without making it too gritty or compromising your protagonist too much.


*Cat* Avoiding Tropes and Breaking Expectations

This is on a similar note, but I really appreciated how you avoided a lot of comedy pilot tropes. I didn't know what to expect from one scene to the next.

That's even true for the protagonist. A bubbly goth, ditzy hitman. Those are words that usually don't fit together, and I have to admit the premise did a lot of expectation breaking in both the plot and main character.


*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Demographic

My biggest problem is that I'm not sure who this show would be for. I feel like I may not be the demographic you're looking for with it, being an adult woman, but I was a little confused as to what just audience you're trying to capture. The teenage protagonist seems like she would appeal to younger audiences, but this is marked as 18+ and the language would definitely make this a hard sell for anyone looking to advertise to teens. The lighter tone I feel like might also appeal to youths, but not the gray morality.

*Cat* I didn't like Gwen

This boils down to personal taste, but it's difficult for me to really enjoy a story when I dislike the protagonist.

She seems like she could be really interesting. I think there's a market out there for girls somewhere who are enthusiastic and outgoing but also offbeat and quirky. That being said, in practice I found her annoying.

The "super dupers" and "extra dextras" drove me a little crazy. The fact that we see her talking about volunteering so she can describe herself as a "really really good person" made me question her motives. And the baby-talk was a lot.

I don't think every leading female character needs to be a great role model or fit inside a certain box. But the way Gwen was written, it was too infantile for me and a little creepy given the context that she's hired by older rich men. (It also made me wonder how she did get such good grades?)



*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


I could see this concept really taking off with some polishing. I can actually think of a few people I know who would especially like this as perhaps an animated series. I think it needs a little fine-tuning. Working on more mature dialogue (and making Gwen older potentially) could make this more engaging to adults whereas toning down some of the creepiness and cutting back on the swearing might make this more approachable to teens.

As is, it's a very unique and surprising draft. I thank you for sharing it with me, and I hope that this helped some!


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
74
74
Review of A Third for Tea  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Crissy Author Icon,

I found your item "A Third for Tea" Open in new Window. in the Please review thread, asking about character believability. So I thought that I would hop in and give it a read and leave you with my thoughts.

So let's just jump in *Heart*

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Concise and Respectful


This was a sweet story, I thought. It's always difficult having different beliefs than the people close to you. I can't even imagine trying to respectfully explain a different religion to a child I had. It's a difficult situation, and it's handled very well. In a short amount of time you were able to handle the struggle of science and religion, parenting, respect, and it was paced steadily without being too preachy.

Overall, I'm very impressed with what you were able to accomplish here *Heart*


*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Believability Vs Pacing

Since you asked about how believable your characters are, I do think this is worth mentioning.

I do think it may be more believable if the father pushed back just a bit more on trying to explain evolution. Scientists have those sorts of arguments a lot and even though it's different having that conversation with a child (of course) he'd probably start off with an incentive for his daughter to believe and understand the same thing he believed.

That being said, I do think extending that conversation would mess with the consistent pacing I already praised. I'm usually willing to sacrifice a bit of believability for a tight narrative, especially in a piece of flash fiction like this.

Perhaps another option would be adding a line in there about how, in addition to taking her to church, her father will continue explaining the theory of evolution to her as well. Because (personally) if I were in his situation I would try to do both, and I don't think that would mess with the narrative pacing as much.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


All in all, I think it was a good piece. I hope that the review helped answer the question you had about the characters, even though my "suggestions" were more like reflective notes. I just hoped to give you the bit of insight I had as a reader.

This was a great piece and I thank you for sharing it with us on WdC. *Heart*


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
75
75
Review of Crashing Waves  Open in new Window.
Review by Cat Voleur Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello lezismore-moreislez Author Icon ,

I saw your item "Crashing Waves " Open in new Window. in the review request thread and thought that I would come give it a read and leave you with my thoughts. Hopefully they're at least mildly helpful to you, since you gave me the pleasure of reading this poem *Heart*

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Progression

I've read a lot of poems like that build up a scene one line at a time to eventually describe an entire scene.

What I liked so much about this one in particular what that the scene is also playing out as you're building it up one line at a time. As the audience, it feels less like I'm watching a picture pan out and more like I'm watching a slideshow pan out.

That sense of motion was an added element that I really liked and it kept me interested until the very end.


*Cat* Vivid Imagery

This almost goes without saying for a poem of this nature, but you did such a good job that I want to say it anyway. I loved how vivid the imagery was in this piece. Seriously, excellent job! *Heart*


*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


If I had one suggestion, it might be adding a line or two where the dog brings the ball back.

That sounds sort of weird, I know.

I did mention though that I really feel like of the scene playing out. My only issue was that I didn't get that feeling right away, in fact I got the opposite feeling. Like the dog was chasing the ball, and then you went backward in time to show the girl throw the ball for the dog to chase.

Originally, when I thought you were just panning out from a single image, it made sense, but as the clouds started to form and the dog got wet and that scene began to move forward, the beginning felt retroactively like it was stuttering a bit.

My favorite interpretation of that, would be that the scene isn't moving back, but we're watching the girl throw the ball for the dog several times. I think that really plays into the cyclical theme of the poem as a whole. But I didn't think about that until after I was already reviewing the poem, having read through it a second time. Maybe having the dog moving back and forth to bring the ball back, sort of alternating, would show that we're seeing multiple cycles of the game of fetch as well.



*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


I hope that this gave you some food for thought, even if it's a suggestion you don't take. Leaving the poem up for interpretation, as it is, it's very strong. My suggestion was only something I think that would have helped my personal experience, and I know I'm not always the one being catered to.

Thank you for surprising me with this poem, and I hope the review was able to help a bit.

All the best,


-Cat


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