Format: Contest entry last edited--10:38pm on 05-19-2008 Word count--Exactly 55 words. Content rating--Appropriate.
Plot and content: I could feel the air and the ice. Nice imagery and word choices. I liked the twist, and the incongruity between loving nature and wreaking destruction.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall: Nicely done.
Please delay all corrections until judging is complete. Winners should be posted Sunday in "55 Words - Hall of Fame" . Thanks for entering! Join us again.
I hope my comments have been helpful. For an explanation of how I rate and review, see "Invalid Item" . Please email me if you have other questions!
Format: Contest entry last edited--8:53pm on 05-20-2008 Word count--Even counting 'USS' as one word, though it's really three, you end up with 56 words and so cannot be considered for a prize. Content rating--Appropriate.
Plot and content: Drama in outer space! I was a little unclear on some points in the action. The ship that was sliced through was the one with the 5k people sacrificed, and was a different ship than the Fletcher? I also wanted to know more about this terrible weapon that has now been unveiled.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall: Nice and action-packed; leaves some unanswered questions.
Please delay all corrections until judging is complete. Winners should be posted Sunday in "55 Words - Hall of Fame" . Thanks for entering! Join us again.
I hope my comments have been helpful. For an explanation of how I rate and review, see "Invalid Item" . Please email me if you have other questions!
Plot &/or Content: You were clear and focused in explaining the basics of your faith. You also managed to convey your beliefs in a positive, nonjudgmental way that didn't sound like preaching or fanatacism--sometimes a fine line to walk in inspirational writing.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall impressions: I liked your message, and I liked the simple, honest, direct way you presented it.
The following comments are my opinions and are meant to be constructive suggestions. Please keep what's useful and disregard the rest. I am just one reader, and I'm sure others will have different opinions!
Plot: The plot is simple and focused. The accident is the catalyst for her reflection on her life & how she lives it, as well as her father's attitude.
Characters: I could tell a lot about her father from his voice replaying in her head. Nice way to show his character, as well as hers!
Other aspects: I especially loved this section because I could almost see her eyes rolling at a parent's perceived overprotectiveness--Oh yeah, you worry all right. You worry
because I work third shift. You worry because I'm thirty-
one and still single. Let's face it, you worry.
Technical errors: Only one noted--How do you think the people who take the 'safe' way every day feel. should have a question mark at the end instead of a period. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall impressions: Nice, brief snapshot of the relationship between a father and his daughter who lives a little outside his comfort zone.
Very funny! Pure genius to prepare your daughters for life on their own, make it an attractive option, AND manage to make them think it was their idea!
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall impressions: I enjoyed the clever way you described your parenting goals.
Ẃeβ࿚Ẃỉtcĥ,
This review is being done for the "WDC Power Raid And Chat Forum" . The following comments are my opinions and are meant to be constructive suggestions. Please keep what's useful and disregard the rest. I am just one reader, and I'm sure others will have different opinions!
Plot: Nice twist! I liked the general progression of the plot. My biggest complaint is that many of the events seemed touched on too briefly to be as emotionally engaging as they might have been. If you had a word count limit on this, that would likely explain it!
Characters: I liked the characters, but again wanted to know more detail, especially about why he was attracted to Marie.
Other aspects: Voice--I liked his calm, almost detached narrative voice. Word Choice--I did like the varied vocabulary and good word choices you used.
Technical errors:
and I could care less about a stranger's good fortune should be I couldn't care less.
I also noted a few places where the verb tense seemed inconsistent: that's months away-->that was months away; how she was had been dying from heart failure just a few years back, and suddenly her whole life had changed; It was at this point that the miracle had happened; a heart had become available to transplant into Marie.
Overall impressions: This is a touching story that might benefit from a little polishing.
Format: Your entry has exactly 55 words. Good job!
Plot and content: A very unexpected ending! I liked the description of the 'warm voice.' I was left wondering if the bear (?) was going to eat the character or if he just wanted mustard to go with what he found in the ice chest. I hope that was the case!
Technical errors: Commas should be inserted after growls and after Pardon me.
Overall: This is a nice story with a good sense of humor.
Please delay all corrections until judging is complete. Winners should be posted Sunday in "55 Words - Hall of Fame" . Thanks for entering! Join us again.
I hope my comments have been helpful. For an explanation of how I rate and review, see "Invalid Item" . Please email me if you have other questions!
ike,
I found your story on "Please Review" . The following comments are my opinions and are meant to be constructive suggestions. Please keep what's useful and disregard the rest. I am just one reader, and I'm sure others will have different opinions!
Plot: I thought the idea of the man walking, growing closer to nature and letting go of his stress and anger at a difficult time, was beautiful. You build his relationship with the tree to one so personal that he wants to share it with his grandson.
Characters: He was clearly drawn, from his plodding efforts to avoid a heart attack to his unremarkable but devoted service to his job.
Word Choice: Many words were used in error. Beware those that sound similar to the ones you intend to use! If you have questions about the differences in the specific meanings, let me know. The weight of loosing another job-->losing viscid mud-->viscous Be conscience of the children-->conscious The difference from the city air was palatable-->palpable interspaced with arbores-->interspersed with arbors Nothing special intercepted the eye-->If something intercepts his eye, it would hit his eye. I know what you meant, but this called forth a bizarre image of him poking himself in the eye. He focused on his breathe-->breath to compliment instead of compete-->complement
This phrase did not flow well with the rest of your text:after the physicalness of the tree has ceased... Maybe something like "Even after the physical structure of the tree was gone..."
Imagery: You had some lovely images with the lawns, hills, plants, and trees. This section seemed left over from an earlier draft: The effect was oriental. It wasn't anything specific. It just was. Tranquility oozed from the place. Someday he meant to spend time there, but not today. If it doesn't matter, and it's that vague, and he won't be spending time there, why mention it?
Technical errors: at the summit bordered, a "delicate forested environment".-->take out comma, put period inside quotes dunk it's head [...]it's canopy-->possessive form of 'it' does not have an apostrophe (its)
You had a number of inconsistencies with verb tense near the end of the piece. He has not followed his nature.-->had not followed He has watched-->had watched And he has seen these people prosper.-->had seen So much had occurred since the birth of this tree. The life span of the man would be a brief few moments in the life of this tree. Yet the life of this ancient oak was just a flicker in the timelessness of the cosmos. Infinitesimal, but not insignificant. Others had come to this oak seeking its shade, its quiet, and its solitude.[...]This oak had changed the landscape and environment around it, and these changes would continue long The things he wanted to accomplish were ahead. If he could leave the other stuff behind, the doubt, the anger, the blame, if he could stay within his nature, he might be able to get some of it done.[...]Johnny was four
Overall impressions: This man's journey to find peace during a difficult time is a wonderful idea for a story. I hope you will keep working on it! With some polishing it could be a really good piece.
The following comments are my opinions and are meant to be constructive suggestions. Please keep what's useful and disregard the rest. I am just one reader, and I'm sure others will have different opinions!
Plot: Oh, drama in the primary grades! I thought your depiction of the class's activities and social climate was very accurate.
Characters: The girls' complementary personalities were so sweet. I liked how they stood up for one another. The boys' behavior was so typical!
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall impressions: This was a nice story about young friends. I did wish that some of the scenes had been filled out a little more.
Format: Your entry has exactly 55 words. Great job! Content rating should be raised to 13+ because of the first word of the story.
Plot and content: Clear and focused plot, nicely presented, questionable pun notwithstanding. Just think what might have happened if all the turtles had made it across!
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall: Nicely done.
Congratulations on winning first place!
Please delay all corrections until judging is complete. Winners should be posted Sunday in "55 Words - Hall of Fame" . Thanks for entering! Join us again.
I hope my comments have been helpful. For an explanation of how I rate and review, see "Invalid Item" . Please email me if you have other questions!
Format: Your entry has exactly 55 words. Good job! Content rating should be raised to 'ASR' because of violence.
Plot and content: This scene shows the conflict between a card cheat and his victim--and how his victim resolves the conflict. Your word choices were good and the images descriptive.
Technical errors: I did note a few typos/errors. "What,"<--should have a question mark instead of a comma. sliding his hands to his side,<--sentence should end with a period, not a comma card cheats either"<--comma before close quotes
Overall: Nicely written, but did seem more like the ending scene of a story than a complete story in itself. Also had more errors than I'd expect in such a short piece.
Please delay all corrections until judging is complete. Winners should be posted Sunday in "55 Words - Hall of Fame" . Thanks for entering! Join us again.
I hope my comments have been helpful. For an explanation of how I rate and review, see "Invalid Item" . Please email me if you have other questions!
The following comments are my opinions and are meant to be constructive suggestions. Please keep what's useful and disregard the rest. I am just one reader, and I'm sure others will have different opinions!
Plot &/or Content: What a sweet mother's day story! Oh, the heartbreak of children when the flowers wilt or the balloons go deflate. These are exactly the kinds of stories to capture in writing before they're forgotten.
Technical errors: I don't think you need the comma in the last sentence.
Overall impressions: This is a lovely anecdote of how kids say things that help us share their perspective and wonder.
The following comments are my opinions and are meant to be constructive suggestions. Please keep what's useful and disregard the rest. I am just one reader, and I'm sure others will have different opinions!
Plot: The suspense built well as you travel down the road in the darkness. The deer coming at the windshield was horrifying enough, but when it turned into a man's face, it really creeped me out!
Other aspects: Word choices were appropriate and the imagery was stunning.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall impressions: You really conveyed the terror and shock of this nightmare! Thanks...I think...hope I can sleep tonight without imagining it too!
The following comments are my opinions and are meant to be constructive suggestions. Please keep what's useful and disregard the rest. I am just one reader, and I'm sure others will have different opinions!
I really enjoyed this cleverly sarcastic "letter" from a wife who is onto her husband's ploy. He's intended her gift for himself, and she's outwitted him by returning it and sweetly purchasing dance lessons--for them to take together. I loved how she maintained her pleasant disposition and wasn't fooled by his pretense! Fun story.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
The following comments are my opinions and are meant to be constructive suggestions. Please keep what's useful and disregard the rest. I am just one reader, and I'm sure others will have different opinions!
Plot: The emotional roller-coaster of the story gives a good glimpse of what Ray is going through.
Characters: Ray is awfully persistent in his optimism, attempting to cajole Laura out of her bad mood! I liked knowing what was going on in his head. Laura was not as likeable, at least at first, but her stress is understandable. I couldn't help but worry about how moody she'll be in another 7 months if she's this bad now, though!
Other aspects: I thought you did an amazing job of including so many disparate quotes in the story, fitting them in well without contrivance.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
The following comments are my opinions and are meant to be constructive suggestions. Please keep what's useful and disregard the rest. I am just one reader, and I'm sure others will have different opinions!
Content: Your description of what you've learned from your illness is very interesting. I especially liked your explanation of why you wouldn't change it--we are all shaped by our experiences, good and bad, and if you like the person you are, you can't be willing to give them up.
Style: You give a very personal voice to this statement of how you've been changed and formed by your health challenges. It is encouraging and positive without being naively cheerful.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar! This sentence did seem to use "persevere" in an awkward way to me: And part of life includes facing physical and emotional challenges that we never in our wildest dreams imagined we could persevere. Maybe face, overcome, meet?
Overall impressions: This piece describes challenges and lessons learned without being self-pitying.
The following comments are my opinions and are meant to be constructive suggestions. Please keep what's useful and disregard the rest. I am just one reader, and I'm sure others will have different opinions!
Content: I liked your views on connecting to the sacred all the time, not just in formal worship. I do disagree that Christianity itself requires formulaic prayers and stringently choreographed worship, though certainly far too many churches and denominations do. Fortunately, many are realizing how this forces us to separate ourselves from what is sacred when we are not "in church," and are striving for a more holistic approach.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall impressions: This thorough and descriptive review does make me want to check out this book myself!
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall impressions: What a great description of a very emotional experience! I'm so glad you received excellent care from your hospice provider. Your story can help others know what to expect during such a painful time. So many people think hospice is just about "drugging" a patient into unconsciousness; as you point out, it is actually about supporting the patient and the whole family physically and emotionally to facilitate healing and closure, when curing is not possible.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall impressions: I loved the positive attitude and delightful anecdotes in your essay. I could just imagine your mom laughing! I thought her observation that it was a win-win situation--it would either help, or at least she'd spend her time happy and laughing--was brilliant. I also completely agreed with your statement about the difference between 'healing' and 'curing.'
Format: Your entry has exactly 55 words. Good job!
Plot and content: It starts as a power struggle, and ends in victory for the shadowy beast. I thought it got off to an odd start by restating Intent. Intense. Every word should count and act to further your plot.
Technical errors: I thought I turn in my chair just a little, it's no good. should have been broken into two sentences.
Overall: A nice tale of how the strong-willed rule the roost.
Please delay all corrections until judging is complete. Winners should be posted Sunday in "55 Words - Hall of Fame" . Thanks for entering! Join us again.
I hope my comments have been helpful. For an explanation of how I rate and review, see "Invalid Item" . Please email me if you have other questions!
Format: Your entry has exactly 55 words. Good job!
Plot and content: Oh, the twist at the end! My favorite kind. I think this was a great final scene, but was a little bare as a self-contained story because I wanted to know the crime (some sort of murder, surely?) and so many other details. I realize that's not all possible in such a short space.
Technical errors: None noted. Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar!
Overall: This was an exciting, well-written scene.
Please delay all corrections until judging is complete. Winners should be posted Sunday in "55 Words - Hall of Fame" . Thanks for entering! Join us again.
I hope my comments have been helpful. For an explanation of how I rate and review, see "Invalid Item" . Please email me if you have other questions!
I enjoyed your story very much, Terrell. The following comments are my opinions and are meant to be constructive suggestions. Please keep what's useful and disregard the rest. I am just one reader, and I'm sure others will have different opinions!
Plot: I enjoyed the basic structure of the plot. One aspect that bothered me was the focus on Dr. Frye administering and "grading" a test, most likely a version of the Binet IQ test, to determine Holmes's sanity. While this score would objectively measure his intelligence, it has little to do with sanity, and they had already conceded his intelligence. This is just a picky detail, though, and probably won't be noticed by readers without experience in assessment.
Characters: The characters are well-drawn, though I really expected Dr. Rigby to be revealed as more sinister, perhaps an accomplice to Culverton Smith.
Other aspects: I thought you did a very nice job imitating the style in which ACD wrote the original stories.
Technical errors: Thanks for your careful attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar! One small typo in the 3rd paragraph--I arrived at my office one morning and soon began my daily routine of seeing patients, many of whom had little or no money, and it was not uncommon to receive as compensation for my services, chickens, livestock, and various spirits and liquors. ( the latter of which I usually gave to my fellow physicians, as I rarely imbibed in those days.)
Overall impressions: This was a fun story, especially for Holmes fans!
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Content rating should be raised to 13+ because of the first word of the story.
Just think what might have happened if all the turtles had made it across!
