Vanillafire,
This poem to a mentor is moving, descriptive of the growth of the mentoring relationship, and clear about the fact that it is hard to open up again and again to someone new.
I was struck by the flow of growth, and the return to change at the end of this piece.
Yes, life is change, and it is harder for some of us than for others.
Thank you for opening up and sharing this piece.
Write on!
DISCLAIMER: This comes to you as a reader would see your work. I have only my opinion to
offer. Sometimes I might find a bit of your work I thought that I might express feelings
about. If it struck a chord etc. If there should be such an entry under 'EMOTIONAL
CHORD STRUCK' that is just my feelings and not meant to hurt or take liberty with the
author's work. I am not an English grammar scholar, so suggestions are just as I understand writing.
TITLE: Suitable as an theme of most of this essay.
IMAGERY: Well done with description of scents of flowers, the wedding dress details.
EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK: I connected with the main character. It is so easy to be lead by others, however, I was confused by the reluctance the bride had to marry, then the statement that the couple were happy for a long time?
TONE: Somewhat somber, though the children as joy lifted the tone a little.
SPELLING ERRORS: aisle, not isle
GRAMMAR ERRORS: a comma after "no matter" comma before " I guess"
FLOW: This was a reader's digest essay of a marriage, a large amount of time, space was given to the wedding. That suits the title, but leaves the rest of the marriage feeling like an afterthought, in my opinion.
OVERALL: I was drawn to the bride/wife/mother in this piece as her life is so influenced by others wants, needs. It left me a little sad.
This essay on therapy sessions is insightful, interesting, and quite true-to-life in my experience.
The author gives a detailed, and likeable portrait of the therapist, and it is not possible to dislike his liking himself.
What an odd sentence to compose. But also what a foreign idea to embrace: It is ok to like ourselves, love ourselves, as we love others and accept love from others. Why does it seem so difficult to get the balance right?
I guess that is a question for another session.
Helpful, well-written.
Thank you for sharing.
Write On!
Deb
The flow of words, pictures and rhyme in this poem took the reader from the grey gloom into the clear night sky and finally to the peace found in a whisper. Quite a journey of internal exploration.
I have no suggestions for improvement, I just enjoyed reading it and am inspired by it to reflect further myself.
Thank you for sharing.
Deb
This was an interesting story that takes the reader to the beauty, sights, and smells of Puerto Rico.
It is descriptive, and quitely engaging.
A distraction, however, are several spelling errors, and unclear word usages.
I suggest a spell check, or a friendly editor to clear up the errors, and let this pleasant story show through.
A few errors that I noticed were: afternoon,
gentley is gently, mammel is spelled mammal, separately, booty, my cache instead of me cache.
nothing more, instead of nothing anymore is clearer.
I don't understand 2 for us 2... like lovely, should be lovely (omit like)
Michael,
I truly appreciate this article. I have not been a member of WDC for long, however, I joined to be read and reviewed.
I hungered to have readers respond to my work.
I have received many very helpful reviews, as well as one unhelpful, low rated review from a 16 year old...(I digress.)
I also make it a point to thank each reader who reviews my work. I daily check how many have viewed my work, rated my work and reviewed it. I am at about 1 in 12 viewers taking the time to read, rate, and review a piece. They are so deserving of thanks for their time and consideration to me.
Thank you for putting this out there.
I hope everyone reads it!
I also have sent 130+ reviews (not super indepth, but at least sharing my response to the piece), and received far less than half in response for the review.
WRITE ON!
This piece drew my attention with the word "coffee", and then kept it as I tagged along on the apparently stream of conciousness writing of the next line or two.
Who hasn't been tempted to toss away all the numbers stored in our minds for a simpler life?
Certainly not the Starbucks crowd, do you agree?
I enjoyed the round about from comical "designer" coffees to a simple "coffee please!"
My only suggestion is to either eliminate "be" in the last line or change "boil" to "boiled."
I like the rhyme scheme, it was carried through the poem well.
This poem struck me with its descriptions and the point of view of the author in relation to the Illusion of Jazz brings me/the reader alongside to desire to reach out and help also.
The title of this short story caught my attention as did the brief description. I appreciated the comparisons between the women and the allusion to Denise heading down a road of being removed from the world by her grief.
I was moved by each woman's loss of a son, and the descriptions of the storm were very vivid.
I have no suggestions for changes, however, I am curious to know how their future interaction will/would change each of the women.
You not only caught my attention, but gave me a hunger, and interest for more of this story.
Write on!
This short story of a unique love relationship was moving, and the characters, though only present briefly were filled in well with details. I was drawn into the thoughts of this woman dying of cancer, and having a revelation of her husband's unbounding faithfulness and her love for him.
How poignantly described, and sadly completed.
A compelling story.
A couple suggestions that I have are in regards to spelling typos: poor should be pore, "she said agreed without hesitation" needs clarifying. too many years to live though alone should be through. I believe the two times you write she lay, should be she lays.
Again, I really appreciated reading this vignette.
Write On!
I don't want to rate this highly because of artistry, but because of the simple stream of conciousness thoughts that depict depression as I have known it very clearly.
write on!
I am IN this poem, experiencing it with the writer.
Stanza four was an illustration, description that strikes me as so accurate for depression.
It is real, it does take a respite at times, when it is satiated.
But writing helps some, if only to give word pictures for the pain inside.
Thank you for sharing this poem.
This is a vivid telling of the deeply felt emotions of parents. I especially liked "she skipped when I called her my love"
I can not tell the source of the division and loss of relationship, whether through death or human choices, but the grief is apparent and the absence in her life, her in your life is palpable.
I am moved by this piece and reminded of my personal loss of a daughter.
Write on! It helps, somewhat.
This compact story is revealing of tenderness, devotion to a lost loved one.
It is poignant... what faithfulness put into caring for the resting place of this "baby girl."
This piece quickly captures the reader's attention, and keeps it.
well done
Write on!
This is a thought provoking poem. As the reader, it speaks to me and reminds me of moments in the darkness, quite alone.
It is encouraging and uplifting by directing the reader;s sight back to God.
The photo chosen to go with it is beautiful, also.
The only suggestion I have is a typing correction. In the second stanza, do you mean lose, not loose?
Great hook to grab my attention. You lead into the story well with the reference to Charlotte's Web.
This story had enough highs and lows to keep it interesting.
Nice short story.
An enjoyable read.
Write on.
An enjoyable read about an exasperating sound. It reminds me of an old Fred Macmurray movie....
I don't think that I would be up to reading a sequel however....
write on!
jsneby,
this poem is open and raw, the feeling is evident at beginning and end.
the rhymes are well done, and you lead back and forth between hope, and despair with this person.
i follow you, and echo your final line.
Hope that at writing.com you will find true friends to share with and continue to be open with.
write on!
Very well written poem full of truths
I good reminder packaged in an appealing rhyme
I am encouraged, and challenged by this poem, it is a good counter to my own moments of despair, when I forget to cherish each day.
Thank you
Write on
Well, I am not going to gush all over this piece as I did over the previous review, however, I am going to say that I want more!
Your writing is very satisfying... until it is over. As the reader, I reached the bottom of th closet, and cried, "no!"
I will be back to your portfolio looking for other reads, and most likely re-reading these two.
please write on!
I feel so inadequate to have read this wonderful piece of writing.
I am new to awareness of color in life, however, the writer has so beautifully, descriptively revealed his awareness that I feel empty, and dim-witted in view of it.
I want to understand more, and yet I know that I am so limitied in my comprehension... it is so clear in this piece.
How can I but sit in silence and absorb this piece.
Wow...
thank you for the gift of this writing.
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