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Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Time to Wake Up!  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Ghost* THIS IS A WDC SUPERPOWER REVIEWERS GHOST RAID REVIEW! *Ghost*

Good day, Mr. Rogers.
Mad Dog 2020, eh? I only drank that stuff a few times, and that was probably 30 years ago! But for a cheap, strong high, I can understand how it could give you such a terrible dream.
Oh, wait. I guess it wasn’t a dream, was it? *Smirk2*
Being buried alive is a fear I think everybody has, but strangely enough, I don’t think it’s one that people think about much. Perhaps because they don’t think that it could really happen to them? Regardless, it would be pretty horrible way to die.
I like the suspense you put into this: the reader wonders what’s happening to you with this sleep paralysis thing, and slipping in and out of consciousness like that was a good way to show that. And writing it in the first person was the perfect way to do it, especially considering that simple, but frightening ending.
The spelling and grammar was flawless (thank you!), although I would have like to have seen a little more description in it. Then again, that might have clued the reader on what was happening to you. I didn’t check *Headbang*, but I think you might have a word limit on it too.
Well done, Pernell! I can see why this won the contest! Congratulations!
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend, and I hope to see more of your entries in "SCREAMS!!!" Open in new Window.
PS-Don’t forget about the "'SCREAMS!!!' HALLOWEEN CONTEST!" Open in new Window. }, unless you’ve already entered (which I also haven’t checked yet! Another *Headbang*

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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2
2
Review of IT or not IT?  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Aloha, Odessa!
I like this, and I can certainly relate to Kirsty’s argument with her tutor! I took Creative Writing in high school and a couple of other ones in college, and these teacher’s aren’t as smart as they think they are!
Granted it was IT class and it was IT teacher, but Kirsty’s point about computers not being helpful to a writer was valid. I’ve never used a website (and never will) to help me with my writing, so her comment, “I am a woman of imagination, a crafter of words” was perfect! And I can certainly see why the rest of the class followed her out!
“No, but my lunch is.” *Laugh*
Well done, Odessa!
Kee ponw riting on, stay safe and healthy, and have a great weekend!

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3
3
Review of Proof  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hola, Queen Normajean!
I thought this was great! And hilarious! I love the way you told this, and you did a good job of building up the suspense with George losing that important ‘specimen’ of history in the river because of the lion’s actions.
What is it, the reader asks? You cleared that up perfectly with that surprise ending!
I also like how you kept the action moving, and writing it in the 1st person was a great choice!
The spelling and grammar was flawless (thank you!), and the dialogue was well done!
Bravo, my friend!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Queen Normajean! Stay safe and healthy, and have a wonderful weekend!

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4
4
Review of The Falling  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*

Hi there, Jen, and happy belated 8th ‘birthday’ on here!
This is different. Different, but good. I clicked on the link that showed the hole, and your description of it was perfect.
And so were your descriptions of the beetles and your adventure to see that strange hole in the ground. Apparently it held some magical (surrealistic) over you and Jacob since he couldn’t see it the 2nd time, but you did, and it helped you to overcome your depression when seeing beetles too.
Beetles as butterflies? Beetles as stars? At least you made the best of your situation by seeing the beauty as you and your brother plummeted through space!
Just between you and me, this kind of sounds like something I might have seen in my younger days when I was experimenting with illicit substances! *Laugh*
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! Stay safe and healthy, and may you have many more wonderful ‘birthdays’ on WdC!
PS-I know there was a time when we were supposed to double space between sentences (I took typing as a high school freshman in 1979), but those days are long gone now. Nowadays it's OK to single space between them. Just thought I’d let you know! *Bigsmile*

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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5
5
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*

Howdy, Sue, and happy belated 2nd ‘birthday’ on here!
How ironic that I should stumble on this particular piece in your portfolio, since according to {huser:lilli_in_fl), today is National Coffee Day!* *Laugh*
I thought this was pretty good, and that surprise ending was not only hilarious, but a little morbid too! *Rolling* *Shock2* I did NOT see that coming!
The dialogue was excellent, as was the way you told this, and having a grandfather who was also a bit senile, I can certainly relate to it. So I guess you can’t really blame Mabel.
Suggestions and comments (sorry to be so picky!):
“It’s a joke. You’re so gullible.” he gave a little laugh. (He)
“...if you might be happier in a care home(.)” Frank ventured. (comma)
“No one, I went on the bus(.)” Mable said (comma)
Otherwise, great job! I don’t know how this did (or will do) in the contest, but it sure looks like a winner to me!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Sue! Thanks for the laughs, and may you have many more wonderful ‘birthdays’ on WdC!
*I wrote this review yesterday, but didn’t post until today!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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6
6
Review of Tornado Ghost  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*

Konnichiwa, tHiNg, and happy belated 19th *Shock2* ‘birthday’ on here!
I loves me a good ghost story, especially when they’re true, and I can totally relate to this!* I have no doubt that that was your father standing there in the background of that picture!
You did a great job of telling this; that short bit of history helped to set up the focal point with the picture. What’s more is that your Aunt’s belief in religion and those who had gone before her would protect her from the tornado was perfect!
I was also impressed that it brought you and aunts closer and that you believe your dad’s watching over you all the time.
One tiny niggle in otherwise excellent true story:
‘a figure that looked so much like (a) my father's profile’
Otherwise, BRAVO!
*My own true story: My mother passed away when I was just 11 years old, but 6 months later I saw a bright light appear in my bedroom one night. It didn’t scare me at all because I was sure it was my mother’s spirit. I said “Mom?” and the light grew brighter for a few seconds and then slowly faded away.
To this day I can tell when my mother’s around because I break out in goose bumps, even in hot weather! Whenever this happens I always look up and say, “Hi, Mom. I love you.”
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! Thanks for sharing this, stay safe and healthy, NEVER stop believing, and may you have many more wonderful ‘birthdays’ on WdC!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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7
7
Review of Twins Piqued  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*

Hi there, Carol, and happy belated 14th *Shock2* ‘birthday’ on here!
Interesting. I’ve often wondered what twins could get away with, so I think something like this has probably really happened! It also makes me wonder which brother was more stupid: Mark for asking his brother to do something like this, without realizing what COULD happen (it was his anniversary, after all!), or Mitch for taking advantage of the situation.
The spelling and grammar was great (sans a couple of comma niggles), and the dialogue flowed smoothly and naturally.
And that ending was perfect! Get ‘em, Mark!
"Nothin. All right(,) I'm sorry,”
"Oh(,) that's classy, Mark. Real classy." (Actually, I think this could go either way, depending the author's intent!)
Kee ponw ritin gon, Carol! Stay safe and healthy, and may you have many more wonderful ‘birthdays’ on WdC!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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8
8
Review of Ears or Kids  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*

Bon jour, Dr Taher, and happy belated 18th *Shock2* ‘birthday’ on here!
This is a sad piece, and I can certainly understand your position. But in a way, I can relate to it.*
The fact that you are pediatrician but don’t take enjoyment out of it is a shame. And what’s worse, I guess that was one of the few directions you had left after you mistakenly thought the ENT path was the one you wanted to take. From what I see, you were misguided in more ways than one.
Some of us don’t ever really find out what we want to do with our lives, and for me, at 55, I’m pretty sure it’s too late. I look back on it now, and I have my regrets for not writing books and becoming the author I was always told I could have been. I don’t know if I would have been a successful author, but at that time I was young and married with two daughters, and it just wasn’t something I could afford, or take a chance on without bringing in real money. I had a family, and so I decided to be a blue collar worker working in wood mills (which really wasn’t too bad since I’d been around wood all my life at that point).
My point is, don’t look too harshly on yourself for making the decisions you made! Besides, as you said with that last word in your piece about not having your dream job (YET), it’s not too late!
Great spelling and grammar, but I did spot one tiny niggle:
"Here you are, you twerp!"(.)
*My dream job was to become a journalist working at a newspaper, but when it finally happened, I found out it was the job from HELL! Maybe I didn’t give it enough time, but they had me writing political articles (it was an election year), and that was the LAST thing I wanted to write about! One good thing about it was that I managed to write a human interest story about an 80 year-old man finding his baseball mitt that was stolen from him when he was 16 back in the 1940s. That baseball mitt, and my article above it (with my byline [name]), are still in the small town’s museum to this day! *Bigsmile*
Kee ponw ritin gon, Dr Taher, and may you have many more wonderful ‘birthdays’ on WdC!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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9
9
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*

Greetings, Seabreeze, and happy early 9th ‘birthday’ on here!
This is kind of wild, but I like how you wrote it.
Personally, I hate shopping for anything, especially Christmas presents, but I can certainly see your point about how items can get lost! But in this day and age and with technology being as advanced as it is, how could this happen? As you said, they have a tracking system now, so what’s up? I have no doubt this is a true story, but you shouldn’t have to go through all that rigmarole to find out where your package was!
I like how you used the references to 'Twas the Night Before Christmas, and the spelling and grammar was flawless (thank you!).
So Edith the Elf gave you ‘some very confidential information’, eh? I wonder what other ‘confidential information’ this Departmentstore.Com is hiding?
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! Stay safe and healthy, and may you have many more wonderful ‘birthdays’ on WdC!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

Goliath With A Santa Hat On


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10
10
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*

Hi there, Itchybarn, and happy (late) 2nd anniversary on here!
First off, for as young as you are, I’m really happy to see you taking an interest in writing!
These short little stories of dialogue aren’t bad. You’re really using your imagination, which is what all good writers need to do. And again, for someone your age, your imagination is a lot bigger than older people’s imaginations!
My favorite one was number six! Timmy asked his sister a question and she answered it, so it makes sense that that would be what he thought the answer was, even though it wasn’t really the answer he was looking for.
But I don’t Timmy should ask his sister for help with his homework anymore! *Laugh*
Well done, Itchybarn!
Keep on writing, my friend, and have a wonderful day!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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11
11
Review of Pumpkin Past  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*

Greetings, Than Pence, and happy belated 16th birthday on here!
This is pretty good: a conversation between two orange gourds discussing the horrors of being a pumpkin during the month of October! *Laugh*
The dialogue flowed smoothly, and I like the difference of opinions they have as one seems a little bit more smarter than the other one. I also enjoyed how the ‘jigglies’ were so barbaric by gutting them and eating them. Reminds me of a piece I wrote about what human do to Christmas trees by dressing them up with all their decorations and making them look botanical prostitutes! *Laugh*
Great spelling and grammar, and that ending was the icing on the cake!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Than Pence! Thanks for sharing this, stay safe and healthy, and may you have many more wonderful ‘birthdays’ on WdC!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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12
12
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*

Hello again, Lobelia, and again happy belated 17th ‘birthday’ on here!
This is another cool slice of flash fiction, and once again I love the honest, no-nonsense way you told it.
The ‘flasher coat’, eh? I don’t know if it’s just a guy thing or not, but we males do tend to get fond of certain articles of clothing, regardless of how shabby, tasteless, or outrageous they are. Now that I think about it though, maybe that’s exactly we become fond of them! *Laugh* But I can see why your husband quit wearing it; I would have stopped too if I received comments like those in public! *Shock*
I don’t know if I would classify it as a ‘family heirloom’ though., but that's neither here nor there.
Again, great job, my friend!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Lobelia, and my you have many more wonderful ‘birthdays’ on WdC!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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13
13
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Aloha, Jim!
As a fan of spiders (and Spiderman!), I thought this was cool. People don’t give spiders enough credit, but if they’d give them the credit they deserve for wiping out all the mosquitoes and other ‘non-essential’ insects that plague our world, maybe they’d think twice!
My grandmother told me if you killed a spider it would rain for 7 days in a row, and I took her at her word. I never killed a spider after that, and I haven’t seen it rain for 7 days in a row since! *Bigsmile*
Seriously though, I’ve done a few of these 55 worders, even won a couple ("The Sniper" Open in new Window. *Wink*), and I love the surprise ending for this one. Especially cuz it’z all dialogue!
The moral of this review is: Don’t kill spiders!
Kee ponw ritin gon, stay safe and healthy, and good luck in the contest!
PS-Just watched a Naked and Afraid: Foreign Exchange episode yesterday, and this gal quit after only 55 hours cuz she was so scared of spiders! *Laugh*

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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14
14
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Ahoy, Beholden!
This is a shockingly good story for using only 496 words, and you did a nice job of telling it. I like how you set it up with Jimmy repairing Bill’s old radio. Obviously this spiderlike creature was what was wrong with it. Whether it there all along or what doesn’t matter, but I love the idea that it kills with its electrical bite! I can just picture Jimmy violently twitching on the floor with sparks leaping out of his throat!
The SPAG (spelling, punctuation and grammar) was flawless, and you did a great job with the prompt! Loved that title too! *Laugh*
Kee ponw ritin gon, Beholden. Stay safe and healthy, and be sure to keep this in your port since it’s eligible for the Weekly Winner!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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15
15
Review of The Money Pit  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Konnichiwa, Normajean!
I like this. Just the title alone was misleading; it automatically had me thinking of that great movie of the same name, so I was expecting this to follow the same theme. I was NOT expecting that surprise ending!
You did a good job with the misdirection. I figured George was going to blow a gasket when those walls started moving! But that ended up being their $$$ windfall!
Great spelling and telling, but I did spot a couple of tiny niggles:
“Didn’t you even ___ it first?” (missing word?)
You have ‘Missy’ in one paragraph and ‘Misty’ in another
Kee ponw ritin gon, Norma! ‘Twas a pleasure to read, stay safe and healthy, and have a great day/week!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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16
16
Review of Lost  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Bon jour, Jacky!
This is a nice feel good story about kindness in a world that needs a lot more of it, and you did a great job of telling it! Your character could have simply brought the child back to his mother, but instead she went above and beyond by making sure the boy wouldn’t get into trouble for wandering off as he did!
And what’s more is that her kindness was reciprocated with the boy’s smile and by him mouthing “Thank you!”
Well done, my friend!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Jacky! Thanks for sharing this, stay safe and healthy, and have a great day!

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Review of Pirate at Bay  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Beholden!
Aye, ye wrote a good story here, matey, that ye did! Seriously though, I like a good pirate story, and if the pirate is the underdog, all the better! Old Captain Hook talked a mean game, even though he knew he was bluffing, but at least he pulled it off at the end, thanks to the moon hiding behind that cloud!
Great job with the dialect, as well as with the prompt words.
A couple of tiny niggles:
‘storey’ should be ‘story’ (1st sentence)
‘The threat was empty(,) for Hook knew well...’
Otherwise, well done!
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend! Stay safe and healthy, and have a great weekend!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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18
18
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*

Hujambo, DJ, and happy 8th ‘birthday’ on here!
This isn’t what I’m used to reading from you, but I still enjoyed it.
Having literal ‘rats’ take over Wall Street is about as ironic as it gets, and it’s a perfect (and humorous!) analogy! *Laugh* Hell, they’re all crooks anyway!
I like how you set this up with Harry getting lost because of his ‘bladder emergency’, and then inadvertently allowing the rats to escape after he opened that door was cool. First days on the new job are always the worst, but I think Harry’s might have been historical! *Rolling* Damn shame his lifelong dream was shattered.
I’ve never been to New York, or the East Coast, and don’t really plan to go there either. Just living in Texas these last 10 years has been weird enough!
One tiny niggle:
‘Their claws worked frantically(,) pawing at any food they found’
Kee ponw ritin gon, DJ! Thanks for sharing this, stay safe and healthy, and may you have many more wonderful ‘birthdays’ on WdC!
PS-I hope you’re all right! You haven’t been around here since JUNE!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

A bloody mess ...lol


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19
19
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Lezismore!
Saw this on the HUB and had to check it out. Glad I did!
It always amazes me to see what you puny earthlings will blame on us aliens, and this is a perfect example! *Alieng* *Laugh*
Seriously though, this is kind of wild. Not often I read about a pet being abducted by aliens, but as strange as it may be, you almost make it sound plausible! *Shock2* That’s what I like most about this: the way you told it with a straight face, so to speak.
Your descriptions of the abduction was great, and having the aliens replace Loretta with a substitute was a cool side bar. That allowed you to delve deeper into the mystery and gave you more evidence that she’d been kidnapped.
I also enjoyed that update and the rendezvous that Ruby managed to get for you. It’s pretty bad that these ETs would steal your dog and substitute with another one, but then to steal your wallet? That’s just wrong! *Laugh*
Suggestions and comments:
‘My attempts to verbally warn her were also in vane’ (vain)
‘to what I can only best describe (as) a number of small creatures’
‘From that moment on I have had reason to believe (it) is not the same dog.’
‘who knows what sort of galactic germs she carries.’ *Laugh*
‘It just hovered for a short time then decended’ (descended)
‘two corpulent furry ETs hesitantly emerged(;) sniffing the air with twitching noses’ (comma)
So far, so good, Lezismore! But just out of curiosity, what does Q.E.D. stand for?
Kee ponw ritin gon, stay safe and healthy, and have a great weekend!
PS-“Shazbot” ? Mork would be proud! R.I.P. Robin Williams!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hujambo, Pernell!
This is interesting, and I mean that in a good way! Also bizarre, and also in a good way! *Laugh* That ending made me pop a few brain cells trying to figure it out, but it was right there in front of my face!
One thing I noticed was that there seemed to be a little more telling than showing in this. I never thought I’d say this, but I think that actually works in favor for this story! Whether it was the limited word count, the cool twist at the end, or both, but it really did.
What got me hung up at 1st was the comment about how the discovery of the suitcase explained a lot. That didn’t explain anything to me, but then again I hadn’t read those last four words! *heabang* No wonder the dog wasn’t eating or drinking! And how cool that he led Thomas right to the problem!
Kind of reminds me of something out of The Twilight Zone!
Nice job, Pernell! I can see why this won the contest!
Kee ponw ritin gon, stay safe and healthy, and have a great evening/tomorrow/weekend!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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Review of Bleak  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Osiyo, Leadwood!
This is really good, especially for such a short flash fiction piece! I’m a big fan of twisted/surprise endings, and you certainly delivered with this!
My favorite book of all is Stephen King’s The Dead Zone. It’s about a young man who can see the future after a bad accident, but he soon realizes his new ‘talent’ is more of curse than a blessing, and this piece adds credibility to that idea!
Unfortunately though, this time it was fatal!
Great spelling and use of the prompt phrase, and the ending was perfect! I can understand why it won. Congratulations!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Leadwood! ‘Twas a pleasure to read, stay safe and healthy, and have a wonderful day/evening/tomorrow!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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Review of Trust  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there, Normajean!
This is pretty good, considering how few words you used. I wasn’t too sure about the ending after reading it the first time though. I was guessing that ‘7,000 pounds’ was an exaggeration because I was sure you didn’t weight that much, but on 2nd reading I saw how you meant it as a metaphor for hope since it didn’t look like it could hold a small dog, let alone two men!
But it was how you misdirected us with this that really stood out. Like I’m sure most other readers were, I was under the impression that this nutcase was literally threatening to kill you with the rope! It wasn’t until the very end that we find out you were being prepared to be taken off the mountain by a helicopter!
Touché , my friend, touché!
Comments and suggestions:
‘It was (as) if his face was made of putty.’
‘The thin rope he held between his hands didn’t look like they could hold a small dog’ (it)
‘I hope(d) it held more than 7,000 pounds.’
‘The insanity of what happened hit my brain as hard as the rock had hit my body.’ (great simile/analogy!)
Kee ponw ritin gon, Normajean! Stay safe and healthy, and have a great week!

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Review of The Hole  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Howdy, Odessa!
This is good, and I can understand how it won the contest. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen a story in ‘SCREAMS!!!’ that was in dialogue alone, let alone win, so congratulations on that!
I knew ‘a hole’ was an extremely general prompt, and I didn’t really think anyone would use it (notice my comment about ‘why did you choose this particular prompt?’ *Laugh*).
Ambiguity normally doesn’t work for most stories, but I think because this is so short, it actually worked in your favor.
Good job, my friend!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

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Review of Claimed  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is a WdC SuperPower Reviewers 13th Birthday Raid Review

Ahoy, MD Maurice!
This is very impressive, and I really enjoyed it! I love the idea of Elson’s depression taking on the form of a monster, but I’m torn between which I like better: the way you told this, or the descriptions you used as the monster attacked her.
I’ve read thousands of horror stories on here, and it’s not often I root for a happy ending. Maybe it had to do with how I can relate to her depression, but I was actually hoping for Elson to survive this and to defeat this nightmare monster! Sadly though, that wasn’t the case.
Using her prescription addiction was a nice touch to show how much her depression had progressed and was affecting her (was she looking for relief, or was she wanting to end it all?). Throwing the stitches in was a bit of a surprise, but I’m guessing that had something to do with the depression (of having open heart surgery)?
Regardless, nice job!
Comments and suggestions:
‘it’s tar-black body making a wet, ripping sound’ (its)
‘It came for her as Elson was toweling off her hair.’ (sudden, but quite effective! *Thumbsupl*)
‘the surface of its skin looked viscus’ (visous?)
Kee ponw ritin gon, MD Maurice! It was a pleasure to read, stay safe and healthy, and have a great day!
PS-You now have a new fan! *Bigsmile*

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Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a WdC SuperPower Reviewers 13th Birthday Raid Review!

Greetings, Tidzaman!
Well, if you were trying to hook me, you did a good job. This isn’t what I thought it was going to be. But if you were going for originality and creativity, this would get an ‘A+’ from me!
Trying to write anything using each letter from the alphabet is hard enough, but writing one with words STARTING WITH EACH LETTER (in order!) is seriously hard. And then to have it make some reasonable semblance of sense is like analogous to Robin Hood splitting an arrow with an arrow!
Well done, my friend.
Kee ponw ritin gon, Tidzaman. Stay safe and healthy, and have a wonderful day/weekend!

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