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1,621 Public Reviews Given
1,644 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I think my style is pretty honest. Though I try to find the good in everything, I give accurate ratings that express my opinion of a piece. Whether good or bad, you hopefully will understand my ratings by the end of the review. I give ratings that reflect the quality of the writing with 3 stars meaning "average". I only give 5 stars for items that I genuinely love or items that are more about effort than quality (i.e. folders, contests, forums, blogs, etc).
I'm good at...
Finding the most concise way to rewrite, tweaking structure and format, locating plot holes. Poetry reviews are my specialty. Quality-focused rather than meaning-focused.
Favorite Genres
Free Verse, Scifi, Horror
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, Erotica, Fantasy, Historical
Favorite Item Types
Anything with a short format suits me fine, as I adore short fiction (writing, reading, and reviewing). Book, static item... doesn't matter.
Least Favorite Item Types
Ummm.. Interactives & Campfires.
I will not review...
I generally don't do novel/script reviews unless I know the person. Short work is what I have time for and what I most enjoy.
Public Reviews
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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey Beth! Apparently, I never reviewed Rez Juke! Imagine! I was pretty sure that I reviewed it last year. Anyway, I need to review a "Halloween" activity for "The Challenge" Open in new Window. and decided to peek at Soundtrackers... just in case. *Facepalm*

Obviously I love this activity. It was my first Soundtrackers event, and I haven't missed a single event since then. It's one of my favorite blog activities on WDC, in fact. And I love the whole spooky/dead/resurrect deal too.

So, consider this:

1. A long overdue review of something that you know I love.
2. An apology for doing 13 out of 15 entries on the last day (for real *Facepalm*).
3. Just a quick hello because... you know... you're cool. *Wink*

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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Alright... my 5th and final review for tonight! Well... my 26th review for tonight, but the 5th one for you. Believe it or not, a whole lot of them were long, in-depth review for people's actual writing. Imagine that. *Wink*

You have two folders left without any stars at all. At least, I think it was just two. At any rate, it was difficult choosing between them since both have over 20 items in them! Wow have you created a whole lot of stuff in a very short time! It's amazing, really.

Anyway, I decided on the story folder because I've read some of these. *Laugh* Next month though, I'll need to do a whole bunch more newbie reviews, and I wouldn't be at all shocked to wander over here and find myself reviewing the one left behind.

Not only do you have a whole lot of stories in here (more than I've written in my entire time on WDC I think... I'm a poetry person, after all), they are also super diverse. You have so many genres in here that I'm not entirely sure what preferences you have, if any. That is the sign of a folder deserving of five pretty purple stars. *Smile* Now, my mini port raid is over. Cheers!



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Review of Signatures  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Woah! You have more sigs than I do too! By a long shot! *Shock* How are you doing this? *Laugh* That is just craziness. I've been here for years, and yet, you have more than me?

Okay, to be fair, I have been receiving signatures for years as gifts. I just stick the emails in my "Keep" folder. I've never downloaded them and uploaded them. Now that I have a photo album, I have a few stuck in there... like 2? I'm sure I'll toss more in there at some point. I guess maybe I'm just too lazy to change my sigs that often. I certainly can't imagine having need for this many!

16? Have you even been here long enough to have USED all of these? *Laugh* You must average like one every two days or some craziness. To each their own though... you're a colorful sort of lady. Your sigs should be too. Anyway, they are nicely organized and easy to find... deserving of 5 stars, I'd say.


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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow, lady! You've only been here for what? A month and a half? And you already have more of these miscellaneous item types than I do! At least, I don't think I have this many. The few I do have are tucked away in my Misc folder in a subfolder called "Misc of the Misc" with a bunch of random stuff ranging from cool to total junk. *Laugh* I can tell you one thing for sure though: I have never made a madlib. I'm about to make one for a challenge I'm doing, but it will certainly be my first.

Anyway, I'm glad that people keep making stuff like this all over the place. People ask you to do a puzzle or madlib or quiz all the time in challenges (like "The Challenge" Open in new Window. for instance), and it's nice to have some fresh ones around. This is a nice set of stuff... I know where to come next time I need to do a miscellaneous activity. *Wink*



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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (1.5)
Welcome to WDC, Winter Kitten Author Icon! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!


What Caught My Eye

The title caught my attention while I was looking through a bunch of stories and poems written by people who are new to WDC. The title seemed like a story, but the length was as short as a poem. It got my interest. I do love microfiction, and I also read a whole lot of poetry, in addition to writing and reviewing it. I mostly clicked to see which this was.

Misc Thoughts

A prologue is meant to introduce something that people need to know that takes place before a story starts. This does introduce the characters, but it seems to me that you could introduce them just as well during the story. If Pixie is interacting with Bell and Sammy and Blitz, then we will clearly understand that they are friends without you telling us so in the prologue. Similarly, if you make it clear that Pixie is a dog, and then she starts talking, we will know that she is a talking dog, right?

This all amounts to "show don't tell" really, which is a rule that I am not 100% fond of. Sometimes telling is faster and simpler and preferable to taking the longer route to show the audience. Still though, this seems like a case of all telling and no showing.

I am assuming that this is an extremely rough draft, right? You typed it up and didn't read it or touch it again? Grammar-wise, this is a huge mess. There are also unedited typo-looking things like "Bell,Sammy,and" with no spaces. If you clean it up, it would be easier to read. When editing, pay close attention to your sentences as well. There are a whole lot of run-on sentences going on in here. For instance:

Pixie she likes to go to sleep while someone is petting her, she likes to lick people, she likes to bark at people, and she is a cuddle bug, but most importantly she is a protective dog who keeps her family and friends safe.

She likes to go. She likes to lick. She likes to bark, and she is a cuddle bug. <---All of these are complete sentences that cannot be strung together in one sentence. You could say "She likes to go, lick, bark, and cuddle", but you cannot write them as complete sentences and stick them together with commas. Does that make sense?

Effect

The readability for this piece is just... not very good right now. It is a bit difficult to get through because of the punctuation and such at the moment. With a bit of revision, it would be much smoother. Then, people might be able to tell you whether the story hooked them or not rather than pointing out the boring stuff like grammar too. Just my two cents. Good luck with your revisions.


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Review of stand with me  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.0)
Welcome to WDC! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!


What Caught My Eye

I've been reading some newbie poetry tonight. You're new and this is poetry, so it seemed like a good fit. *Wink* I also tend to enjoy dark poetry and stories.

Misc Thoughts

This seems like a very rushed and 100% unrevised poem. "All I was given was a lie an pain", for instance, is probably 'lie and pain', right? That is something that even a few seconds worth of revision would catch.

So this is a very raw rough draft. Nothing wrong with that. Personally, I prefer proper capitalization and punctuation unless there is a good reason to not do that. Here, the lines are mostly in complete sentences, so it feels weird without them.

I know that some people have an issue with excessively long lines in a piece with short lines. I'm not one of those. That can be done very effectively. It isn't super effective here, but it could be with some revision.

If I had to give you one more piece of advice for revising the piece, it would be this: watch your verbs. Action verbs are much more interesting than forms of "to be". Namely, was/is/were.

I was given (passive voice) was
All I wanted was
All you gave me was
My love for your was
My heart is
To touch you is
If I was to

Boring. That is just... boring word choice, no? The lines that really sing in this piece use more expressive verbs.

Kisses haunt
Skin tempts
I slip away

It makes a big difference. Using action verbs will also force you to rewrite some of the more ho-hum repetitive and conversational lines into something more emotive. Go for it!

Effect

Overall, this is... a mess, but there's nothing wrong with that! This is what drafts are for. This is what reviews and critiques are for as well. Don't give up... just get on with some editing and revision. *Thumbsup*


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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*BurstP* I'm earning my sparkles at "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. to spread sparkles for Phoebe around WDC! *BurstP*

I'm doing a challenge for "a very Wodehouse challenge" Open in new Window. that involves monkeys. Don't ask! *Laugh* Anyway, I started looking for monkey stories and stumbled across yours.


What Caught My Eye

The title is definitely the reason I chose to look at your story. Ah, those metaphorical monkeys! "Monkey on my back" and all of that. I was just curious as to what you did with it. After reading bunches of stories about actual monkeys, I figured a metaphorical monkey might be interesting.

Favorite Aspects

I think that this is a pretty clever story. The plot itself is intriguing. Of course, I'm a science fiction lover about to enter a grad program for Technology Leadership and Innovation too. I would guess that I am probably part of your ideal audience. I'm into the stuff.

Character(s)

I felt like we got to know Doug pretty well through the story, but I never really... cared about him. Like, live or die or go insane or whatever... I wouldn't have cared what happened to him. That's not really ideal. I would say that I never really became fully engaged in the story. It didn't grab me. I mostly just kept reading to see where you were taking the plot. Everything else was just... there. No shining standouts as far as the setting, descriptions, dialogue. It was sufficient I guess, but it wasn't amazing.

Technical

Thank you for double-spacing the paragraphs here. It makes it much easier to read. That said, your paragraphs are much MUCH too long to be read in digital format. Most online writing is broken into paragraphs no longer than 7 reasonable-length sentences, and the preference tends to lie right around 5 sentences.

Longer than that, and the person's eyes start to swim when it is presented on a computer screen. For the sake of the readers on here, I'd definitely consider cutting that last paragraph (for example) into 3 paragraphs.

This has nothing to do with the story itself, but if you want people to read it, break it up a bit. The readability would be much improved. Generally, I would look at a story like this and close it without reading it because it isn't meant to be read online.

Effect

Overall, I think the idea was cool and clever and unique. In the end though, the execution didn't leave me fully satisfied. You have an interesting story, but the writing itself could be more engaging.

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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BurstP* I'm earning my sparkles at "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. to spread sparkles for Phoebe around WDC! *BurstP*

I'm doing a challenge for "a very Wodehouse challenge" Open in new Window. that involves monkeys. Don't ask! *Laugh* Anyway, I started looking for monkey stories and stumbled across yours.

What Caught My Eye

The title is reminiscent of Escape from Witch Mountain, which is fitting for a children's story. The title itself sounds like a children's sort of story. I also liked the general message here... the escaped lab monkey going to a monkey paradise? Cute.

Plot

I think that the plot is pretty original. I've never read anything exactly like it before, which is a plus. The fact that there are some facts involved is also a little bonus... moms love those educational books.

Audience

I think that the language is pretty spot-on for children too. I'm guessing for ages around, say, 10? The word choice is easy enough to follow, I'd say, and you use language that will keep them reading and enthusiastic. It's the little details that really sell it. Like, for instance, the "Monkeys are not fish" line. That is so perfectly child-like.

Effect

You specifically asked for feedback from us but, preferably, from our children. I have a seven year old and read him the beginning. He lost interest when it got to the girl on the bus. I guess it just wasn't action-packed enough to keep his attention? I don't know, but I figured I would mention it.

Aside from some grammar issues and a few odd clarity problems (for instance, "And instead of giving you medicine that turns you from well to sick, they give you medicine that turns you from sick to well. Imagine that!" which I had to read a few times to figure out what you were going for... and which my son did not understand AT ALL), I think that the story is solid.

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Review of Nyctohylophobia  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*BurstP* I'm earning my sparkles at "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. to spread sparkles for Phoebe around WDC! *BurstP*

I'm doing a challenge for "a very Wodehouse challenge" Open in new Window. that involves monkeys. Don't ask! *Laugh* Anyway, I started looking for monkey stories and stumbled across yours.


What Caught My Eye

Weird creature in the horror/scary genre? Sold. I figured it was worth giving it a peek and ended up enjoying the general writing style.

Favorite Aspects

I actually like the mirrored beginning and ending. It takes a certain sort of spark to use that technique and not have it feel weird and forced. You managed that very well. The final sentence has some resonance.

Also, I had never read about this particular monkey-headed creature before, so that was pretty interesting. I've always wished I could write something in the mythology genre... never seems to work at all for me, though it is enjoyable to read.

Plot/Characters/Setting

The plot is pretty well thought-out and seemed to be linear enough to follow with ease. The characters seemed a bit on the dull side. I don't feel like I got to know them super well, and I never really cared what happened to them. I think that the setting was slightly overdone at times, and I found myself thinking, "I get it! They're in the forest" a couple times. The word "forest" is used 9 times here. That might be a few too many for comfort. Descriptions are pretty important for a horror story though, and the non-setting descriptions were one of the perks.

Effect

Overall, I think the story is decent. I wasn't spellbound, but I wasn't too bored to read to the end. A decent draft. On a side note, it would be much much easier to read if you double-spaced the paragraphs (in Advanced settings when editing your item, there is a box to check to double-space them). It is much easier on the eyes when reading something online. As for the story itself, it could be better, but it isn't a bad read.

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Review of Evila  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
*BurstP* I'm earning my sparkles at "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. to spread sparkles for Phoebe around WDC! *BurstP*

I'm doing a challenge for "a very Wodehouse challenge" Open in new Window. that involves monkeys. Don't ask! *Laugh* Anyway, I started looking for monkey stories and stumbled across yours.

What Caught My Eye

Someone finding out his would isn't the only one that exists... that is definitely what caught my eye. Multi-dimensional stuff can be interesting.

Favorite Aspects

I think that the story itself is interesting. The plot is amusing, and I can appreciate the idea itself. I found myself wondering what prompted such a story... where the idea really came from. That is the mark of an interesting piece.

Setting

There is a fair bit of description in this story, but most of it isn't setting. That isn't a huge problem, but a tiny bit more setting in the beginning would have been good.

Technical

The biggest issue with this piece is... this is not a play, right? "The boy:" and "The girl:" and "The man:" are not proper dialogue tags. It was super distracting. It gave the story a weird vibe that wasn't altogether pleasant. It made the conversations feel... fake.

The odd dialogue tags also create this strange disconnect between the conversations and the rest of the story. They don't seem to be related. Like the conversations are happening in a vacuum and are totally emotionless?

Also, this would be a whole lot easier to read with double-spaced paragraphs. That is just a "reading stories online" thing. Negative space hurts your eyes less when reading on a computer screen. I can't fault your story for it, but I thought it was worth mentioning.

Effect

Overall, I think this story could use some work for sure. Fixing the formatting would make it more readable, but really, you should focus on fixing the dialogue so that it has proper dialogue tags. "No," she said. *Left* Much easier to read than *Right* The girl: "No." More professional and clean looking as well.

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Review of Blue  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*BurstP* I'm earning my sparkles at "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. to spread sparkles for Phoebe around WDC! *BurstP*


I love the way your folders are broken up, love. First, I love that the names are colors because I am a huge color lover. Second, it is amazing that you have enough poetry to warrant having them in a million folders! The themes would probably drive me nuts... is it emotional or mental illness or dark or some hybrid of the three? That sort of thing. I just slap all of my pieces into folders by year so that I can find them, which is convenient for me, but your folders are super convenient to the reader because they can choose what they want to read with ease.

I have read quite a few of these poems. The titles looked familiar on a number of them. Not surprising since I know that I have reviewed you quite a few times. Now and then, you stumble across someone whose writing is just easy to review. I don't know why you're easy to review... our strengths and weaknesses balance out maybe? Or we speak the same language and I just "get" what you're doing with them? No idea, but I'm always up for a Jess review! *Wink*

You have some really interesting and sad pieces in here. Just at a glance, a poem about Anne Frank caught my eye because of that huge awardicon. That is interesting to me... I've never tried my hand at historical poetry. I rarely write from personal experience too, so people wont find much like your "Regret" in my port either. I'm starting to get there... just not quite arrived. I appreciate anyone who can really take their poems to a dark or emotional place for them personally.

Anyway, I'll move on to the next review. I'm going to refresh your port too to see if the ratings are showing up. *Facepalm*

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Review of Dark Poetry  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Alright... so all of your main folders have ratings now, which is good enough, I'd say. But I do have one more review to do... and I'm already here. So I figured that I might as well just go ahead and do one more. But what?

I knew exactly where to go. *Laugh* I figured that your poetry folder would have subfolders since your story folder did. And there it was... Dark Poetry. I knew you'd have one. *Laugh*

You write tons of dark poetry, have a dark poetry contest and group, and commissioned the dark poetry merit badge. It screams that it means something to you, no? *Wink* So this is the perfect review to end on, and it is definitely deserving of 5 stars, since the folder is packed. Happy Anniversary, Darleen... my definitely-no-longer-newbie friend. *Shock* Maybe I'll be back for another mini-raid on your third anniversary. *Heart*


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Review of Etcetera....  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Laugh* Uh oh... I just landed in your non-group-related kitchen drawer! This is actually not that cluttered or crazy, considering. I just reorganized my Miscellaneous folder a week or so ago. You know, the usual... added cover photos, more subfolders, tidied up all the weird stuff that has been in there since 2009!

In the end, mine is still a big old mess compared to yours. *Facepalm* I'll have to come back and peek through your misc folder four years from now and see how clean and organized it is THEN. *Wink*

The thing that grabs my interest the most in this folder is "A Postcard from Bora Bora". I don't know if this is a poem or what, but I thought that was the most random title I've seen in ages... perfect for a Misc folder. It makes me want to slap an item in the middle of my misc folder that just says "One Left Sock" or something. *Laugh*


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Review of Works in Progress  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I'm totally on a roll now! *Laugh* I need to do 5 more reviews (at least) for Anniversary Reviews. You have 4 folders left in your port. Looks like you're about to have all of your portfolio starred and pretty. And maybe one subfolder if I don't decide to spread the love a little bit at the end.

Now, this one might be tricky, since all of the items in here are private! *Laugh* I don't think it really matters though. This might even be the most "serious" folder of the entire bunch because you're working on drafts and getting them to a place where reviews will actually be helpful and/or necessary. Seems like more people ought to do it that way, really. I can't tell you how many times I've reviewed something only to have them tell me, "You shouldn't have reviewed this! It wasn't ready!" Well... how was I supposed to know that?

So anyway... keep on adding to your sneaky secret works in progress, love. I think it's a great way to go about your writing process. Gotta say that it makes me pretty curious though. *Laugh* What are these 4 mystery items?! I better stop here, lest I drive myself mad with curiosity. *Wink*


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Review of Short Stories  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Alright, 🌑 Darleen - QoD Author Icon! Back for another folder review. This might be the last one for right now. I'm not sure just yet. You have a zillion folders, and barely any of them have ratings. Chances are, it will take a while to get them all done, even if I take a stab at it now. Ugh. I guess that's really why I do all of these folder reviews though. No one ever does them. And why not? It looks better with ratings, and for anniversaries, they're especially nice because I don't have to feel like I'm "gifting" someone a 3-star review or something. Know what I mean? *Laugh*

Okay, anyway. I think that I've only ever read one of your short stories. I mostly review newbies... newbie poetry, most specifically. I looked up the reviews I have done for you so far, and the one that I reviewed in this folder is the original Chocolate Miracles. I saw that it was fantasy and clicked the fantasy subfolder to see how well organized your port is. Imagine that! You can find things in here! *Laugh*

I see that you have rewritten Chocolate Miracles. Not a bad idea, since it had a few snafus for the first draft (true of pretty much all first drafts, actually). I know that I read the original because you asked me for feedback on it... did I ever read the rewrite? No idea anymore. I do vaguely remember the story though, even after all this time. It was about ummm... a magic sweets shop? Like, the candy was sort of like potions?

Well, that isn't much story so much as general setting/premise, but hey, after two years and hundreds of reviews, it's probably a good thing that I remember anything about it, right? I mean, you must have done something right.

Alright. I'll take a look around and see if I can't send you a few more anniversary-ratings for your folders. They will probably be much shorter, since I haven't read anything in those. Who knows though? I do have a tendency to ramble. *Wink*


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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I feel like I have time for about one more review, which is super convenient since you have exactly ONE folder left to review! Yay for a port that looks full and pretty! You have one other item in there without any ratings... either a Book or In and Out item I guess? Don't remember which, but regardless, I might come back and give it a review sometime... just for the sake of completion.

Sneaky sneaky with this one. Are you hiding all of the items so that you can release them all at once? Hmmmm... hiding them isn't a requirement for the contest I don't think. I can't be sure though. I read the requirements and such for the contest when Kiya first announced it, but I'm not a story writer at all, so the information didn't stick.

At any rate, good luck with the contest, love! The competition will be fierce with prizes that good. *Laugh* And on a final note here... I had never heard (or heard of) Regina Spektor before. I looked her up on YouTube and gave one of her songs a listen while writing this. Ummm... "How"? Not bad.


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Review of Stories  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow! Again, you seem to experiment a whole lot with different genres. Supernatural, horror, mystery, young adult, women's, inspirational, comedy... that is a whole lot of variety. I'm always amazed when people branch out that much. I think that literally every story I've ever written falls into a few basic categories. Horror, scifi, and/or dark. That's seriously it. You have so many genres represented here that it's hard for me to even wrap my head around it. *Laugh*

I didn't think that I had ever read any of your stories, but I have! One more review to add to the list of reviews I've done for you too, since I read/reviewed "How Mr. Greene Lost His Leg" for ummm... the WDC official contest you wrote it for? Whichever one that was. That must have been before I first read your poetry. Once I read someone's poetry, the stories disappear from my mind I guess. *Wink* Hey, I'm a poetry person.

That said, I thought that story was pretty darn cute. If that is any indication, I imagine that the stories in this folder are solid. They have really good ratings from other people too. Good enough for me to give the folder itself 5-stars! Though really... folders are about the effort for me. Always 5 stars. *Thumbsup*


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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Woah... you're a big fan of the Writer's Cramp, huh? *Laugh* 7 entries. That has got to be more than I have ever entered that particular contest. I should probably give it a try more often, but I'm miserable with prompts. I've entered twice recently because I had to enter for some challenge or other. I won once too, actually. Other than those two times, I haven't entered since I was a newbie myself, and even then, it was just a couple times.

Anyway, do prompts only work for you when you write stories? Just curious. You write poetry, and the contest accepts both poetry and stories... yet there is no poetry in here. *Laugh*

You have a pretty nice variety of genres in here. Fantasy, horror, political, comedy, family... that is pretty impressive. For me, no matter what I set out to write, it turns into something a bit dark.

Have any of these won, by the way? It might be nice for future reference if you say which ones have won... maybe put them in the body of the folder? No one ever clicks that "Go to Folder" link, so it would just be for you. Still, it might be nice to have later.


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Review of Poetry  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello again, love! Long time no see? *Laugh* Really... two minutes or something? But it felt like ages and ages. *Wink*

One more quickie review and rating, and I can honestly say that I have no qualms at all about giving this folder a 5-star review. I've read quite a few of your pieces by now. I've even reviewed quite a few of your poems now I think... maybe? I'm nearly positive that I've reviewed at least three of these, though I didn't bother to confirm that.

Okay, "Baby Pictures" I know that I read and reviewed for the Newbies ONLY contest. I'm not entirely sure that I reviewed "I Watched a Dancer", but I gave it a spontaneous awardicon... that is feedback I'd say. Hmmm... wasn't there another? As I recall, I first met you when you asked me to review something and, as luck would have it, I happened to need a break from whatever I was doing. Ugh! That seems like it was a year ago!

Anyway, that "Pumpkin Spice Latte" gave me flashbacks to the coffee shop. One of my employees broke a whole bottle of the stuff. Sticky. So so so so sticky! We all smelled like pumpkin spice even after showering too. *Facepalm* Oh, that's it! On to the next one!



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Review of Previous Life  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, love! I decided to pop back over to your port and do some quick folder reviews and ratings. Those starless folders just look so empty there.

So... from your previous life on WDC? I take it you had an account on WDC before this one? Lots of return to the site later with a new account. I've known several who deleted their accounts and made new ones almost immediately just to begin fresh. *Smile* It's nice to keep a little memento around though.

Of course... 7th grade? Might this actually be for "pre-WDC" stuff? Hard to tell for sure which you mean, but it doesn't make much of a difference I suppose.

Now, with only one item in a folder, that is a little light for a 5-star review, but I assume that you're going to add more here at some point or you probably wouldn't have bothered making the folder, right? Either way, have some purple stars! I'm off to your next folder.

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Review of Poetry Folder  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey, amyjo-Keeping it real and fun! Author Icon! You review your tail off, so I figured that I might as well drop you a review. Not sure if I have ever reviewed you or not, but no matter. *Smile* The more reviews you do, the more you tend to get in return, so keep going strong! I'm actually reviewing you because you were the first newbie friend I ran across. I review new people all the time, but if I can send someone a happy little review now and then, all the better if it is someone I happen to know. *Wink*

I saw that you organized your portfolio into folders (awesome!), but all of the folders are currently starless. I figured that I might as well remedy that. Sometimes, if you get one review, people start to notice that the others have no ratings. Even if they don't though, I can always come back through and give you a bunch of quickie reviews and ratings. Folders just look so... empty without ratings. And no one ever things to review them.

I looked through some of the items in here. You seem to insert a dose of humor into lots of them. There is a pretty down-to-earth voice too. I don't know what I expected, but those I read were pleasant enough. I can't remember all of the ones I read at the moment. I know I read "A Tale of a Lollipop" and "Party for No Reason" (your capitalization is a wee bit off on both, by the way-- note the lowercase "a" in the first title and uppercase "N" in the second title). They're fun reads.

So that is about it. You have some nice pieces here. It looks like you have branched out quite a bit for contests. Scifi poetry? You don't see it often on here. *Laugh* I might recommend using genres other than "Contest Entry" though. I did that all the time as a newbie, but really, more people will find your work as a non-newbie if you use genres they might look for. Say... drama or experience or action or relationship or... something more specific. Anyway, cheers! I might be back before too long to review and rate another. *Wink*


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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile* 15 years later... and you're still right here on WDC. Well, you have been here pretty recently anyway. That is pretty amazing. The only items you have are around 14 years old and haven't been touched since then. I figured that reviewing them now would probably be pretty pointless, but I wanted to give you a quick review to say happy 15th... so folder review it is!

Some things I Like:

I notice that two of the items in this folder (Chapter 2 and "Way back") are labeled as Fanfiction. That got me wondering what this was based on. I googled "Sam and Josie", and all it came up with was Never Been Kissed. Is that what they're based on? I've seen the movie quite a few times, but it never would have occurred to me!

At any rate, I assume that you are one of the site's many many interactives folks. I have quite a few friends here who are only interested in creating and participating in interactive stories. It is a pretty unique experience. Perhaps I should give it a real try sometime. I've never collaborated on fiction before. *Laugh*

Observations & Suggestions:

Obviously, people must really like your interactive chapters to suggest adding them to your portfolio. I'm glad they did anyway because it gives people something to review... an easy way for them to leave a "Hey, I was here!" message. *Wink* Happy anniversary!


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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile* 15 years! That is just... craziness.

Some things I Like:

Anyway, I decided to give this item a peek because I tend to like parodies of classic poetry. I'm not a huge Dickinson fan, but I have read her complete works multiple times and knew that I would recognize them. I am perhaps not the complete ideal audience, but I'm probably pretty close.

Observations & Suggestions:

The first is actually lovely in its own right. I wouldn't call that one a parody so much because it's not really... funny? Not even like, "Oh, that's clever" smile-worthy funny.

The second is obviously the more recognizable of the two, thanks to keeping that first line intact. The cuteness of the second line belies the cleverness that comes after it. The lack of changes to the first line isn't thrilling, the second line is cute but doesn't flow well at all, and the last two lines are excellent.

I doubt that you'll bother revising poems this old, but either way, I figured I'd leave you a few thoughts. If you did feel like giving these another look sometime, I'd focus my efforts on the first two lines of that second poem. Happy anniversary! *Heart*

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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello! Proton Author Icon I am the poetry judge for the "Newbies ONLY Short Story & Poem Contest" Open in new Window.. I try to provide each entry with some feedback. This review is for your benefit only and does not necessarily have implications for placement in the contest, as it is not a comparison with any other entry.

Favorite Aspects

I think that you have some nice variety in your word choice. I always appreciate the use of strong word choice... meditating, slumber, lampposts, etc. Good strong words.

Language / Word Choice

I got a bit bored with shadow dancing with the light of morning, lampposts, and moon. That opening line struck me as a bit stale on the first read. I've read similar lines before (and have probably written similar lines as well). Using generic sorts of ideas is forgivable in the middle of a poem... we all do it sometimes. Using it as the introduction for every stanza? Not so awesome.

The repetition of "Along the buildings" is sort of a poor choice too because it isn't used very well. People sleep "along" the buildings? What? huddled around the base on cardboard boxes? Dropping the "people" and using "the elder person" was a jarring and awkward change too. Repetition needs to be spot-on for me because I am very sensitive to repetition... this is not spot-on.

"Rushing to their jobs" / "the hordes rush on" -- this is needless repetition. We get it... people are rushing around. In the opening stanza, it is important to utilize your space well. To be entirely honest, I wasn't a fan of the opening stanza and didn't feel "hooked" at all until I mentally removed that "day after day" line.

The shadows danced with the morning light,
Along the buildings and the people below
Rushing to their jobs lest they be late.
Day after day the hordes rush on
Not wondering if, perhaps,
There is more.

The people are concerned about being late... but they do not wonder if there is more! That is a powerful statement. I love it. By the time I read through the cliched "day after day" and read again about the people rushing, I had forgotten how the last line ended. This works SO well that it's shocking: "lest they be late. Not wondering if, perhaps, there is more". In short, get the needless line out of there.

Flow / Rhythm

In case you need one more reason to ax that unneeded line from the first stanza: That full stop period on line three created an unexpected and rather unpleasant pause for me. I am very much a fan of visual poetry, and because of the slope of those lines, I expected a smooth flow from first to last. That did not happen, which is a shame.

Cutting the "day after day" line makes a visual break in the taper of that stanza... people will expect a pause there.

Effect

I think that this is a alright draft, but if you want it to be better than "decent", it seems like one of those pieces that will require you to "kill your darlings", as the saying goes. Those repeated stanza openings are dragging this poem down. They're not unique or fresh. The repetition is meant to progress (changing from one to the next in a meaningful way), but it fails at any true progression. It is always difficult to part with what you believe is important, but honestly... in this piece, the PEOPLE are important, not the shadows dancing with a light source along buildings.

My final advice here: Think about what purpose those lines serve, and then rewrite. Is the line meant to connect city life with nature? Write something less generic that will serve the same purpose and (personal preference) tell us once. The poem will get an instant facelift and hook readers with something truly unique. This one is worth the extra effort. It could be an excellent poem.


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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello! *Smile* I am the poetry judge for the "Newbies ONLY Short Story & Poem Contest" Open in new Window.. I try to provide each entry with some feedback. This review is for your benefit only and does not necessarily have implications for placement in the contest, as it is not a comparison with any other entry.

What Caught My Eye

I obviously read all of the contest entries regardless of title and description. *Wink* I have to say though that I would never have clicked on this poem because of the title. All caps looks unprofessional and made me think that the poem would be low quality, full of "LOL" and "............." and so forth. The two exclamation points seem to confirm the point. When writing, double prepositions are not used in a polished piece. The poem inside is much much better than the title would indicate. I'd suggest changing that title to "I Hate the Entirety".

Language / Word Choice

That repetition is really ineffective. By the time the first stanza was over, the words "I hate" had lost all meaning. The repetition itself is pretty painful ("I hate the I hate the I hate the I hate the I hate the I hate the I hate the" sounds awful), but it also causes the structure to stagnate. The lines are all self contained, one thought to a line. Boring. It begins to read sort of like a grocery list around the "I hate the way you blink your eyes, I hate the way that smile stretches, I hate the lovely moment" stanza. And honestly, can you hear how tedious these lines sound?

The shock here for me was that some of your word choice and phrasing is actually solid, despite the egregious repetition of a boring phrase. I was truly amazed. After you get through that obligatory "I hate the", you sometimes get a lovely and poetic phrase. I recommend cutting the filler repetition and letting what you're actually saying be the star here.

Effect

I would normally go through some very specific tips of fixing troublesome areas of flow, missed opportunities for imagery, and so forth. This piece is very long and the "I hate the" is so distracting that I just cannot do it. I'm very sensitive to repetition, I suppose. Good luck with your revisions!

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