Just reviewing to be reading for awhile. This is great, thanks for a uplifting thought on the passing of strangers.
* This review is based upon story line and feelings received. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:
Excellent visualization of two passing strangers on a bus, then the portrayal of the writer thinking back on the chance encounter and wondering.
This I know all people must do occasionally, what ifs?
Content:I like the explanation at the bottom. Not all study Greek but the poem still holds meaning without the explanation too.
Format:Not big on poem formats so will leave that to others.
Pluses:No premonition- good term to use for the action taking place.
Suggestions: None
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat,
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:So very true. A complete and all encompsing free verse poem about waiting in a waiting room. Nicely done.
Each stanza complete. Good subject matter for such a poem.
Format:Free verse it is, no real rhyme but the stanza's do complement each other.
Pluses:Each stanza could stand individually and have it's own meaning.
Suggestions:Might remove a few "We" as they seem a little over done though this might affect the flow of the wording. I notice the fourth staza has several sentences that start with "For" might also try to consolidate there.
Write On!
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:Nicely done, a walk down a dusty road to meet God whom would never abandon anyone. Instead we turn our backs on him it seems. Emerging triuphant over any thing which has set us back is an exhilerating experience.
These words ring so true, flowing from one thought to another gracefully. Taking the time to say Thank You is always neccesary to bring us full circle. Remembering where we have been.
Write On!
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:A beautifully done poem. Of course by my sign off you can see why this attracted my attention.
Nicely done in repeating the beginning of the line and managing to make the sections rhyme and move smoothly. Very nice Job.
I especially like the third paragraph set of lines. A great perspective of actions to bring to mind in what is seen from angels above and around us.
Write On!
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression: Nice job. A great short on first day of a new job. Interesting twist on how things can work out in the end. Great positive ending.
Content:A short story containing one day of a new job as a photographer. Misleading job information, and a few morning mishaps lead to a great ending to the messed up day.
Format: Spaced nicely. Speaking parts clear whom is speaking. Nice layout for easy reading. Good job.
Pluses:If you only knew!
Sometimes the best of exclamations are best kept to ourselves.
Suggestions:None noted
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:A sweet heartwarming story. Wrong is not always so wrong. The foster system like all other government things are based on boxes and fitting into them. Sometimes you have to be human and think outside the box. Trust your instincts. In this case the writer had a heart, thanks to people like her there are warm loving homes for children that need them. The parents may also get their second chances. The mother in this case gets a chance to prove her love, she also appreciates the woman fostering her daughter that much more and knows her daughter is in good hands. An awesome job of portraying human feeling.
Format:Nicely spaced, easy to read and follow what the writer is portraying. Nice job.
Pluses: I like how the writer admits it might be technically wrong, but was it really wrong? From a human aspect such an action could never be seen as wrong unless something bad was happening to the child. In this case judgement of the birth mother , she obviously couldn't care for the child but loved her all the same and deserved that extra effort. Each child and parent in such cases should be based on individuals envolved not just a square on a sheet of paper and wether it is marked or not.
Written in such a way as to really pull at the heart strings for the decision the writer makes and the birth mother's position. Both heartrendering situations. Thank you for sharing.
Write on!
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:A nice short on ranch life over thirty years and the changes endured.
Buying meat in a store such as hyvee or wal-mart, just doesn't taste the same as freshly butchered meat. I still prefer deer over store bought beef any day. The local meat market is much prefered over chain store meat. I know they get their produce from local ranchers (though these are fewer and fewer in this area.) The butter and milk are very much missed from younger years. I like reading of such memories. They bring back such long over looked memories. Thanks.
Format:nicely spaced and easy to read.
Pluses:You specifically tell in the beginning how many years of memories we are speaking of and what you are telling about. Good starting point. This could easily be expanded into short story or even a novel about ranch life.
Suggestions:I do suggest finding another tag besides other on your stories as other has a tendency to turn a reader away from reading on this site.
Write On!
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings received. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression: A clever mysterious introduction to a story that is a mystery. A beginning that pulls the reader to continue reading.
Content:Sets the reader up to travel through Melanie's memory and find out the answer to the mystery. While she goes through her everyday life, and begins to make decisions on her own once again.
The ending seems incomplete though, two of the mysteries brought up are never answered. This leaves the reader hanging wanting to know the ending.
Format:Paragraphs easy to identify, easily read.
Pluses:An interesting twist to finding why she lost her voice. The author never really answers this question though and that leaves this reader wanting more than a short story about this character which has been through so much.
Suggestions:“What’s wrong, honey?” he said with a smile, “cat got your tongue?”
*"(C)at got your tongue?"
“don’t you know that this is Bertha and Willy’s girl?
“(D)on’t you know that this is Bertha and Willy’s girl?
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression: Oh how true this is. It gets so complicated sometimes it costs more to send the "free" items back than it does to just keep and pay for it.
A well told story of an all too common probably. At least you can try to laugh about it. That always helps the situation.
Content:
Nice sum up of how these things work. Well done!
Format:Short story element of one event turning into a hassle that no one should have to deal with. Well written and easy to read.
Pluses:Got to love that fifty digit number.
(Thats all we are to most of these companies just a number,which is in itself a very bad trend. )
Suggestions:When it first gets into calling the company, I verbally installed without thinking. "What the **** I have to dial one to hear English." (Personal feeling.) I had to laugh when I realized what I'd done.
A definite good job of setting the scene enough that one becomes the character while reading. Getting just as frustrated as the author and even inserting lines that are not there.
WRite On!
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
Well done and nicely laid out. A very informing article on Japenese Health care. Oh how I wish something to change in the United States as many do. I too do not believe socialized medicine is the answer in the United States , not right now anyway. Yes it is good measure for the US citizens to take into account other forms of medical society out there. Such as your article here states.
The information you have included here is well worth considering when thinking about the political and social affects of socialized medicine.
But then you also need to look at other systems in the total picture. Education, employment oppurtunities, housing......etc.
You can not narrow such a subject to just one social element. One change is going to affect other elements. These need to be considered to a degree also.
I find no spelling nor grammar errors that really stand out or interupts the reader. An excellent job with layout and readability.
Thank you for the knowledge you have laid out clearly here, well done.
Write On!
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:Wow the opening paragraph pulls you into this story. The mention of the way thoughts skip around puts an emphasis on the different ways life changes so fast.
Content:Nicely done and complete. I am assuming what TreBlinka is for now but great ending to a surreal story. I will have to go look that up. Great job at capturing the scenes in descriptions that are very detailed.
Pluses:Piles of shoes and clothes scattered the courtyard,
This whole paragraph pretty much tells the picture of where this location is, and where they have been delivered to like a bunch of cattle. So detailed you can picture it easily in the mind.
Suggestions:none noted.
Write On!
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:Short to the point, and oh so heart felt, have said those things too many times. To see them in writing speaks right to the heart. Nicely done.
Content:Three paragraphs of heartfelt feelings, simplified and straight arrow to the heart. Hope He got the point.
Pluses:Sometimes love comes with an extravagant cost,
Boy does it! Sometimes costs way too much mentally and physically, not to mention monetarily. LOL!
Suggestions:
none noted
Write ON!
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:Nicely done, a complete story in less than 500 words. What a gift goodbye, always good memories to keep.
Content:Good for such a short story, tells alot of the twins and their special love for their grandfather.
Format:Easy to read , nicely spaced.
Suggestions:none noted.
Write On!
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression: I don't know much about scripts but the way this is set up the descriptions are well done. One can picture the scenes and the heartlessness behind the concept. Imagining the Bum and what they look like, being ignored and left to die on the street.
Content:Pretty much as one would picture a script about being ignored because of the way you are dressed and look, yet you wonder what the bums story is , why is he there? So very true to human nature this is. The mother's role is a little seventish but a good description for this piece it fits.
Format:Good for a script, least what I know. It is clear where action is taking place, clear when it is description, and clear when the actors are speaking. Nice job of clarification.
Pluses:Shaun (looks at kids, scowling): Didn’t eat all your food, did ya? There are starving people
Like that portion.
Suggestions:Nice ending. Might add a bit of discription of what the bum looks like as his crys get weaker, is he still holding the paper bag. Is he seeing his past life at any point? Most bums were not always bums but had good lives that fell apart to their own doing or just natures doing, some forget these memories while others cling to them. Is this bum clinging to his memories?
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression: A cute fast pased humourous story. Though it travels a bit off course a couple times. The dog talking is a funny aspect.
Content:The dog doesn't talk in front of others yet several places the dog talks "in front of others". So this makes me wonder if he out right talks or if the writer just mind hears the dog such as a psychic dog whisperer would. LOL.
Format:Indeed a short story that makes one laugh at the thought.
Suggestions:Paragraph indentions, and or a line space between paragraphs is suggested for easier reading on line. An awful lot of run on sentences. Sentences with so many comas could be condensed to shorter sentences.
Nice use of the prompts and a good story if you can follow the switch in character focus.
Write On!
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:A very good tell. Very descriptive and gives one the feeling of being transported there while reading.
Content:Maybe I am misunderstanding the challenge as I did not see the owner of the object in the story.
I get the object is a painting, but who was its owner. This seems to speak more of the person whom was the model for the painting. I suppose she could have also been the owner. The story is clear of the loss of loved one.
Format:Fits the fictional short story telling all details except the one mentioned above. Nice job, as I said I may be misunderstanding that. Doesn't much matter, good story anyway.
Pluses:Very emotional, fitting the prompt nicely.
Suggestions:none noted.
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression: Nicely done. I assume the blue words were for a prompt. Nice inclussion of them. The story is very well balanced with action and description of the scenes.
Content:A short story that leaves you hanging. Love the cliff hangers. A romantic this painter is so I would figure this romance is off to an excellent start even for a sci-fi. Nice twist,him getting a job with same company and the added time on the travel. Thats going out of his way to chase romance.
Of course the being in the mural is a nice touch too.
Format:Short story done short and too the point. Less than a thousand words. Great job for a short.
Pluses:Love the riddle and her figuring it out so easily, giving the reader the knowledge of why she came to this conclusion in painting the mural description so well.
Suggestions:Why do her employees refer to her as a phenomenon of nature? I continue to ask myself this question. Might include the answer in their conversation then that could be a question that keeps the reader coming back for more, hmm?
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:Cute little poem. Fits prompt well, and makes one think of a small child, trying to learn to sleep without the light on. Chanting to himself all mom or dad has said the scary sounds are. Trying to convince themselves not to turn the light on.
Format:
Fitting and nicely done.
Pluses:Like the ending, you can picture the kid giving in , hugging his teddy bear close and running to the light switch. Good Job.
Suggestions:None noted.
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression: Wow a great short that is very discriptive. Great job describing the forest as seen by the girl. The way it was done keeps the reader wanting to see more of this enchanted land.
To bad the reality seems so grim for the girl.
Content:This sounds like an introduction to a larger story, maybe a novel. It is very nice and paints an enchanted picture of the forest from a childs view.
Format: Title fits nicely. Paragraphs spaced nicely, easy viewing.
Pluses:The entire third and fourth paragraphs. Love the flow of this as the picture filled the mind
Suggestions:Hope to see more to this story.
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:Great job on the twist in the scenario. Too get the full view of the scenario into a short piece such as this is very nice job.
Pluses:A great twist to a small mystery short. The suspense is great and all. Yet I have to wonder if more couldn't be added to the meaning behind the quilt in the beginning.
Suggestions:I think I would remove this line. It is pretty conclusive already at this point, and would leave the reader wondering, kind of a cliff hanger ending.
She stared into the two pale blue eyes looking at her from her own dead face.
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:Cute little poem about the frogs, and yes they can get very annoying at night. Especially on a rainy evening.
Many a sleepless night from them.
Content:Action and rhyme done nicely to describe the irritating song of the frog. If allowed to irritate. This can also be a soothing noise at the right time. Though in this case the author has done a great job of showing a restless night, and now a beautiful day missed because of sleeping in from it.
Suggestions:A couple places might need a bit of punctuation but I am not sure of this.
You lie there awake (,) till you can stand no more.
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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** This reveiw is based upon story line and feelings recieved. Grammar and punctuation are only noted if obvious.
Overall impression:
This is really cool, love the way you have done this poem. One of the better poems I have read. A great format and an excellent theme.
I picture a child of about five, hiding behind the edge of the couch or behind a curtain hiding from dad. Love it!
Pluses:The bogeyman repeated like that makes me think of child hood games. Great job.
Suggestions: Ok whats the best toy?
Not up to date on the toys these days with no children, now I am left wondering what the last described toy is?
Please remember these are your decisions, it is ultimately up to you what works best.
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
I do prefer seeing punctuation and Capitalization. Losing these basics and it makes one wondering what the English language will become. Personal preference there.
Well said. It is a hard subject to deal with. Especially knowing as an adult the excuse always given to the children, really never meant anything. Was just what the adult used to silence the questions the child held within. The adult really had no answer for their inner confusion either.
If only those parents would realize the deep scar imbedded in the mind of the child each time they say those words.
"Only staying together for the childrens sake."
I'd set a parent straight now a days, if it was my place too . Which it isn't , everything is different for everyone out there. Just well now I know from my mothers view (without the "for the sake of the children"}, the questions are still the same. The doubts are all still sounding in the equation wether their are children or not, so the question becomes, Do these parents entend to hurt their child? Probably not. Should more be explained to the child,? That depends on the maturity of the child. Should the child be told this? Well once maybe, but a repeated mantra of any sort becomes a scar or a happy memory one which do you hope your child has as a parent themselves?
You can't fix the past but you can change the future. Just because you heard these words growing up does not mean you have to repeat them in the future. The changes begin with you.
Write on!
Cemetarykat
May your angel watch over you, always!
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