*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cat.voleur/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
Review Requests: OFF
1,115 Public Reviews Given
1,116 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Versatile: I'm good at reviewing different types of writing in different ways. Honest: While I do my best to be honest and encouraging in reviews, I don't omit things. If I tell you I like something about a piece, you can trust that I'm not just saying it. All-Inclusive/Well-Rounded: I look for the good and bad in writing. I'll give you an overall opinion as well as the highlights and what needs worked on.
I'm good at...
Giving feedback within set parameters. If you're looking to receive opinions on something specific, let me know and that's what I'll focus on when giving a review.
Favorite Genres
Horror - all time favorite. Science Fiction and Fantasy are tied in a close second.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance. (Exceptions: Dark erotica intrigues me if it's, you know, dark.) I will happily read and review romance pieces, but I might be a little tougher on it than on other genres.
Favorite Item Types
Static Book/Collections.
Least Favorite Item Types
N/A
I will not review...
N/A I'll review anything. If for some reason you don't think I'll want to, feel free to email me with your concerns before submitting a request.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 2 -3- 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 ... Next
51
51
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________



Hello kat ,

It's good to see you pop up again. I found this piece randomly through my Read and Review tool, and it was nice to be recommended another piece of yours.

I was also surprised to see the name of the piece, as I also have a character named Elizabeth Dawson! (Elizabeth is actually her middle name, but still, that felt like a coincidence lol.)

I think you did a great job establishing the world and the characters, even though I know that a period piece like this can be a challenge it's something you did great with. I also liked the ambiguous, rather open ending that doesn't conclude neatly, but rather suggests more adventure.

All in all, great job.

I do have a couple quick suggestions for you. One is to slow down enough to include conversations and more actions to help liven up the world. That would make the pacing feel faster, even though the piece technically would be longer. I just felt like I was being told a little more than I was being shown here.

The other thing is just to make sure that you have that extra line of space between your paragraphs (or that you're indenting at the beginning of them.) I know that the formatting here can be a pain sometimes, but presentation can absolutely help your piece read smoother.

Oh!

And I would have loved to know what contest entry this was for. I hope you did well with this entry, because it well-written and shows a lot of promise if this is a story you choose to pick back up later on.

Sincerely,


-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
52
52
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: E | (4.5)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello Happy to write

I found your item "I have a different dream today"  randomly through the Read and Review tool.

I was glad to have read it because I like the message a lot, and I think what you're saying is very powerful.

The description of the item is "thinking and dreaming" so I think if all you wanted to do was organize some thoughts and put some good out into the world, you have already achieved that purpose.

If this is something you'd like more eyes on, however, I think cleaning up it just a little in some places would help bring your vision into clearer focus for readers. Below is an example of an early line that just had a couple typos and awkward phrases:

However, the struggle has changed some in the last %0 nor so years since this speech came to be.


One thing that really helps me catch this stuff is reading it aloud as I edit, but that's just a little trick I use and it totally depends on what you're hoping to do with the piece.

I hope this helped a little, and that I get to read more writing from you in the future.

Sincerely,

-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
53
53
Review of Stardust  
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: E | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________



Hello ~*Poppy C*~

I found your item "Stardust"  through the Read and Review tool, and I thought it was so beautiful.

This review is going to be longer than the poem, and I'm just amazed at how much you were able to convey in so few words.

The description also resonated, as "insomnia poetry" is something I think many of us know too well.

Thank you so much for sharing your work with us.

Sincerely,


-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
54
54
Review of Trials of life  
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: E | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello Koyel~writing again

I found this poem randomly through the read and review tool. I had never heard of a trolaan before, and having the information about the form at the bottom really helped me appreciate what you managed to construct here. I think you did an excellent job, and I was really impressed by how well this all flowed.

You did a fantastic job, and opened me up to a new kind of poetry.

I'm glad to see that this item won an award, and thank you so much for sharing.

All the best,

-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
55
55
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: E | (3.5)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello EveForward ,

I found your item "Trashscarf And The Mustache"  through the random Read and Review tool.

I think your writing style is well-suited to the story, though there were some parts that dragged and a couple of run-on sentences that could have been broken up. The dialogue was fun and you absolutely made the most out of a weird and wacky premise. You kept an even tone, and did something out of the box. There was a lot to enjoy about this piece, and Trashscarf in particular seems like an interesting enough fantasy character.

I was a bit saddened to hear that the premise came from Sudowrite, but I know that not all writers are going to share my feelings about AI. The important thing is that you had fun with the piece (which it seems like you did) and that you strive to make it your own.

I'd be happy to read more of your original works, and I hope I get the chance to do so in the future.

All the best,


-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
56
56
Review of Unexpected Dragon  
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: E | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________



Hello 💙 Carly

I found your item "Unexpected Dragon"  randomly through the Read and Review tool and just wanted to leave you with my thoughts. It looks like a hard round of the Construct Cup but it looks like you did amazingly well. The lines flow into one another really well, especially considering some of the difficult letters you had to include.

I hope you placed well in the contest, and thank you so much for sharing your entry with us.

Sincerely,


-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
57
57
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: E | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________



Hello Aurélie Asseo

I am glad to see that you're transferring some writing over -- especially since these are great poems and you don't want to lose them.

I don't know much about the forms you're using or anything, but I can tell from the poems you've included in this piece that you have a good grasp of word choice and have a lot of experience painting a vivid picture with words.

The one quick suggestion that I would make is maybe using a little writingML just to make the titles stand out, to make the breaks between poems that much clearer. Presentation can go a long way, especially when hoping to attract reviewers.

The work itself is great though, and I wish you all the best with your future writing!

Sincerely,


-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
58
58
Review of My Life Aboard  
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello Paul

I found this at random through the Read and Review tool, and it was only after I had read it I saw your note in the item description about perhaps reading your other piece first. I had already read this, so I thought I'd lead with my thoughts.

I like the story well enough. I don't think it needed the extra content to be coherent. The one thing that I will say about the style is that the piece reads as very dry, because you've included so many technical details. While that can be very informative at times, it can also be slow, and I don't think is going to be a piece that's for everyone.

That being said, I think you did a good job. On a technical level this is very well-executed, and though I don't think this was your goal, it was plenty informative about the nature of aircraft carriers.

I hope I get to read more work from you in the future!

-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
59
59
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: E | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello Naomi

I found your item "My Room With A View"  in the Read and Review tool, and thought that it was nice.

I don't know if this was your intention in sharing, but it did remind me of my own life and my own infatuation with constantly working. As someone that also loves a room with a review when it's raining, I appreciated this reminder to just pause and look at the little things around me.

All the best,


-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
60
60
Review of growing pains  
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: E | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello SIC

I thought this was an incredibly emotional piece. There is a very intangible sense of loss here that I think is what you were trying to portray? But I think that it's all the more effective because it is open to some interpretation.

I don't know enough about poetry to know if there was a form or anything that you were using, but I do know that the final result was effective.

Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

All the best,

-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
61
61
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: E | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello Kenzie


This is an old piece to review, but it came up on the Read and Review tool and I'm so glad that it did because I can't agree more with this advice. I wish I had read it back when I started my writing journey.

I remember after I had published with a free magazine, there were a lot of writers who told me that I'd made a mistake or been exploited, and made me feel like it was something to be ashamed of. But I didn't feel exploited. I used that publishing credit to submit to more established places, and now I'm writing professionally! Plus they edited my work and gave me experience incorporating feedback and communicating with editors.

That's not a route that would work for everyone, but you're 100% right when you say it's the author's decision if that's a good step for them.

And I love the attitude of the piece overall.

This was so validating and inspiring to read, so I'm so glad that I found it.

All the best,


-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
62
62
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: E | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello Jacky


I liked this piece a lot.

It was short and simple, but I think it does a great job at conveying it's point, and the lingering effect that out of the box problem-solving can have. It was down to earth, but well-executed flash fiction and I hope that I get to read more of your work soon.

Sincerely,


-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
63
63
Review of Relativity  
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: E | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello Hyperiongate

I found your item "Relativity"  in the Read and Request thread and thought it was really well done!

I like the message of it, which I do think lives up to its name of "Relativity." It is a good reminder to be more content with the things we have and I appreciate that you were able to get that message across in a way that didn't feel overly preachy.

Your main juxtaposition of the woman having a bad day in compared to the main character having the best day of his life with far less was excellently done.

Great work, and I hope it won the flash fiction challenge!

All the best,



-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
64
64
Review of Unrequited Love  
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________



Hello Prosperous Snow celebrating


Your item "Unrequited Love"  came up in the Read and Review tool and you know I'm always happy to read your work.

I was really drawn to the imagery in this one. The similes were all so strong and flowed from one into the next very smoothly. I also appreciate how you highlighted the prompt words so we could see what you were working with.

If they hadn't been highlighted, I never would have known you were writing this for a prompt. It all feels very natural.

I hope I get the chance to read more of your work in the future.

All the best,

-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
65
65
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: E | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello Tim Chiu

My Read and Review tool sent me to your item "A Love That Matters Most"  and I think it is a solid love poem.

I'm not a huge fan of things that are this straightforward romantically, but it is a time honored tradition of poets and I think you executed your premise really well. Even though it was not a piece I enjoyed, it is one that I can appreciate the attention to, and the technical details of.

It's obvious time and care when into this, and I thank you for sharing it with us.

All the best,

-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
66
66
Review of Quondam  
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: E | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________



Hello Sumojo

Another Read and Review item! I was really impressed by this one.

Though I don't know a lot about poetry structure, I've done enough poetry exercises to know that the syllable counting is some of the hardest form to master, and it seems like you've done a great job with that in this piece.

I also love the emotional resonance! It packs quite a punch for such a little poem, and I think you've done a great job with that.

All the best,




-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
67
67
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: E | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello Sumojo

I found your item "What’s done is done"  in the Read and Review section of Writing.Com and thought I'd leave you with my notes.

I think as a prompt response you did exceptionally well, and as a poem this was presented well. I don't know enough about the form to comment on that, but the content and style are both there.

Great job with this piece, you should be proud of this prompt answer.

All the best,

-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
68
68
Review of A Mother's Love  
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: E | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello jamisonbrown ,

I found your item "A Mother's Love"  in the Review Request thread and thought that I'd drop in with my thoughts.

I thought this was a a really well executed prompt response. It takes a sadder, more realistic, and bleaker tone to the Mother's Day experience, and the end really hammers that home well.

If I had one suggestion for this piece it would be to rework the opening dialogue a little? It provides great context, but the back and forth comes off as a little stiff.

Other than that, the writing is great, the flow was fantastic, and you were able to pack quite a punch with this little story.

I hope I get the chance to read more of your work soon, and thanks for sharing this piece with us.

All the best,

-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
69
69
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: E | (4.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello Slight

I found your item ""Consciousness" (Circa 2023)"  in the Review Request thread.

You said to please be critical, but I think that's a little harder to do with poetry because it's so subjective and I'm not well-versed in the poetic forms. So from a technical aspect, I'm not sure how you did in that regard.

From an emotional aspect, I did feel like there was something missing. You critique a lot of the words that we use to describe "consciousness" including "consciousness" itself, but then don't give us that alternative word that's mentioned.


But now we know better
That our word we used
did a disservice to "us"


I think if the poem had ended here you might not need to include an alternative. But it goes on for two stanzas after what feels like a correction, and I think it comes across more as a lecture than as a philosophical statement.

Up until the end though, I really liked the ideas that you were putting forth. It is something I don't see addressed much in poetry, and it's definitely interesting to think about. If you write the end more like the beginning, from a place of intrigue than correction, I think the whole piece would be more approachable, but stronger overall.

All the best,

-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
70
70
Review of Work in Progress  
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: E | (4.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello L.A.Saxe ,

I found your item "Work in Progress"  in the Review Request thread and thought I'd drop by with my notes.

I like the tone a lot, and think I see what you're going for with the overall style (though of course it's hard to tell from such a small excerpt.) It feels like you're trying to create sort of a Disc World situation?

While I don't know much about the plot of characters yet from just what you have, I have to say that yes, I do think it's worth continuing based off of just what I've seen.

I hope you do, and either way, I wish you the best of luck.

-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
71
71
Review of The Wallet  
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: E | (4.5)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________



Hello tracker ,

I found your item "Invalid Item"  in the Review Request thread and thought I'd drop by with my thoughts.

You mentioned in the request: "Character development, flow, transitions, hitting all elements of a strong short story." So those are the things I'm going to focus on.

I think you did a great job with character development, transitions, and the elements of a short story overall. I like that the end was left open to some interpretation as to what exactly happened.

If I had one suggestion, it might be one final round of edits. It wasn't that I found technical issues, there were just a few sentences that read a little awkward and could use cleaning up. Here are two examples:


She queued up Stephen King’s “The Institute” and Clive Cussler’s latest audiobooks to pass the time.

You named one very specific book and then the Clive Cussler books feel sort of tacked on when they're not listed by name. I think choosing one, well-known, large audiobook (The Institute is already a good example of this) would sound cleaner and give an estimate of the length of the trip. Or keeping it all more vague would also be a more consistent option.

She was a sports fan and was at ease talking about sports.

This one just reads awkwardly to me, like you the writer didn't want to tell me anything about sports.

But all of these were small issues, and could be easily fixed. Sometimes reading my piece out loud helps me give it that final polish, and if it's something you haven't tried yet, I would recommend.

In terms of structure and characters though, you've done a fantastic job already.

Sincerely,


-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
72
72
Review of First time test  
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: E | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




This is sort of funny, but your test item came up in Writing.Com's randomized Read and Review feature.

I hope that your test went well and that you're taking to the website well. It's a very welcoming community and I'd be happy to review some of your actual work properly when it gets uploaded.

If you have any questions, feel free to reach out and in the meantime, I am wishing you the best of luck!

All the best,



-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________
73
73
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello!

I found this through the Read and Review feature and I thought it was really sweet.

Normally I'd suggest using descriptions to paint the picture of a werewolf and kitsune rather than dropping the words in, but for a piece of this length you really have to make every word count. You got some world building, good dialogue, and a nice Christmas message into this tiny little piece and I think that's awesome.

All the best,



-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
74
74
Review of Fallen  
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: E | (5.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello Tinker


I found your item "Fallen"  through the Read and Review feature.

I don't know much about poetry, but I think if this is your first thought for "fallen" then you're absolutely doing something right. I loved the phrasing, and the deep emotional resonance of this piece.

If I had one suggestion, it would be that I'm not sure the line "fell hard!" at the end of the first stanza is necessary because you had already implied it so well, but of course that is subjective.

This was such an excellent piece, thank you for sharing it with us.

Sincerely,


-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
75
75
Review by Cat Voleur
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

______________________________________________________________________



*Cat* DISCLAIMER *Cat*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________






*Cat2* INTRODUCTION:*Cat2*


Hello Artful Flower ,

I found your item "For The [Supposed] Love of Dogs"  in the Review Request thread and think that you're off to a strong start. There is a lot to work with here, but I'm happy to leave my thoughts, since you said this is a piece that you want to do more with in the future.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:*Cat2*


*Paw* Emotion/Tone The first thing that I noticed about the piece was how early you were able to set the mood of being tired, miserable, while still justifying the concept of going into work. It sets you up as the narrator, we have this insight into your life, but it's also something that is relatable and which many of us can empathize with.

*Paw* Atmosphere: On a related, but slightly different note, I think your descriptive style is also effective at describing the setting and creating a sense of atmosphere throughout. There were many well phrased lines, but this early one is a perfect example of the tangible setting you've created throughout the piece.



The entire facility was a chamber of concrete, glass and metal with kennels sporting a large glass window to see what disaster the inhabitant created out of misery and boredom.



*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:*Cat2*



*Paw* Include a Hook

This may not be helpful depending on what direction you want to take with this as you move forward, but as a standalone piece, I think it would be good to include a hook in the opening paragraphs. Hint at your purpose in the story, the climax, anything that will grab and hold the reader's attention as it amps up.




*Cat2* CONCLUSION: *Cat2*


You have a great writing style and I think there is a lot of promise in this piece. I hope you continue working on it, and expanding it however you intended.

All the best,


-Cat


______________________________________________________________________





** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
443 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 18 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cat.voleur/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3