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1,621 Public Reviews Given
1,644 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I think my style is pretty honest. Though I try to find the good in everything, I give accurate ratings that express my opinion of a piece. Whether good or bad, you hopefully will understand my ratings by the end of the review. I give ratings that reflect the quality of the writing with 3 stars meaning "average". I only give 5 stars for items that I genuinely love or items that are more about effort than quality (i.e. folders, contests, forums, blogs, etc).
I'm good at...
Finding the most concise way to rewrite, tweaking structure and format, locating plot holes. Poetry reviews are my specialty. Quality-focused rather than meaning-focused.
Favorite Genres
Free Verse, Scifi, Horror
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, Erotica, Fantasy, Historical
Favorite Item Types
Anything with a short format suits me fine, as I adore short fiction (writing, reading, and reviewing). Book, static item... doesn't matter.
Least Favorite Item Types
Ummm.. Interactives & Campfires.
I will not review...
I generally don't do novel/script reviews unless I know the person. Short work is what I have time for and what I most enjoy.
Public Reviews
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Review of my scribbles  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile*

I cannot believe that you have been here for a full year! It seems like you got here yesterday. Another little newbie all grown up! *Laugh*

Anyway, I thought that I'd come give you a review or two. For anniversaries, I like to review unusual items that no one ever thinks to review, like contests, activities, forums, and folders. Folders seem to be the most common actually, since they have tons of stuff in them and look totally naked without stars.

So, I've read a few of these stories since you joined. I'm not entirely sure which ones, but there is a whole lot of creativity and variety in here.

I think you're doing really well filling out your port too, since you've just been here for one year. I think that the effort definitely deserves some purple stars... so here you go! I'm off to review another folder or two, since you had some other unrated ones. Happy Anniversary, love!

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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.0)
Welcome to WDC! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!


What Caught My Eye

I was looking through newbie items and intended to read and review only poetry (that is normal for me), but the this title grabbed my attention. I figured that it might be interesting. After reading it, I had some things to say... so here I am. *Wink*

Plot

The plot is pretty slim. A mother and child are mugged, and strangers come to their rescue. It turns out they're not human, and the mother faints. That's the entire story. I think it could be much stronger. There is no big reveal or twist for the end, and if you set up the mysterious hidden stranger-heroes in the beginning, it stands to reason that the end should have some sort of reveal or twist or... something of more interest than mom fainting.

Consistency

Normally, I would mention any odd name changes, dropped details, and so forth. In this case though, the consistency issue for me was the constant dialogue. The pattern of "dialogue-details, dialogue-details, dialogue-details" became a bit too predictable for my taste.

Using dialogue to push the story along is good, but the structure here is so predictable that it's almost irksome.

Style / Tone

I think that stylistically, the piece could do more to engage the reader. For instance, the opening line isn't much of a hook and also sets a weird tone. If I read, "Ugh... I don't know who you are, but thanks", I hear sarcasm. "Ugh, thanks alot" and "Who do you think you are?" both come to mind immediately. It doesn't sound grateful. It also doesn't sound natural. Have you ever told a stranger "I don't know who you are"? No... because you both know that.

This type of slightly awkward dialogue happens throughout. The mother proclaiming that she can't handle this just before fainting seems unnatural (and also seems silly since we don't know what these "non-humans" look like at all-- what makes them faint-worthy?). Much of the dialogue has this sort of... static feel.

Effect

I think that the general premise here is good. Being "saved" by non-humans could make for an interesting story. I would consider using different techniques to engage the reader though. For instance, you called this Action/Adventure... so why not use some action? Open with the muggers actually robbing them and let the scene play out. Let the reader get mugged right along with the characters. That type of thing could make the piece much more interesting and engaging. *Thumbsup*


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Review of 30DBC Items  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day... again! *Wink*

I decided to have a quick look through your port too. I was thinking... review your poetry books or something. You know, stuff that I read anyway. Then I saw this folder sans stars and though there is a nice balance in reviewing the 30DBC and then following up with the 30DBC folder.

They're like... sister reviews. I don't know what else to say about it though, to be honest. Ummmm... there might be some feedback I guess. Like, for instance, the forum page for the 30DBC is sort of long. You said you changed rules, and though I had read the rules all of one day prior, I could find no difference. *Laugh* That sort of thing I guess.

Of course, being that this is the longest-running blog group on WDC and that you're all laid back sorts, I don't think it matters much. Get a prompt, answer the prompt. That's as much as people really need to know in my opinion. Everything else is just gravy. Wow... feedback! *Wink* Alright, I'm out again! I might keep looking through your port or give it the old switcheroo. Not sure just yet. Have some purple stars! *Smile*

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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile*

I was just adding my July 8 entry, and I knew your anniversary was near mine and thought it was in July. So, I gave your case a peek. I was right! Boom.

I thought that, since I have 5 reviews to give in the next ummm 40 minutes (hey, procrastination works, bro), that I would go ahead and reviews some quickies. Folders, contests, activities, etc. Might as well start with you. Maybe I'll go ahead and raid your port as well.

As a very new member of 30DBC, I'm still sort of... learning the ropes I guess. There are things that I forget pretty often. Like, what certain days really mean? And I haven't done a "Twofer" yet as far as I know...? *Laugh* Anyway, the blogging part, I've got a handle on. Gimme a prompt, I'll write the s*** out of it (starred that myself, by the way... considerate like that). *Wink*

Anyway, I'm enjoying it lots so far. It's more fun than I thought it would be. I wish I had more time to read ALL of the responses from other challengers, but you know... one thing at a time. Happy anniversary (if belated)!


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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello! *Smile* I am the poetry judge for the "Newbies ONLY Short Story & Poem Contest" Open in new Window.. I try to provide each entry with some feedback. This review is for your benefit only and does not necessarily have implications for placement in the contest, as it is not a comparison with any other entry.

Favorite Aspects

Well, what do you know? I'm reviewing you anyway! *Laugh* This is one of the contests that I always review (my section anyway-- the poetry). It isn't the story but hey... it's a review. *Wink*

This is funny! Like really really amusing. To be honest, when I saw the full caps and "U", I did not anticipate the poem being amazing. I should have known better (after all, you have done well in this contest before, right?). I'm particularly fond of the "My Grammar offered to pay my sin tax". Love the pin on 'Grandma' here... and grammar/"sin tax"? Super cute. People on a writing site are definitely a perfect audience for that sort of play on words.

Flow / Rhythm

So, I think that this is where the biggest issues lie. I kept having to reread lines. I'd read it, think "wait, what?", and have to read it again. After this happened over and over I realized that the starts and stops were from the words themselves or because it's more difficult to read 'U'. It's the flow. There are times when it just doesn't work well.

For example here:

I flipped over, and tried to live alone on a pier.
The restraining order clearly said: 'stay clear'.
But stalker genes seemed, to be in your DNA
As U renamed the whole marina a 'quay'.

That is a rough read. They aren't easy to get through because the rhythm is difficult. Of course, "I flipped over" didn't make much sense to me in context either (sort of a "belly up" thing?), but I'll let that go.

I flipped over, lived alone on a pier.
The restraining order read: 'please steer clear'.
But stalker genes creep through your DNA
As U renamed the whole damn marina a 'quay'.

Read yours aloud and then mind aloud and you'll hear the difference. Mine has as few minor half-beat hiccups too, but I didn't want to take too many liberties with your words, even for just an example. The key is to fall into a predictable rhythm with variations that the tongue and mind can easily follow. Like the natural slightly longer pause between "read:" and "please steer clear".

The other part is simple choose words that are easy to say together. "said: stay clear" is a bit difficult to say in the line itself. "Read" is a bit of alliteration with 'restraining' (a bit more effective than the 'said stay'). "Steer clear" seemed like an obvious choice, but in a comedic piece, rhyme for a** off! It wont hurt anything. "Please" is a nice added bit of assonance that I just couldn't resist, by the way.

So, you see what just a light bit of revision can do here? And while you're in there, you might see more of those facepalming-perfect changes like, say, stalker DNA 'creeping' instead of 'seeming'. It's the little things.

If you have trouble with the rhythm here, I might suggest setting the piece aside for a few months and then reading it aloud. Mark any place that trips you up-- if you wrote it and YOU tripped while reading, other people definitely will.

Effect

I think it's funny and clever! I wasn't expecting anything so amusing, though I really should have. Also... you slipped "quixotic" in there... with your handle, that might as well be a signature. *Wink* Anyway. Thanks for a thoroughly entertaining entry! Good luck in other WDC contests as well... we'll miss you at the Newbies ONLY.

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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hello! *Smile* I am the poetry judge for the "Newbies ONLY Short Story & Poem Contest" Open in new Window.. I try to provide each entry with some feedback. This review is for your benefit only and does not necessarily have implications for placement in the contest, as it is not a comparison with any other entry.

Favorite Aspects

The sentiment is lovely! I am a mother myself, so I clearly relate. Your audience is very broad with a piece about parenting in general. The more people who will relate, the more people who will potentially have a strong connection with the poem.

Language / Word Choice

This is written in a pretty conversational way, which is fine. It is an "idea" poem where the message is the key. There is nothing wrong with that, but it is difficult to create a mood and be emotive without strong word choice. This is every day language that isn't super intriguing. The idea shines, but the words themselves just... don't.

I was a bit over the word "love" by the 5th line. The whole first half is laden with that one word. I might consider combining some of the lines to use the word fewer times, personally. Combining some of the lines also might lead to more poetic sentence structures. Right now, the structure reads like an essay more than a poem.

"There are many different kinds of love, but the love we have for our children is a very special love." That is a very matter-of-fact statement, followed by two phrases that could easily be added to the end of the sentence. They don't have a poetic ring to them.

"Locked in the corner of our heart" -- this is the lone bit of figurative language in the piece. It is also the closest to imagery you have here. It sounds like something I have heard many times before, but it does provide some poetic technique that is much-needed in this piece. On a side note, "heart" should be "hearts". Because 'our' is plural, 'heart' needs to be plural.

Flow / Rhythm / Voice / Originality

I'm lumping together a few other topics here just to touch on them briefly. Where the piece needs the most work is word choice. Paint us a picture, make us feel that love, use language that will excite or warm or otherwise touch the reader. But these are important aspects as well:

The flow and rhythm are alright, but the piece is mostly written in short, monosyllabic words. That gives the piece a rhythm that is very prose-like rather than poetic.

The voice here is indistinguishable from any other voice. Again, that is the matter-of-fact quality that could be improve through word choice and also line/sentence structure.

As for the originality, I guess I'll just ask: Is there anything in this piece that you haven't heard before?

Effect

I don't mean to discourage you at all. That is never my intention when I review. I think that the idea is a good one, and it has inherent power and a huge potential audience. That said, it is nearly devoid of poetry techniques and reads much like an essay or story but with poetry line breaks. It could use a bit of editing for grammar and such too, but I think you may want to play with these ideas a bit more first-- inject some passion with some interesting words.

Metaphors work perfectly for pieces like this. "There are many different kinds of love", for instance, might be compared to... a child's crayon box? Just as an example of what you could do (with any sort of metaphor): Types of love are as plentiful as the colors in our children's crayon boxes-- but our love for them is the prettiest shade of all. Instantly more poetic than just saying it outright. You see what I mean? What I wrote isn't poetry-- but the idea itself is poetic. Keep working on it, love! It will come with time (and you do still have a shot in the contest... this isn't a comparison of yours to anyone else's entry... just a critique of your work alone).


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Review of LONG WRITING  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile*

I just thought that I would pop in and give you a happy and fast review for your anniversary, and I saw a "long" writing folder... so I had to give it a peek. I write decidedly short things, so I'm always impressed and intrigued when people write a bazillion and one novellas, novels, "short" stories that are 50,000 words, and the like.

Surprise! That isn't what this folder is about. *Laugh* Blogs and books and such also fit that description very well, but it had not occurred to me. I'm thinking that you're not a super avid blogger, but hey... blogging is blogging. You do it when you feel like it, and if you don't, you don't. I'm much the same. I will blog like gangbusters for a while and then not touch if for 6 weeks. Whatever.

I also think it's a nice idea to have a book just for writing down your books ideas. They tend to disappear sooner or later if you don't write them down. I have a real life writing journal for ideas, musings, and drafts-- without it, I'm lost. I have a similar one for poetry here on WDC too, actually.

Anyway, happy anniversary and keep on writing... when you feel like it! *Smile*

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Review of Poetry  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile*

Oh, why not? What's one more review at this point? *Laugh* Just before I left your portfolio to poke around someplace else, I noticed that your Poetry folder doesn't have a rating either. So, I figured that I might as well.

Personally, I like that you separate free verse from form. I do the same. Well, technically, mine are separated into metered verse and everything else... and my "everything else" is pretty much entirely free verse. *Wink* Still, it's nice and helpful for people who happen through your portfolio.

You have some pretty nice variety in this folder too... prose poetry, multiple books and collections. It's probably better rounded than mine actually. I tend to do what I like to do-- which is not form poetry, and since that is what all of the big events here focus on, I don't take part in many I suppose.

Anyway (sorry to ramble... I do that), happy anniversary one more time! Probably the last time you'll hear it this year, since there's only half an hour left of it. *Wink*

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Review of Free Verse Poems  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile*

I think that I have read your work before, but it honestly wasn't ringing any bells... which is why I ventured into your portfolio and started looking around. For anniversaries, I usually try to review people who I don't know super well and item types that don't get reviewed very often. I'm definitely familiar with you (you've been in my favorites list since you were a new newbie), but I couldn't remember reading your work.

So anyway, here I am. I saw a poetry folder and went for it, as I adore poetry. I saw a Free Verse folder and clicked without thinking twice, as that is my favorite means of self-expression when I write. Clearly, you are a pretty well-organized lady.

I read through a few pieces here. I have read "Blurs of White and Orange" before (possibly even reviewed it). I also read "Thief of Secrets" and a few others. They all looked sort of... familiar.

In the end, I would conclude that I 1. have looked through your port a before and 2. found my way to the exact same subfolder. *Laugh* What better thing to review, hmm? It looks a bit naked with no stars, so here are some purple stars for you. Happy 2nd anniversary! *Heart*

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Review of Contest Entries  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile*

I decided to look through some portfolios that I've never really stalked before. I'm not sure if I've poked through your port at some point or not, but if so, I don't really remember reading any of your work. I've seen you around, but that's all I know for sure. So, I decided to investigate and landed in this folder because contest entries can be really quirky, short, and fun. I also love scifi and horror, and I know that CSFS supports speculative fiction too.

Anyway, I read through a bunch of poems, including "Ghost Town" and "Mind Stricken" since they're new. Quite nice, love. I also read through a few of your older stories. Interesting stuff. I have to ask: which contest were the chapters for? Just curious. I write more poetry than fiction, but there are only so many contests and activities on here for novels/novellas/long stories.

That's it! This is a nice folder packed with a nice variety of poetry, short stories, and longer works. It looked naked without some stars, so here are some stars. You also inspired me to go have a look at CFSF's contest(s). I'm not a member because I'm in a zillion groups already and don't write fantasy (just the occasional scifi and horror), but I do like looking through contests. Anyway, happy 5th anniversary! *Smile*

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Review of Miscellaneous  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile*

So you did already have reviews on your flash fiction folder. A surprising number of them, in fact! *Shock* I think the most I have on any of mine is just one or two. Anyway, I decided to peek through your folders that didn't have ratings yet.

Dude. You write poetry? *Laugh* That was the first surprise in this folder. I had no idea that you ever dabbled with poetry, so that was a bit of a shock. Of course, since there are just a few tucked away in a "Misc" folder, I would guess that you don't write it much. Still, it's nice to have it represented someplace in your port.

You have an interesting assortment of items in here too. A campfire, and in & out... monologues and nonfiction and journals. I had fun looking through some odd bits and pieces. Compared to my Misc folder (and yes, who doesn't need one of these?), it is fairly similar. Just an odd mishmash of stuff that I just tossed in there because I know no one bothers to look. A few failed novels, newsletters, a crossword? You know. Just the fluff. Yours has more writing in it that I'd consider "real writing" than mine does.

So anyway, happy anniversary again! If I can't find anything else to review, I'll just come back and review your other naked folders because... well... because I can. *Wink*

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287
287
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile*

I've been to your portfolio before on a number of occasions. This time, I decided to poke through your flash fiction folder, and you do have some nice pieces in there. I nearly reviewed a few, but I know how much people love reviewing flash and poetry. Short equals a bazillion reviews, usually. Groups, contests, and so forth are often overlooked though. I thought perhaps I'd peruse the guild's group page again.

That is how I came to be here. I'm not a member (since I don't write stories often and don't write much genre poetry either), but I love seeing under-represented genres with their own groups and contests. It is a nice service.

I also think that it is a great idea to make no age restrictions for genre groups, if applicable. Steampunk can be a rather dark genre, so it could have gone either way. I'm pleased to see that you left it open for younger writers.

And that's about it! Happy Anniversary! *Smile* I might just leave you another for that flash fiction folder (the folder itself) if it doesn't have a rating. Folders with no stars look... naked. *Laugh*

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Review of Black Reality  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.0)
Welcome to WDC! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!


What Caught My Eye

The title is what caught my eye. I was looking through pages of newbie items because I like to review new people. I thought the title was interesting, but you're missing a golden opportunity to hook people with the description as well. People can see the creation date and the item type (Poetry) without you saying so in the description line too. I never spend much time of my descriptions either, but... just saying. *Wink* I know some people read only items with interesting descriptions.

Language / Word Choice

"This" is the topic of the poem. Which, to be honest, is 100% meaningless. As a reader, I could not connect with the poem, relate to it, or feel any emotion if I have no idea what you're talking about. I kept expecting to be enlightened by the end... it didn't happen.

Because you use 'this' in the opening line as a hook, I found it disappointing to never find out what it is. It was the only reason that I kept reading! It creates an "Oh, what happened?" moment... that just goes unanswered. Vagueness has its purposes, but this poem gives nothing to sink your teeth into.

"My outrageous longings. / These longings to know" is an awkward bit of repetition. "Longing to know" is a common phrase, while "Longings to know" is just awkward. You also have to use another pronoun (these). It is just not effective.

"is held" "will be held" -- passive voice. "what I HOLD" "I will hold"... much more engaging.

Where are the action verbs in general here? Will be, is, will be, is, is... none of these really pull a reader into a poem. Instead of, for instance' "in which nothing is determined", why not say "In which X determines nothing"? Again, give us some subjects other than just 'this' and 'that' and 'these', none of which mean anything. It will also help you create more action predicates.

Effect

Soo... sorry that my entire review is about just one thing. When writing poetry, words are your most basic tools. They alone convey the meaning, emotion, and power that you're trying to get across to readers. Choose them with care, and your results will be much better. I think that your writing shows promise though! *Thumbsup* Just keep working on it... this is what revision is for.

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289
289
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile* Ten years is an amazing stretch!

I thought that I would pop into your port and see if there wasn't something I could review for you, since today is your anniversary. You have a great deal to choose from, especially for a poetry lover.

After looking through folders, poems, and children's stories, I finally decided to review this folder. I think that folders look empty without ratings, and a whole lot of effort went into this one... because it is your published work. It takes effort to submit for publication. It takes that much more work to remember to put them all here in a folder on WDC (I'm terrible at organizing).

Anyway, I did peek through a few of the items included here, and I'm sure they're good. I'm not in the intended audience though (not religious at all), which is why reviewing the folder is probably more helpful. *Laugh* Anyway, congratulations on your many publications, and I hope that you have a wonderful tenth year on WDC! *Thumbsup*



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290
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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
One more review for your anniversary! It turns out that I have a bit more time after all! *Smile*

I suppose that it is no surprise that I made a beeline for another poetry folder. Right? *Laugh* It is crazy that a folder containing so many 4.5 and 5 star ratings has no ratings itself. I'm just here to remedy that.

It is a good idea to divide your poetry into contest entries, contest winners, and the like. I never thought to do that when I was new, and now mine are all mixed up together. Hopeless! I have no idea which ones placed in contests or which contests they were unless they got awardicons. *Laugh*

Anyway, it is always a pleasure poking through your verse. I love it. *Heart* We are opposite sides of the same coin-- free verse and verse. That doesn't make me love your work any less. If I get another rating or two in later, that will be great. If not... happy anniversary, friend!



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Review of Poetry (Misc)  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day, Monty! *Smile*

Long time no speak, love! It feels like it has been years since we last spoke. Busy people... I guess our paths haven't crossed for a while. I hope all is well with you though. When I saw your name on the anniversary list, I knew that I had to come give you a quick review. When I got here though, I was totally shocked-- how has no one rated ANY of your folders? Just one folder with stars? That just... naked looking.

So here is one quick rating review. If I have time, I will go ahead and do some more of them. They just look so empty without them, after all.

Now, I cannot claim to have read all of the pieces in this folder. 51 poems is a pretty big time investment after all! *Wink* I have read enough of your work to know just from the titles that they follow your typical style and outlook-- and I know that I like that.

So happy anniversary, Monty my dear! I hope you have had an amazing two years, and I'm sure that you will have many more. *Heart*


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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day, Laura! *Smile*

I know that if yours is here, then mine must be right around the corner. *Wink* We haven't spoken since, well, I don't know when, but I decided to give some anniversary reviews today-- just happy nice ones that are quick, cheerful, and not at all like my usual reviews. I try to do them once in a while-- reviewing item types that don't get much attention. Contests, activities, blogs, and of course folders.

I know that you are not much of a poet. No insult intended there, but I think you know what I mean. Stories and novels are really your focus, and to be honest, I had never read any of your poetry. I didn't know there was any to read, in fact. *Laugh* I am a big poetry fan, so it drew my attention.

You have an interesting variety here, and you actually write poetry quite well. Who knew? Personally, I think that it deserves 5 stars. So, happy anniversary, love! Have some purple stars! *Thumbsup*

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Review of Poetry  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile*

I know that you just got bombarded with reviews from those crazy warriors over at GoT, so I will keep this short and sweet. I decided to give out some happy fluffy 5-star rating reviews today for people's anniversaries. It had been ages since I did Anniversary Reviews, and it seemed like time to me.

You know that I am a very much into poetry (both reading and writing it), so I always tend to gravitate to "Poetry" folders. I started poking around and discovered that I have actually been here before. At least, I have read some of these before. *Laugh*

This folder houses poetry spanning 10 years. That is a good run, and I think it deserves more than one solitary 5 star rating. People never think to review folders, which is why I try to do it now and then. This one is certainly a good one. Keep writing and happy anniversary, love! *Heart*

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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile*

I wanted to sneak an Anniversary Review off to you before you get bombarded at the end of the month. I'm sure that you are expecting a massive onslaught of review, MBs, and c-notes from every GoT group who wants to try to pull ahead at the last minute. *Laugh*

Anyway, this probably seems like a cop out. Why review an activity when I could review your poetry? True enough. I do read your poetry from time to time and enjoy it, and of course, I am not shy about suggestions and such. That was my intention when I arrived at your port, but then I saw this activity. It is one of those that I'm aware of but never remember who actually runs it.

I have actually been wondering in the past few days why there are not more groups that support people's off-site writing. People have money-making blogs, articles, pieces published in literary (or even academic) journals. It would be lovely to have groups of people who read each other's work outside of WDC... seems strange that there aren't more of them.

This group is one of the types that I'm talking about. It supports people's writing OUTSIDE the site. Read them, review them, get involved in making each other successful! It's great to see, and I wish there were 50 more just like this one but with focuses on other areas. It's a great service to the community.

Your vision for this activity was a really nice balance of on- and offsite, actually. It encourages people to review authors on Amazon, Goodreads, etc while also encouraging more product reviews. I think product reviews are often overlooked here. The prizes are great for those who get involved too. I will definitely keep it in mind if I get around to reading a fellow author's novel. It's just a great opportunity for everyone involved.

And that is why I decided to review this activity rather than poetry. I'll hit your poetry blogs/folders/items next time, love. Promise. *Wink*


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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile*

So... I was super confused when I popped into your portfolio and decided to check out your NaNo on a whim. I figured that anyone who finished NaNo deserves a quick 5-star rating, which is a nice little Anniversary gift, right? Well... I thought it was super interesting that the novel chapters were named after poetry forms (that would be cool, really), but then I read one and it WAS a poem. So then I thought maybe it was NaPO (National Poetry Writing Month) and I just read it wrong. *Laugh* *Facepalm*

Anyway, I think it's awesome that you made your own challenge during NaNoWriMo and decided to run with it. Why not write poetry during NaNo, right? Might as well give a poet something to do too.

I read through some of the entries, and they turned out well. I only write free verse myself, but I am an avid poetry reader as well... so I do have my favorite forms and had to read some. You tackled your self-imposed challenge with style, and I'm happy to have run across it.

Well... now that I've rattled on about it for ages, here is that 5-star rating. It might not be a novel in one month, but it is still an accomplishment. Well done! Perhaps next year you will join us for NaPoWriMo in April as well. *Smile*

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Review of The Blank Page  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!

What Caught My Eye

Poetry about the writing process tends to be interesting. I've written my share of them. I'm pretty prone to writer's block as well, so I figured that I could probably relate on some level.

Favorite Aspects

The opening stanza. It is by far the strongest part of the poem and acted as an instant hook.

Language / Word Choice

Great as the opening stanza is, I have to say that it was strange to say that a page lies open. Not a book or journal... but a lone page lying "open". Open is the natural state, if you will, for a sheet of paper. It is only folded if you choose to fold it, generally. I might consider something along the lines of 'lying prone' or 'spread before me' or any number of other things. Very versatile line, really.

The second stanza is well written but the sudden appearance of rhyme didn't do much for me. It made it too... cutesy. I just found the transition from emotive opening stanza to rhyming clever stanza to be a bit awkward.

"to falter in breaking the unbroken" -- 'in' isn't really the appropriate preposition here. Why not just use 'when'? It's what you mean, doesn't change the rhythm, and even sounds very similar aloud.

"Break the unbroken" falls totally flat in the third stanza because you just used it. Also, a few too many questions in there for my taste. Especially since one of them is pretty generic-- "What if I fall?"

The last two lines hold no power-- and the word choice isn't particularly powerful. The switch to speaking directly TO the reader rather than to yourself seems odd. Simply cutting the last two sentences and ending with "Start with a word and see what comes next" would be a major improvement.

Originality

I like the metaphor. I hadn't heard it a million times before, so that is original enough for me. There are lots of strong moments throughout-- you have a way with words to be sure and a quirky voice that is somehow endearing.

Effect

The opening is really strong in technique, meaning, and word choice... it outshines the rest of the poem. I am all for a strong opening, but this piece is inconsistent. I might consider rewriting the third stanza in its entirety and using the metaphor to paint readers a picture of those concerns rather than just telling us. It would make the poem more cohesive. I'm giving you a 4-star rating based almost entirely on the strength of that first stanza... it pulls the quality up for the entire poem. Without it, I'd be inclined to go with an average rating of 3. Still, this is one of the better pieces I have read today. I hope I run across your port again!

Oh, and you should probably edit out all of those "Â" at the end of your lines. It was distracting and looks unpolished. I wont hold it against you though.

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Review of "How I wonder..."  Open in new Window.
Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Welcome to WDC! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!

What Caught My Eye

Your description for the piece makes use of figurative language. If you get creative and poetic in an item description, it stands to reason that the poem itself will have its fair share of it. So I decided to give it a read, and I might as well give you a quick review since I think that it could be helpful for you.

Favorite Aspects

"Temporarily infinite". That is by far the best line in the poem. It is at once an oxymoron and a perfectly reasonable phrase. I love it.


Language / Word Choice

To be honest, the opening stanza made me cringe a bit. I always find it a bit pompous to talk about what the universal "we" do instead of just owning it. I'm a writer, and the stanza does not seem to apply to me. So... a universal blanket statement that seems false or exaggerated is not the greatest hook. The observation seems personal, so why make it about you and me and every other writer if it is about you? The lines are lovely but untrue, basically. I don't write when I don't understand-- I write when I have something to say, or when I'm outraged, or when I find something amusing, or when something lights my imagination. That universal statement just... isn't true. So, that is a problem.

A black world that does not frighten
Monsters do not threaten in its shadow
Only the Stars

Only stars threaten? Shadows threaten only the stars? Black world does not frighten monsters-- just stars? This is precisely why some poems require punctuation. If the meaning is unclear, it needs a rewrite. I also read it as "black world does not frighten monsters." Both of these issues make the stanza very awkward. The meaning is completely muddied to the point where I'm still not entirely sure that I understand what you're trying to say. I think I do, but there is still some doubt.

On a last note here, I am very sensitive to repetition. "With that with that with that" - does that sound good to you? That is exactly what the final lines sound like to me. Anything deeper than that is lost in that sound... like nails on a chalkboard to me. "With that" means nothing and is unpleasant to the ear the first time, so why repeat it? Just my opinion.

Effect

Overall, I think that you have some lovely language in the piece, despite all of the issues while reading. You have a way with words, and now it seems that an eye/ear for revision is needed. WDC will certainly help you hone that if you are open to constructive criticism. I love free verse and think that this poem could be amazing (genuinely). Right now, it just has some areas that stand out like a slap in the face... easy enough to fix if given the effort. *Thumbsup*


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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello! *Smile* I am the poetry judge for the "Newbies ONLY Short Story & Poem Contest" Open in new Window.. I try to provide each entry with some feedback. This review is for your benefit only and does not necessarily have implications for placement in the contest, as it is not a comparison with any other entry.

Favorite Aspects

"Captive beads and seashells decorate its crafted face" is a great line. Nice technique and imagery. The opening line is lovely as well and would tell the reader the subject of the poem, even if it was untitled.

Language / Word Choice

You're talking about a single dream-catcher throughout the poem, so the use of "children's" threw me. This one dream-catcher helps more than one child? Using the dream-catcher as an idea rather than an object to save all children from nightmares... that is how the line reads. And it seemed totally out of left field, since the descriptions read as that of a lone object.

In general, the last stanza was sort of an anticlimax. No imagery. A very blunt and abrupt ending that seems out of place in the piece. The use of "the Art" first made me think of... well... an ART. The art of sculpting, painting, cooking, etc. In that context, it makes no sense (the art of dream-catcher? -- surely not "art of dream-catching" since you've been talking about an object the whole time). If it means "art" as in... a piece of "art", it makes more sense, but it is still very awkward.

The "dulls erratic behavior" seemed forced for the rhyme too. Dream catchers work when people are asleep, right? People aren't "behaving" while asleep... they're asleep. The use of "saviour" is super melodramatic as well.

Basically, I think the end doesn't work at all. A shame.

Flow / Rhythm

The flow is awkward for the second stanza. The second line is long and also doesn't roll well from my tongue. It tripped me up each time. The "Captive beads" line is lovely, but it doesn't flow well either. I might set the piece aside for a few months and they read it aloud. Any time you stumble in either rhythm or phrasing, change it.

Effect

In general, I think the poem has strong moments and weak moments. The flow could be improved for sure. The final stanza failed to work on any level for me, which is a shame. I always look for strong opening and closing lines. Here, the piece delivers half of it. Aside from the things that I've already mentioned, the use of rhyme here is... slightly off-putting in its randomness. I would consider revising the piece, but it is a fine draft. *Thumbsup* I hope that you enter the contest again in June if you haven't already. Had I been able to award more than one piece, yours likely would have placed.


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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, love! I'm reviewing an item in the Nonsense genre for "The Challenge" Open in new Window., and your blog popped up at the top of the list. Of course, my eye is naturally drawn to the word "newbie" anyway. *Laugh* I just got done reading through a bunch of misc blogs for 30DBC (which I always always miss!), so I decided to peek through yours as well.

I completely forgot that I was supposed to be finding something to review. I got lost in your entries! I read lots and lots of them before I remembered that I'm supposed to review and item not just read one. So why not review yours? *Wink* Especially after seeing that you've just had one review!

I think that the volume of entries I read highlights one of the strengths of your blog. Lots of people, myself included, are prone to writing very long, colorful entries. Reading just one takes 10+ minutes. I think that it is refreshing to see someone answer in a very concise way without all the bells and whistles and colors and emoticons and youtube links and quotes and... so on. *Laugh*

Sometimes, simple and clean is the most effective, and I believe that is the case here. *Thumbsup* Thanks for the fun read, and keep it up! I'm sure I'll wander through again at some point, and I'll be looking forward to it.


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Review by Cinn Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (2.0)
Welcome to WDC! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!

What Caught My Eye

The description is what really caught my attention. It seemed like an interesting topic for a poem. *Thumbsup*

Language / Word Choice

You have some strong word choice in this piece, and pretty much every line has an interesting word or two, which is great for readability and keeping a reader's interest. There are definitely areas for improvement though.

"It's like the" is a boring phrase that is unpleasant to the ear. It sets up what you're saying in the first line, but why repeat it over and over and over and over? It is not effective repetition. In poetry, every word counts. If it doesn't add style or character or meaning or pleasant sound, it doesn't belong in the poem.

8 lines out of 12 begin with "it" or "it's" too... and unfortunate consequence of the repetition mentioned earlier. It gave the piece tedious quality. I would suggest cutting all of the fluff so that the important aspects shine. Even visually, it is more appealing without the repetition.... and the important words stand out far more.

"It's like the parting of the clouds to let the sun shine through
It's like the dawning of a brand new day
It's like the silver rains' that fall to cleanse and renew
It's the radiant lamp in the dark lest our feet go astray
It's like the first dainty flower that heralds spring coming round"

"It's like the parting of the clouds to let the sun shine through
the dawning of a brand new day
silver rains' that fall to cleanse and renew
the radiant lamp in the dark lest our feet go astray
the first dainty flower that heralds spring coming round"

In the second, the reader's eye is drawn immediately to the words 'dawning', 'silver rains', 'radiant'... it makes a huge difference. Just something to think about.

Additionally, some of the images and word choice is a bit... obvious. Or generic? The opening line, for instance, is such a common image and metaphor that it doesn't act like a hook. Other's are much better in this regard... like the silver rains and radiant lamp. Those details aren't things that every reader has heard a million times and are much more intriguing.

Effect

I think that this is a nice first draft and shows definite potential, so I hope you aren't discouraged! The idea is great, and some of the phrasing is lovely. I would consider revision to cut the clutter. Removing the unimportant words will let your message really shine! Being concise is often for the best. You may need to adjust for the flow if you edit out the repetition, but I think it would be well worth the effort. *Smile*

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