This little poem is a wonderful picture of safety in God.
Thank you for sharing it.
I suggest that his should be capitalized in the fifth line,
and GODS should be GOD'S in the title.
This is a precious truth to hang on to.
Write On!
Deb
Itchy Water,
Good viisualization of the art demanding expression through the artist.
I almost envy the artist in this piece... my mind is too quiet some days.
Thank you for sharing, I have no suggestions other than...
Write On!
Interesting poll, by the way I would have chosen Depression, and another mood disorder if possible, and have had Anxiety issues also.
Thanks for posting this poll.
Deb
DISCLAIMER: This comes to you as a reader would see your work. I have only my opinion to offer. Sometimes I might find a bit of your work I thought that I might express feelings
> about. If it struck a chord etc. If there should be such an entry under 'EMOTIONAL
> CHORD STRUCK' that is just my feelings and not meant to hurt or take liberty with the
> author's work.>
>
> TITLE: Appropriate to this poem
>
> IMAGERY: a grain of sand for this finite life gives some perspective on its minuteness
> EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK: Joy, for eternal life, somber, for the brief time spent here, and what I am doing with that moment.
> SPELLING ERRORS:none noted
>
> FLOW: As I read this poem it flowed well.
>
> OVERALL: Primarily, I was thoughtful, as I read this, and appreciated the unending quality of infinity as the writer repeated much of the first stanza in the last stanza. Thank you for sharing this piece.
Write On!
Deb
DISCLAIMER: This comes to you as a reader would see your work. I have only my opinion to
> offer. Sometimes I might find a bit of your work I thought that I might express feelings
> about. If it struck a chord etc. If there should be such an entry under 'EMOTIONAL
> CHORD STRUCK' that is just my feelings and not meant to hurt or take liberty with the
> author's work.
> >
> TITLE: N/A
>
> IMAGERY: vivid: brush/painting for writing.
> EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK: This piece is brief, yet, it struck me with the sadness, we/I can find when I vent the darker emotions in my head.
>
> TONE: suitable to the subject
> SPELLING ERRORS: none noted.
>
> FLOW: The flow was disjointed, I think, by the use of "beautiful" to describe the words the writer paints with. perhaps something less "up" would be consistent with the following sentences.
>
> OVERALL: Thoughtful short piece of introspection, reflection, thank you for sharing it.
Write On!
Deb
Thank you for sharing this short story.
The descriptions were detailed, and interesting, however, in the first paragraph "with" was over used in my opinion, and became somewhat distracting from the details.
I was intrigued by the characters: Leslie and her obvious anxiety, and Gracey, whose generosity conceals some plan.... I am curious to know what she intends when Leslie brings her daughter to Gracey's home on Saturday. An interesting place to leave us hanging.
Overall, You have a good amount of description in this piece which helped to picture the setting, and Leslie.
Thank you for sharing.
Write On!
Deb
Title is so appropriate to the point of this short vignette.
The character of Sally is developed in not only her persistance, but the sound advice that it appears she has given repeatedly to her grandson.
Nice twist when the reader realizes who is learning to ride.
Very enjoyable, well written.
Write on!
These are my opinions only, sent to encourage you and respect the piece of you that is shared here.
The Title is good with this poem.
The rhymes and lines flow well to my ear.
Emotional response: It took me back to romances/ relationships that did not survive ,and brought to mind vividly the sorrow, the torment, the loss, loneliness.
Well Done!
Write ON and keep sharing.
Deb
These are only my opinions:
I too am a cat owner, this piece spoke to me of their eccentricities.
The Title was appropriate, and eye catching.
The imagery of what the cat may be seeing is humorous.
My only suggestion is a small change in the first paragraph: you use "because" twice in the same sentence, eliminating, or change one of them would be less awkward to read.
Overall pleasant, humorous description of life with a cat.
Write On!
Deb
Thank you for sharing this piece of prose.
The Title is suitable to the piece.
The build up of tension between the characters, and the wife's internal conflict carried me (the reader) along through the piece.
Spelling/Grammar errors: I question the purpose of the final I in this piece.
Overall impression: Interesting brief piece of relationship conflict, sadly the final conclusion is weak... but that suits the Title "Maybe"
An aside: Someone with an ongoing problem or addiction is like a person drowning in a river. You can throw them a life-preserver, but they have to reach out for the help.
DISCLAIMER: This comes to you as a reader would see your work. I have only my opinion to
> offer. Sometimes I might find a bit of your work I thought that I might express feelings
> about. If it struck a chord etc. If there should be such an entry under 'EMOTIONAL
> CHORD STRUCK' that is just my feelings and not meant to hurt or take liberty with the
> author's work.
>
>
> TITLE: Quite suitable to this poem.
>
> IMAGERY: The imagery of playing joyfully, then loss when "the angels took my son away" is descriptive and vivid
> EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK: I followed this poem as it wove from joyous memories, to sorrow, to remembering the lost joy, with tears in my eyes.
>
> SPELLING ERRORS: none noted.
>
> FLOW: Smooth flow of rhythm and rhyme, easy to read and follow.
>
> OVERALL: Well-written poem of loss and memories. I can not say "enjoyable" but I will say very moving, and touching.
Very thought provoking, brief poem.
I read it several times, and slowly absorbed the picture.
It is a good one to savor slowly, but then it becomes a memory...
Nice poem.
: )
Write On!
Deb
Very touching poem for Christine.
I appreciate the well-rounded thoughts, and descriptions of your wife's impact on your life.
May you celebrate your companionship for a long time.
I have no suggestions for improvement.
These are my opinions only.
Thank you for sharing this poem.
The title piqued my interest, and the poem led me on a little journey to see your child "that never dies"
The lines seem to flow well, and when read outloud, I could hear the rhythm and the rhyme.
I have no suggestions for improvement, this was an interesting, and introspective poem.
Write on!
These are my opinions only.
Title: suitable, and a good hook to bring me into the poem.
Flow: I didn't find a consistent flow or rhythm as I read this, but the subject matter was appropriate for irregularity, even choppiness.
Imagery: Shoebox, pandora's box, fake smiles all drew pictures illustrating these sad memories.
Overall response: This poem was moving emotionally, I followed the saddness, betrayal, and hopelessness of the primary character throughout.
Very catchy title, appropriate for this poem.
I enjoyed this poem as I could feel the anger of a simple conflict, I appreciated the simple resolution: separate blankets.
Rhyme: nice, and as I read this poem it flowed well.
A suggestiont to correct a few small errors: 'til, separate, how much longer, and I don't think the ? useful after sleep.
This are just my suggestions.
This is a great venting poem.... far better choice than punching in the face. : )
Write on!
Deb
The title of this poem was appropriate.
The ending surprising, and poignant.
A brief poem, this evoked many emotional responses in me as I read it.
Write On!
Deb
DISCLAIMER: This comes to you as a reader would see your work. I have only my opinion to
> offer. Sometimes I might find a bit of your work I thought that I might express feelings
> about. If it struck a chord etc. If there should be such an entry under 'EMOTIONAL
> CHORD STRUCK' that is just my feelings and not meant to hurt or take liberty with the
> author's work.
>
>
> TITLE: Very appropriate as the poem illustrates what Synesthesia is to the writer
>
> IMAGERY: Beautiful mix of color descriptions, and nature and music.
> EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK: I enjoyed this poem as it took me into the mind of the musician to see what she sees
>
> SPELLING ERRORS: None noted.
>
> FLOW: Good flow.
>
> OVERALL: I searched for writing dealing with Synesthesia, and this filled my palate (artistically speaking as well as appetite speaking. )
Write ON!
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